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Ron wouldn't say Love Ron, and Rowling didn't put any religion in her books. Also it's too face paced. Try starting over, and slowing down. if you are going to have a point of view with Voldemort, then you could either, not have harry in the beginning, since what you had wasn't important, or save him for another chapter

thanks for the post I thought that ron wouldnt say that I was in a hurry.
as for religion what do you mean?

lol, that's alright.



I mean that. Rowling wouldn't make Harry say that at all.

i disagree with the religion thing...ROn said bloody hell...thats a religious thing so saying god isn't wrong and it's his story so techinicallywho cares if it doesn't follow rowling.
But i do agree you should have started with voldermort nad slowed everyhting down.

Originally posted by Esaul
lol, that's alright.



I mean that. Rowling wouldn't make Harry say that at all.
Stuff like that is littered all over HBP.

Hermione says "Oh my God!" when the Owls are coming with OWL results.

Harry says "God, I've been stupid" when he figures out Malfoy and the Polyjuice Potion thing.

they aren't implying God in that way though.



That is different than saying bloody hell "Oh my God!" and "God, I've been stupid"

Alright just letting you all know Im deleteing this story and Im going to restart again slower hopefully

Yeah I think u should restart! but dont take out things like God You give me a headache and I have a question for you Esaul how is God you give me a headache and God ive been dumb different???

i restarted ok its on a new thread called A final Battle with Voldemort

Originally posted by Esaul
they aren't implying God in that way though.



That is different than saying bloody hell "Oh my God!" and "God, I've been stupid"
... That's exactly how I meant it

Ok, My story is on the new thread so dont post on here anymore ok thanks

P.S. Comment on my new story

I've noticed that no one doesn't care about the new story cause this one sucked well I'm telling you'll who justy read this the new one is a lot better so far three people said so.