Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come.
Can you be more descriptive. . .

I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.

Originally posted by Tallis
The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.


http://www.abcb.com/kenshin/ken_0000.jpg

i was going to write a manga too.
i had already drawn all the characters and everything, but then i just lost inspiration and stopped.

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.




http://www.abcb.com/kenshin/ken_0000.jpg That's the first thing I thought of when I read his ideas, too.

me too

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.



I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good?

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good? Because things get trite and stale after awhile if its a repetitive storyline. Not saying this is, just having a discussion about the ideas that you brought up.

Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow.

Originally posted by StyleTime
I'm not attempting to discourage you, but honestly it sounds like a very typical manga story. Nothing unique about it. Maybe that'll change when you give more details though.




http://www.abcb.com/kenshin/ken_0000.jpg

Originally posted by Darth Macabre
That's the first thing I thought of when I read his ideas, too.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
I disagree with that assesment, why must everything be unique to be enjoyable or just plane good?
You misunderstand me. While I do agree with what Darth Macabre said already, I didn't say it won't be interesting. A rehashed story can be good if it is actually executed like a good story. However, you can't deny that a cliche storlyine greatly discourages people from taking interest in your work. Without something unique to grab a potential reader's interest, your work will get looked over for something more original.

Honestly, if you saw the initial description while looking for a new manga, would you be interested in reading it?

As for the story, it's turning out just like I thought so far, but I can't really judge until I read a chapter. I don't know how Tallis will actually execute the story itself. It could be some beautiful, character driven drama for all I know.

I'm surprised Cassandra died that early. Post a chapter when you can. Until then, the only real criticism is the characters. 7 characters are very difficult to pull off when brought in all at the beginning. That's actually not really even a criticism, just a warning.

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow.

wow.
thats actually pretty good

while i was reading it, i was like "the girl should die"
and you did it
very nice

Originally posted by StyleTime
You misunderstand me. While I do agree with what Darth Macabre said already, I didn't say it won't be interesting. A rehashed story can be good if it is actually executed like a good story. However, you can't deny that a cliche storlyine greatly discourages people from taking interest in your work. Without something unique to grab a potential reader's interest, your work will get looked over for something more original.



That depends on the reader, I'll take a cliche story with good writing anyday over something unique, but is absolute trash. I think there is too much of an emphasis on originality then there is on good writing. Yeah, it's good to come up with original idea's, but let's not get it twisted originality is not he key to succeeding.


Originally posted by StyleTime

Honestly, if you saw the initial description while looking for a new manga, would you be interested in reading it?

Actually, most of the manga's I get into are after actually reading a few volumes.

Originally posted by StyleTime

As for the story, it's turning out just like I thought so far, but I can't really judge until I read a chapter. I don't know how Tallis will actually execute the story itself. It could be some beautiful, character driven drama for all I know.

Which is why I never really read descriptions for manga, I rather take a more hands on approach to be honest.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
That depends on the reader, I'll take a cliche story with good writing anyday over something unique, but is absolute trash. I think there is too much of an emphasis on originality then there is on good writing. Yeah, it's good to come up with original idea's, but let's not get it twisted originality is not he key to succeeding.
I guess I need to clarify more. I never said originality was the key. I actually noted that execution will determine if the story is good. However, assuming one doesn't know the quality of the writing itself, original works will get that initial look that cliches won't. It doesn't mean the cliche is any worse, but someone looking for new material is going to look for just that. New material.


Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Actually, most of the manga's I get into are after actually reading a few volumes.
Which makes sense. However, that wasn't my question. What is going to make you think to try a new manga? Some interesting concept that makes you curious? Or some some tired story that you just got done reading? Keep in mind, I am speaking of your initial perception before you actually delve into the book. Would an original story be more likely to make you give it a try? That's all I'm saying.


Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Which is why I never really read descriptions for manga, I rather take a more hands on approach to be honest.
I'll read the descriptions but I don't actually judge it until I've read some of it. Some great stories can be overlooked because of lackluster descriptions. I can agree with that.

Sorry I could'nt get around to posting more info. Will do ASAP.

Oh as a side note though. The actual starting point of the manga is'nt up their yet, this is really more background info than anything else

Originally posted by StyleTime
I guess I need to clarify more. I never said originality was the key. I actually noted that execution will determine if the story is good. However, assuming one doesn't know the quality of the writing itself, original works will get that initial look that cliches won't. It doesn't mean the cliche is any worse, but someone looking for new material is going to look for just that. New material. Fair enough


Originally posted by StyleTime

Which makes sense. However, that wasn't my question. What is going to make you think to try a new manga? Some interesting concept that makes you curious? Or some some tired story that you just got done reading? Keep in mind, I am speaking of your initial perception before you actually delve into the book. Would an original story be more likely to make you give it a try? That's all I'm saying.
Actually, most of the time I read a manga is because of a hot anime girl posted on the cover. But, what keeps me reading a manga is good writing.

Originally posted by Emperor Ashtar
Actually, most of the time I read a manga is because of a hot anime girl posted on the cover. But, what keeps me reading a manga is good writing.
Agreed on both counts. Hot anime chicks rock.
Originally posted by Tallis
Sorry I could'nt get around to posting more info. Will do ASAP.

Oh as a side note though. The actual starting point of the manga is'nt up their yet, this is really more background info than anything else
Cool. It's just that it's hard to give criticism until we actually have some of the writing itself.

Question. How long does it take for what you posted before to actually occur in the story? Is this like just a chapter, several chapters, or an intro? Haven't decided yet?

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok here's the FULL Bio on the Main character. This will reveal MANY plot points, but since much of this if not all of it is suseptable to change I decided that i might as well share it with you now.

Name: Dominic Dela Cruz

Back Ground: Pre-SIN
Dominics childhood was a hard one. He lived with his step-father and mother on the streets of New York, from Hell's Kitchen to East Harlem. for the first 3 years of his life. When he became 4 his parents managed to gain enough money to live in an apartment. It was then that Dominic met his childhood friend and first love Cassandra.

It was at the age of 6 that Dominic got his first glimpse at the sight of death. He had been coming home from school that day when it started to rain, he had walked Cassandra home first, and deciding it would be quicker to home if cut a few back alles he began to run home. Then only one block left to his house, he saw his step-father mugging a man. When his step-father turned to see him, the man pulled out a gun of his own and shit him. His step-father died in his arms.

Since that day death, starvation, and poverty, became a part of Domincs daily life, with Cassandra being his only window to sanity. But soon that would come to an end aswell. When Dominic became 11 he made 6 friends who seemed to relate to his darkened heart. Dorian, Gizelle, Renee, Alexis, David, and Lupe, where their names. The six along with Dominic and Cassandra had been victim to autrocities no child should bare witness to.

Then after a year of a loving relationship, Dominic and Cassandra were to meet the others at the hang out spot, along the way they were stopped by a group of thugs. They had beaten Dominic severly, his ribs were broken, his face was distorted from the lumps, bruises, and blood. It was after the had finished beating him that they began with Cassandra. They took turns beating her around, then she bit one of them on the hand, which pissed the thug off, and he stabbed her just below the ribs.

From anger alone Dominic got up and began to fight the thugs only to get beaten back down. They tied his hands together and proceded to fold his fingers back until they broke. They put him on his knees and forced him to watch as they slit Cassandra's throat. It was in this instant the the boy known as Dominic ceased to exist, and the Monster of a Thousand murders was born. His mind snapped and his lost all control, and in a bloody massacre began to kill the thugs by biting out their throats. However the murderer of his beloved had escaped, fleeing in terror.

Soon the other Six found out what had happenend and pledged to avenge Cassandra no matter the cost. And so the group that would later be known as the SIN, was born.

***********************************************

Still MUCH MORE to add. I just got tired its late were I live so more will be up by tomorrow.


That sounds like a good manga, but how do the characters get their power. The setting sound's more like a comic than a manga, but that could make it unique.

Continued...

They went to a weapons shop and armed themselves with weapons. Dominic using a katana, Dorain a broadsword, Gizelle an assortment of daggers, Renee to an arsenal of weapons, Alexis took 2 9mm, David 2 brass knuckles, and Lupe armed himself with and assortment of explosives.

However what Dominic and the others did'nt know was that Cassandra's killer, was the son of the local Mafia Crime Lord, King Benny. This began a series of savage battles between, the mafia and and Dominics group that swept the streets of New York. This gained Dominics group fame throughout the underground, for being young and skilled merciless killers, and openly slaughtering King Benny's men.

It wasn't long however until the Police and bountyhunters came looking for the seven only to get a horrible death. One of the victims to Dominics blade dying words was "Why?" to which he responded. "The tears on my eyes have not stopped falling since Cassandra died, and still at this moment they fall. I shall make the world cry ,an everlasting cry. I shall make the world bleed eternally, as my heart has bled, since the moment they took her from me."

The sevens murderous deeds in the name of vengeance, was heard by super natural forces as well. Lady Abyss, hells very own conciousness, the first original evil predating the Gods, summoned the seven down to hell and offered them power enough to become the strongest beings in the world, in exchange for leading hells armies when, the time to strike at heaven came. They accepted. And so they claimed the Seven Masks of SIN.

SIN:

Armed with the mask of Pride Dominic became unbelievably powerful. As an added boost to his already powerful demonic abilities, he had some how gained one of the Legendary Spectrum Eyes. The three pairs of Spectrum Eyes were said to had once belonged to Lucifer, and were the only force in existance that could threaten the power of the Gods. However once Lucifer was defeated by Michael, God sealed away most of their power leaving only 1/8 of its original power.

With both the Spectrum Eyes, and the Mask of Pride, Dominic was easily the Strongest member of SIN. Some of his most infamous deeds while using his power was single handedly defeating a force of 500 men consisting of SWAT, Mafia, and Mercenaries that had formed a co-allition to defeat him. Another was taking down a passanger airplane down by slicing off the right wing, and making is crash in a city block, killing hundreds.

It was at around this time, that after finishing a kill he had bein walking through Rucker Park, that he saw a girl. Jazmin Haughton. She seemed remarkably familiar, but couldn't quite place were he had met her. She was beautiful in every sence of the word, inside and out she was for lack of a better word, in his eyes Divine.

Confused with these sudden emotions, Dominic felt like he had betrayed the memory of his beloved Cassandra. He pleged to never see the girl again, but as days went by he couldn't help but to follow her in the shadows, he was captivated in his lust for her. No not lust it was love. But why? He had never met the girl before in his life.

Then one day while he was following her she stopped at a pizzeria suddenly and she noticed him. As soon as she saw him almost the exact same feelings he had been feeling for her, she felt for him. A familiar attraction, a trusting bond. She felt almost ablidged to ask him to sit with her. And thus they shared their first real moment together.

**************************************************
*

More about their mysterious love will be revealed later. And the deeds Dominic commited will come back to surface in the places he least expects.

Continued

As they talked, Dominic learned that she had been in town for two weeks, staying with her grandmother who was in the hospital, and was dying. Jazmin actually lived in Florida, with her brother, Eric. Who had stood home to work. Since Jazmin's parents had died when she was relatively young.

She was planning to leave back to Florida in four days, and asked Dominic if he needed a place to stay, since she lived in a rather large mansion. So Dominic had to make a choice and fast, stay and continue his dark killings, or dissappear and go with this girl, who seemed all too familiar. In his heart of hearts he already knew what he had decided. And so with that he pledged never to use his powers again.

Heart Reborn:

After faking his own death, he casted his demonic powers aside, and left with Jazmin.

However some complications arised. She had lost her plane ticket, and luggage. And deciding the a days travel on road would be all right, Dominic and Jazmin made their wa to Florida. However more complications occured that delayed their journey homw, but nevertheless brung their hearts closer together.

Once they reached Florida, Dominic met Jazmin's older, very compassionate brother, Eric. Eric seemed to nearly idolize Dominic in a very strange fashion, and insisted in him living with them before, Jazmin could even proposition him.

And so after the summer Dominic began to go to Jazmin's High School, where he met a new rival, Donell Crooks.

Unbeknownst to either of them, their lives are more intracatly connected than anyone elses.

More Please

Continued...

Donell Crooks, is the best fighter at East Side High School. His physical strengh and speed, as well as acrobatic ability was beyond anyone elses, and he was pretty good looking too. This was enough to have made him Jazmin's ex-boyfriend. So naturally when he saw Dominic their was immediate tension.

Everyone immediatly began to like Dominic, and he soon became one of the more popular people in the school. This pissed Donell off, so the unavoidable conflict, happened. They were to meet at the Park, were unbeknownst to Dominic, was the territoty of one of the local street gangs, the Crips, would hang out. Donell planned on allowing the Crips beat down Dominic, since he knew they could'nt possibly harm him.

So Dominic went, much to both Erics, and Jazmin's dismay. When he arrived Donell was waiting. Wondering where the hell the crips were Donell tried to stall the fight by monologing. Then as he began to talk, both he and Dominic, began to hear a powerful grumbling sound. Soon they could see where it was coming from. The reason the crips hadn't been their was because they were preparing for a gang fight that was about to happen right their.

Soon Donell, and Dominic, could see three masive waves of color, Red, Blue, and Yellow, headed their way. The three groups stopped once they were near the duo. Asking where their alligiances lied. The two simply starred at each other and seemed to understand what each was thinking.

And so Dominic and Donell, began to fight everyone that was their. The fight cold only be described as moving poetry, the way that they seemed to block and attack for each other. The fight almost seemed choreographed, by how magnificently they defeated the armies of thugs.

Donell and Dominic had defeat them all. And in doing so shared a trust amongst warriors. However their true purpose would not be so easily avoided. The two began their own fight, and their fists spoke volumes. As they fought however, Dominic could sense, some type of energy resonating from Donell. He didn't know what it was but it became apparant that, Donell was more than what he let on.

The fight ended in a draw, as they both fell from exhaustion. Finally the two vowed to be friends for the time being until the time that they both felt sufficiently stronger, and the two could have a rematch to decide the true winner.

From here on out is the actual starting point of the manga

Two years went by and Dominic, Donell, and Jazmin became 18, and were seniors. During this time Dominic and Donell, had both been teaching Jazmin and Eric how to fight as well. The three, were the most popular kids in the school.

Dominic had taken up a job by the pizzeria near Jazmins house, and this eventually became the after school hang out spot, as Eric would often come around to hang out with them aswell. All seemed peaceful, and for the first time in his life Dominic could truely say that he was happy, but this would not last. As faces from the past made their ineviatable return.

*************************************************

MUCH MORE still to come.

What no more critisizm? Please your opinions are needed.

Continued...

It started of like any other day. Dominic was in class trying to catch up on his studies, when all of a sudden, he got a premonition of people being killed. He didn't understand it and dicided to keep quiet about it till later. He met up with Donell and Jazmin after school, and left them to go to work.

Along the way however, his demon energy started to spike. Not understanding why or how, nor having time to react, his body goes into a frantic chaos full of pain. He begins to bleed from his mouth, ould scars open up and begin to start bleeding, a burning pain is overwhelming his insides, he begins to lose conciousness but stay awake enough to notice, a boy carrying a tremendous sword on his back. And the glowing emblem of the Five Point star on his bare chest.

Dominic awakes to find himself at Jazmins house, with Eric and Donell their as well. They seem worried but dont bother to ask him any questions, hoping he'll provide the answers when neccesary. He had lost consiousness for nearly three days, but still the site of that boy was all he could think about.

Opting to forget about the event. He goes on with life normally, only to be confronted by the boy. As soon as he makes his appearance, the pain returns, thus linking the pain to the boy, he asks what is happening to him. The boy answers "Demon energy is a living thing, when a person with demon energy is near another person with demon energy, the two seperate energies urge to be together. However you have kept your demon energy locked up for so long is become to powerful to be kept dormant once its near another. The pain your feeling right now is a result, your demon energy wants to escape and be of use, you can either let it out, or let it slowly overwhelm you and destroy you from the inside out." Dominic realizes the truth in these words but asks another question. "What do you want?"

To which the boy replies. "You have the mask of Pride. I'm here to take it from you."

Finding he has no other choice, Dominic releases his demon energy, and prepares to confront his mysterious opponent.

Originally posted by Tallis
What no more critisizm? Please your opinions are needed.

To be honest, and this is in no way denying or belittling your writing prowess, but I was kind of bored reading it.

I've noticed that, most people over look or get bored with original ideas quickly. That is to say if it isn't actually a thing of substance like Bleach or Naruto, that it makes it very difficult to pay attention. This includes me.

Hopefully I'll scan some actual art soon and that might intise your interest once more

Originally posted by Tallis
Ok. I have this great idea for a mange that I want to draw, and write. Heres pretty much the overview of the story.

The main character has a VERY dark past which he leaves behind, and begins to live life like normal person along with his girlfriend, her brother, and his Rival.

Eventually however his pas catches up with him, and the four end up fighting against Superpowered beings in which they have little hope of defeating. They gain the help of an old man calling himself only "The Voice" and a young man who was an enemy at first. Eventually they grow strong enough to defeat their foes, only to learn that the whole thing was only a test, made by the True Mastermind. Later they uncover the truths about themselves, their hidden ties to one another, and their journey to stop the Apocalypse and protect the fate of all the worlds.

This is it for now. But I promise MUCH more detail is soon to come. it would be better if you printed it off and burned it muhaahahahahahaha, actually i barely read it