Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

THIS IS MY VERSION OF BOOK 7 I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND FEEL FREE TO EXPRESS YOUR OPINON

thats not bad ...really cool

love it. brilliant work!

the story itself was great. but the context was...bad.

It should be moved.

it was good write more!

thax

I say rethink your choice of words, correct your spelling mistakes and also your punctuation. Now if you reread the opening few paragraphs to "The Owls" chapter you will as i have recalled the same basic start off as is in Philosophers stone.
Again you need to make some radical changes and get your brain sorted, do you really think that those starting chapters will get you any praise?? If you do, you need to seriously get some glasses and a comfy chair and reread it.

thax for you comments and i will try to work harder i just had this lying aroung my computer and decided to post it

also as you would notice i'm trying to soud like j.k.rowling,i'm studing her wrtiting techniques, so my version would be more realistict to you, and about the qoutations.................the book would be fairly boring if i kept saying: she said and he said and she said.........get my drift and you all ways don't need to label the qoute to know who's it from like in this cutout of a book named Eragon.(I would of shown a harry potter clipping but i cant find that book).


The next day while riding Eragon asked Brom,
"what is the sea like,"
"you must have heard it described before,"said Brom
"yes,but what is it really like?"

as my piont is proven it would be rather bland if i saying :she said and he said and she said,as i pionted out in the last sentence qoutations don't always have to be labled because you should natrally know that it's someone else turn to speak and since thers only two people u should know whos turn it is to speak

sorry for the english lesson i just need to defened myself to The Phantom

sincerly,
biggesthpfan

oh and origanily chapter one was going to be O.W.L.S but i meant to change it because the 6th book came out.like i said it's been on my coputer for a while. i only wrote the first 2 chapters on my computer so i'll have to write the rest of it as i go

Originally posted by biggesthpfan
thax for you comments and i will try to work harder i just had this lying aroung my computer and decided to post it

also as you would notice i'm trying to soud like j.k.rowling,i'm studing her wrtiting techniques, so my version would be more realistict to you, and about the qoutations.................the book would be fairly boring if i kept saying: she said and he said and she said.........get my drift and you all ways don't need to label the qoute to know who's it from like in this cutout of a book named Eragon.(I would of shown a harry potter clipping but i cant find that book).


The next day while riding Eragon asked Brom,
"what is the sea like,"
"you must have heard it described before,"said Brom
"yes,but what is it really like?"

as my piont is proven it would be rather bland if i saying :she said and he said and she said,as i pionted out in the last sentence qoutations don't always have to be labled because you should natrally know that it's someone else turn to speak and since thers only two people u should know whos turn it is to speak

sorry for the english lesson i just need to defened myself to The Phantom

sincerly,
biggesthpfan That isn't what I meant. I meant, there is no actions. No one is moving around. The way I see it they are all just standing still. You need to bring the characters more to life and such. I know you don't have to say "he said" and "she said" all the time. But then again you don't have to use the words "he said" or "she said" either. You could use "he exclaimed" or "she shouted" or stuff. You need to bring the creatures to life. You shouldn't take what I say out of context.

i have just realized somthing, work with me now

i was reading and article on muggle net that pionted this out to me

madam Prince-librarian
Ellieen Prince-snapes mother
*same name(and as i must reamind you in book 4 it was said that the wizarding world was not that big so that ends the posibility that shes another person named prince)
*same facal features as phrofesser snape and his mom
*and if you reamber she's all ways lurking around (possbly spying)when the trio is on to somthin
*She also seems as reclusive and secretive as our dear double-agent. Professor Snape

what do you think do you like the consiracy idea,if so post back becuase it might end up in my writing

p.s. also phantom i get what ur saying and i'll try harder

Originally posted by biggesthpfan
thax for you comments and i will try to work harder i just had this lying aroung my computer and decided to post it

also as you would notice i'm trying to soud like j.k.rowling,i'm studing her wrtiting techniques, so my version would be more realistict to you, and about the qoutations.................the book would be fairly boring if i kept saying: she said and he said and she said.........get my drift and you all ways don't need to label the qoute to know who's it from like in this cutout of a book named Eragon.(I would of shown a harry potter clipping but i cant find that book).


The next day while riding Eragon asked Brom,
"what is the sea like,"
"you must have heard it described before,"said Brom
"yes,but what is it really like?"

as my piont is proven it would be rather bland if i saying :she said and he said and she said,as i pionted out in the last sentence qoutations don't always have to be labled because you should natrally know that it's someone else turn to speak and since thers only two people u should know whos turn it is to speak

sorry for the english lesson i just need to defened myself to The Phantom

sincerly,
biggesthpfan
Um....he kinda ment there is only dialouge, no actions.


I'm sure Phantom can interpret who's speaking, butnot only are your coice of words for the charactoes bad, but there's too muh of it. JKR goes into description of the least important things, you need to do that.

Blessing, and kicking your story's ass,
JesuseyGoodness

...

There is a Fiction Forum.

http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f92/

Originally posted by biggesthpfan
i have just realized somthing, work with me now

i was reading and article on muggle net that pionted this out to me

madam Prince-librarian
Ellieen Prince-snapes mother
*same name(and as i must reamind you in book 4 it was said that the wizarding world was not that big so that ends the posibility that shes another person named prince)
*same facal features as phrofesser snape and his mom
*and if you reamber she's all ways lurking around (possbly spying)when the trio is on to somthin
*She also seems as reclusive and secretive as our dear double-agent. Professor Snape

what do you think do you like the consiracy idea,if so post back becuase it might end up in my writing

p.s. also phantom i get what ur saying and i'll try harder Actually her name is Madam Pince. The person who you got it from most have got it wrong.

the part above is the opening of a new chapter it is only half and you'll get the rest soon what you saw was a basic narratation of whats been going on, the next part will feature the actuall wedding as it is happening,
i would of showed you what happen in the past two weeks but it was unimportant and borin so i just breifly sumerized it

the voting is going to end soon and i'm a bit anioxus so vote!

and pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssseeee state your opions becauce i really want to her then

Originally posted by Twilight Janick
It should be moved.

Please REPORT threads that need to be moved or closed.

Hi, i just read your story. I'd have to agree with the others on the first few bits, but your writing has really improved Still, you might want to doublecheck your punctuation and stuff. Nice work!

time is runnig out you guys, vote now. my hand is itching for a pen and i'm glad a certain choice is winning because i'd love to write it

I say all three.

Krum, Because Percy is a ****, and Death Eaters this early would kind of be Rushing it..

if the winner is death eaters and i'm not making assumptions,
it wouldn't be rushing it because harry is no loger protected

a death eater could just walk right up to him and try to kill him

harry is no longer protected ,
dumbledores dead ,
since harry wont help the MoM they wont protect him,
he's no loger safe a hogwarts
he's not at the dursleys and he'l never go back(without a good reason)

so voldemort dosen't have to make long plans that never work insted he could just kill him off the spot

the poll ends friday guys vote now
7 days to go

p.s. if you want, i can cut the poll short and just go ahead writting because i'm getting a little impatient.

but still it's up to you

poll ends really soon please vote

-i think it ends tomarrow or sometime this weekend ---i'm not sure exactly when but soon

i'm writting the next several chapters right now in the direction of what is winning in the polls
if some maricle happens and the winner changes then i'll re write it all over

also please state your opions good or bad, make coversation, predictions, and therys. i mean, i didn't start this forum for just a story, don't be shy go on

godrics hallow --- godric gryfinndor
possible connction

help me out here what do you think

and the winner is ..............

---------------------------------------------------------
*All of thee above*
----------------------------------------------------------

the next part will be here tomarrow thanx for voting