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Die Another Day: Bond actually reads the manual for the Aston Martin Vanquish.

Goldeneye: Bond - How long did you say the fuse was?
Q grabs it and it blows both him and Bond up.

Diamonds Are Forever: The gangsters throw Plenty out the hotel window and she lands on Bond's car.

Tomorrow Never Dies: Bond walks into his hotel room to find Paris dead.
Bond - Stupid *****! I told you I could get you out of town.

Licence to Kill:
Felix: Wheres my wife?
Dario: Don't worry we gave her a nice honeymoon!
Felix: Awesome. How was she?
Dario: Oh she was the best I've ever done.

Bartender: Martini? Bollinger?
Bond: Just get me a beer.

Nice.
How 'bout this one...

bond at the bar...
"double martini. stirred, not shaken."

Moneypenny makes some flirtatious comment towards James. James replies by smaking her in the face and walking out.

A sexy woman comes up to Bond. His voice cracks and he slouches. She asks what's wrong and he says "I'm gonna need a tissue."

Bond tosses his Walther aside, picks up a minigun and goes "Trust me."

Diamonds are Forever: "Would you settle for a tulip?" "No." "......."

The gunbarrel opening changes to "Let me tell you what 'Like A Virgin's about..."

Someone asks Bond what his name is. He replies - "I'M BATMAN!"

Bond shoots M in the face.

Bond dies.

Dr. No: Bond notices the tarantula crawling up his arm and starts screaming like a girl.

Goldeneye: Trevalyn: For England James?
Bond: No...for you. (gives him a big kiss before dropping him)

Natalya: Where's Trevalyn?
Bond: I let him go.

TWINE
Bond swims away and leaves Christmas Jones in the sub to die.

"What's your name?"
Bond: "The names James... James Bond."

His gadget doesn't work the way he expects it to.

Things that would never happen in Bond... Hmm... Bond not hooking up?

Or Bond going to dinner with Moneypenny. Or, Bond becoming a double agent, working for England but loyal to North Korea.

Probably my big number one of this subject is Bond dying. He never dies. Duh. The other thing was him just asking for a beer like lordofwar said. Also that he would yell I'M BATMAN. I think this thread is hilarious on what you guys make up. they're all true too.

"not tonight love, i've got a headache!"

Caroline Munroe could never be the leading lady.

Bond's crotch is cut off with the gold lazer in Goldfinger.

tommorrow never dies: bond uses the remote for his car and police chase him he stops and the police run off they think its a ghost car

You Only Live Twice:

Blofeld realizes one of the astronauts boarding the spaceship is a fake, and has the man brought to his control room. It's Bond.

"Just shoot him!"
"No, I want him to watch my evil plan and all that, rub it in his face."
"Fine, whatever."
"Oh, great, he just shot one of my henchmen with a cigarette and opened up my volcanic lair. Now hundreds of ninjas are streaming in and killing everybody."
"Well just shoot him!"
"Nah, it's no big deal, when's the last time an army of ninjas won anything? This is the twentieth century."
"Eh, maybe you're right."
"Oh crap, my control room's falling apart because of those lousy ninjas. I better evacuate."
"What about Bond?"
"Who?"
"The guy who unleashed that army of ninjas? The guy who makes a living foiling your plans?"
"Oh, him. What about him?"
"Are you going to shoot him?"
"Mmm... no. Come on, Mr. Bond, come take a walk with me and my two henchmen."
"Oh maaaaan. What's your problem?"
"No problem, I'm just taking Bond down this corridor with me. Hey Hans, hand me that gun. And here, is the price of failure, Mr. Bond..."
"Finally, you're going to shoot Bond! Took you long enough!"
"Ha ha! Fooled you! I just shot Osato! Boy you should see the look on your face! Now come on, Mr. Bond, follow me."
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn't you just shoot Bond too?"
"Oh get off my back. I just wanted to walk down this one last corridor with Bond. I like walking with him. It's fun. There. We're at my little railcar. And now, since there's no more ninjas to watch, no more corridors to walk down, NOW I think I'll shoot Mr. Bond."
"Well too bad, bonehead, because that Japanese buddy of his just sunk a shuriken in your arm."
"Ow! Guess I should have taken one of those eight hundred opportunities I had earlier and shot Bond then. But I really really really wanted to have him watch my evil plans and walk down all those corridors with me. At least I learned my lesson! You can rest assured that if I ever have Bond at my mercy again, I'll just shoot him on sight!"
"Guess what, moron: you're going to do the exact same crap for two more movies. And then he's going to kill you."
"Boy I suck."

Bond does not use all of the new items he recived from Q/R....

bond becomes gay for Q

Originally posted by NoFate007
Moneypenny makes some flirtatious comment towards James. James replies by smaking her in the face and walking out.

A sexy woman comes up to Bond. His voice cracks and he slouches. She asks what's wrong and he says "I'm gonna need a tissue."

Bond tosses his Walther aside, picks up a minigun and goes "Trust me."

Diamonds are Forever: "Would you settle for a tulip?" "No." "......."

The gunbarrel opening changes to "Let me tell you what 'Like A Virgin's about..."

Someone asks Bond what his name is. He replies - "I'M BATMAN!"

Bond shoots M in the face.

Bond dies.


LOL!