The Pacifier Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)March 2nd, 2005
THE PACIFIER
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
Why did they think Vin Diesel, a guy with the emotive power of a rock, could do comedy? Sure, there are action hero roles like XXX, where being a buffed rock works well, but THE PACIFIER completely wastes Diesel's limited but undeniable talents. Although he might have hoped THE PACIFIER could do for him what KINDERGARTEN COP did for Arnold Schwarzenegger, THE PACIFIER's script is so lame and stupid even the Governator couldn't have made it work. And Diesel is certainly no Schwarzenegger.
The movie concerns a U.S. Navy SEAL assigned to guard a bunch of kids of an assassinated scientist who is supposed to have hidden the code for a secret software program somewhere in his house. His wife is off to Switzerland, where day after day she tries to guess the password so that the bank will let her have the safety deposit box that her husband left for her.
Meanwhile, back at the house of chaos, Lt. Shane Wolfe (Diesel) attempts to command a group of five unruly children with military precision. You'll be "shocked" to find that his strict orders and confident bravado don't cut it with the kids. And you'll be equally "surprised" to find that they all end up bonding with each other, becoming a happy family unit just before mom finally comes back home.
But no matter how many poopy diapers Wolfe sticks his hands into and no matter how much cereal is thrown at him, this slapstick comedy is almost never funny. Only in the opening, which parodies a commando team in action, does the humor ever come close to being effective.
THE PACIFIER runs 1:38. It is rated PG for "action violence, language and rude humor" and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, March 4, 2005. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com
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