Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Would the fact that the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you from getting her to be with you?

I dont mess with another guys girl.

Respect relationship boundries. Would you want another guy messing with your relationship? That's one ofthe things that really pisses me off, and my "significant others". When someone flirts with you, and you've made it clear that you are in a relationship, they don't let up.

Don't get me wrong, everyone likes to be found attractive, but there comes a time when enough is enough.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Respect relationship boundries. Would you want another guy messing with your relationship? That's one ofthe things that really pisses me off, and my "significant others". When someone flirts with you, and you've made it clear that you are in a relationship, they don't let up.

Don't get me wrong, everyone likes to be found attractive, but there comes a time when enough is enough.

Agreed.

But what if her boyfriend wasn't treating her right, and you found her crying some of the time cause of him and she was always sad and you just believe that he doesn't deserve her, but you do because she's so hot looking and you know you'd be a better, funner boyfriend.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
But what if her boyfriend wasn't treating her right, and you found her crying some of the time cause of him and she was always sad and you just believe that he doesn't deserve her, but you do because she's so hot looking and you know you'd be a better, funner boyfriend.

Well, abusive realtionships are one thing. But, she has to know that she deserves better, not just you knowing she deserves better.

When you start a thread, it's always best to give all the facts, that way people don't have to waste time responding to one issue, when they don't know everything you're asking.

How old is the girl in question? Her boyfriend?

Does he hit her? Is he mentally abusive?

Spill it

if he cant trust her what makes you think you can?
unless she's abused like capt says, but probably just another weak chick who cant live for 2 frikin seconds without a man, thus staying in a dead end relationship. i cant respect that.

Heh. I agree PVS, totally.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Well, abusive realtionships are one thing. But, she has to know that she deserves better, not just you knowing she deserves better.

When you start a thread, it's always best to give all the facts, that way people don't have to waste time responding to one issue, when they don't know everything you're asking.

How old is the girl in question? Her boyfriend?

Does he hit her? Is he mentally abusive?

Spill it

She's 20. Her boyfriends 25. He doesn't hit her but he mentally abuses her. They're never emotional like they never hold hands or look at eachother. They never talk to one another when around eachother. She always looks gloomy walking with him even though she not even like that. Like he's not enthusiastic about her at all and she's like insanely cute and nice. and smart kinda. I say kinda cause she's with him. I duno. maybe she's just a masochist.

stay away if things are happy or at least non-threatening. If the relationships is violent, it may be necesary to get your hands dirty.

Hey, sometimes them vixens use other men to get back to the guy they are with. They get them jelous so that they can be treated better.

Don't be an accessory to her game.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
She's 20. Her boyfriends 25. He doesn't hit her but he mentally abuses her. They're never emotional like they never hold hands or look at eachother. They never talk to one another when around eachother. She always looks gloomy walking with him even though she not even like that. Like he's not enthusiastic about her at all and she's like insanely cute and nice. and smart kinda. I say kinda cause she's with him. I duno. maybe she's just a masochist.

how does he mentally abuse her?
did she tell you this or is this your own conclusion?

Well, I'm not a guy, but if I was the girl with a dead end relationship, or not treated well and saw someone cared enough to listen to me and be a friend, I might consider leaving the bad relationship for something else........Though it is hard for one to leave a relationship when it's a long relationship. It's the familiarity of it. A comfort place, even if it's not good...Change can be scary for some.

Though remember you are only seeing things from your perspective...And is that a true perspective....The forest for the trees kind of thing....Do others see what you are seeing.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
She's 20. Her boyfriends 25. He doesn't hit her but he mentally abuses her. They're never emotional like they never hold hands or look at eachother. They never talk to one another when around eachother. She always looks gloomy walking with him even though she not even like that. Like he's not enthusiastic about her at all and she's like insanely cute and nice. and smart kinda. I say kinda cause she's with him. I duno. maybe she's just a masochist.

Well, I've never been one of those people who holds hands and stares into the eyes of my boyfriend for hours at a time. That makes no sense to me. And people who are so in love that they can't sit across from each other in a resturant without sucking face over a hot fudge sundae need to be slapped. So, I wouldn't be suprised if maybe he was that way, and she needed to have all his attention all the time...and then gets all depressed when he reacts hostily to such things. I would. Some of the girls I dated were like that. Some of the guys I'v dated were like that. Just because I'm sitting in the same room, not speaking to you, is no reason to assume I'm pissed and to be on top of me all the time.

If he's physically abusive, then you still don't need to get directly involved. Find out how to let her parents know, and leave it at that. Besides, if he was hitting her, then what's to stop him from hitting you? Maybe she's worth that, I dunno.

Define "mentally abuses her" How do you know? Have you seen/heard him being mentally abusive?

Originally posted by debbiejo
I might consider leaving the bad relationship for something else.........

but thats a terrible way to go about relationships.
thats how you doom yourself to a life of mediocrity at best.
the only way to know yourself and what you want is to be able to
stand on your own. why? because you are never weaker and more
desperate than when you're scared of being alone. if you get over that
fear then you are happier and most important>>>> confident.

why would any woman want to hook up with some guy who only knows
how to scoop up devestated rebound chicks is beyond me.

either way, i never date rebound chicks. who wants to sit around listening to someone endlessly ***** about their ex?

Originally posted by PVS
but thats a terrible way to go about relationships.
thats how you doom yourself to a life of mediocrity at best.
the only way to know yourself and what you want is to be able to
stand on your own. why? because you are never weaker and more
desperate than when you're scared of being alone. if you get over that
fear then you are happier and most important>>>> confident.

why would any woman want to hook up with some guy who only knows
how to scoop up devestated rebound chicks is beyond me.

either way, i never date rebound chicks. who wants to sit around listening to someone endlessly ***** about their ex?


key word: 'listening'

listening? you go ahead and listen. repeat after me: yes...oh yeah...i agree...you're right....yup...


yeah, you keep that

ill TALK. you know, a 2 way conversation. i say something, she says something, we say something...preferably interesting

Originally posted by PVS
but thats a terrible way to go about relationships.
thats how you doom yourself to a life of mediocrity at best.
the only way to know yourself and what you want is to be able to
stand on your own. why? because you are never weaker and more
desperate than when you're scared of being alone. if you get over that
fear then you are happier and most important>>>> confident.

why would any woman want to hook up with some guy who only knows
how to scoop up devestated rebound chicks is beyond me.

either way, i never date rebound chicks. who wants to sit around listening to someone endlessly ***** about their ex?

I'm trying to see things from this girls point of view. There are many like that...Though most like this are still in school, or school age, others, if it is some emotional abuse do become accustomed to it and just stay.....

Now if I was in a relationship that didn't suit me as I have before, I would leave, but not everyone has the comfort of being on their own.

Though the original poster might want to see if he is seeing what he thinks he is seeing, or is it what he want to see....yep

Originally posted by debbiejo
I'm trying to see things from this girls point of view. There are many like that...Though most like this are still in school, or school age, others, if it is some emotional abuse do become accustomed to it and just stay.....

Now if I was in a relationship that didn't suit me as I have before, I would leave, but not everyone has the comfort of being on their own.

well that wasnt aimed at you, but you described the typical scenario to a tee, so i addressed it.

coffee1 blah ah huh....yeah, hmm-uh

But, let's not forgt that men do that whole "staying in a LTR because it's comfortable" thing too. Let's say this guy isn't the total bastard that he's being made out to be, just for arguments sake. Maybe he's still in the relationship, despite her need to be "all over him and vice versa". Maybe he's like me in that respect. Maybe he loves his relationship, but things don't need to be so intense all the time.

I've been in relationships where there were times I wanted to strangle the other person because they NEEDED to express being "in-love" ALL THE TIME>

There is nothing that kills a relationship for me more often than that. This over whelming white-on-rice aspect.

Look at my current relationship. Sure, I live in San Francisco, the gay capitol of the country. I love that I can wlk down the street and hold my boyfriends hand, but that doesn't mean I want to do it all the time. Just becuase you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD do something.

Originally posted by GCG
coffee1 ah huh....yeah, hmm-uh

I edited ; now its better

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
I've been in relationships where there were times I wanted to strangle the other person because they NEEDED to express being "in-love" ALL THE TIME>

been there

then you have to end up explaining why you dont like being clingy 24/7, it always ends with the classic whine "are you ashamed of me?" and you so want to say "well...i WASNT...but im getting there"

Originally posted by PVS
been there

then you have to end up explaining why you dont like being clingy 24/7, it always ends with the classic whine "are you ashamed of me?" and you so want to say "well...i WASNT...but im getting there"

LOL...I'll have to remember that one.

More often in my relationships, it's "don't you love me anymore?"

<---"No, not really."

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Would the fact that the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you from getting her to be with you?

The "stop you from getting her to be with you" makes me wonder are we talking chloroform and rope? Or some manner of mind control....

Still, it depends really on what kind badly wanting this was. If it was say purely physical then I probably wouldn't do anything, not interesting in breaking up a couple so I could get her to sleep with me. If it was some kind of "love" well, I would want what was best for her, is she was happy with who she was with then I might not say anything, although then again I might just make it clear I have feelings for her, no pressure, the just getting it of my chest kind of thing. Her choice, once again the whole "getting her to be with you" just sounds a bit odd.

But yes, the boyfriend issue would influence my decision.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
I've been in relationships where there were times I wanted to strangle the other person because they NEEDED to express being "in-love" ALL THE TIME>

Oh yeah, I'm there right now. I've got to the point where when she tells me she loves me, I very sarcastically say "Ohhhhh, thank you!". She then hits me and I tell her I love her too. The End.

Nothing strengthens a relationship like sarcasm and slapstick violence it seems.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Would the fact that the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you from getting her to be with you?

It generally depends on the relationship of the girl and the guy. Storm had a relationship with another guy when I met her, never stopped me. Truth be told when you haven't seen your boyfriend in over a month I don't consider that a relationship worth backing down for.

Yeah know I never got fired up about trying to sleep with a girl that had a boyfriend............regardless of why should would justify the reason. If she would do it to him she would do it to you in my opinion.............unless I never had to listen to her talk again then just a one nighter sure

The talk of prospective betrayal is interesting (getting a girl away from her boyfriend, can you trust he not to do the same to you) but what if the situation was reversed? A girl wants a guy who has a girlfriend? Does the gender shift change how people react? Are girls, in such a case as cut throat as guys, more so, less so, equal?

I have cheated and been cheated on. I would never cheat now it's a sign of immaturity and insecurity.

I wouldn't care as I don't have much respect for most people.

Originally posted by PVS
how does he mentally abuse her?
did she tell you this or is this your own conclusion?

Look. I know he is doing it. Girls aren't suppose to always look sad when with their boyfriends. He Pays Her No Mind at all. period. And yes it is my business when a girl I like (and happen to know, we've talked before) is being mistreated like that. Like we all hang out, a bunch of us, and I see it all the time with them. How he practically the whole night says not one word to her. Not 1. And it's happen on more than 1 hang out night. They never act like or even look like a couple. OK, I understand that it may get corny or too extreme for couples to play the lovey dovey game with each other but it's like he's totally uninterested with her. He always walks in front of her...w/e i duno. And trust me I'm not obsessed like im not snooping on a daily basis. I glance at her or both of them and when appropriate and i see the pain., it's just...i duno. i dont like his mis-appreciation of her from what I've been seeing for a while now. If they are as unhappy looking as they seem in public, then somethings wrong in private. I'm inclined to step in. I'll be doing her a favor. I'll be better than him. I don't care what anyone on here says, I like her and I want her.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Look. I know he is doing it. Girls aren't suppose to always look sad when with their boyfriends. He Pays Her No Mind at all. period. And yes it is my business when a girl I like (and happen to know, we've talked before) is being mistreated like that. Like we all hang out, a bunch of us, and I see it all the time with them. How he practically the whole night says not one word to her. Not 1. And it's happen on more than 1 hang out night. They never act like or even look like a couple. OK, I understand that it may get corny or too extreme for couples to play the lovey dovey game with each other but it's like he's totally uninterested with her. He always walks in front of her...w/e i duno. And trust me I'm not obsessed like im not snooping on a daily basis. I glance at her or both of them and when appropriate and i see the pain., it's just...i duno. i dont like his mis-appreciation of her from what I've been seeing for a while now. If they are as unhappy looking as they seem in public, then somethings wrong in private. I'm inclined to step in. I'll be doing her a favor. I'll be better than him. I don't care what anyone on here says, I like her and I want her.
it could very well be that he abuses her, just as it could very well not be.


you have offered evidence that she is depressed. not abused.
the rest is your own assumption. you could be right...could be wrong.
but that is based on pure circumstance which is beyond your knowledge.

i would see a girl in a cold dead end relationship who refuses to leave.
people like me say its her own damn fault for staying.
people like you make exuses for her and blame it all on some guy, blindly tagging the label of 'abuser'. but why? because you want her, therefore you feel the need to

1-put her on a pedestal as a helpless damsel in distess
2-place all blame on the guy, so he can play the part of the monster
3-regard yourself as the knight in shining armor who will same the damsel from the clutches of the monster.

quit the role playing and wake up.

if you think she's being abused than you should talk to her, or talk to those close to her. not to exchange gossip for the hope of personal gain, but with the hopes that someone will be able to find the truth and if need be, help get through to her. if she is being abused she needs supportive friends, not a white knight with a boner.

Originally posted by PVS
it could very well be that he abuses her, just as it could very well not be.


you have offered evidence that she is depressed. not abused.
the rest is your own assumption. you could be right...could be wrong.
but that is based on pure circumstance which is beyond your knowledge.

i would see a girl in a cold dead end relationship who refuses to leave.
people like me say its her own damn fault for staying.
people like you make exuses for her and blame it all on some guy, blindly tagging the label of 'abuser'. but why? because you want her, therefore you feel the need to

1-put her on a pedestal as a helpless damsel in distess
2-place all blame on the guy, so he can play the part of the monster
3-regard yourself as the knight in shining armor who will same the damsel from the clutches of the monster.

quit the role playing and wake up.

if you think she's being abused than you should talk to her, or talk to those close to her. not to exchange gossip for the hope of personal gain, but with the hopes that someone will be able to find the truth and if need be, help get through to her. if she is being abused she needs supportive friends, not a white knight with a boner.

An amusing post indeed. But I like her. Genuinely. Thats the thing. And I don't want her just to screw her dude get your brains out of the gutter..Maybe she stays because she feels that it's the only good thing out there. That thats the best she can do.

And yes as Corny as it sounds she could be a damsel in distress. I do blame him for not maintaining. He's not a monster, he's not hitting her, (I don't think.) but he has an ugly way of showing his boyfriendness.

I'm not here to save anyones life here, relax guy, your making it seem like it's a fatal crisis of life and death proportions. I just truly feel it inside that I need to step in, is all. I not trying to play the knight in shining armor. I may very well get rejected, who knows. I'm prepared for the consequences cause to me the reward outweighs it. lolol your funny. What do you think I am Shrek? anyway, I am awake. And I now know what must be done. I don't care.

She really should take responsibility for herself for sure......Maybe she suffers from low self esteem.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I'm not here to save anyones life here, relax guy, your making it seem like it's a fatal crisis of life and death proportions.

then why say "abuse"? if it is then it very well may be life and death.
abusive relationships, even mental, can end up with the victim hurting or even killing themselves. not to mention that most physically abusive relationships evolve from mentally abusive ones. first mental dominance/control is established and then comes the physical abuse. so yes, when you come on here and use the word "abuse" i do see it as that severe.

and if it is abuse, its your responsibility as a friend to help her any way you can, and at the same time not endanger her. if you establish a role as potential suiter than you can quite possibly spike the element of jealousy on his part, which is a strong driving force for abuse as well. the priority should be helping her out. period. not saying its wrong to have feelings for her, but to incorporate those feelings into some plan and placing that at equal prioity is very selfish.

Originally posted by debbiejo
She really should take responsibility for herself for sure......Maybe she suffers from low self esteem.

Yea but not all girls feel as strong as others. And she doesn't suffer from low self esteem because she's only like that around him. Like I've spoken to her before a while back not that long ago like the end of Nov. and she seemed cool to me. No signs of depression. She would joke. But whenever he was around it's like she changes. as if she's not compelled to say anything out of...i duno. fear? lack of motivation? Everytime I see the guy I inconspicuously shake my head and keep doing w/e im doing. I mean I don't know him. I don't nothing him. I just see what i see, and I'm not in accordance with it and i've made my mind up, debbiejo.

I'm gona go for it.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Yea but not all girls feel as strong as others. And she doesn't suffer from low self esteem because she's only like that around him. Like I've spoken to her before a while back not that long ago like the end of Nov. and she seemed cool to me. No signs of depression. She would joke. But whenever he was around it's like she changes. as if she's not compelled to say anything out of...i duno. fear? lack of motivation? Everytime I see the guy I inconspicuously shake my head and keep doing w/e im doing. I mean I don't know him. I don't nothing him. I just see what i see, and I'm not in accordance with it and i've made my mind up, debbiejo.

I'm gona go for it. It could be that he is very jealous and repressing her. I've know guys that are very possessive .very much so as a relationship goes along...And the girl is put in a spot of dropping friends, especially made to feel that even talking to another guy is wrong.

If you're gonna talk to her and care for her...Just keep her in mind when it comes to possessive, jealous guys...yep.

Originally posted by debbiejo
It could be that he is very jealous and repressing her. I've know guys that are very possessive .very much so as a relationship goes along...And the girl is put in a spot of dropping friends, especially made to feel that even talking to another guy is wrong.

If you're gonna talk to her and care for her...Just keep her in mind when it comes to possessive, jealous guys...yep.

Not too familiar with the jealous men types since I've never gone out with any, but I am familiar with the oh, million or so females who are like this.

Originally posted by botankus
Not too familiar with the jealous men types since I've never gone out with any, but I am familiar with the oh, million or so females who are like this. Well I've been with Jealous guys, and it stems to be a insecurity with them, that they cannot handle a woman/girl can have a life outside him...yep....becomes very repressing and explosive when the girl leaves the relationship....

Sounds like a good Jerry Springer show.

Originally posted by debbiejo
....they cannot handle a woman/girl can have a life outside him...

how the hell are they able to live a life inside him then?
im having disturbing images very similar to when han solo
stuffed luke inside the dead tauntaun

Some guys are intimidated with a girl that has a life, that doesn't include him. He wants to be the center of her world, all her world.

Originally posted by debbiejo
Some guys are intimidated with a girl that has a life, that doesn't include him. He wants to be the center of her world, all her world.

yeah, women NEVER behave this way though

They're just paranoid that when he doesn't know where she is, whether it's Noon or 1 in the morning, he thinks she ran back to her ex or having a rendezvous with a stranger. Women think the same way.

Yea girls do this also...It's the old security with ones self thing....If you're not secure with yourself, you don't trust the other person.

Is anyone on the board man or woman enough to admit that they behave like this?

Probably not. I mean, we're all secure people....right??!?!?!?!?!? fear

if i find myself having to question whether or not a girlfriend is bumping uglies with some dude, thats grounds for dumping regardless. what the hell's the point if there's no trust?

I'll admit I used to be like that a little (in my late teens), but over the past 10 years I've realized PVS' point so now everything's good.

Yeah, me too.....Well, I'm kinda independent...It's lead to problems...

Yeah, being independent and going out with someone who's like that = bad business, especially if they have a history of going apesh*t

Stop me? Yes, absolutely.

No way SHOULD any man want to persuade a woman to be with him, instead of who she is currently with, unless the motive is purely sexual.

If you have feelings for her and are trying to snare her, the same thing will happen to you down the road. Let her make the decision to leave her current love.

Originally posted by PVS
the priority should be helping her out. period. not saying its wrong to have feelings for her, but to incorporate those feelings into some plan and placing that at equal prioity is very selfish.

I'll 50% disagree with you. My priority should be to help her out but equating whatever my priorities are with the fact that I do like her alot is not in no way selfish, It's selfless.

I was in a relationship when Fire and I met, though looking back, one could hardly have labelled it a relationship. Fire made it clear that he was interested, while I kept my distance because I couldn' t commit myself before my situation was cleared out. Did he push me into a direction? No. Did he pay court to me? Yes.

Originally posted by Storm
I was in a relationship when Fire and I met, though looking back, one could hardly have labelled it a relationship. Fire made it clear that he was interested, while I kept my distance because I couldn' t commit myself before my situation was cleared out. Did he push me into a direction? No. Did he pay court to me? Yes.

yeah, but this guy is implying that she is being abused, which i think makes the situation far more sensative and even potentially volital.

maybe but it's really his business is it not

Prolly wasn't the best idea to throw this online man

In the end you have to walk your own path

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I'll 50% disagree with you. My priority should be to help her out but equating whatever my priorities are with the fact that I do like her alot is not in no way selfish, It's selfless.

no, 'selfless' would mean no hope for personal gain. selfless would be if you know you didnt stand a chance with her but still did everything you could to help her. would you be so concerned and ready to help if you knew you didnt stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting with her?

Originally posted by BobbyD
If you have feelings for her and are trying to snare her, the same thing will happen to you down the road. Let her make the decision to leave her current love.

I don't think the same thing would happen because I wouldn't give her the choice to do so cause a choice wouldn't present itself. I won't give her any reason not to leave me unless she wants to leave me for some personal hidden reason I cannot control.

And what woman would want to dump a guy she likes alot. Cause I know she'll like me alot. If she'll take me. i duno, not saying she will. Maybe she will maybe she won't I hope she will. I'm not gona force her to be with me. i just wana let her know how I feel. I'm not gona seize her. i just wana let her know that I'm here. For her. Sure I have my agenda she doesn't know about, and thats to have her as my girl, but she'll get it soon enough. I think it would be insensitive of me to just come out with it especially with what she's apparently going through. She's not gona make the decision herself. I already know how I'm gona approach the situation. I'll be casual and subtle about it.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I don't think the same thing would happen because I wouldn't give her the choice to do so cause a choice wouldn't present itself. I won't give her any reason not to leave me unless she wants to leave me for some personal hidden reason I cannot control.

And what woman would want to dump a guy she likes alot. Cause I know she'll like me alot. If she'll take me. i duno, not saying she will. Maybe she will maybe she won't I hope she will. I'm not gona force her to be with me. i just wana let her know how I feel. I'm not gona seize her. i just wana let her know that I'm here. For her. Sure I have my agenda she doesn't know about, and thats to have her as my girl, but she'll get it soon enough. I think it would be insensitive of me to just come out with it especially with what she's apparently going through. She's not gona make the decision herself. I already know how I'm gona approach the situation. I'll be casual and subtle about it.

no, the responsible thing to do would be to just tell her.
by being 'casual and subtle' about it, according to what you've been saying,
would entale more head-shaking and sneers and simply making her situation worse. the hell with suberfuge. next time you catch her alone just tell her.
and leave it at that if nothing comes of it.

just because you think she's miserable doesnt give you the right to sabotage.
thats the big difference. so yeah, find her alone, tell her, and leave it at that...unless of coarse she does decide to leave him.

Originally posted by PVS
no, 'selfless' would mean no hope for personal gain. selfless would be if you know you didnt stand a chance with her but still did everything you could to help her. would you be so concerned and ready to help if you knew you didnt stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting with her?

So what are you saying. Help her but just totally bury my feelings for her. Like forget about pursuing anything with her. She is cool and I do want to help but i like alot her too. So..i should just do one thing and not the other cause it's the noble thing to do? Cause i would seem "selfish". Cause it would seem like im taking advantage of the situation and her? Dude, if she was never with him, id still be interested. Im not that bad guy/ snake your making me out to be.

I have weighed the situation and of course I'll be sensitive to her feelings and i'll put her first cause I want her to be happy but i want to try at something with her if it's possible.Nothing wrong with that. Im gona intervene because of 2 reasons. Because she can do better with or without me or him and secondly, because i'm attracted to her. If she says no it's understandable. But to say that trying to equate helping her with me liking her alot is bad then hey, I guess that my new name.

Originally posted by PVS
no, the responsible thing to do would be to just tell her.
by being 'casual and subtle' about it, according to what you've been saying,
would entale more head-shaking and sneers and simply making her situation worse. the hell with suberfuge. next time you catch her alone just tell her.
and leave it at that if nothing comes of it.

just because you think she's miserable doesnt give you the right to sabotage.
thats the big difference. so yeah, find her alone, tell her, and leave it at that...unless of coarse she does decide to leave him.

What, just tell her I like her and an interested in being with her. That's to sudden and direct. Not my style. I won't take forever, I just want her to know I'm around in that way. Then when she's comfortable enough with me and with me saying that then. She'd probably be like "wtf?" if I did that. I always see her but I haven't spoken to her in like a month. And i don't wanna come of as desperate either.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
So what are you saying. Help her but just totally bury my feelings for her. Like forget about pursuing anything with her. She is cool and I do want to help but i like alot her too. So..i should just do one thing and not the other cause it's the noble thing to do? Cause i would seem "selfish". Cause it would seem like im taking advantage of the situation and her? Dude, if she was never with him, id still be interested. Im not that bad guy/ snake your making me out to be.

I have weighed the situation and of course I'll be sensitive to her feelings and i'll put her first cause I want her to be happy but i want to try at something with her if it's possible.Nothing wrong with that. Im gona intervene because of 2 reasons. Because she can do better with or without me or him and secondly, because i'm attracted to her. If she says no it's understandable. But to say that trying to equate helping her with me liking her alot is bad then hey, I guess that my new name.

no, you are blending points together.

i said:

1-IF SHE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP-then it is incredibly selfish to think about your own gain. if you saw her in a burning car wreck would you sit there and think "hmmmm....i could save her and then she'll fall in love with me..." or would you instinctively help her?

maybe you're just not wise or knowledgable enough to know, but abusive relationships are quite serious. dont just tag that word onto one who neglects.
being neglectful may make someone a prick, but abuse is a whole other ballgame, and is mostly NOT related in any way to neglect, but rather compulsion and control.

2-you cannot claim to be selfless when you have something to gain from your actions, which is a great part of your motivation. just a general point, grounded in common sense.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
What, just tell her I like her and an interested in being with her. That's to sudden and direct. Not my style. I won't take forever, I just want her to know I'm around in that way. Then when she's comfortable enough with me and with me saying that then. She'd probably be like "wtf?" if I did that. I always see her but I haven't spoken to her in like a month. And i don't wanna come of as desperate either.

could it be that you're scared to tell her?
nothing to be ashamed of, but if so you should
acknowledge it. maybe you should write her a letter?

and if she's like 'wtf' then that means she doesnt want
to be with you, correct? if you're going to take a risk,
than do it at your own expense. a leap of faith if you will.
at least then you will be telling her how you feel and at
the same time respecting her current relationship however
failed it may be. dont just be a friend with an agenda,
unless your willing to have her as a friend even if she
would never get with you. thats kinda cheesey and most
girls can sniff that out a mile away

Originally posted by PVS
no, you are blending points together.

i said:

1-IF SHE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP-then it is incredibly selfish to think about your own gain. if you saw her in a burning car wreck would you sit there and think "hmmmm....i could save her and then she'll fall in love with me..." or would you instinctively help her?

maybe you're just not wise or knowledgable enough to know, but abusive relationships are quite serious. dont just tag that word onto one who neglects.
being neglectful may make someone a prick, but abuse is a whole other ballgame, and is mostly NOT related in any way to neglect, but rather compulsion and control.

2-you cannot claim to be selfless when you have something to gain from your actions, which is a great part of your motivation. just a general point, grounded in common sense.

I wont answer that question cause it was basically an insult to my intel but. Ok, I may have been extreme in my use of the word "abuse". because it's what it looks like to me. And thats ontop of the fact that the private side is unknown. He may very well be "menatally abusing" her. Maybe I'll come to find that out. I think what I mean may lie in between mental abuse and neglect. All indications point to it. i don't ever see him publicly acknowledge her ever at all, she changes every time he's around, she not as enthusiastic as she is when he's not around. She Is Not happy With Him, Dude I know it. She rarely smiles when she's with him and our group. Somethings gotta be going on. Severe or not.

And I told you, I'm not expecting her to say yes to me, I hope she does. How can I look at it as something to gain when I know the possibly of not gaining her at all is apparent.

Originally posted by PVS
could it be that you're scared to tell her?
nothing to be ashamed of, but if so you should
acknowledge it. maybe you should write her a letter?

and if she's like 'wtf' then that means she doesnt want
to be with you, correct? if you're going to take a risk,
than do it at your own expense. a leap of faith if you will.
at least then you will be telling her how you feel and at
the same time respecting her current relationship however
failed it may be. dont just be a friend with an agenda,
unless your willing to have her as a friend even if she
would never get with you. thats kinda cheesey and most
girls can sniff that out a mile away

Im definitely not scared to tell her how I feel and what I think. But I like the idea of writing her a letter.

And I think any girl would say "wtf?" if all of a sudden any guy they see only every so often, comes out of no where and expresses how he feels about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

And i'd still be her friend if she said no. I'd be kinda bummed out but it doesn't mean I'll stop saying hi to her. I'd just move on bury my feelings and hope how I felt about her in that way, dissolves. But I like the letter idea alot.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I wont answer that question cause it was basically an insult to my intel but.

well good, because that question was rhetorical. just driving a point home with regards to a selfless act. an analogy.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North

Ok, I may have been extreme in my use of the word "abuse". because it's what it looks like to me. And thats ontop of the fact that the private side is unknown. He may very well be "menatally abusing" her. Maybe I'll come to find that out. I think what I mean may lie in between mental abuse and neglect. All indications point to it. i don't ever see him publicly acknowledge her ever at all, she changes every time he's around, she not as enthusiastic as she is when he's not around. She Is Not happy With Him, Dude I know it. She rarely smiles when she's with him and our group. Somethings gotta be going on. Severe or not.


ffs ANY relationship may or may not be abusive. many you would never know because they put on a happy face and pretend everything's just fine.
there IS no place that lies between neglect and abuse in a relationship. its apples and oranges. as i said, abuse is a product of obsession. you cant just create your own idea of what is abuse and label it. thats as bad as blindly accusing someone of rape imho.


Originally posted by FistOfThe North
And I told you, I'm not expecting her to say yes to me, I hope she does. How can I look at it as something to gain when I know the possibly of not gaining her at all is apparent.

i dont feel like repeating my point on true selflessness since it was quite simple and elementary. as far as the possibility, the reason you are taking the chance is the possibility that you will succeed and gain. you're hope for that reward is what drives you. thats not selflessness. its not bad either, but dont call it selfless.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im definitely not scared to tell her how I feel and what I think. But I like the idea of writing her a letter.

And I think any girl would say "wtf?" if all of a sudden any guy they see only every so often, comes out of no where and expresses how he feels about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

And i'd still be her friend if she said no. I'd be kinda bummed out but it doesn't mean I'll stop saying hi to her. I'd just move on bury my feelings and hope how I felt about her in that way, dissolves. But I like the letter idea alot.

well of coarse she would be surprised. and you probably wouldnt get an immediate answer. may take a long time in fact. but you would be accomplishing everything you are capable of accomplishing in one move, while expressing self confidence and spontainuity. which btw works far better and commands more respect and admiration than following her around like a dog looking for a bone.

Originally posted by PVS
well of coarse she would be surprised. and you probably wouldnt get an immediate answer. may take a long time in fact. but you would be accomplishing everything you are capable of accomplishing in one move, while expressing self confidence and spontainuity. which btw works far better and commands more respect and admiration than following her around like a dog looking for a bone.

I don't get get it. What are you saying that I should come out of no where and expresses how I feel about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

If thats what you meant, even in the least then, na..It may be the way you do it, but it's not my approach. i dont know how any guy would be capable of accomplishing everything he's capable of accomplishing in one move by being that direct as soon as that without at least making yourself really known to her just for the first few initial times.

What I was thinking was saying hi and talking to her more often now the first few times, and of course i'd be genuine about it. Then i'd write the letter. And everything on it would be direct.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I don't get get it. What are you saying that I should come out of no where and expresses how I feel about her without even giving her the chance to know who you really are.

If thats what you meant, even in the least then, na..It may be the way you do it, but it's not my approach. i dont know how any guy would be capable of accomplishing everything he's capable of accomplishing in one move by being that direct as soon as that without at least making yourself really known to her just for the first few initial times.

ok, then she's not your friend, but rather some chick you said "hi" to a couple of times. you would get far better and more productive advice if your information was not so cryptic have you also considered the fact that by extention that means you dont know her?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North

What I was thinking was saying hi and talking to her more often now the first few times, and of course i'd be genuine about it. Then i'd write the letter. And everything on it would be direct.

i guess that works. good luck

Originally posted by PVS
ok, then she's not your friend, but rather some chick you said "hi" to a couple of times. you would get far better and more productive advice if your information was not so cryptic have you also considered the fact that by extention that means you dont know her?

like i know her, i have spoken to her before. Were not strictly on a hi and bye basis it's a bit beyond that. like she knows my name, i guess. She's was my "American Foreign Policy" class last semester. Her and her guy (when ever he wants to) hang out with us. She's friends with some chicks I'm friends with.

I'm mean don't have it to where I can just pop up and say "hey, what'd ya do yesterday." lol Maybe a "Hey. How's it going?" or "How'r things goin today?" may work. I guess were not deep deep friends but were cool.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
..what woman would want to dump a guy she likes alot.
A woman who finds another guy she likes even more.
You can't know what's going on behind closed doors. Maybe the guy acts the way he does only when they're in the company of others, and treats her completely diffferent when they're alone. Don't jump to conclusions.
But to answer the original question, I go with the old saying "All's fair in love and war." And for the people who disagree, my advice is if you think your significant other can't withstand temptation, then maybe that person isn't the right one for you.

Come on, bottom line, attention-seeking aside, if the chick is being abused...tell someone who is in a better position to do something about it.

If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Come on, bottom line, attention-seeking aside, if the chick is being abused...tell someone who is in a better position to do something about it.

If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on.

Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.



see? needy kids come to kmc posting threads in the GDF looking for advice. you take the time to give them the most sound and sane advice possible. and they say "you all dont know what you're talking about".

well why the f*** exactly did you ask then?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Im the best man for the position as much as you don't like it. Besides, I know you of all people don't know what I'm talking about. Go take a cold shower. I'll go get the girl.



Wow, that was kinda off.

What the hell would I care if you were or were not the best man for the job? It makes zero difference in my life. Look, I tried to be helpful. I shared my opinion of the situation, even after it ballooned into all this nonesense.

And if the "you of all people" comment is supposed to hurt, me being gay is hardly relevant. People are people. And I'm willing to bet that my experience with both sexes would come in handy. Just do it or don't! Don't piss and moan for four pages and then say you're off to slay the dragon! That's total bullshit. Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing. Just do something, or don't!

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing.


bullseye

blindly posting without having read any of the replies, only the title of the thread.

hasnt stopped me before.

Originally posted by PVS
see? needy kids come to kmc posting threads in the GDF looking for advice. you take the time to give them the most sound and sane advice possible. and they say "you all dont know what you're talking about".

well why the f*** exactly did you ask then?

Maybe we should revert to the good old days of blasting them for seeking advice? Then, when that gets slammed, let's go back to offering help. Then, when that gets slammed....ah, hell.

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
Wow, that was kinda off.

Look, I tried to be helpful.

And if the "you of all people" comment is supposed to hurt, me being gay

Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing. Just do something, or don't!

You've tried to be helpful? by telling my to stay with a hard on and move on cause, Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing..haha please..thats helpful.

I wasn't trying to hurtful, just saying it like it is.

So put you magic (ball) away, you can't tell what the odds are. I came looking for advice. not degradations. "Yes or no will do" 3p0, and if you have other useful advice rather than telling me to stick with my hard on and basically go f*** myself then...you know what..free speech do what you want.

Originally posted by PVS
see? needy kids come to kmc posting threads in the GDF looking for advice. you take the time to give them the most sound and sane advice possible. and they say "you all dont know what you're talking about".

well why the f*** exactly did you ask then?

Needy kids huh. You've been ridiculously upset with me for some reason for a while now. haha good.

If someone saying "If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on" is the most sound and sane advice possible then you need to go to the mall. kid. or what ever your name is.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
You've tried to be helpful? by telling my to stay with a hard on and move on cause, Odds are, you'll sit there with your pud in your hand, wishing..haha please..thats helpful.

I wasn't trying to hurtful, just saying it like it is.

So put you magic (ball) away, you can't tell what the odds are. I came looking for advice. not degradations. "Yes or no will do" 3p0, and if you have other useful advice rather than telling me to stick with my hard on and basically go f*** myself then...you know what..free speech do what you want.

So, the half-dozen posts before that were what? For my health? Please. Do something, or sit here and cry over it...

Originally posted by Capt_Fantastic
So, the half-dozen posts before that were what? For my health? Please. Do something, or sit here and cry over it...

Who's crying. Your the one who seems upset haha. I've been said I've made my mind up a while ago. That I'm gonna go for it. You sound unreasonably frustrated.

I'm happy. Today's a red letter day.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Who's crying. Your the one who seems upset haha. I've been said I've made my mind up a while ago. That I'm gonna go for it. You sound unreasonably frustrated.

I'm happy. Today's a red letter day.



right...

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
If someone saying "If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on" is the most sound and sane advice possible then you need to go to the mall. kid. or what ever your name is.



that made no sense at all.
well, judging by your maturity level,
you have about as much of a chance of getting with any girl
as i have of getting with jessica alba. so i hope you and your
hand find bliss together

if you cant accept any sound advice you ask for,
just because you dont like the tone of the truth, thats your deal.
but please dont post any more threads like this, since if you do
not genuinely seek the wisdom of others, then you are just
whoring for attention.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
If someone saying "If you just have a hard-on for her, let it go. Move on" is the most sound and sane advice possible then you need to go to the mall. kid. or what ever your name is.



Go to the mall? Why? Once again I think I have lost something in the translation.

Still, I actually think that is quite sound advice - if that were/is simply the case then yeah, move on. I mean, we go through life and there will be times we might want things, even people - but sometimes you just need to look at the situation and say, well, I don't really have a great reason for wanting it, or I know I can't have it, so lets just move on.

Yes, there are plenty of times when this doesn't apply, but really, I still think it sounds a bit off if the case was simply lust, "having a hard on for her" and being motivated by such trying to break up a relationship. Though it must be said a girl is not just a bit of meat, or a sex object, in such a position I would think of her feelings and the like as well as my own.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I came looking for advice. not degradations. "Yes or no will do" 3p0, and if you have other useful advice rather than telling me to stick with my hard on and basically go f*** myself then...you know what..free speech do what you want.

As I have been reading this thread through (what I won't do to avoid work) I have to say, "Fist, if you can't take it, don't post".

If you actually are going to be that sensitive to what people say about your personal life, then don't post such personal things. Capt made a good point. If you don't like how he worded it, that's fine, but don't go ripping when you asked for it.

Stop behaving like a child. Either tell the girl you like her and live with the consequences, or go about your life having never told her. I don't really care either way.

That fact that you asked such a question to a bunch of people who neither know you nor the situation is silly. The fact that you get your back up when people make comments you don't like regarding your situation shows that you really haven't been visiting the GDF long enough to know what's coming around the corner whrn you ask such a question.

Originally posted by Imperial_Samura
Go to the mall? Why? Once again I think I have lost something in the translation.

Still, I actually think that is quite sound advice - if that were/is simply the case then yeah, move on. I mean, we go through life and there will be times we might want things, even people - but sometimes you just need to look at the situation and say, well, I don't really have a great reason for wanting it, or I know I can't have it, so lets just move on.

Yes, there are plenty of times when this doesn't apply, but really, I still think it sounds a bit off if the case was simply lust, "having a hard on for her" and being motivated by such trying to break up a relationship. Though it must be said a girl is not just a bit of meat, or a sex object, in such a position I would think of her feelings and the like as well as my own.

"Go to the mall" wasn't literal it was a refrain. Like when a girls father just brushes his annoying daughter off by giving her $100 and telling her to "Go to the mall" cause she being a pest. It's like a shoo.

It's not the case, though. I've made up my mind. I don't want her to only have sex with her. I like the chick. She's everything a dude can want. Girls are easy to get, there a dime a dozen here in Boston. But she's quality. Not a bit of meat, or a sex object . really.

I feel confident.

wow thats great i'm proud of ya
btw you lost the attention of anyone who gave a shit.

Originally posted by KharmaDog
As I have been reading this thread through (what I won't do to avoid work) I have to say, "Fist, if you can't take it, don't post".

If you actually are going to be that sensitive to what people say about your personal life, then don't post such personal things. Capt made a good point. If you don't like how he worded it, that's fine, but don't go ripping when you asked for it.

Stop behaving like a child. Either tell the girl you like her and live with the consequences, or go about your life having never told her. I don't really care either way.

That fact that you asked such a question to a bunch of people who neither know you nor the situation is silly. The fact that you get your back up when people make comments you don't like regarding your situation shows that you really haven't been visiting the GDF long enough to know what's coming around the corner whrn you ask such a question.

I mainly "get my back up" because my question isn't answered directly. Cause it is a yes or no question after all. Not what should I do. And I mean it's only human nature to bite back if attacked. It's instinctive for me. I'm reflective thats all. What ever light is shone upon me I reflect back. Nothing wrong with that, doggy

Stop behaving like a child? haha You stop understanding what you read like a child. What do you mean "either tell the girl you like her and live with the consequences" I've been made up my mind. Didn't you say you read this thread or were you thinking about how to make your "(what I won't do to avoid work)" joke sound more humorous?

Na. I bite back. No harm. Where would be the fun in not doing so?

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
I mainly "get my back up" because my question isn't answered directly. Cause it is a yes or no question after all. Not what should I do. And I mean it's only human nature to bite back if attacked. It's instinctive for me. I'm reflective thats all. What ever light is shone upon me I reflect back. Nothing wrong with that, doggy

So badically you are saying that you are an immature putz who reacts without thinking? Excellent self appraisal.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Stop behaving like a child? haha You stop understanding what you read like a child.


Originally posted by FistOfThe North
What do you mean "either tell the girl you like her and live with the consequences" I've been made up my mind. Didn't you say you read this thread or were you thinking about how to make your "(what I won't do to avoid work)" joke sound more humorous?

Attempt at humour? As PVS would say...A SWING AND A MISS.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Na. I bite back. No harm. Where would be the fun in not doing so?


Well, knowing when to bite back would be a start. Being able to do so effectively with humour, intelligence or both would be better. And is it really that much fun making yourself look like a complete moron?

Originally posted by KharmaDog
So badically you are saying that you are an immature putz who reacts without thinking? Excellent self appraisal.






Attempt at humour? As PVS would say...A SWING AND A MISS.



Well, knowing when to bite back would be a start. Being able to do so effectively with humour, intelligence or both would be better. And is it really that much fun making yourself look like a complete moron?

Wow all the name calling makes it all worth the while. . I love it. I'd name call too but don't feel like stooping just yet.

Oh. and i wasn't being humorous, it was actually serious.

Making fun of myself. i had a hard time find that . I'll just say it's manufactured manure coming from you.

This post has gotten out of wing, well I did end it a while back saying Ive got my mind made up. lol but anyway. Your turn.

Originally posted by PVS
wow thats great i'm proud of ya
btw you lost the attention of anyone who gave a shit.

lol apparently not. p whatever..

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Wow all the name calling makes it all worth the while. . I love it. I'd name call too but don't feel like stooping just yet.

Oh. and i wasn't being humorous, it was actually serious.

Making fun of myself. i had a hard time find that . I'll just say it's manufactured manure coming from you.

This post has gotten out of wing, well I did end it a while back saying Ive got my mind made up. lol but anyway. Your turn.

Posting a comment followed by a smilie does not make it true. Unless of course you are using it as a signal to other members that you are being whimsical, in that case, it really doesn't work either.

Originally posted by KharmaDog
Posting a comment followed by a smilie does not make it true. Unless of course you are using it as a signal to other members that you are being whimsical, in that case, it really doesn't work either.

My writing "Wow all the name calling makes it all worth the while" isn't true? What, to you, or..?

Cause I believe it is. whimsical or not.

" "

Originally posted by PVS
... i hope you and your
hand find bliss together
Is THAT why he's called FISTofthenorth?http://img382.imageshack.us/img382/4397/rolldice0ml.gif

Originally posted by Bushwacker
Is THAT why he's called FISTofthenorth?http://img382.imageshack.us/img382/4397/rolldice0ml.gif

lmao, your the one with the name "wacker"..

And thats probably your hand in the pic signaling another guy, showing him interest.

Originally posted by Bushwacker
Is THAT why he's called FISTofthenorth?http://img382.imageshack.us/img382/4397/rolldice0ml.gif



say. no. more.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
lmao, your the one with the name "wacker"..

Originally posted by PVS


say. no. more.

Hey, wait a sec...The PVS I know seemed more wittier than that. Where is he, and what've have you done with him.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Would the fact that the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you from getting her to be with you?

How do you propose to "get her to be with you"? If her affections can so easily be won from her boyfriend to you, then they can just as easily be won from you to someone else.

Moreover, you also act as though she has no say in the matter. If she did not want to be with her boyfriend, she would not be with him, and conversely, if she wanted to be with you, she would be with you.

Ultimately, it is unethical to pursue someone who is not available, and even when you "win," you lose.

It's funny though how relationships can flow. I've know 4 couples that the women was engaged to someone else, and left the relationship for another guy, and later got married..

Originally posted by a1hsauce
I dont mess with another guys girl.

I respect that opinion and agree.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
Would the fact that the girl you wanted badly had a boyfriend, stop you from getting her to be with you?


Yes