Adult Version Of Harry Potter
Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.
"HARRY POTHEAD AND THE STONED PHILOSOPHER"
At SmokeSport's School of Crack(craft) and Whizz(ardry)
Professor SmokeSummore (Dumbledore)
Professor IveDun'EmAll (McGonogall)
Professor Slate (Snape)
Hagrid and Bong (Fang)
Transfiguration - Turn Drugs into Dosh
Potions - How to prepare your cache of substances
Charms - How to conceal your stash
Defence Against The Dark Arts - How to escape the sodding police
Divination - Understanding the highs, and dealing with the lows
History of Magic - The Building of the very first Spliff
Herbology - How to Grow Your Own
Our story begins at dusk, just as our heroes, Harry, Ron and Hermione leave their final class for the day, History Of Magic.
"Woah man..." drawled Harry, "that was, like, as boring as ever!"
"Yeah dude," replied Ron, "Why do we need to know how the first spliff was created? It's not like we dunno how to build 'em!"
Lol nice story
yea the characters names were funny
A small sigh from just behind them made Harry turn slowly. Hermione was rolling her eyes, and a huge six skin with her wand.
"You guys....." she smiled serenely, "Don't you like, appreciate how the first came into being? You just seem to have gotten used to the idea that the good stuff was always here, but it wasn't. You guys gotta look back into the past for a deeper understanding of this gift."
She grinned again and looked at Harry, who noticed her eyes had turned large and glassy.
Hermione stuck the joint between her plump juicy lips and Harry lit it with his wand, winking at her as he did so. She took a large drag, and green smoke curled out of her nostrils.
"mmmmm" Harry murmered, "that is sooo sexy".
Ron gave him a disgusted look and they all stopped once they got to the entrance to the dorms.
so...is this like a porn novel. C0z this is g00d stuff. Sorry, go on...
Ron scratche his head and blinked slowly a few times.
"um, what's the password man?"
"Out of my way," said Hermione, the spliff still between her lips.
She dug in her pocket and pulled out a twenty, slipped it to the portait and the picture swung forward.
Harry looked mildly impressed.
Hermione shrugged and said "I can afford it, I got a stash in Greenhouse three. It saves me remembering that stupid password every time i wanna get in here!"
They all stepped thru the hole in the wall, and a wonderful sight greeted them. Fred and George were sitting either side of a large coffee table, upon which was balanced a mirror. George sat back from what he was doing and rubbed his nose, sniffing loudly.
"heeeeyyyy guuyyys!" he smiled oddly at the three who had just entered. "What's that you got there doll face?" he asked Hermione, eyes on the merrily smoking spliff in her hand.
Good so far
if this gets banned, promise you'll PM me the rest of the story. I once made a HP "soft"-porn novel once last year. Only finished a couple of chapters tho.
"what's it look like, crack head?" she replied flirtatiously. She walked over to George and sat gently on his lap, placing the joint in his mouth. He inhaled deeply and put his hand on Hermione's knee.
"Honey," he breathed, "ur the bomb!"
Fred, meanwhile, had leaned forward again and was about to snort the meter long line in front of him when Harry stepped forward.
"hang on a minute, what about me?"
Fred looked up at his pal Lee, who shrugged and placed a huge rock on the miror. fred set about cutting it, looking up at George and Hermione every now again and smiling. They were sucking face so bad it was beginning to look like an amateur porn movie.
Ron had collapsed on the dorm floor and was staring up at the ceiling.
"It's like, the ceiling is moving man..." he said dopily.
"That's because it is dufus, it's bewitched to look that way!" Parvarti smiled gently ay him as she sat down and put his head on her lap.
*I'VE NEVER WRITTEN THIS OUT BEFORE. IT'S COMING STRAIGHT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD RIGHT NOW! BUT THANX FOR THE COMPLIMENTS! THE ONLY THINGS I STARTED WITH WERE THE CHARACTERS AND THE HOUSE NAMES, AND THAT WAS AGES AGO, I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF WRITING IT UP FOR PUBLIC VIEWING.*
oh man! This is niiiiiiiice!
yea its cool
Its good for a story out of your head!
"ow! jesus, that is some goood shiiit!" Harry had just sucked the whole line up his left nostril, as had Fred, and both their noses were now bleeding slightly. But they leaned back on their chairs, looking hugely satisfied, and grinned as they watched George slip a blue pill in Hermione's mouth and carry her towards the staircase up to his room.
"Baby, you ain't seen nuthin yet" they heard him whisper as he left.
"So, Fred, you got the stuff?" Harry had leaned in towards Fred, eyes glazed.
"Yeah" fred pulled out a small velvet pouch and handed it to Harry, who emptied the contents onto the mirror.
About 30 miniscule capsules rolled onto the mirror.
"These beauties will knock your head sideways for three days straight" whispered Fred.
"But the best thing is.... no comedown!"
"How the hell does that work?" asked Harry eagerly. He had become resigned to the fact that to have a good high, you simply gotta get used to the evil lows, and eevn the stuff they learned in Divination to hold off comedowns only worked with alcohol.
"Well," said Fred, grinning, "The yellow end has the best drug in, it makes you hallucinate, you love everyone and everything you look at is beautiful. It works to suit your temperament, so say you wanna chill, it's like smikin 6 joints, but if you wanna spin out, it feels like you've popped 10 little ones, and it works in about 5 minutes. it's like it reads your mind man!"
"yeah?" replied Harry, "that's awesome, but how do you avoid feelin like shite when they run out?"
"thats the beauty of 'em" said Fred, "the white half holds a kind of antidote, so when the buzz starts goin and your brain kicks in, the white half replaces the sickness and depression with a kind of natural pep up, so you feel like normal!"
*ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE CONTINUING THIS STORY IS WELCOME TO, I GOTTA GIVE MY BRAIN A REST, AND I'LL JUST PICK UP WHERE YOU LEAVE OFF, OKIE? WHADDAYA THINK SO FAR?*
*I'LL WRITE SUM MORE INNA BIT, YOU CARRY IT ON FOR ME YEAH?*
syren u crack me up
no korrs: the only thing that syren can talk about it cracks====> butt cracks and crack crack... right Syren?
tehehe!hi guys how are you all!
*hugs the treehugger and korri* I missed you guys I wasnt on yesterday and I feel like I really missed out on a lot
Keep it clean...moving...
*TIME TO CONTINUE THE STORY*
Harry sat back with a satisfied grin on face.
"Man, you rock, like, totally rock!" he slurred, "and this crack is awesome!"
"Yeah," said Fred slowly, "but how we gonna get these babies out to the public?"
"I know, with the police patrolling the school these days we got no chance! Did you know they arrested Professor Weed for the stash she had in Greenhouse Four?"
"Yeah... bummer man! How we supposed to learn the ways of becoming a drug baron if the freakin Muggles keep tryin to clean this place up? Professor SmokeSummore is furious!"
Suddenly, the portrait started to screech. "You are not coming in here, not without the password! No!"
Then a low, gravelly voice said, "I got a search warrant, will that do ya? Now open up, don't make my knock ya down!"
"Oh shit!" said Fred, hurriedly lifting the mirror and stowing all the drugs in the hollow table beneath. "It's the Sergeant!"
PPL help! add sum more, and i'll continue tomorrow!
Suddenly the portrait swung open, and a drawling officer emerged.
"****!" Harry spat in a hurried whisper, throwing himself onto his feet.
"Do I look stoned?"
Fred considered for a minute. "Yes."
"How 'bout now?" Harry slurred and a lopsided smile covered his face and he threatened to fall over.
Fred spat an uncontrolable laugh at the sight.
"What is going on here?" the officer asked stepping forward.
"Nothing much anymore. No girls." Fred laughed.
"Can't do bloody much without em!"
"On yer feet you maggots!" the officer cried, pulling Harry towards him. He was about the drag them off, when a loud crash was heard upstairs. He ran to investigate.
"I don't know about you sods, but I think we ought to leave." Hermione stood in the portrait hole with her wand dangling between her fingers.
"Oh yes baby! Awesome!" Fred ran to her and hugged her in a dangerously wobbly embrace.
"Easy luv, theres plenty of me to go around."
She laughed and they all made their way out.
"I wonder what the slytherines are up to..." Fred murmered "I'm thinking weed, I'm thinking paper mache, I'm thinking toilet paper, lets go!"
is that ok? I dont wanna ruin it.
EXCELLENT... I'LL CARRY ON IN A MINUTE!!! BRB.....
Fred led the way over to the portrait hole, whilst Hermione strode over to Ron, who was still lying on the floor, a mad grin on his face.
"Get up, the Sergeant just came in and nearly caught us all, but I think Peeves must've thrown a bookcase over upstairs"
Ron got up slowly, and wobbled dangerously, then slowly followed the rest out of the dorms.
The group made their way down to the dinner hall, Ron's stomach growling now and again.
"I got the munchies reeaal bad"
"You shouldn't smoke so much then" Hermione tutted, watching Harry's tight ass thru his robes.
As they reached the dinner hall, Hermione grabbed Harry from behind and dragged him in a small door on her left. This door led to a place called the Room of Requirement, where ppl could go if they knew it was there, it held anything needed.
"Hermione, what do you think you're - " Harry had started to ask Hermione what she was up to, but she had grabbed him and planted a dry kiss on his cheek.
"Ok, now I really want to know what you're up to..." He said smiling.
She smiled back and reached into her robes, pulling out a book.
"I want you to sign this, and then swaer to me to come back tonight.
harry signed the book quickly and then handed it back. "I swear...I'll be back."
~its like the primitive version of porn...~
Ha! I know, but I didn't want to do anything drastic!
Time to carry on I think.........
As Harry walked away his stoned mind was ticking over what had just happened between him and Hermione.
What could she be planning? Knowing Hermione, and he knew Hermione, it was bound to be something interesting, and probably extremely illegal.
As his brain crumpled pathetically with the effort of thinking so much, Harry resigned himself to the fact that he'd simply have to turn up and go with the flow. No problem, he was good at that.
He touched the spot on his cheek where she had kissed him, and felt himself redden, then caught Ron looking at him suspiciously as he arrived at the door to the Dinner Hall.
"Er, so, Ron, how much are you looking forward to dinner?" he asked, plastering a stupid smile on his blushing face. "I've got total munchies, dude, and I reckon you must've smoked twice as mucn as......"
"What just happened?? Round there?" Ron cut him off abruptly.
"Nothing man, nothing, Hermione just wanted me to sign this book thing, I have no idea what it was about, but I'm going to go along tonight to see!!"
Ron relaxed visibly. He grabbed Harry by the shoulder and shoved him through the doorway into the Dinner Hall and followed sheepishly.
"Sorry man, it's just, you know, I've liked her for so long........" he shrugged and loped over to the Spliffindor Table to join the others.
"Should have seen what she was up to in the dorms then" chuckled Harry under his breath.
He sighed, it was gonna be a long day......
~...And soap operas...~
SKIP TO END OF LUNCH........
Harry and Ron walked slowly out of the dinner hall with satisfied smiles and bloated stomachs.
"Hmm, I wonder where Hermione got to?" mused Harry, stroking his stomach.
"Dunno, but I'm in serious need of a phat one, pure weed, you know?" Ron's eyes lit up at the thought of a joint.
Harry nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, I've got some strong stuff under my bed, but if we have any of that we're gonna be wasted by the time we get to Potions, and you know how much Slate hates the fact that we don't really need to learn all the stuff he's teaching. We already know it!!"
Ron rolled his eyes and tutted, "Surely the man can grasp the fact that in this day and age families are bringing theire kids up properly, I could roll my first one skin when I was 6".
He looked so proud of this that Harry didn't have the heart to mention he could roll at 3, so he just nodded and let his mind wander again.
He thought back once again to Hermione and the Kiss. He couldn't help it. Hermione was a hussy, everyone knew that, but no-one seemed to care. She'd been poked more times than a pile of shit on a cheap estate, and still every guy around the place wanted her. It was like she'd put a spell on them all. Thinking about it, Harry came to the conclusion that she probably had, but was more than happy with that, if it were the case. He just wanted to see her naked.
He realised with a start that Ron was jabbing him in the ribs with his wand, and laughed out loud.
"Sorry man, just pondering life in general..." he lied quickly.
"Yeah, I figured that," Ron sighed. "So, you gonna go grab the stuff? I'll wait in the courtyard for you." With that he ran off.
Harry sighed at how amazing it was that when you were a stoner you could be thinking about anything, and if you didn't want anyone to know your innermost secrets all you had to say were the words "Life in general" and people swallowed it. Simple life really.
Alright, feel free to add anything you like, keep it simple(ish) and just about clean enough for it to stay open. If this gets closed, I'll be pissed.
I am cracking myself open with this story man!
ROn had returned with the splifs rolled and ready to go. Harry put one behind his ear, remembering to fashion it so that some of the weed hung out stylishly. The other he placed in between his lips.
"Screw it," he said taking out his lighter "I'm having one. Can't wait. What about you stoner?" he said, turning to Ron. Ron had already lit and finished half of it.
Hermione had just finished her session with Neville. He had been paying her for it for two years now, and he still wasn't any good.
"Hey boys. Howya doin' Ronnie?"
Ron blushed as she brushed past him, just touching his shoulder with her chest.
"Good. So, Hazzer, we still on for later?"
Harry smiled, "totally - ain't I always up for a laugh?"
"Sure hope so." she said, and walked off to join her possie, Pansy and |Melicent.
"WHat was that? Are you gonna - gonna - "
"No way man, I know she's yours firt."
"Right, and then once I've had a go, you can keep her. That's the deal right?"
"Right...But hurry the hell up. Oh hell, here cames Slate."
"Boy, why are you doing splifs right outside my door? Too stoned to remember that I banish any splits I find."
"Right yeah...hang on.." Ron removed the splif from his mouth and popped it into his mouth. "Sorry 'bout that." he said, smiling black teeth as Harry took his splif out and did the same.
Together they stumbled into the class.
A fellow writer!!
Excellent chica, I think we got something going here
"Right-o then.." Slate smiled, following the kids into class. "Today, as most of you can no doubt surmise by your work stations, we are going to learn how to transfigure perfectly pure good cocaine into what's known as Rock or Crack, by using simple ordinary household chemicals to give our cocaine that extra kick!"
YAWN! the kids sighed together. "We surely won't be expected to sit thru this sober..." Ron whispered, finding his half-toked blunt and lighting up in the back row he shared with Harry, Hermione, Pansy and Millicent.
"Be careful..." Hermione whispered harshly, "You'll contaminate your coke with MJ residue!!"
"OH, drat!" Ron sighed, trying to wipe his finger clean.
"I got this..." Harry cheered, pulling a pouch from his belt, opening it, and waving his bong-wand over it. From the pouch, dozens of cockroaches clicked and clacked and crawled across the table as Harry conjured.
"Willie stiffens and coochie drips,
As these roaches turn into clips!"
There was a sparkle of fairy dust magic enveloping the bugs, and then the roaches stiffened, dried and died, their pinchers now flexible into tiny clips. Ron and the girls quickly grabbed a clip and pinched their spliffs.
-UHH UHHMM!- Slate cleared his throat at the front of the class, while the back row stoners giggled and laughed uncontrollably.
"Right, right... to continue... Crack cocaine is an amazing substance, that offers new heights to the high of regular coke off the street..."
-whew!- that was close! hee hee! hee! Ron giggled, toking heartily on his blunt, no longer contaminating his fingers with residue, thanks to Harry's quick thinking conjure.
"Thanks Potthead.. Harry Potthead rulz! heehee-heh-"
That was amazing Rick!!
But be careful, I don't want it to be closed
"MISTER WEEDLEY!! MISTER POTTHEAD!! and MISS GANJA!!" Slate roared. "What did I tell you about smoking a blunt in my classroom??!!"
Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other stoned-faced.
"Uhhh... only if we have enough to share with everyone??" Ron pondered, and the whole back row of stoners busted out in uncontrollable giggles, followed by the whole Chamber room full of students.
"Very well..." Slate nodded, with a chuckle. "Pass around some skins, some grass, and a roach clip to EVERY STUDENT, then get back to work setting up the bunsen burners and chemicals for mass rock transfiguration..."
there will be more, right?
There came a sound of rattling chains, echoing into the chamber, and the tweekers all began to feel sudden paranoia and alarm. Everyone looked around curious and confused, and the girls began to panic and shiver.
"What manner of black magic is this?" Slate wondered. "Who lit up their bunsen burner and started cooking rock without turning on the ventilation system?! We will all be fried in short order, unless procedure is followed to the letter!!"
Just then, the chamber door kick inward forcefully, and in stumbled the most vile, disgusting figure ever seen. He was greasy-haired, 4 days growth of stubble on his chin and cheeks, his eyes were glazed and glassy, darting wildly around the transfiguration chamber, leering and giggling madly when he spotted Herpiones (changed her name to better suit the theme
) in the back row.
"Mmmmm aaaahhh, my Herpes' here, I knew I smelt ya, baby!" the greasy goon groaned. "Daddy's home, sugah!" he shuffled across the room.
"Oh dear me..." Herpi shuddered. "It's Ramafist... my sugar-daddy..."
"RAMAFIST?" Harry echoed. "But, I thought..."
"Wasn't he imprisoned in Passabong (Azkaban) for 10-12 for possession with intent to distribute??" Ron completed what his friend had started to say.
Looking at Ramafist, it was obvious, he had escaped incarceration; he was still wearing the orange jumpsuit, though it had been sullied and darkened by dirt and wear during his escape, and his legs and wrists were still shackled in iron, chains dragging as he walked.
"Ohhhh.. heh heh heh..." Ron giggled with recognition. "Coooool sound effects, duuuuuude..."
"Shut up, worm or I'll rip out your eyes and pi$$ in your skull!" Ramafist snarled, slamming a stool between Harry and Herpione. "Hi, sugar-lumps!"
"H... hi, Rammy..." Herpe stuttered. "It's been awhile baby..."
"I been gone 7 looong years hun..." Ramafist stretched and scratched himself. "Long and hard years at Passabong prison... so, now I wonder:
How much hooch you sell for me while I was locked up?"
"Uhhh... none, sweets..." Herpes turned away, looking at the floor where a few cockroaches still squirmed.
"NONE!?" Ramafist roared, rearing back and cracking Herpes hard on her cheek with the back of his hand, sending the girl crashing from her stool to the floor. "Try again, biyatch! How much money you got for me, baby Or will I have to collect on 7 years bad luck, in 'other ways'???!"
Harry Potthead sobered up quick then; this Prisoner of Passabong was going to be trouble....
That totallt rocked! I would write, but I gotta soak all the action in....
Guys, when I first opened this thread, no-one was interested!!
You like, so totally rock dudes......
"Just the way it goes, when it starts to flow, you know?"
Yeah, totally...... I love writing, parodies, poetry, freestyle...........
So add on to this so I can be inspireds to add more.... it's going good so far
I am stumped at the mo... this is what happened last time. Writers block. (coz I used to write here loads when it started)
*also has writers block*
I'm not writing at the mo, nothing's coming.
I think it's coz I've been spending so much time working on my Forum, that's what frame of mind I'm in, sorry guys
~wats so adult about this game~
~if you can't tell what makes this more risque than the family friendly books and movies, that's probably a good thing...~
Ramafist grabbed Herpes by the neck, lifting her off the ground and glaring at her. "Where's my money, ho?" he roared.
"UNHAND THAT STUDENT!" Slate bellowed, stomping across the transfiguration chamber to the back row.
"Shut it, teach!" Ramafist demanded as Slate approached. The convict grabbed a syringe from the work station and loaded up some of the bubbling mixture over the bunsen burner, stabbing Slate in the neck with the needle and pumping him full of the drug.
"Woooooooo..." Slate stumbled, his eyes gone glassy and he flopped to the floor, a dumbstruck smile on his face, while the drugs took hold.
As Ramafist shoved Herpes away from the back row, Harry and Ron jumped up to stop him. Rammy punched Ron in the gut and shoved the wheezing tweeker into Harry, then dragged Herpes kicking and screaming from the chamber.
"Looks like we're stuck with sloppy seconds and thirds after today..." Ron frowned. Harry looked at Ron, stunned at first, but then they both looked at Slate still baked on the floor, and everyone started to giggle.
"I'm f***ing hungry..." Harry realized.
"I got the munchies too..." Ron agreed. They both got up and walked to Slate. "Class dismissed?" Harry asked, while Ron grabbed Slate's head and forced him to nod, while the man sat there drooling and dazed.
The stoned sorcerers strolled from the chamber of secrets, in pursuit of munchies and the prisoner of Passabong...
HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HA AHAHAHAHAHAHH!
The stoned sorcerers, Harry and Ron, stumbled woozily to the vending chamber down the hall.
"$hit! I used my last quarters to get condoms for my time with Herpes!" Ron moaned, drool pooling at the corners of his mouth as he stared thru the glass of the vending machine, eying the Cheetos and Doritos lustfully.
"I got it, bro..." Harry grinned, noticing how Ron was ogling slots E4 and J6. "Think I'd like something sweet, and red and chewy, like Herpes, too... TWIZLER!! Mmmmm..."
Harry fished his bong-wand from under his robe, and conjured once more.
"Cheezy snacks and sweet licorice treat
Quench our hunger and let us eat
Forego quarters, nickels and dimes
Add vandalism and theft to our list of crimes!"
Harry took a healthy hit off the bubbling bong and blew the green smoke into the coin slot of the machine as he finished the incantation. The vending machine bucked and shook, the plexi-glass face cracking and all the contents shimmying and quaking, tumbling into the receptacle below!
"JACKPOT!" Ron cheered, diving in with both hands, scooping out packages of snackages.
Harry was suddenly stunned, transfixed as he stared, stoned-faced, at his reflection in the cracked and shattered plexi-glass face of the machine.
"pppoooottttthhheeeeeaaaaaddd.... Harry Pooooottttthhheeaaadd..." his reflection twisted and warped, and spoke to him.
"What the f**k?!" Harry blinked, chomping on a Twizler, which reminded him of... "Herpes! $hit! We gotta go find her!"
I like this thread
i wanna mooooore...
Ron jumped and looked at Harry, slightly cross-eyed.
"What? What's wrong with Hermy?" ((Don't like her name, sorry dude, it's meant to be more of a stoner story))
Harry rolled his eyes and sighed "Don't you remember what just happened in Potions? Slate's probably still laying on the floor, dreaming away!!"
Ron burst out laughing as he recalled the events of 10 minutes before.
Harry grabbed Ron by the back of his shirt and dragged him along the corridor, still laughing hysterically. They stumbled around the corner and up the staircase towards the Spliffindor Common Room just as Ramafist stomped into sight, stopping in front of the ruined vender, still yanking Hermy along by her hair.
She let out a screech, "Get the hell off of me, you stinking pimp wannabe!! I did not sell any of your filth, therefore I have no money for you!!" She kicked him hard in the left shin and as he yelped in pain and crashed to the floor, she spat in his face and hotfooted it round the corner and up the stairs.
"B!tch!! Get your skinny runt ass back here, and give me my money!!!" Ramafist's face slowly turned a dark shade of purple and he stood up, seething. "When I find you I'm gonna do things to places you didn't know existed! Whore!!"
He marched back towards the Dinner Hall, in search of his first satisfactory meal.
Meanwhile, Hermy had reached the entrance to the common room and she kicked open the portrait. Climbing through, she flung a filthy look around at all the students monging out, and yelled, "Where's Ron? Harry?? I'm gonna kick their puny little asses!!"
Ron poked his head aound the door at the bottom of the dorm staircase and smiled widely at Hermy.
"Heeey, sexy little minx!! Are you yelling for me?" He grinned and loped towards her, oblivious of the enraged look on her face and of all the students in the room making frantic gestures at him to run for his life. As he reached her, she smiled sweetly and chucked him under the chin.
"I've just spent a lovely half an hour being dragged around by a smelly, slimy ex convivt, looking for money that does not exist, and when said smelly ex convict finds me he's going to show me things I've never seen. Apparently. And as appealing as that may sound to a guy like you, I find the thought nauseating."
She smiled again and waited for Ron to catch on.
He allowed a confused look to cross his face, then grinned again.
"So, um...... you're not happy then?"
Snarling, Hermy flung herself at Ron, slamming him into the fireplace. She pummelled him and as he curled up into a ball, trying to protect his balls, small whimpers emitting from his lips, she grabbed a candlestick off the mantelpiece. She raised it into the air and was about to bring it crashing down onto Ron's head when the portrait hole crashed open again and Ramafist threw himself into the Common Room.
"I told you I'd find you again, you whining little cow!" He started towards her, but Hermy turned and glared at him, her face white and eyes blazing. Ramafist faltered, eyes moving from the murderous look on her face, to the candlestick still gripped in her shaking hand.
"And?" She whispered, the word hanging in the silence of the room.
"Well, like I said, before. You know, downstairs......." He stopped again and threw his thumb over his shoulder, face paling as she took a step towards him.
"I heard what you said. I know what you want. I'm now very frustrated, hot, sweaty and female. Do you really want to continue f.ucking with me, or would you prefer to come to a compromise??" She looked back at Ron, who was still curled up in the foetal position, groaning.
Ramafist smiled, and held out his hand. "Yeah, I'll compromise. On the fact that you get my money, I take my money, we shag, then I leave." Satisfied with himself, he threw his head back and laughed shrilly.
Suddenly, the portrait hole swung open a third time, and Ginny Weedley hopped through, swung her satchel at Ramafist's head and caught him a fatal blow on the temple.
"Compromise that!! @sshole!" Ramafist didn't even have a chance to turn and see his attacker before he fell heavily to the floor, eyes still wide in shock.
"Gin!! Girl!!" Hermy shrieked and threw herself at Ginny. "Like, oh.....my......gawd!!! Where have you been?"
Ginny hugged Hermy tightly and opened her satchel, allowing the contents to drop to the floor. Hermy's eyes lit up as seven nine-bars fell out.
"Shit, honey, you got skills......"
That was good - I am just gonna keep reading and see what happens...
I've got the block again, I keep spilling loads out then getting stuck, let's hope Rick returns soon
can i ask if hermy is bi?????
Why yes, yes she is
CLOVIE??? ARE YOU???
i'm nor sure
if a am....
i was just curious...
No problem... call her what you will. I just thought since her real name was Hermione, and since it's a general stereotype that any bisexual stoner female would sell her body and perform lewd sex acts for money for drugs, thereby inviting all manner of STDs and other various nasties, changing her name to Herpionme, Herpes for short, was fitting...
Who's Ginny? Ron's sister? I really don't know any of these characters too well, to keep making up story.. I know Harry and Hermione, and Ron (he's the redhead kid right?) but all the others are blurs.. maybe if you list the characters and the actors who play them, so I have a reference? I know the story from previews and the general background, but not the details of who's who, by name, but could place them by face or actor name...
I know there's one played by Alan Rickman, and another old dude played by Richard Harris or something like that.. that's about all I recall...
more help, will lead to more story, I promise
Not sure if you're bi-sexual? like, more research needs to be done or something? (I'm available...) Or, are you saying that you are 'just curious' in more ways than one?? I am just curious about that, not about my own sexuality...
i do know nothing about anything.
i'm empty shollow and boring.
Clovie --> You're such a nut!!
Rick --> No probs hun......
Ginny Weedley = Ron's youngest sister, the family are Mr and Mrs W, Bill (works at Gringotts Wizard Bank), Charlie (working with dragons), Percy (complete brown-nose), Fred & George (twins), Ron and Ginny. In order from oldest to youngest.
Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan = three boys in Harry and Ron's Dorm.
Alan Rickman played Prof. Snape (Slate in this story)
If you refer to the character list on the first page that should help, and for future reference I think you're right about Herpes
can this story go on......?????
I'm taking a break, I don't want to write just for the sake of it, coz it comes out shit, so I'll wait till I get the bug again
i hope it will be rather soon...
"Herpes, luv, are you alright?" Harry and Ron stomped up to the girls, Harry shoving past Ron and nudging Ginny away from Herpiome. Harry looked at her appraisingly, caressing her bruised, red cheek, wiping away the tears which trickled down, then continuing his appraisal. His hands were so soft, his touch so gentle, Herpes wobbled, weak in the knees as Harry's fingers brushed over her shoulders and down her battered arms.
Harry stepped in closer, until their chests were touching, and his feet were on either side of hers, and he leaned in and pulled her close.
"Harry Potthead!" Herpes cried, as their bodies collided. "That BETTER be your bong wand poking me from under your cloak!!" she looked at him crossly for a moment, then giggled and slipped her hand under Harry's cloak.
Harry's eye brows fluttered and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but he got that last laugh-- it wasn't his bong wand after all!!
"Oh, dear me! Harry..." before Herpes could say another word, Harry's lips pressed against hers, his tongue dancing over hers, while his hands explored a bit under her flimsy robe... Nobody mentioned how their breath stunk like Cheetos and cigarettes, neither of them noticed how dry and chapped their lips were from all that smoking and toking... in that moment, time stood still, and there was not another soul in the world but Harry and his Herpes---
"GET A ROOM!!" Ron and Ginny gasped together, and the kiss that lasted forever finally broke.
"Oh, uhh... right..." Harry mumbled, "A room... it is about time I should show you that thing I was going to show you, in my quarters, remember, Herpes?"
"Oh yes!" her eyes lit up as they locked on the obvious bulge beneath his robes. "THAT thing you need to show me... right right... I shall have something for you to see as well, Harry Potthead..." she winked, and twirled her skirt around her knees in a high flutter, high enough that Harry could swear he saw...
"Bush!" Ron roared. "I should show Ginny the 'special bush' we have been growing in Greenhouse 3! While you 2 tend to your business, we Weedleys will tend to the ganja garden..."
"Good idea, Ron Weedley!" Herpes nodded, taking Harry by the hand and leading him to the stair to the boys' sleeping quarters. "You must be coming down some, if your starting to actually THINK straight again..."
"Oh... right..." Ron sighed. "No bother, I shall have to roll another fatty fresh from the vine... Mmmmmm..."
"Remember..." Herpes warned. "Don't touch my special secret stash, or I shall have to castrate you!!"
Ron gulped, and Harry whispered in Herpes ear, "What about me? Will I be able to touch all your special secret places, luv?"
Herpes just purrrrrrrred and rubbed her hand along Harry's arm, then pulled him hurriedly up the stair...
Ron rolled his eyes at Ginny and stormed out of the Common Room, stepping on Ramafist's face as he did so. Ginny glanced at the stairs to the Dorms, hearing the slam of the door upstairs she shook her head exasperatedly and started to pick up her ninebars and shove them back into her satchel, then followed Ron.
Everyone else in the Common Room took a few seconds to get their breath back, and then a slow hum of conversation began again, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Ramafist lay where he had landed, legs skewiff and face becoming increasingly grey as the minutes ticked by.
Ginny hurried down the corridor towards the Entrance Hall, seeing Ron walk quickly around the corner she sped up and eventually caught him standing just at the top of the stairs, looking down into the Entrance Hall. His mouth was hanging open and he had a horrified look on his face. Ginny followed his gaze and saw the most disgusting thing she had ever witnessed in her short, yet exciting life.
Profs. SmokeSumMore and I've DunEmAll were running across the hall, Prof I'veDunEmAll dressed in a long leather cloak and not much else, and Prof. SmokeSumMore in a purple leotard. Both were cackling girlishly, and their Headmaster was whipping their Head of House with what looked like a long piece of silver string. It was giving out a nasty 'crack!' every time it hit Prof I on the buttock, which, Ron noticed, wasn't too bad for her age...... and Ron figured that it must be some sort of magical whip.
Ginny snorted suddenly, and Ron jumped. He turned to see if she was ok and Ginny snorted again, this time collapsing against the bannisters and starting to laugh hysterically. Ron looked nonplussed for a second, then glanced back at the action downstairs, caught Prof S do a sort of jump in mid air, then cracked up himself as the both of them disappeared into Prof I's office.
"Oh.....My.....Gawd!!"screeched Ginny breathlessly, "have you ever seen anything so grotesquely hilarious??" She was sitting down by this time, clutching her sides, and Ron collapsed beside her, tears streaming down his face.
"No!! But I wish we'd had a camera!!" He buckled again and started to cough.
Ginny tried to pat him on the back, but could hardly move. They continued to laugh for a few more minutes, and then calmed down enough to stand and wobble slowly towards the Front Door.
"We have to go see Hagrid, he'll love this!" said Ron, looking over to Hagrid's hut. Ginny nodded, still trying to catch her breath, and they set off across the grounds.
*Ok, I really couldn't do much with this, I was just trying to introduce more of the characters, so continue guys....*
*shudders* Teachers *shudders*
Come on guys, I'm not really a writer, I'm so running out of ideas.....
If you could just write the next bit, kick start my imagination for me?
The air was cool and crisp and Ginny breathed it in appreciatively.
"I love it when the weather's like this, refreshing......."
Ron gave her a sideways look and nodded.
"I know what you mean, but I'm kinda trying to rid my mind of what we just saw!"
Ginny snorted again, and shook her head as if trying to do the same. She sighed, and reached into her bag, pulling out a three skin.
"Here," she said, handing it to Ron, "this should help, it's laced with LSD. You'll be seeing so many hallucinations after half of this that you won't recall our tutor's shenanigans at all!"
Ron plucked the joint from her outstretched fingers and placed it behind his ear. He looked over at Hagrid's hut and smiled.
"I'll save it for when we get there, Hagrid's gonna need some too. But thanks...."
He grinned at Ginny and she smiled back.
When they reached the door, Ron knocked loudly and they heard Bong skitter across the tiled floor and throw himself at the door. Hagrid threw it open and yanked them unceremoniously inside.
"What d' ye think yer doing? Comin' across the grounds in broad daylight? Anyone could've seen ye!!"
He stomped across to the giant table and threw himself into a chair, while Bong sloped back over to the fireplace, having finished sniffing both Ron and Ginny in rather private places.
"Uh, would it really matter if we'd been seen Hagrid? We're not actually doing anything illegal, are we?" Ron gave Ginny a confused look and sat hesitantly in one of the huge chairs at the table. Ginny followed suit, eyeing the filthy hut.
"O' course it'd matter! Ye's don't know who could be watchin', this place ain't safe no more!" Hagrid grunted and poured some thick green liquid into three tankards. "'Ere, drink this, it's ma new concoction."
Ron grimaced but took the tankard, while Ginny continued to look around the hut.
"Hagrid? Do you ever clean up? It's disgusting in here!" She glared at him and took a sip from her mug. The drink was surprisingly nice, and she could literally feel it travel through her system. "Mmm, this is good, what is it?" She took another sip.
Hagrid smiled and replied, "It's dragon urine, mixed with hemp. Not poisonous, just toxic. Kinda makes yer body feel light 'n floaty, but yer brain stays awake. Good for when ye need te do yer homework but can't relax. I'm gonna see if Prof SmokeSumMore would use it."
Ron looked horrified. "Dragon urine?? Yeuch, it's a good idea, but surely you could use some other ingredient? There's got to be something better than lizard piss....."
Ginny splurted her drink all over the table.
"Listen,I'm always up for trying something new, but that's just gross! OK, it tastes good, but I refuse to drink another creature's excretion. It'll never work Hagrid, unless you keep it as a secret ingredient and pay us loads of money to keep quiet!"
Hagrid looked thoughtful, and then he visibly slumped. "It's no good, I keep getting things wrong. No wonder I ain't allowed to teach!"
To both Ron and Ginny's horror, he started to cry. Ginny jumped up and grabbed the nearest teacloth, which was the size of a beach towel, and shoved it into Hagrid's hands. Bong started to bark loudly and Ron tried desperately to think of something funny.
"Oh my God! Hagrid! You will not believe what we saw just before we came over here!!"
Hagrid continued to cry, but audibly quietened.
Ginny glanced at Ron and continued "Yeah, it was disgusting, the Head and Prof I were running around the Entrance Hall, dressed in leather and whipping each other! I knew we were like Drug Central, but I had no idea our teachers were so, well, kinky!"
Hagrid let out a huge guffaw and slapped Ron so hard on the back that he flew across the table.
"Yer don't know the half of it!" He carried on laughing and Ron slid off the table and onto the floor, where Bong immediately proceeded to hump his leg. Ginny rolled her eyes at the ceiling and sat back down on the chair.
"Things really couldn't get any weirder........"
Thanks Clo, but sheesh, I've been away for five days and it's only you who's replied!
Lady von Tramp
Is anyone going to add to the story?
I really can't write at the moment, damn block.......
i can't write
and i don't know english.
and i wanna read more.
Lady von Tramp
I'm all stuck though, got no ideas......
Sorry hun, I'll no doubt pop in when something pops up
OK u guys.. Is this thread still active?? Coz the last entry was posted quite a while ago.. Awesome stuff u guys got goin on.. Plz lemme know if its active.. Id like to do a bit of writing myself
its open & active . its great reading it , i just cant write it .
Syren , you say your no writer ? coulda fooled me . i was all wraped up in your words like i was the real books . when you get an idea , please write . id love to read more .
The sun was setting as Ginny, Shagrid (thought i'd do a lil name changin meself if u dun mind) and Ron sat in Shagrid's hut and smoked the three skins Ginny had used to knock out Ramafist. "Wonder how Harry's doing with Herpy." "U mean wonder how Harry's doing Herpy" said Ginny with a chuckle. "I'd rather not think about it Ginny, Id rather not think about it", said Ron taking a particularly long drag. Meanwhile in the boys dormitory Harry was having the time of his life, no amount of weed could give him this kind of high, "That was amazing Herpy sweetheart" , said harry laying on the bed next to Hermione exausted from his latest session. Just as they were about to get it on again they heard a giggle from the corner of the dormitory. "Who's there?" said Harry irritably "It's me" they heard a shrill voice say as Moaning Myrtle glided into view. "What the f*** are you doing here Myrtle? Go back to your loo. Can't you see im in the middle of something here?" said Harry looking longingly at Hermione lying next to him. "Not only can I see you're in the middle of something I can also hear you guys in my toilet which happens to be right under under your dormitory" said Myrtle with a chuckle. I heard both of you start off about half an hour ago and have been watching ever since, nice moves pothead" said Myrtle. "Thanks" said Harry with a weary smile "But we'd like to continue without an audience, so get outta her you h**ny b.itch" said Harry getting impatient. "I'm not going anywhere" said Myrtle with a wry smile "I was as much in demand as Miss Ganga in my day, I'd like to see if anything has changed, never wondered why they call me MOANING Myrtle?? said Myrtle retreating to the corner whence she came. "Fine, watch if you must but not a word to anybody else in Hogfarts Castle, you understand me?" Having dealt with Myrtle Harry finally back to Hermione who was casting a mattresso spingiora spell to make their bed more bouncy. Ok guys this is all i've got so far, its my first attemt at writing anything real.. was jus school essays before this.. not half as gud as u guys but il get better i promise.
Holy shit keep it coming!!!
Lady von Tramp
Really well done MM, I like the way you inserted Myrtle, she was a character that I loved in the books. I was thinking of calling her Minging Myrtle, but since you said she got her name in other ways, I guess we'll keep it. Nice one
And thanks for the compliments, I said I'm no writer coz I can only do parody or poetry, but you've given me new incentive to write more, I'm all flattered
I want more
I hope im not ruining the story...
As Ron and Ginny headed for the Gryffindor common rooms hoping that the thing between Harry and Hermy has stoped or at least paused. THey went throu the main hall until they saw a very big crowd standing and listening to the ceiling. Ron and Ginny came up and heard thumping sounds. As Ron aknowledged he whispered to Ginny "The gryffindors common room is upstairs, where the sounds are comming up from" Ginnys eyes widened and she said "It must be Pothead and Hermy!!". Ron was thursting for revenge that Harry took hermy so he took out his wand and pointed it into the ceiling and said something and the sounds got much much louder. Everybody could hear how Hermy was 'ahhing' and all. Girls started giggiling madly and boys had big frowns on their faces because they wanted Hermy. The defense against the dark art teacher- Professor Pimous (Proffesor Rimos from the prizoner of askaban). Proffesor Pimous came up and observed the sounds "Good moves pothead and Hermy 50 points to Gryffindor!" suddenly all the boys who were from gryffindor and had frowned faces started smiling
Lady von Tramp
Nah, that's cool, but there was no Professor Remus, it was Remus Lupin. So, Prof Lupin.
Lady von Tramp
Alrighty.. Lady Von Tramp can u plzz start writing now. We'd like to see da master in action again.
Oh n for heaven's sake plz try n finish Harry's session, poor guy's been at it for ages now.
Lady von Tramp
I'm sorry guys, it needs to come to me, I'll try to get my imagination back in gear........
(Damn maybe ill think of something... Thinking...)
Lady von Tramp
*thinking too, but in different frame of mind*
Lady von Tramp
REMINDER, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE...........
~loves it when Syren is in THAT frame of mind...
"Harry! How could you!" screamed a voice in the hall. Cho Thang appeared in the middle of the corridor. "What are you doing with her?"
"What do you think?" asked the boys of Gryffindor.
"Oh is that what he's doing. He'll have to answer to me," said Cho. She pushed through everyone knocking on Harry's door saying, "Come out here, now!"
*Does this add to the story? If it does keep it if it don't just ignore it*
Harry rolled Herpiome over onto her stomach, she rose up under him onto her knees, and he took a huge healthy toke from the fatty he smoked, before stashing it safely in her crack while he move in behind her...
Moaning Myrtle was going mad with desire and she couldn't contain herself, swooshing from the bed chamber and possessing the nearest soul outside; Cho Thang!! Cho entered Harry Potthead's room and danced seductively around him and Herpes, picking up the blunt from her bum, and toking heavily while she stripped.
"Save some for me, Harry baby... Mama's gotta brand new bag..."
"Get your own man, Myrt the Squirt!" Herpes cried, chucking a shoe at Cho. "Everyone knows Cho is a ho! and nobody likes her skank as much as they like mine! I get top dollar, Cho scrapes together a tuppence or less! Go find Ronny or someone else to satisfy your ghastly ghostly gash!"
"Gosh, Herpes..." Harry sighed with a smile. "You just called me your man somewhere in the middle of all that..." he spanked her bum and continued, until he was spent, enlightened by her loving words toward him, and by the fact that he was quickly coming down from his major high of the day.
Unfortunately, they call it crashing for a reason, and soon after he was out of Herpes, Harry was out... out cold... Herpionme gathered the cash---all the cash--- from Harry's secret stash in his sock drawer, and pulled her cloak up aorund her.
"Ohhhh Rooooonnnyy!" she and Cho cried together, then looked at each other, then smiled wickedly, holding hands and making way to the door.
When the door opened, all the boys of Puffinmoor witnessed the sultry sexy seduction of girl-on-girl action, Herpes kissing Cho, and the girls grabbed red head, red-faced Ron and ran off to his room next...
"You have any weed, Ron Weedley?" Cho/Myrtle demanded. "This Potthead plant is WEAK!"
"Weed?" Weedley laughed lifting up his heavily stained mattress as they walked into his incense-scented room. "Who needs weed?! Prof Slate taught us how to craft crack cocaine, so that's my new drug of choice! help yourselves to a pipe biyatches..." Ron dropped the cookie tin filled with paraphernalia and flopped to the mattress, pulling off his pants in the process.
"Oh and whoever's not sucking on the pipe..." he offered an alternative, which Cho was quick to accept into her willing lips.
-KNOCK-KNOCK!- "Ronny old chap?" it was Semen Innagain, one of the other boys who was always hitting Ron up for free samples. "Do you happen to have--- WOW! exactly what I was needing!!"
Semen sat beside Herpes, touching her sticky thighs while she fumbled with the pipe. "Let me help..." Semen offered, lighting the pipe while Herpes toked deep. "And hold it deep..." he instructed, groping up under her loose robes, pressing his palm against her breast, feeling her lungs expand along with things perking up under his touch.
"Very coooool...." Semen smiled, kicking back and relaxing while Ron's mattress began to bounce behind his head...
Lady von Tramp
You dirty boy!! You'll get the thread closed if you carry on like that, so please be careful. But it's really good, all of you. By the way, please stick to the character and house names that I used in the first post, but feel free to create any I haven't.
We've added and changed some characters:
Herpione Ganja/Herpes (Hermione Granger)
Professor Remus Opium (Remus Lupin)
Myrt The Squirt/Minging Myrtle (Moaning Myrtle)
Cho Thang (Cho Chang)
Semen Innagain (Seamus Finnigan)
Onna Promise (Dean Thomas)
If you can think of any names for characters, please just use them in your posts. I'm sure we'll keep them
And the Houses MUST stay as follows:
Just coz they're my faves out of the original ideas I had
Refer to the first post to check characters and house names, lessons etc......
(Wow now thats what I calll porn!!)
((its not porn, its Pottheads))
Lady von Tramp
It's not Porn, it's Parody
(ITs just when I saw the word Pothead only one word came up in my mind... Porn!!)
*Can someone send me what happened after my post please?
Lady von Tramp
This was the last installment, if you would like to carry on, feel free......
We also changed the names of some and added some more characters, if you scroll up the page you'll find them
Yeah but not in the same mood as the last one....
Lady von Tramp
Meanwhile, in an abandoned classroom situated right at the top of the North Tower, RapeAnd Enjoy (Draco Malfoy) was hunched over a desk, concentrating hard on the piece of parchment in front of him. He was watching the tiny flourescent dots move around, carrying their miniature name tags. This piece of parchment was none other than Harry's Map of Hogwarts, the map that told the reader exactly where every single person in the castle was, what they were doing and whether they'd had a bath recently.
"Professor Opium! Classroom Three, second Floor, eating a twinkie! Bathed last night!" It screeched. Enjoy snarled, he hated Opium, with a vengeance. Not only was the teacher a filthy half breed, he was close to Pothead, Enjoy's sworn enemy.
Enjoy stood up quickly, letting his chair fall backwards with a clatter. He scooped the map off the table and headed towards the door and back down the stairs. He slowed to a stroll as he reached the Spliffindor dormitories and stopped behind a gargoyle directly outside the door. Listening intently, he leaned closer.......
Sounds of laughter and music drifted out of the half open door, and Enjoy could just make out Herpy's voice, a little shrill, over the hum of conversation from the others.
"So, Semen's like 'Yeah Herpy, do it again baby!' and I'm all like, 'Jeez man, you're insatiable!'" She was giggling as she said this, and Enjoy listened harder. "He wasn't even penetrating me! He was humping my leg like a puppy!! Oh my God, it was hilarious, I didn't tell him, coz, well, obviously Pothead and I had just, you know......." She trailed off at the sound of agreement coming from the rest of the girls. They had, of course, all had a taster of the great Harry Pothead, his talents behind the hangings were well known.
Enjoy grimaced and jumped out from behind the gargoyle. He had heard enough for one day. The fact that he had fallen in love with Herpione Ganja the day he had set eyes on her had caused his father great pain, she was, after all, a DirtBody, father and mother completely Puddle. No wizarding blood in either of them. He couldn't help it though, those curves, that mouth, the attitude and brains. The girl was perfection personified, and he'd have her soon enough.
He stormed off towards the BaccyTin common room in search of a spliff.
The day wore on.........
Rape and enjoy Hahahahahahhahahhahahahha!!!
Man its been stuck here for dayz now.. Isn't anybody gonna write anythin anymore?? I wud but I just can't think right now.. Maybe in a few dayz.
Lady von Tramp
I haven't been online since the 16th (ish) and no-one has added anything??
Where are my fellow Pothead Posters?
*is tapping foot and racking brains for ideas*
I can't think of a thing, not one thing........
((Thought of something, might help to kickstart anyone else))
Ron and Ginny emerged from Greenhouse Seven as the sun was setting, slowly darkening the sky.
"Ron, you are a Greenery Guru" sighed Ginny, smoke still emanating from her nostrils.
Ron grinned inanely, unable to answer. His jaw seemed to have fallen off. But he was quite happily mullered and through the haze of his brain cells he knew he wanted to go back to the Common Room and mong. He tried to convey this idea to Ginny by smiling widely at her and loping toward the castle. Ginny clocked on, as stoners do, and followed.
They entered via the back door and Ron, his jaw working again, mumbled something about popping into the kitchen and asking Knobby and Stinky for some munchies. Knobby and Stinky were the pupils' favourite House Elves, they had been at SmokeSport's forever and loved the kids.
Ginny waved dismissively and made her way up the staircase as Ron ducked down toward the kitchens.........
Ginny stumbled up the stair to her bed chamber, loosing her cloak and robe as she pushed open the door to her room, the clothing falling over he shoulders, caught in the crook of her elbows while the door closed behind her. Ginny gasped for a moment, her bared little breasts suddenly aquiver, her nipples erect, as she noticed Raper sprawled on her bed, he was naked and tickling his nether regions playfully, while staring at Harry Potthead's map, focusing on the glowing specs that represented Herpionme and the girls she was gossiping about Harry with. Had she wandered into the wrong room by accident? Noi, there was her neon pink vibrator and Frisky Kitty cuddle doll where she kept her secret stash of ganj, and her posters of Justin Timberlake and Vin Diesel on the walls over her bed; this was her room! Obviously Raper was in the wrong place...
"Oh, Herpes..." Raper moaned, casting a magnification spell over the map, which had a startlingly similar effect upon his hand and groin, though the boy was too baked to notice.
But Ginny noticed, and was just as baked NOT to care that it was Raper N Enjoy who was lying there. "Wrong place, right time..." Ginny shrugged, lowering her arms, allowing her cloak and robes to fall away completely, stepping over the heap of clothing, toward the bed.
As Ginny passed thru the magnified image of Herpes, she BECAME Herpes, live and in the flesh, to the muddle-minded Raper N Enjoy, who smiled wickedly, and laughed that droning monotonous stoner laugh as he rolled onto his back to greet his lady love.
"Oh, Herpes..." he gasped as she climbed into bed on top of him.
"Oh Justin..." Ginny moaned, riding her man while getting lost in the eyes of Justin Timberlake over head.
"Oh Ginny!" Ron Weedley stormed into the room, dropping his pants as he carried a huge vat of chocolate pudding in both arms. "I thought we could take a bath in chocolate pudding, sorta kill 2 or 3 birds with one stone, you know? Bathe, eat, clean up and have the sex all at once, you... NO!!" Ron was shocked and stunned by the display of half-baked hallucinogenic carnal desire playing out before his half-baked, half-dressed eyes.
While Ginny approached the height of her passion and was blissfully unaware of the audience, Raper cast his gaze and cast a spell at the open door where Ron stood agape. Ron immediately froze in place, the rest of his body stiffening and becoming as hard as that certain special 6 inches he knew well and loved...
Raper rolled over, out from under Ginny, sobering up some, enough to formulate a plot, but he was too deep and too close by now, so he finished up with Ginny, exploding his passion over her tight tummy, then cast the stoner to stone spell upon her as well.
Before he left the room, he moved Ron Weedley statue into place standing at the edge of the bed, positioned perfectly over Ginny's naked statue which lay spread eagle in ecstasy, dripping with Raper's love juice.
To any and all who would see this scene sober, it would simply appear that Ron and Ginny had shared a wondrous night and inadvertently frozen the moment in time by their magic...
Raper chuckled, prying the vat of chocolate pudding from Weedley's statue arms, donning his robes, and making way from Ginny's bed chamber to his own, satisfied in more ways than one for the night...
(........LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAAAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO WRITE THE MOST DIRTIES ARTICLE!!!!)
An Owl appeared throu the window where Ron and Naked GInny were as it flew it pooped at Rons head and Ginnys stomach. SUddenly proffeson Opion appeared throu the door looked and said "Oh Ron I see you are fixing your grades yeah good job! 50 points to Gryffindor! Aaaaa Gryfindors getting Horny finaly! Maybe youll win the hogwarts cup this year" Proffesor Opion patted Ron on the shoulder as Ron fell on the floor but Opion didnt notice and left the room. He saw chocolate pudding on the floor. "Oh No!! The chamber of secrets is opened again..... This is it! THe school is not safe anymore! THe Bassalisk is stealing chocolate pudding!!! Oh Shit! I think Harry took that super strongh drug dumbeldore gave him not to feel the pain when he defeated the bassalisk... It was so strongh it whiped out his memory ohh dear..." sais Opion and charged into Dumbeldores office telling him everything. Dumbeldores feet were on the table with a bandana on his head and Proffesor Mcgonnagol was on him. "Hem Hem" interupted Opion as they stopped. Opion told them everything. "Oh Mannn!!! Im going to have to meet that Lukius Malpoy again!! His going to boss me around and stuff!!" reacted Dumbeldore "But dont you worry about the children!! Their getting the Chocolate pudding stolen! If this goes on Hogwarts will have to shut down.." said Opion suddenly "Yaaa!! I was waiting for this moment! I saved up money so me and Mcgo... I mean I could go to the Hawaii!!!!" said Dumbeldore. Opion sighted and left the office. Next day news spread about the whole school. All the students were placed in big groups...Everybody was afraid.... In the DADA lesson harry raised his hand "Proffeasor what the sexy word in the world is the Chamber Of Secrets??" Opion sighted and said "Salazar Slytherin hated chocolate and candy so he left hogwarts because all the others wanted chocolate. But he left behind a secret room where a monster who will STEAL CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!!" everybody gasped. More and More attacks were found.... While Raper was stealing everybodys chocolate but nobody found it it was him... They thought it was the monster inside the chamber of secrets.....
What? You kinda just took all the names from the book, and there was nothing to do with drugs!
Not to be critical or anything...
Slick, that was very... adult.
(Oh shut up like you wrote anything.)
Good point Trickster, I'm sorry <Tidus> but if you read the first page or two you'll find that characters etc have already been chosen. Please try to stick with the outline so far.
And Slick, honey, I don't think your work, though imaginative, is appropriate for this sort of forum. More's the pity, I love the things you come up with. But I really don't want this thread closed, so please try to be a little more, um, subtle
For the record, the story is aimed at teenage stoner student types, like I used to be
Stick with it guys, it's coming together rather nicely. Shall we continue from where Slick left off?
<Tidus> why don't you carry on, in another way, so as not to make you feel like we've completely overlooked your efforts? Try to keep what you write within the boundaries of the forum, and along the lines of the first few posts..........
PS: Slick, Ron and Ginny are brother and sister babe, although that sort of adds a wicked little twist
OK, that's mature. I don't know if you've noticed, but a few members and I are trying to create something ongoing here, feel free to add your piece, but obviously there need to be some guidelines. I already reprimanded Slick (you bad boy) for his practically pornographic style, and I'm certain he'll heed my friendly warnings. Cheers.
I would write something, but I'm not sure if I could have the creative style to write something about stoners. Plus, I don't have nearly enough information about weed or crack. Apart from the names and how to take it, I've never really got stoned. The times I have smoked just didn't seem to do anything for me.
I didnt smoke once and I dont have a single info on Weed and Crack!! But I stick to the pornographics and humor in the story...
Professor SmokeSummore (Dumbledore)
An Owl appeared throu the window where Ron and Naked GInny were as it flew it pooped at Rons head and Ginnys stomach. SUddenly proffeson Opion appeared throu the door looked and said "Oh Ron I see you are fixing your grades yeah good job! 50 points to Gryffindor! Aaaaa Gryfindors getting Horny finaly! Maybe youll win the hogwarts cup this year" Proffesor Opion patted Ron on the shoulder as Ron fell on the floor but Opion didnt notice and left the room. He saw chocolate pudding on the floor. "Oh No!! The chamber of secrets is opened again..... This is it! THe school is not safe anymore! THe Bassalisk is stealing chocolate pudding!!! Oh Shit! I think Harry took that super strongh drug Smokesummore gave him not to feel the pain when he defeated the bassalisk... It was so strongh it whiped out his memory ohh dear..." sais Opion and charged into Smokesummores office telling him everything. SmokeSumMore feet were on the table with a bandana on his head and Proffesor Ivedunemall was on him. "Hem Hem" interupted Opion as IveDunthemall got Off Smokesummore . Opion told them everything. "Oh Mannn!!! Im going to have to meet that Lukius Malpoy again!! His going to boss me around and stuff And tell me im banned off the Headmaster place!!" reacted SmokeSummore "But dont you worry about the children!! Their getting the Chocolate pudding stolen! If this goes on Hogwarts will have to shut down.." said Opion suddenly "Yaaa!! I was waiting for this moment I will finaly leave! I saved up money so me and Ivedunthe... I mean I could go to the Hawaii!!!!" said Smokesummore. Opion sighted and left the office. Next day news spread about the whole school. All the students were placed in big groups...Everybody was afraid.... In the DADA lesson harry raised his hand "Proffeasor what the sexy word in the world is the Chamber Of Secrets??" Opion sighted and said "Salat Splittherin hated chocolate and candy so he left hogwarts because all the other founders wanted chocolate. But he left behind a secret room where a monster who will STEAL CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!!" everybody gasped. More and More attacks were found.... While Raper was stealing everybodys chocolate but nobody found it it was him... They thought it was the monster inside the chamber of Toilets!!!
A more updated version with some adds...
~that's ok Syren, if you don't want to include my piece... I just always link stoners and sex, ever since having a girlfriend who was a crackhead ****.. maybe she was unique in that?
any way, I'll probably be banned from this forum before the week is out, so it was fun posting here while it lasted... ~
~Nooooooo Dont go before you get banned from this forum post more pornogrophics!!
May I just point out that I did include yours, I said to continue where you left off babe.........
Meh, f.uck it, we haven't been told off so far right? Carry on guys, lookin' good
Hem hem I posted my part im waiting for someone to continue it...
Hun, we can't use yours, it's not in flow with the rest of the story. Why not read from the beginning? I know it's a chore but it'll help you to see what the storyline is, what the characters are up to etc. The Basilisk and characters like it aren't in this one, it's not an adventure where HP has to save the school, it's a soft porn, stoner crackhead type tale. OK?
Moaning Myrtle was drawn to the sounds and scent emanating from Ginny Weedley's bed-chamber. The ghost, Myrtle, entered the room, floating thru the door and she was stunned to see brother and sister frozen in such a compromising position.
"I know what evil has done this..." Myrtle cackled. "And they must be stopped!" the spectral vision shot through the wall of the chamber and streaked to Harry Potthead's room.
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrryyyy.... Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrryy...." she moaned.
"Go away, Myrtle!" Harry snapped, rolling over in his bed, throwing a pillow at, and through, the ghost as she floated before him. "We'll smoke a bowl bright and early in the morning, I promise, now leave me be!!"
"HARRY POTTHEAD!" Myrtle growled. "This is important! There is a great and powerful evil loose! The Bongaspliff (Basalisk) has returned! With the power to turn stoners to stone with a simple gaze into it's blood-shot eyes, and it's voracious appetite for cannabis leaf and poppy flowers, the Bongaspliff is a terrible threat to the school!
Your friends, Ron and Ginny have already succumbed to the evil powers of the Bongaspliff! We must move quickly, before more students or more product are damaged!!!"
"What?" Harry groaned, barely able to comprehend what the ghost had been babbling about. "The Bongaspliff? There's no such thing...
"Come quickly! See for yourself!" Myrtle became corporeal and gripped Harry's wrist, pulling him from his bed and zipping thru the wall. Unfortunately, Harry was not a ghost, and the poor boy slammed face first into the hard stone wall, crumpling to the bed again, knocked unconscious.
"Ooops..." Myrtle poked her head back thru the wall. "Sorry, Harry Potthead... tsk tsk! When you wake up in the morning, I hope you don't remember this! But, remember the Bongaspliff, and beware!!"
...Im not posting anymore!!
Niiiiice job Slick, I love your style winkiss
And <Tidus> if you follow the storyline and stick to the characters, your work will be used. Simple really.
I love your... siggy... Syren
it inspires me in strange and wondrous ways!
Haha! And I just changed it in order to advertise Devalion's skills on Paint. Refreshing, considering everyone else uses a Pro program, cheats
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