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Quoted from road trip........

Girl: You mean never? not even once.

Kyle: O yeah i have had sex before, just never with another person.

Please post the funniest quote from a film, it can be from good films (road trip, airheads) crap films (van helsing, american pie) or from non comedies (matrix, x-men).

You decide.......Please add a humping banana at the end of each reply like so.........

The Funny Mans joke from Boondock Saints. "I'll have a coke then."

Not really a joke but it made me hoot - "I think I just shot Marvin in the face" Vincent Vega - Pulp Fiction.

Thats a funny quote, but not a 'joke'.

In "Ransom", the kind-hearted kidnapper asks the kid "Why can't you starve in the desert? Because of all the sand-wiches!"

The victim at the beginning of "Jerry and Tom" tells a few groaners:

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Kevin?"

Also: a guy walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "Can I help you?" and the duck says "Yeah...can you get this guy off my ass?"

He started another joke which he didn't get to finish, but I suspect it was the one that ends "And at these prices, you won't get many more!"

Speaking of unfinished jokes, I've wondered for 20 years what the punchline could be to the one Judd Nelson was telling to himself while crawling through the rafters in "The Breakfast Club". I guess it'll have to be one of life's little mysteries.

That joke from "Boondock Saints" was also told by Harry Belafonte in Robert Altman's "Kansas City", but the punchline is "I'll have a martini."

Also, Myth, I'm surprised you didn't mention Mia Wallace's Fox Force Five joke from PF.

Thats because its not as funny. Sure I like that little tid-bit, but not as much. Also, the Desperado joke where the guy pisses all over.

the movie super troopers... enough said

I don't think that is enough said. What is the joke? This isn't funniest movie, its funniest 'joke.'

me tristan who are you guys

and gals

Funniest quote, joke, film if ya like. And it doesnt have to be from comedies it can be from cheesy films (mummy, van helsing).

Heres one for ya from the good old english classic 'lock stock and two smoking barrels'.

Ed):- We hit them as soon as they come back. We'll be prepared waiting.....and er.........they're armed.

Soap):- What was that? Armed? what do you mean armed? armed with what?

Ed):- Er Colourfull language, bad breath, feather duster, what do you think there gonna be armed with? guns you t*t!!!

Soap):- You never said anything about guns. A minute ago, this was the safest job in the world, now its turning into a bad day in bosnia.

Maybe the movie is the joke. Although I would never say that about any movie whatsoever abbreviated as S. Troopers.

Starship troopers although i absolutley love it to death is a joke.

in Sgt. Bilko

Soldier: Permission to speal freely sargent
Bilko: What are we in Russia? yeah go ahead

dumb and dumber


also the insults from Full Metal Jacket made me crack up

Also from Sgt. Bilko:

(During bogus room check)

Major (pulling out bra from closet): Is this yours?
Private: It is my understanding that you can no longer ask me these questions.

ALSO

Major: Who are these people?
Private: They're from my favorite television show, The African-American hour. It's funny, but it makes you think.


Funny scene, would have to have seen the movie to laugh.

I don't know why but every time I watch Office Space I always laugh out loud at this part:

"...turn off your answering machine, and you should be home free."
"That's a really good idea."
"F***in A, man." (said real nonchalantly, that's the best part of it)

Nick had Liberia's deficit in his skyrocket (pocket), part of that rhyming Cockney slang, remember?

The DVD features a glossary full of such terms, some of which weren't even used in the movie.

Jokes can even be from computer games like GTA3 from chatterbox.

Laslow: Well im not a mastercating cow so i really dont enjoy chewing damp hay, prancing around in leggings, shouting HAI YA.

Reed: Ok this is your final warning laslow dont make me go into my dragon stance.

Laslow: ok caller on line one your on the air.

Caller: .................But then i grew weak and started knocking things down with the broom, what do i do reed?

Reed: Don't worry my child we are all weak..

Laslow: you certainly are....

Reed: SHUT UP YOU CARNIVORE WHY DONT YOU GO AND KNAW ON A BONE LIKE A GORILLA LASLOW, I dont like chicken wings, people of old lived and consisted of a diet of nuts berrys and fruity vegetables.

Laslow: Yes and they started throwing stones at their shadow and died of old age and fear at 24.

spinal tap ..are stage got crushed bye feckin dwarf's

i just absolutely love that bar joke that quentin tarantino told in robert rodriequiez's desperado has anyone seen and heart that one yet?

that one joke in "Hollow Man" where Kevin Bacon says how Superman sees Wonderwoman sprawled out on a roof

Van Helsing,vamp jumps on anna anna sticks a stake tru her,next time you'r gunna kill someone,kill them.don't sit there talking about it!

from Dawn Of The Dead.............

Big Guy:- Yeh but he needs food coz if hes too weak to make it to the truck then we gonna have to leave him.

Truck Driver:- Leave him? We could use a guy like him.

Matt Hoffman Look-alike:- OK OK, we all draw straws and the loser runs through the zombies over to his shop with a ham sandwich.

(You'll have to watch dawn of the dead to understand this joke).

The Grand Theft Auto series has some truly awesome gags in it.

My favourite bit of any Grand Theft Auto game is when you first get the game, just park up somehwre and just listen to the fantastic soundtrack. Vice City had one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard in any game ever (licensed soundtracks that is).

Who remembers Ghostbusters, and its sequel?

Some cool quotes in those movies.

(GB2 Courtroom scene)

Louis (addressing the jury): "Your honour, ladies and gentlemen of the, the audience. So the blackout was bad for everybody, I was stuck in an elevator and had to make up the whole time, but I don't blame them (points to Ghostbusters), because one time I turned into a dog and they helped me, thankyou."

(GB1 Finale):

Venkman: "Mr. Stay Puft is cool he's a sailor hes from New York, if we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble"

"school of rock"

jack black (talking to the children's parents) : "I'd just liked to say, that over the last couple of days, your children have really touched me. And I'm pretty sure, that I've touched them too."

not really a joke...but from "The Godfather part one"

right after killing a man, this guy tells the other guy he's working with:

"Leave the gun, take the canolli" in the context of the movie, it's so hysterical to see that even though they just murdered someone they knew, they're only worried about their canollis.

GTA3 that guy on Double Cleff FM.

"Ahhhh, and now more music from the 60's, 1760's that is...harf harf harf harf harf."

or on chatterbox when hes talking to fernando.

"Exactly Laslow, i know what you are like, a wonderer, a dreamer, a man with needs. But An IDIOT! and i can save you, and i can save your marridge."

"But why is the rum gone???"
haha anyone here see that part? I luv johnny depp!!!!

oh man I know what ya mean, its hilarious how Major Thorn asks the guy and the guy turns to Bilko and Bilko looks away casually to let the guy take the blame lol

Yeh that bit rocks. I just love it when you see him on top of the sails on his ship at the start, looking all brilliant and stuff, then the camera zooms out and you see his ship just sinking, thats just hilarious.

I really really enjoyed Notting Hill, and the part where Hough Grant visits Robert's hotel was hella funny
Hough Grant's lines crack me up in general