Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir,
little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said,
''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary,
''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again,
Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again,
Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted
----------------------------
A blonde girl got a new sports car for her birthday. And she took it out for a spin. She was crusing down the road when she accidentally cut off a truck driver.
He signalled to her to pull over so she did. They got out and met on the sidewalk.
The truck driver drew a circle on the sidewalk with some chalk and told her to stay inside and not to move.
So he got a knife and shalded her tyres... he turned around and she was grinning.
So he shlashed her leather chairs... he turned around and she was begining to laugh...
So he went and got a lead pipe from his truck and smashed all her windows and bent the bodywork...
He turned around she was nearly rolling on the floor with laughter...
"What's so funny, I just ruined your car?" he asked, puzzled...
"Everytime you turned around I stepped outside the circle..."

Little Johnny goes up to his mom and asks, "is God man or woman?" his mother,
after thinking says "God is both man AND woman." he asks, "Is God black or white?" his mom says,
"God is both black AND white." he asks," Is God gay or straight?" his mom says,
"hes both gay AND straight." coming to a realization, Johnny asks,
"Is God Micheal Jackson?"



a guy walks into a bar, he sees a sign:

cheese sandwich: $1.50
chicken sandwich: $2.50
hand job: $10.00

he checks his wallet for the appropiate amount of money, and then the guy walks up to the bar table,
where a couple of attractive young women are serving eager looking men. he turns to one women, and asks,
"are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
she replies, "yes!" he says, "great, then go wash your hands,
because i want a cheese sandwich!"

sandwiches drool

Storm's response was funnier than the jokes could ever be

LOL fatso

This one made me laugh!

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Only from yuo would i expect that baylin

Yep nice and clean...

One time this man had broke his stereo in his car and decide to get a new voice controlled stereo. If you said rock it switched to rock, if you said rap then it switched to rap, and the same for all other genres of music. So one day he picked up his 2 kids from their daycare and he had an extremely bad headache. So while he was driving on the way home with his new stereo on rock his kids were fighting and fussing and yelling. So he told them to please keep the noise down but they only got louder. Then he got so mad he yelled f*** yall kids and then his new stereo switched to micheal jackson.

how not funny...

In didnt think yall would think its funny. I thought it was funny.

I thought it was funny!

Thanks.

Ouch! It was funny in a perculiar way...

Three nuns had just passed away, So they are at the gates of heaven and God says" to get into heaven You must wash any part of your body that has touched a man, in the holy water". So the first nun goes up and washed Her arms because she hugged a man once. After a brief moment of silence the two other nuns start arguing, god asks 'what are you two fighting about" then one nun says "I'm not drinking water that her ass was in"!

Guy walks into a fabric store, and says " I came here to get felt"

How do you make a hormone??
dont give her any money

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

3 nuns go up to heaven and before they are let in, they have to answer a question about the bible.
The first nun is asked " what was the first mans name", and she answered "adam" and was let in.
The 2nd nun was asked "what was the first womans name", and she answered "eve" and was also let in.
The last nun was asked "what was the first thing eve said when she first met Adam". She thought about it for a while, and said "hmmm, that's a hard one"

A guy got really drunk one night and went looking for a prostitutes, but after stumbling around for a while, he staggered into a chiropadist's.
The woman was behing a curtain and the asssistant told him to just put it through the curtain. he thinks "okay, this is a bit wierd , but I'll give it a go". When the assistant walks away, he pulls his schlong out and sticks it through the curtain. The chiropadist on the other side of the curtain says " I think there's been some misunderstanding, you see, we only service feet".
The guy , shocked, replies "well, I wasn't aware that there was a size requirement".


lol

this is a real story-not a joke...

aparantly there was a woman in USA who's work place had a competition, where the winner would win a brand new toyota.

The woman won, and the was led to her prize, a brand new toy yoda.

(This is a true story)

Now that a real prize!

The 7 dwarfs went to the Vatican, and because they are
'THE DWARFS', they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack.

"Son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Dopey replies, "Excuse me, your Excellency, but are
there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks
for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing
them.

Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf
nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and
then answers,

"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with
an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are
there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere
in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and
laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their
cheeks as they begin chanting...

"Dopey f*cked a penguin!...Dopey f*cked a penguin!"