Simpsons funiest quotes

wicker_man

----Homer Simpson ----
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

" Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."

"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

----Bart Simpson----
"I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!"

Bart: "I am through with working. Working is for chumps."
Homer: "Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out."

----Lisa Simpson----
"Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."

Marge: "I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends. All you have to do is be yourself."
Lisa: "Be myself? I've been myself for eight years and it hasn't worked."

"If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time."

----Ralph Wiggum----
"That's where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things!"

----Principal Seymour Skinner----
"I have caught word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it."

Darth Revan

Marge: (gets really mad)
Homer: But how was I supposed to know you'd look there? (or something)

Ned: (screams) Purple drapes!! All my life I've wanted purple drapes!! (screams again)

Selma (or Patty I forget which): If I'd known you were coming I'd have baked you a cat! (from a Halloween episode)

Otto: They call 'em fingers but I've never seen 'em fing.

Punker69

the famous

"DOH!"

Linkalicious

"Trying is the first step towards failure." Homer Simpson

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four." Homer Simpson

H"a ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe)." Homer Simpson

"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close." Homer Simpson

"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!" Homer Simpson

"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. " Homer Simpson

"It takes like BURNING" Ralp Wiggum

el_barto

teacher: ok bart spell impossible
bart: i-m-p
kids in audience: hahahahahahah!!!!
bart: well thats my fun for the day
ralph: i made bart in my pants

Wolfie

Homer: It was worth it to get our Sugar Crisp. (singing) Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp.
Marge: Homer, did you remember to put the foglights in?
Homer (singing): (ready with bowl) Guess I forgot to put the foglights in.

Woman: This film is so beautiful. (something like that)
Barney: You're very kind.
Woman: Did something crawl down your throat and die?
Barney: It didn't die.

Lisa: Poor predictable Bart, always picks rock.
Bart: Good old rock, nothin' beats that.

Grampa: ...and maybe... Stacy... can invent me young.... Heeeeelp!

Homer (singing): When something's stuck in your teeth, you must floss it.

Darth Revan

Bart: You're going off to fight that bear. I wanna come.
Homer: No way! If I die you have to carry on the Simpson name.
Bart: Screw that! When I grow up, I'm legally changing my name to Joe Kickass!
Homer: That is sooo cool! Okay, you can come.

Placebo_fan

The Episode where Homer becomes an insomniac!

You gotta hide me, DEATH IS AFTER ME!!! The sack is good, but I don't trust these cowboys. heehee. Shhhhh, A mother can't die, and I'm a mother, see? see? *holds up a doll by the leg*

alic88

homer: I AM SO SMART. S-M-R-T

shadow link

-homer: bart if sometings too hard its not worth doin

-homer: (singing) shavin ma shoulders, shavin ma shoulders

- chief wiggum: dohnuts, i got doghnuts

-homer: so bart do u wanna get a BBQ
bart: can we burn evidence
homer we can all burn evidence in it

-homer:le grill, wat the hell is legrill

-homer: (singing) sppppeeennnnnnndddddd some dough at table five

ah ah ah ah table 5 table 5 ah ah ah ah table fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive, table 5

-shellbyvillian: we need to write springfield sucks so that when they look over into shelbyville theyll realize that they suck

LanceWindu

Ralph: I bent my wookie

§pearhead

Barney: Well, at least we cant sink any lower. *gust of wind, his diaper goes flying away* Hey! Come back here, diaper, come back! *turns corner to follow diaper, and he stops* oh, hi mom!

Alias Neo

Must kill moe
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Must kill moe
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

thank you, come again

Homer no function beer well without.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos

Alias Neo

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...aye carumba!

Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.

You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years. I guess now I'm paying the price. But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do: smoke a cigarette, use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair.

I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Why would anyone want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.

I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!

What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?

Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

Alias Neo

If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

Marge: I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends. All you have to do is be yourself.
Lisa: Be myself? I've been myself for eight years and it hasn't worked.

On Nelson: He's not like anybody I've ever met. He's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest.

I am the Lizard Queen!

Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.

Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity! Aaaaa!

Lisa: Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone!

Alias Neo

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!

Alias Neo

I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes ... I believe I'll start, as you've so often suggested, by eating your shorts!

I have caught word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it.

Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

Children, I couldn't help monitoring you conversation. There's no mystery about Willie. Why, he simply disappeared. Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.

There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

I've always admired car owners and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.

That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Alias Neo

All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.

Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love.

They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.

People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

Moe: Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today.

Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

Alias Neo

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I work, I work.

Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

Please do not offer my god a peanut

Ah! the searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.

I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost missed work.

Be careful when we capture him! We cannot claim the reward unless we have 51% of the carcass

Hey, hey, this is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down or I'll blow your heads off!

Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!

Nickel off on expired baby food

Alias Neo

Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.

See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.

No jury in the world is going to convict a baby ... Maybe Texas.

You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty.

Oh, sure. We'd all love some real friends, Marge. But what are the odds of that happening?

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?

This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

She didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge?...Hey, that duck's got it!

Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!

Alias Neo

You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

Just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!

Now lets all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

Alias Neo

Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?

Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time.

Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!

I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.

Mr. Burns: So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?
Smithers: What?!!
Mr. Burns: You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Oh! Of course.

Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!

This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of Satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

Bad corpse! Stop ... scaring ... Smithers!

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green blow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers.... Layabouts.... Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.

Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?
Smithers: If you did it, sir?

Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.

Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones.

Alias Neo

Ha-Ha.

We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let's pound his kidneys

I can think of at least two things wrong with that title!

Check it out, a freezer geezer!

In my dreams, I'm a viking!

Hey, that hurts. No wonder no one came to my birthday party.

Lisa: "Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe that, do you?
Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something.

LuckyDay

Millhouse: So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

whatshisface

save me, jeebus!!!

roundisfunny

Homer on the tabloid show "Rock Bottom" from episode 2F06, "Homer Bad Man":

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on her sweet can. -- so I grab her -- sweet can. Oh, just thinking about her can I just wish I had he -- sweet sweet s-s-sweet can.

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson--you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?

Homer:

Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.

Jones: No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!

Man: Dramatization -- may not have happened.

eleveninches

Sideshow bob: "Die Bart!"

Sideshow Bob: "No, it's german. It means, 'The Bart'"

eleveninches

(after the media has portrayed Homer to be a psychotic killer)

Homer: "But Marge, the TV said he's evil"

Marge: "Havn't you learned anything?"

Homer: "Marge my dear, I havn't learned a thing"

Phoenix

Ralph: I bent my Wookie...

Piggle Humsy

wow Alias Neo what did you do find a simpsons quote page and copy it all! I didnt think there was gonna be any quotes left for anyone else to put! laughing

Ok Im going from memory so forgive me if they're not completely right...
Some ones I like:

Ralph : (with marge touching ralphs shoulder) "she's touching my special area"

Homer: (after marge asks him to pick up bart) Pick a bar...what the hells pickabar?

This ones from one of my all time fave ever episodes...
Homer :No beer, no t.v make homer somethin somethin..
Marge: Go Crazy?
Homer: Dont mind if I dooooo

"Sssh I'm shifting into steak mode"

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

Homer: All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer: Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Homer: Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. B*st*rd! He's always one step ahead.

This one cracks me up....

Homer: I saw this movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.'

laughing

I love simpsons!

Piggle one eye

x x x x

Phoenix

Lisa: If anybody wants me, I'll be in my room...

Homer: What kind of a catchphrase is that?!?

eleveninches

Sure, its easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu!!

eleveninches

"marge, maggie lost her baby legs"

eleveninches

"why don't you try one of the other main religions, Ned? they're all pretty much the same." (rev.lovejoy)

Phoenix

Ralph Clone (in Mr. Scorpio episode): I fell off the Jungle Gym and woke up here...

eleveninches

"Let this be a lesson to you children, Kids never learn!!" (chief wiggam)

claidisa_felton

Apu: you have destroyed my work you stupid flying fat man

Homer: and keep an eye on that weird lookin kid
Marge: bart?
homer: yeah, bart.

claidisa_felton

ralph: ow my ear. ow my shoulder. i have 2 owies

Piggle Humsy

I just love homers girly screams! laughing

"I challenge you to a Duel"

coolboarder98

Homer:
"I'm dancin' away my hunger pains
I'm kinda like Jesus
Just not in a sacroligeous way"

total metalhead

this is all one quote

Lawyer: Sideshow Bob, if released you wouldn't by any chance pose a threat to one Bart Simpson?

Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson??? The lovable little scamp who twice foiled my evil plans and sent me to this urine soaked hell-hole...

Judge: We object to the term ''urine soaked hell-hole when you could have said ''pee pee soaked heck-hole''.

Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.

Lawyer: But Bob, don't you have a tattoo on your chest saying ''Die Bart, Die''?

Sideshow Bob: No! Thats German for ''The Bart, The''.

Judge: No one who speaks German could be an evil man. Parole granted.

that whole section just makes me laugh so hard everytime i see it. and yes i do realise how sad it is that i've memorised that whole scene.

Piggle Humsy

Yeh I love that bit! laughing

and when homer gets the death threat letter "Oh my god someone wants to kill me!!..oh wait it's for bart" laughing

Piggle

x x x x

(p.s Love the Cannibal Corpse bit in your sig TMH!)

*Paris=goddess*

marge: don't you think John is a little 'festive.'

homer: indeed (or something like that)

marge:no, i mean, he rathers the company of men

homer:who doesn't!

marge: now homer, listen to me very carefully, John is a ho-mo-

homer:yeah

marge: sexual!!

homer: screams

LOL

family is sitting on couch...

Bart:i'm sick of this, i'm going to moes.

homer:i'll come with you.

boxofdeath2.0

at burn's house they tell homer he needs to leave and homer says....

"or what? you'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with the bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees?"

Spider-Dan

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.

AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do.

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers...

Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, it's how drunk you get.

Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement.

Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, goodbye!

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them...

Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy... where our beds and TV...is.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get.

Mmmm, free goo!

Spider-Dan

Some more of my favorites...

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

---

Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

---

See a lot more here.

boxofdeath2.0

alcohol; cause of and solution to all of lifes problems

Myth

My favorite quote is easily from Principle Skinner one from the episode where they get snowed into school. Skinner sends his gerbil or hamster to get help and at the end he is in a dodgeball bag and says:

"Now Nibbles, cheeeewww through my ball sack."

dean7879

HOMER: Bart!!! turn that noise down.. i cant hear myself think..
(bart turns music off)
Homers brain: i want some peanuts
Homer: Thats better

dean7879

i find it hysterical when homer has conversations with his brain lol

Freddy_vs_Jason

Heres a good one:

Bart: Mom, I need something to take to school for show-and-tell!
Marge: How about a potatoe? its pretty big.
Bart: Mom your always trying to get me to bring a potatoe, what is it with you?
Marge: I just think they're neat.

And this one:

Teacher: Skinner said the teachers will 'crack' any minute, purple monkey dishwasher!

Myth

Repeat post.

http://www.killermovies.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22642&highlight=simpsons

matchbox

my favearte one is when homer is making the barbaque, and he covers the english side of the instrustions in cument,

Homer- 'English side ruinded, must use french. LE GRILL! what the hell is le grill'

FRO§T

i like it when homer has to put in some tax thingy and he is late, and he is driving into things then he says "if i dont see it its not illegal" then he covers his eyes and crashes straight throught to tax office door

Drifter101

i dunno if this was posted yet but,
Grandpa: Well i noticed Molloy wore sneakers.............for sneaking!

lil bitchiness

What is a wedding? Well Websters dictinary describes wedding as a process of removing weed from one's garden

manjaro

when te family went into witness protection

FBI Agent: your new name is Thompson
Homer: Gotcha
FBI Agent: When I say Hello mr. Thompson you say ok
Homer: M'kay
FBI Agent Agent: hello Mr. Thompson
Homer: Who's that?

This went on for hours. lol

Montross

Skinner said the teachers will 'crack' any minute, purple monkey dishwasher!

VENOMfanFAN

Skinner:

"Good job, Nibbles! Now quick, chew through my ball sack."

Homer & Ned:

Ned- I think we hit something, Homer.
Homer- I hope it was Flanders!

CrazyEyes

"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?"
-Mayor Quimby

"This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against The Never Ending Story
-Lionel Hutz

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman"
-Homer Simpson

"To find Flanders, i've got to think like Flanders: I'm a big stupid moron who wears stupid glasses and the same stupid green sweater ever single...'The Springfield River'
-Homer Simpson

"Stupid Sexy Flanders!"
-Homer Simpson

"If the Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement"
-Homer Simpson

"Worst Episode Ever"
-Comic Book Guy

wuTa

this might have been posted but i'm to lazy to check

Bart: dad you killed the zombie flanders

Homer: he was a zombie?

hezzy_baby

lmao. that is one huge insider with all my friends big grin

FRO§T

how bout when bart steals a cop car and the FEMALE judge says to Bart, "you remind me of me, when i was a little BOY" that one is the best

mr.marvel

marge- "no homer you'll kill us all"
homer- "or die trying"

ladygrim

gos so many to choose from ...'help me jebus help me' lol

SpikeSpiegel

Telephone woman: "Fine! I'll cut off your server!"
Homer: "Fine! I'll cut off your ponytail!"
Marge: "Homer!"
Homer: "Shhhh, it's called negotiating"

KharmaDog

Ralph: "I broke my wookie"

ladygrim

i choo choo choo choose you ... and it has a picture of a train .... lol (ralph)

BackFire

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's"

Other Children - "Ewwwwwwwwww"

Marge - "What the Dilio"

"Dental Plan.....Lisa needs braces.....Dental Plan.....Lisa needs braces....Dental Plan.....Lisa needs braces....."

Newscaster after taking a photo of homer falling out of the shower, pulling the shower curtain over himself - "Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tank, which he believes gives him sexual powers"

Homer - "Hey, that's the half truth!"

Neo_Version 7

(Homer about to get struck by rhino)

Homer: Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all.

===========

Principal Skinner: I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes... I believe I'll start, as you've so often suggested, by eating your shorts.

===========

Marge: You can't ask God to kill someone.
Homer: Yeah. Do your own dirty work.

ScottsLover

Homer saying "DOH!" is a laugh for me.

BlackC@t

BART: Mom! you gotta help me, I need something to take for show-and-tell!

MARGE: How about a potatoe? *holds up potatoe* it's pretty big.

BART: Mom your always trying to get me to bring a potatoe, what is it with you?

MARGE: I just think they're neat.

---------------------------------------------

PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Now I've learned that a student is using his imagination on this bus, and I've come to put a stop to it!

-----------------------------------------------

LISA: Mom, Dad! Mr Burns bit Bart and now Bart's a vampire!

HOMER: Oh Lisa! you and your lies, Bart is a vampire! beer kills brain cells! now lets all go home to that place.....were our beds and TV.....is......

yerssot

Smithers! there is a rocket in my pocket! -You don't have to tell me sir!

BingaBonga

Scenario: Homer is driving on a lawn....

Homer: DOH!
Lisa: A dear!
Marge: A female dear! laughing out loud

Cyclops

Lisa is in the music room:

L- Lisa
A- All the students
M- Milhouse
J- Janey
O- Ooter
T- Teacher

L- I was laughing at something outside
J- She was laughing at Nelson!
A- Lisa likes Nelson
M- She does not
A- Milhouse likes lisa
J- He does not!
A- Janey likes Milhouse
O- She does not
A- Ooter likes Milhouse
T- NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!!

Neo_Version 7

Scenerio: (Homer driving to Flintstones Theme)

Homer: Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in historeee.

From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut treee. AHHGGH!!!!!

(Hits Tree)

Rubyguy

wtf bump

SpaceMonkey

(Homer pulls a chip inplant from his brain)

Homer: "There! I did it, and without suffering any brain damage-amage-amage-amage-amage....."

SpaceMonkey

Mr. Burns: For centuries Man has yearned to blow-up the Sun.

Homer: The word "unblowupable" gets thrown around alot these days.

Homer(after watching someone get in a horrible accident on TV): Haha, it's funny 'cause I don't him.

Amazon

Homer: I like you more than other people.

Homer: Ohhhhh I don't want to live in a world without the income you produce.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Neo Darkhalen

Any Mr. burns, homer, Comic book guy or Disco Stu quote.

Amazon

Disco Stu: Disco stu wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.

Ralph: My cats breath smells like cat food.
Ralph: Fun toys are fun.

Victor Von Doom

Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

Moe: You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.

Moe: Yeah, so last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up.
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do, Moe?
Moe: Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation, but, I managed to shoot him in the spine.
Moe: Yeah. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!

Tramps Lady

Dr. Nick: The Coroner? I'm so sick of that guy

Dr. Nick: Just call 1800 Doctorb! The B is for bargain!

Dr. Nick: The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Dr. Nick: Why, if it isn't my old friend, Mr. McGreg. With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.

Dr. Nick: Ah...such a nice day...i think i'll go out the window

Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable?

-------------------------------

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Chief Wiggum:Well let me ask you this...Shut up

Chief Wiggum: We're underneath the earths sun.....now

Ralph: Daddy...mummy has bosums like that
Chief Wiggum: Yeah....i wish

-------------------------------

Homer: It's the first of the month! new bilboard day!

Homer: Ah! Cobras!

Homer: You don't snuggle with Max Power...You strap yourself in and feel the Gees

Homer: Linguo...Dead
Linguo: Linguo IS dead

Homer: I'm sorry, i thought he was a party robot

Homer: My balonga has a first name...its H-O-M-E-R My balogna has a second name its H-O-M-E-R

Homer: Marge! the dolls trying to kill me and the toasters been laughing at me!

Lisa: Dad, whats a muppet?
Homer: Well...its not quite a mop, its not quite a puppet but man so to answer your question i dont know.

-------------------------------

Apu: I can't believe you dont shut up

-------------------------------

Homeless dude: You really are duffman! then i must be jesus! up up and away!

Tramps Lady

ralph: Your all wrinkly...somebody should iron you smile

Black Rob

Gay Steel Mill Worker: (In gay accent) "Hot stuff coming through!"

Neo Darkhalen

Originally posted by Neo Darkhalen
Any Mr. burns, homer, Comic book guy or Disco Stu quote.

BackFire

Originally posted by Victor Von Doom
Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

Moe: You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.

Moe: Yeah, so last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up.
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do, Moe?
Moe: Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation, but, I managed to shoot him in the spine.
Moe: Yeah. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!

Moe is awesome, all ace quotes.

Neo Darkhalen

Got to hand it to Moe.

superr

bart is going on a trip to england so marge offers her advise

The pavement is called the road
The sidewalk is called the pavement
and botulism is called steak and kidney pie

K J H

There are loads of funny scenes but this one i always remember Mr Burns reaction at the end of this scene always makes me laugh

Mr smithers . err sir we found the problem some idiot threw this in the reactor core
Homer . Success
Mr Burns . You did this how could you be so irresponsible
Homer . Its my first day
Mr Burns . Since iv'e never seen you before maybe it is your first very well carry on
Mr smithers . err sir thats homer simpson he's been working here for over 10 years
Mr Burns . Ohh really why did you think you could lie to me
Homer . Its my first day
Mr Burns . well why didn't you say jwhoooo YOUR FIRED laughing

Peach

"It's only a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!"

"The goggles! They do nothing!"

"Go orange!" "Go grapefruit!" "Go banana!"

Dr Mystery

Hank Scorpio: I have to go, somebody ate part of my lunch.

Chief Wiggum, on returning home: Hi honey, Ralphie, it's me, Chief Wiggum.

Homer: Who the hell is that? Some kind of leader?

Fat Tony: What's a truck?

Troy McClure: And my recent trouble with the IRS sealed the deal.

Lionel Hutz: I watched Matlock in a bar last night, the sound was off but I think I got the gist of it.

Bart: What happened to you Lisa? You used to be cool.
Lisa: No I didn't.

Mr Burns: They're hunting us down like a couple of common Snow Leopards.

Apu: This is just between me and you, smashed hat.

I'm sure there are millions that I forgot.

Peach

...and someone I forgot the one I quote the most.

"Leader, Leader, Batman! I mean, Leader!"

MadMel

I have about a million favourites. erm

Here's just a few.
--
Bart: Look at my eyes! See the sincerity? See the conviction? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!
Homer: And if you don't, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.
--
Homer: BOY... MUST... DIE!
Bart: I love you, Dad!
Homer: D'oh! Dirty trick. Okay, I'm not going to kill you, but I'm going to tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
Bart: It is?!
--
Narrator: Quoth the raven-
Bart: Eat my shorts!
--
Mr. Burns: Ironic, isn't it Smithers. This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!
--
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way, because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: Second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?!
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me outta this. I'll make it worth your while.
Dr. Hibbert: Finally acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
--
Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: English, who needs that? I'm never going to England.
--
Bart: No way, she's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.
Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
Bart: Fine, then... Wait a minute... If Lisa goes to school, then I go to school, but then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
Marge: Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.
--
Homer's Brain: Don't you get it? You've got to use reverse psychology.
Homer: That sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: OK, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: All right, I will!