Episode I Screenplay Rewrite.

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theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

theredbaron

Darth Subjekt
eh...not bad...i didnt read the whole thing, but the parts i did read are OK. Although, Jedi arent given lightsabers, they have to build their own to show a level of skill. And i feel you have nodded too much towards the OT (mainly with the remote sequence.) But, ya know...its all good.

theredbaron
If you take the OT at face value on its own, it is a legitimate practice to give a lightsaber to a new student. Obi-wan gave Luke a lightsaber before he learned anything. But don't worry, Anakin will build his own later on.

Darth Subjekt
But what youre not uderstanding is, Luke wasnt trained as a jedi from birth or even a young age. He was an adult. Younglings even build their own lightsabers...Luke wasnt your typical Jedi. If you can, find me something where it states that its common practice to "give" a lightsaber to a padawan WITHOUT them making it.

theredbaron
And nor is Anakin in this story. Throw out everything you know about the prequels if you want to appreciate this. This is a rewrite, and it is aimed mainly at the people who hated the PT. You don't sound like someone who hates the PT. In fact, you sound like someone who regards the PT as gospel - padawans, Yoda training younglings, Qui-gon being Obi-wan's master, all of that crap.

Anakin is found as a teenager in this story, around the same age as Luke when Obi-wan got him to go to Alderaan. There are no 'padawans' in this. All Jedi are found in this manner according to my version of the prequels.

Otherwise you get what you get in the original Episode I: we've found a 10-year-old boy, what do we do now? I dunno, just do a whole bunch of irrelevant stuff to fill in the time...

overlord
If you are going to write movie scripts, don't forget to include a highly notable climax! smile

roughrider
Here's a new concept - Women.
Also known as Girlfriends.
Try one. They're OK! wink

Darth Subjekt
LOL!!! true.....and no, i prefer th OT to the PT anyday of the week. I find the PT lacks alot of what i like and expect from a SW movie, but theyre not the worst movies in the world. And they spoke of Padawans in the OT anyway..."who was a pupil of mine..." whats a padawan? A PUPIL!!!!!

palpy_666
Why would Yoda tell Obi-Wan to find an apprentice that isn't even a Jedi? And why would Obi-Wan even consider beginning to train an 18 year old?

theredbaron
*cough* Luke *cough* *cough*.

I took a girl out to the movies on Saturday night. Doesn't that count for something?! I didn't write all this in one night, you know!

overlord
Originally posted by roughrider
Here's a new concept - Women.
Also known as Girlfriends.
Try one. They're OK! wink

OMG!!! The anonymous E-P.I.M.P.!!! He's back!! eek!

theredbaron
Can we please get back on topic? I probably should have posted this in the OT section, as I'd imagine most of you are happy with the prequels as they are. Please feel free to critique my story or dialogue, but do not criticise the endeavour itself. I'm not interested in hearing people tell me that I'm wasting my time, as I am closer to finishing it as I am having started it.

Avenger2.0
here's a rewrite for ya...

DiamondBullets
No Qui-Gon?, No Midi-Chlorians?, No Naboo?, No Podrace?

The only thing you took from TPM was the Jedi Council and the Senate. You don't even have a climactic duel at the end--a Star Wars movie trademark.

overlord
Originally posted by Avenger2.0
here's a rewrite for ya...
You just figured out how internet works, didn't you? Posting bullshit everywere.

theredbaron
Originally posted by DiamondBullets
No Qui-Gon?, No Midi-Chlorians?, No Naboo?, No Podrace?

The only thing you took from TPM was the Jedi Council and the Senate. You don't even have a climactic duel at the end--a Star Wars movie trademark.

So basically you're saying that I took everything that was crap out of the movie? What purpose did Qui-Gon serve in the original TPM plot? All he did was find Anakin (which Obi-wan could and should have done) and get killed by Maul, who also served no purpose other than to kill Qui-Gon. Later he's used to explain how Jedi can become apparations in the Force, but did you notice that in every Star Wars movie prior to Qui-Gon's death DISAPPEARED when they died? If Qui-Gon had of disappeared when he died (as well as the other Jedi in the PT), this would not have had to be explained at all. Sure, Liam Neeson did a good job acting out this character, but at the end of the day, his character is extraneous. What purpose did the Midichlorians serve other than to ruin the mystery of the Force? What purpose did the Podrace serve? Nothing, what a waste of time.

I see where you're coming from on the lightsaber duel front, but I honestly can't think of how to set this up without ruining some plot twists I have in store for Episode II. I want the Sith to stay in the shadows, as the 'Phantom Menace'. If you're trying to say that this movie doesn't have action, you need to read it again.

There's Anakin's test-flight over Tatooine, Anakin's training, Grievous' coup, Queen Amidala's rescue, the Second Mandalorian War, and then the blowing up of the Cloning Facility. I think that's enough to keep the interest up.

Darth Subjekt
Its not that we're judging YOU or your efforts, you're free to do as you wish, its just that we, well at least I think, that you're judging what GL did but asking us not to the same ( as far as "wasting time"wink The one thing i WILL agree with you on, is that dumb ass Midichlorian crap. I HATE that shit! All it is, is GL trying to scientifically explain something thats beyond science. For me it killed, like you said, the mystery of the force. Its just that you're taking things that wouldn't happen in a SW film, and adding them in. Like specifically going to find an older padawan...excuse me...apprentice. I don't know...i admire your dedication and enthusiasm, and as disappointed as i was with Ep1 and a little bit of 2, i just like the PT as its been laid before me. Sure it coulda been better, but thats the way Lucas wanted it.

Will-one Kenobi
I enjoyed it but I thought Mace Windu saying 'go out there and train that boy' was kind of stupid... Planning on posting ep2 anytime soon?

jollyjim311
It seemed like you really took a lot from the OT, it was almost a replica at some points. I would like to see Anakin a few years younger and having a disasterous portion during his training because he wants to show off, like when he lifted the book, he should have tried to lift the shelf and had it fall over or something. Also, in the beginning, it seemed like Obi Wan just stole Anakin away from his home.

I think it was creative, though, and really interesting, your efforts are applauded.

Obi Wan stealing Anakin from home.

starwarsrules14
I enjoyed reading it. Could never have thought of something like that myself so I applaude you on it. Like stated earlier, it did have a lot of the OT in it, how old were the characters?

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