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Hi. I'm starting my own version of the seventh Harry Potter book. The title is majorly misleading (like Half-Blood Prince). I'll post an extract of Chapter 1:

The streets were dark, cold and murky. The sky seemed as though it wanted to rain but couldn't be bothered. A man, wrapped in robes and his face hidden by a hood, glided gracefully down the street. He got to a dead end and looked around. He spotted an old rusty bicycle bumper lying against the fence. "Accio" the man spontaneously said as the bumper flew towards him. The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something.
"Severus" a voice bellowed out of no where. Snape pulled down his hood and walked into the direction of the voice.
"Is the deed done" the man hissed. His voice a few octaves lower than a normal person's.
"Yes, my Lord Voldemort" Snape Replied "The entire world is silnced now."
"The ignorant Dumbledore and Potter and vanquished?" Voldemort asked as his began to rise. His voice growing higher with excitement.
"P-P-Potter??" "You wanted Potter destroyed?" Snape asked. Voldemort growled.
"You ignorant old man Severus. I had my hopes up for you. Still you proved to be a let down. Get out of my sight" Voldemort said as he turned away. Snape couldn't believe his luck. had voldemort gotten soft of was he afraid...no the dark lord was never afraid. Snape walked to the end of the room and was almost back at the port key when a voice echoed down the other side of the room.
"AVADA KEDAVERA!!"

droolio

it's pretty good!

Yes! Another Harry Potter fan fic worth reading!

It was really good. The only thing that confused me was this paragraph, "The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something. "

I got kind of lost there, but great start. Continue!

Sorry. I meant that he used a port key and he landed in voldemorts chamber. there was a massive temperature drop from the outside to the chamber and he could tell by the condensation on the windows.

I'll post more after i come back from school. Thanks alot for support. Glad you like it

COOOL KEEP KEEP IT UP

Heres part 2 of Chapter 1

Harry awoke suddenly. He looked to his clock. 4 PM He thought to him self. He flopped back down to his bed and tried to remember his nightmare. It all seemed to be a blur. All he could remember was Voldemort, Snape and a bright green light. He thought harder:

Is the deed done
Yes, my Lord Voldemort
Dumbledore and Potter are vanquished?
You wanted Potter destroyed???
AVADA KEDAVERA!!

A large banging noise. Broke Harry's Concentration. He darted up and looked around. At the window he saw a white, fluffy object. "Hedwig". Harry whispered as he opened his windows and let the bird in. The bird was carrying 3 brown envelopes. He opened the first one

Dear Harry,

Mum says you can stay over for the rest of the summer. We will pick you up tomorrow at 6 PM

From Ron.

He opened the second letter:

Hi Harry

Great News. Hogwarts is reopening to pay homage to Dumbledore. Incase you havnt read it yet, Miss Weasly said you can stay here. Cant wait till you get here tomorrow.

Hermione

And the last one

They know where you are, They can get at you. Trust no one, even your friends. You Know Who has control over anyone and anything. Dont worry. I will pick you up tomorrow and i can explain everything.

Sirius

droolio

This part is rushed so its not as good. Heres part 1 of Chapter 2:

Harry couldnt believe what he read. Sirius was dead. Harry, as much as he wanted Sirius back, was skeptical and took his/her's advice to 'trust no-one'. Harry jumped out of his bed, bumping into his drawer while doing it, lifted up his matress and took out a fresh, unopened bottle of ink, a feather and 1 piece of parchment. On it he wrote:


Dear Ron and Hermione

I would love to come and stay with you. I got a letter from Sirius, well, someone who claims to be Sirius. He said he was going to pick me up around the same time as you. I need advice to know whether or not this guy is for real. Thank you

Harry

He took out a brown envelope from his draw and on it wrote Ron and Hermione. He gave it to hedwig and she flew into the nights sky.

Originally posted by The Ones
This part is rushed so its not as good. Heres part 1 of Chapter 2:

Harry couldnt believe what he read. Sirius was dead. Harry, as much as he wanted Sirius back, was skeptical and took his/her's advice to 'trust no-one'. Harry jumped out of his bed, bumping into his drawer while doing it, lifted up his matress and took out a fresh, unopened bottle of ink, a feather and 1 piece of parchment. On it he wrote:


Dear Ron and Hermione

I would love to come and stay with you. I got a letter from Sirius, well, someone who claims to be Sirius. He said he was going to pick me up around the same time as you. I need advice to know whether or not this guy is for real. Thank you

Harry

He took out a brown envelope from his draw and on it wrote Ron and Hermione. He gave it to hedwig and she flew into the nights sky.
*Golf Clap* Siruis?

what?

Originally posted by Barker
*Golf Clap* Siruis?
Translation: Applause, And I Was Wondering Out Loud, "Sirius Is Back?"

You will have to wait till The last 2 parts of Chapter 2 (coming tomorrow) to find it out more on this matter

I love this

wow! ive never wrote a story that so many people have liked before. since so many people are reading this i might as well post another part.

Harry thought about the nightmare. Was snape really dead? He thought back to 3 years ago, When he saw inside The Dark Lords house. then a year after that when he saw that Arthur Weasly was in trouble. Could this be a premonition rather than a dream? Another banging noise broke his concentration again. Immediatly Harry looked at the window but nothing was there. More bangs bursted into Harrys ear followed by,"POTTER!! GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE BREAKFAST!!!! WERE STARVING!" Venon bellowed. He looked at the clock. 10PM time just flew by. Something time doesnt do at the Dursleys very often.
As harry walked down the stairs he felt cold. He walked into the kitchen and put the frying pan on. the fire blew out almost immediatly. then the windows started to condensate too fast. then the glass objects froze. and then finaly all the water. Harry started to feel miserable. He ran outside to see if it could be what he thought it was. "Dementors!!" Harry yelled as he attempted to run inside. he tripped on the door step with all his hurry. he looked up. the dementors drew closer to him. He was about to have it when:
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

There's a bit more mistakes than before. I think it's because you're rushing.

Take your time, read over your work, and then post. It's worth it.

Anyway, I like where you're going with this. The last post seemed more rushed than the others, like you wanted to get to the action the Dementor's would produce badly. Take your time is the best advice I can give you now.

It's great, though. Keep it up!

Story Is Great, But Didn't Really Get That Last Part....

?

Ok i guess i need to explain some stuff:

Was Snape Really Dead?: thats what harry was thinking.

It was actualy 10AM

I think thats it. if anyone wants me to rewrite it tell me. if not i'll post the next part tomorrow.

also can anyone tell me how many horcruxes are left and what they are?

nice story so far. keep it up

Chapter 2. Part 2:

White light blinded Harry from seeing who casted the patronus. The dementors flew away in a hurry. The light subsided and Harry saw a friendly face. "Hermione?" Harry asked. Ron, Fred, George and the rest of the weasleys came into view. "We got your letter" Hermione said. "Sirius is dead," Hermione said. Harrys face began to show a bit of sadness. "and nothing can reawake the dead. This person is obviously trying to harm you by gaining your trust. That's why we came earlier". Harry nodded. "So". Harry said. "How are we going to get to your place?" He asked. "Port Key" Ron said with not a bit of enthusiasim. Arther took out a small disc. Almost like a frisbie. "Take hold of it" he commanded. Harry and the others did as they were told. "Portaya Transfera" Arther said. within seconds Harry was lifted of his feet and was spun around so fast he could see what was around him. He was then thrown down outside the burrow. "I think im going to crash. Didnt have much sleep today" Harry said as he went inside and ran upstairs

Number 4 privet drive came into view. Infront of the houses door was a man with bushy hair, the door opened and standing there was a fat ugly man who Harry knew as Uncle Vernon. "Is Harry here?" The man asked. "No he is not" Vernon Replied. "Took off with his w....wizar... friends ages ago." The man with bushy hair took out his wand and pointed it at Vernon. "Your no use to me then." The man hissed.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

Chapter 2 Part 3:

Harry woke up, breathing heavily. Sweat was dripping off him so much that he could literaly swim in it. That was the second dream of its type. No doubt the man with bushy hair was sirius. why would he murder the dursleys Harry thought to him self. Surely they would have to be false dreams as sirius was not a murderer as he prooved 4 years ago. Harry looked to the Clock. "10 AM?!?" Harry thought to himself. He had slept for 24 Hours. and his hunger was there to show for it. He darted out of the bed and changed into his clothes and ran down stairs. Everyone was leaning on the table looking at something. "What's going on?" Harry asked. "Its brilliant Harry!" Ron said. Hermionie looked up, obviously shocked at what Ron had said, "How can you say that, its terrible!" Hermionie said in a low voice. "What is?" Harry asked. Hermione handed him the Daily Prophet. On it, it had:


3 Muggles Found Dead!
3 Muggles have been discovered dead at Privit Drive. The muggles have been identified as: Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley and Dudley Dursley. All 3 have been suspectedly murdered by the Killing Curse. The identity of the murderer is still being determined

Harry was in shock. Sirius had killed the Dursleys. But why. Just because Harry wasnt there? Hermione was right. This must be an Intruder. "I saw this" Harry whispered. "What?" Hermionie asked. "I saw this in a dream. Sirius Killed them. I mean, Someone that looked like him"

(sorry to end abruptly but thats all i have now since im tired)

ok i might stop this since people are loosing interest. either that or change the story. what do you think?

keep going

Ok,

Harrys scar started hurting, like a hammer smashing against his skull. All vision faded away in a blur. All he could see was a room. the same one where snape had visited Voldemort. 20 people, all dressed in black hobes and there faces hidden by skull like masks. 1 man stood in the centre. His face so white that he was almost inhuman. 2 slits for a nose and red eyes. This was no doubt Voldemort. "Biuol" Voldemort hissed at one of the people. Voldemort took a cup, decorated with nicly polished rubys and gave it to the man. He drank out of it. His skin seemed to melt, change and disfigure. He was now sirius "You know what to do" Voldemort growled. Voldmort then took a green neaklace of his neak and gave it to the man.

Number 4 privet drive came into view. Infront of the houses door was a man with bushy hair, the door opened and standing there was a fat ugly man who Harry knew as Uncle Vernon. "Is Harry here?" The man asked. "No he is not" Vernon Replied. "Took off with his w....wizar... friends ages ago." The man with bushy hair took out his wand and pointed it at Vernon. "Your no use to me then." The man hissed.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

The green light then changed into a snake. "Shiiiaaahassshhhhisen, Siiyyyyahanssssienn" The snake hissed.Harry understood the wierd language as, "Blood of the Enemy, Blood of the Dark Lord". And with that the snake jumped at harry causing him to get thrown back into the real world. "WOW!" harry said.

Interesting storyline so far. It still seems a bit rushed though.

I noticed that you need to start a new paragraph every time somebody new speaks.

Good stuff, though. Don't worry too much about the mistakes, as I'm assuming this is your rough draft. I'm just pointing them out so you know.

and its not my rough draft i just write it here and i dont go back for mistakes. if your confused about anything in the story so far, it will all be explained as i continue

Should i continue, Or just quit now?

keep going

Originally posted by The Ones
and its not my rough draft i just write it here and i dont go back for mistakes. if your confused about anything in the story so far, it will all be explained as i continue
Type The Story Up In Word First, Helps To Catch The Mistakes Better. Story Is A Bit Rushed, But I Like It None-The-Less. Keep Going, Finish What You Start.

thanks. i am writing the next part and am taking more time over it to get this story back on track

Hermione and Harry, eh?

Good stuff, just remember to start a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.

Bit rushed, but I really like this.

Thanks. Theres alot of stuff to fit in the next part so im going to take atleast 2 days over it to spread it out and make it readable and make the appropiate cuts

Take your time The_Ones. No need to hurry, though I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us with this story!

cheers. if i do it right, you wont be disappointed. Ive got lots of twists lined up that only me and barker know about

Don't get me two excited. I dunno about anyone else, but I doubt I will ever be disappointed by your writing.

Originally posted by The Ones
cheers. if i do it right, you wont be disappointed. Ive got lots of twists lined up that only me and barker know about
*Nods* Yes, They Are Grand.

post more. the story interesting

Originally posted by deathgod
post more. the story interesting

i agree, it's very interesting

your a good auther

Thanks, the next part will be up in about 2 hours.

Originally posted by The Ones
Thanks, the next part will be up in about 2 hours.

Sorry for the long wait. ive almost finished the next bit. it should be up soon.

Oh and ive put in some hints of what will happen later. but there very discreetly put in.

post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post post

Good. Just remember to begin a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.

thanks. glad you like it

plssss continue plssss continue plssss continue plssss continue

almost finished the next part. i will post within the next 100 hours or so

Originally posted by The Ones
almost finished the next part. i will post within the next 100 hours or so

please continue, its really good

pooooooooooooooooooost............lol

im making modifications to the next part. im trying my hardest to lengthen the story and not make it go down hill

I'll be waiting when it comes.

me too, keep it it its really good stuff

but harry can fight off da impirios cures

but its still verry good

post more plz

i will when ive got the next part the way i want it

Originally posted by The Ones
i will when ive got the next part the way i want it

*gets down on knees* do we have to beg you! this stuff is gold!!

post post post more plz

good storyline

but there are some parts i dun get it....

first it was telling us that harry juz apparated, the next thing, he was on...where?? wad made his hands bleed? and how come the death eaters could see him in his invisibility cloak?? did dat death eater have a magical eye?? then why would there be another triwizard tonourment so quickly???

sorry but i really must say dat you're writing to quickly w/o giving enuf details or fillers.

all will be revealed later. It will explain why there is another tournamount, How that death eater saw harry.

The one i cant answer is what made his hands bleed in a realistic way.

and i will give a back story on where harry went later on.

Does the bleeding hand have significance? Is it some sort of... clue?

damn. got it in one. work it out now

yay you posted..lol

Nice post; you're certainly improving.

A few things: When you write numbers such as "two" or "forty", always use the word form. Never use "2" or "40".

You need more detail. It seems to me that at the start of the post, you're ready to describe everything, and by the end of the post, there is hardly an detail at all.

For example, don't say: "Draco fell onto a table breaking it." Say something like, "Draco's broom wobbled uncertainly in the air. He made a grab to steady it, but instead, the broom flipped over, dumping him into the air. He fell and landed onto a long wooden table, which broke with a snap."

It'll make your writing easier to understand, and also make it a better story altogether. Nobody wants to read something boring and undescriptive.

But like I said, I can still see improvements in your posts. Keep it up, and use more details.

writing the next part now. thanks for your comments sauce. been a great help.

Originally posted by The Ones
im trying my hardest to lengthen the story and not make it go down hill
Don't Fret. Your story is top Notch.

Hey! Please don't stop like this.I can't digest this much suspence.

Ive already told you. re-read it and spot the clues. i'll post the next part tomorrow

oh man dun tell me its harry again

lol. its not. he's with the death eaters

it's ron isn't i know it is wait.....i don't know.....oh poo i hate clifhangers.....lol

Good job.

thanks

Is it Draco Malfoy? By the way I didn't understand one thing. How has Draco joined the school again?I mean he had killed Dumbledore.Still instead of arresting him, he has been allowed to continue the school?

i wont say anything except for this.
things arent always what they seem

Originally posted by paliwal_ruppal
Is it Draco Malfoy? By the way I didn't understand one thing. How has Draco joined the school again?I mean he had killed Dumbledore.Still instead of arresting him, he has been allowed to continue the school?

Oh, yeah... I didn't even think of that...

Hmm... and Ron and Hermione didn't even question it?

Hmm...

i am aware of that. there are loose ends dotted everywhere but they all link up at the end

please post ur story is amazing

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ST

SOZ BOUT DAT i got carried away

shouldnt be too long now for the next part

when? post soon plzzzzzzzzz.
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Just completed the next 2 parts. But i like to toy with people so i will post them sometime tomorrow

noooooooooooooo post soon

post more now plz

When are u going to post

ha i knew it was ron

i think someone took a polyjuice potion to look like Draco... It might be an Order member... hmmm...

Next part coming soon

Hi people,

The Ones computer is currently broken down so he'll be back in a day or two after it has been fixed

Originally posted by WldGrnAgel
i think someone took a polyjuice potion to look like Draco... It might be an Order member... hmmm...

And you think that none of the students would have questioned this? If parents knew students would be out of school straight away. Already with Dumbledore dead parents are scared of letting their kids into school. Imagine having someone who was a Death Eater.

Hi, im back. All the answers are coming soon. Im writing the next part now so it should be on here by Saturday

Originally posted by The Ones
Hi, im back. All the answers are coming soon. Im writing the next part now so it should be on here by Saturday

Well its sunday now *looks at watch* do you like to keep us waiting?

Sorry but my account was hacked. Im going to have to use TheOnes2 till i get it back. Yes i do like to keep you waiting.

Originally posted by TheOnes2
Yes i do like to keep you waiting.


Awesome

Thanks.

The seeds are now planted, the story will now unfold in dramatic ways.

Next part coming soon

Good stuff, Ones the Second.

just one question how come if this is supposed to be the 7th book harry kissed ginny in the 7th book and then suddenly now hes kissing hermione ity doesnt make since

I'm sorry but this is crazy the Triwizard tourneyment happens every 5 years or is 500 yrs i cant remeber and thats just a one time thing and you cant just skip a whole part of a story it doesnt make sense at all im sry but i dont like it as much as i thought i would

As i said. All the answers will be revealed. I will explain why the Triwizard is happening so soon along with alot of other "unanswered" questions.

Originally posted by TheOnes2
As i said. All the answers will be revealed. I will explain why the Triwizard is happening so soon along with alot of other "unanswered" questions.

11 Days. How much longer?

I have just come back from holiday. I'll finish the next part then post it. The more you complain the more i will wait.

PLEASE DON'T COMPLAIN! I LIKE THIS STORY AND DON'T WANT TO WAIT!

Your story is really good, TO. Don't feel you need to rush things. Though JKR manages to go from relevant scene to relevant scene, a lot of them are in fairly normal surroundings. For instance, Harry's journey to the cave - the train rides to Hogwarts have always played big parts in the books, as have some of the lessons (Care of Magical Creatures, for example), etc.

H.S.'s comments are always useful - more detail, and new lines for speech.

And one more comment... I'm going to be very disappointed if this is all a dream.

Thanks. Im just finalising the next part now. Should be online within a couple of days.

i think 16 days is more than a couple of days

sorry, had a lot of things to do

r u gonna post today
????????????????????

is that it???????????? u lazy git lol but it was good kinda seen it coming though that moody wasnt really a death eater i think u need to do like a flash back thing with lupin explaining to ron how moody got in though

ok. Will do. Next part coming real soon.

Post It's a really good story

Ok, Since i cut so much of this out, many people have become confused about the plot. I am therefore announcing i will release an Extended Edition of this story sometime in the near future to fill in all the plot holes.

cool but u know to do that u have to release a normal version of ur story hurry up and post lol

yeh POST POST POST

ahh, thats how that death eater saw harry in his cloak, good one, keep it up dude

EDIT

dude, its THE ONES!! haha do you remember me from our matrix days?? its good to be back on, its been like 48392842309 years, or so it seems. your story looks great, hopefully ill be around here a little more often to keep reading it, and maybe even start my own. so yea, its good to talk 2 u again, see ya!

Hi Joel. Of course i remember you. I dont think my story is that good (hopefuly thats only coming from the "creator's eye" perspective). Good to see ya.

Next part coming this week

your story's good. keep posting, i like it!

Pretty good so far

Holy shit, i forgot about this. I'll start writing more now

This is a really good story. Post More soon