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Nice storys

its one big story.....its not complete though, its a first draft. any ideas?

Break it into more defined paragraphs which are seperated by at least one empty line.

It makes it seem like there is less there and you'll get more people who are willing to read it.

i had it that way originally, but the transition was to much to handle.

SWEET! but I agree that you should have more definded paragraphs