Rate my poem plz

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SamIel
plz rate my poem

Endless Tormet

Lost forever at the seas
The ocean of death
Filled with blood
And the bloated corpses
Drown in the pain you caused
The happenings of your torment
Your victims all slit their wrists
Some hang by the rope
The only hope they knew
For your words made them feel worthless
But they are worth more then you know
So now go taste your hurt
Taste the blood you spilt
Kiss the corpses
Tell them your sorry
Now I take the blade
And cut your throat
Gasp you're sorry
As I throw you
Into the waves of torment
You're swollowed by the sea
Dragged down by the lives you ruined




rate it plz

SamIel
rate from 1-10, 1 being the lowest

Eternal Turmoil
no expression

SamIel
anyone at all?

Eternal Turmoil
Sorry bout that. I just think this poem is soooo ... heavy? stick out tongue But cool.

SamIel
o ok.. lol

Coldfire
wow I know this style all too well lol. It needs some punctuation though, else it could be a bit hard to read. I would give it an... 8.6/10 happy

Syren
I'm gonna go for a 6/10. It's good, but as Cold said, you need some punctuation. Good effort!

Otus

Council#13
My lord, that is very.... graphic.... violent.... dark.... um.... I'm kinda scared

justjakk
Originally posted by SamIel
plz rate my poem

Endless Tormet

Lost forever at the seas
The ocean of death
Filled with blood
And the bloated corpses
Drown in the pain you caused
The happenings of your torment
Your victims all slit their wrists
Some hang by the rope
The only hope they knew
For your words made them feel worthless
But they are worth more then you know
So now go taste your hurt
Taste the blood you spilt
Kiss the corpses
Tell them your sorry
Now I take the blade
And cut your throat
Gasp you're sorry
As I throw you
Into the waves of torment
You're swollowed by the sea
Dragged down by the lives you ruined




rate it plz you painted a picture of heartbreak and hurt with blood and gore..no matter the punctuation..was pretty good..the only thing i dont like about it is that it seemed to jump all over the idea and was kinda confusing...however, i knew what you were getting at...i would go along with sy and give it a 6/10

Coldfire

Syren

SamIel
i have several other poems too.. do u think i should type them up on here as well?

Ritoshi
Originally posted by SamIel
i have several other poems too.. do u think i should type them up on here as well? Yes shock

SamIel
ok then... i will type my next poem...

SamIel
Reflection of Deceit

Anger fills the mind
Rage torments the soul
Forever bound by the hatred love
Bleeding by the blade
Of which is in your hand
I grasp my arm
Trying to hold the flesh together
I look up
Only to see
The one thing I feared
The one holding the blade
I look up and see
The only thing in my sight
Is my reflection
In the mirror of deceit

SamIel
soo.. what does everyone think?

Council#13
You've got a strange, dark personality, and your poetry is an outlet for your fustration and anger. that's my opinion. But good poem! thumb up yah.... yes

SamIel
thx... it is an outlet for my anger and rage.. but i can't seem to write any happy poems.. it kinda sux, but i like the darker poems better anyways.. lol

SamIel
i'm gonna type another one

SamIel
The End

The white light is close at hand
But never for me
To the darkness I am banned
Eternal damnation
Never to see the gates of happiness
Only th pit of despair
Looking back in the mirror of deceit
At myself
The blade no longer at my wrist
It runs along my throat
One swift move
Could end it all
My end
Bitter, but sweet
Just like blood
A tempting thirst
Should I move the blade?
Or wait a few more days?
Tell my loved ones?
Do I want them to mourn?
No don't tell them
Make the move
End it now
Collapse in the pool of blood
And face eternal damnation head on

SamIel
and now i type yet another poem

SamIel
Freak Remource

Start the freak show
I'm up first
Draining the blood
Of those I loved
Swollowing their lifeThe metallic fluid
Bitter, yet sweet
Quenches the undying thirst
The thirst hidded inside
That i have onlt found this year
Making me lose control
Primative side breaking through
Killer instinct taking over
Killing them all?
No, just draining some blood
Whether willing or not
I will feed
'Til I can feast no more
Am I to naw the flesh from the bone?
No, just pierce the skin
And drink the sweet, sweet liquid
To purify my soul
And kill the pain inside
The ripping sensation deep in the bowels of my soul
Trying to cure myself
But felling remourse
For I have killed all those I love
The only love of my life died
By my own hand
I'll shut myself up
Never to see the sun again

SamIel
Freak Remorse

Start the freak show
I'm up first
Draining the blood
Of those I loved
Swallowing their life
The metallic fluid
Bitter, yet sweet
Quenches the undying thirst
The thirst hidden inside
That I have only found this year
Making me lose control
Primitive side breaking through
Killer instinct taking over
Killing them all?
No, just draining some blood
Whether willing or not
I will feed
'Till I can feast no more
Am I to naw the flesh from the bone?
No, just pierce the skin
And drink the sweet, sweet liquid
To purify my soul
And kill the pain inside
The ripping sensation deep in the bowels of my soul
Trying to cure myself
But felling remorse
For I have killed all those I love
The only love of my life died
By my own hand
I'll shut myself up
Never to see the sun again

SamIel
lol oops.. i double posted

Council#13
those are really good! I like that last one

Coldfire
Originally posted by SamIel
thx... it is an outlet for my anger and rage.. but i can't seem to write any happy poems.. it kinda sux, but i like the darker poems better anyways.. lol
lol I know what you mean... people wonder what's wrong with me because I prefer writing dark stuff a lot of the time stick out tongue

And good stuff happy

SamIel
thanks for the positive remarks.. lol.. not many people say anything like that about my poems

Syren
They're good hun, thanks for sharing... but I do wonder if you're ok, in yourself? hug

SamIel
I'm completely fine.. well sort of.. right now I'm trying to figure out who i truly am... or what i truly am

Council#13
A female poet on KMC is who and what you are yes

SamIel
thx Council#13

Coldfire
Originally posted by SamIel
thanks for the positive remarks.. lol.. not many people say anything like that about my poems
Yeah not too many people said that about mine before either lol. But I wasn't too worried, considering I did and still do a lot of the time write poetry for my own benefit, not to be admired or put in the spotlight. I'm just letting my buried emotions out, and it seems you're doing the same, so keep it up happy

Syren
Exactly, share your work because you want others to be involved, not because you're looking for compliments or 'fans'. Constructive criticism is always helpful.

SamIel
Lost in the tears of sorrow
faded from the light
tears of blood flow from my veins
too far off the edge
lost in the seas of regret
wishing to turn back time
and try to make things right
but its too late for me
my time is up
don't cry for me
i don't need tears
especially yours
to mourn for me
is a lost cause
say good-bye now
and never again
do not bring up my name
lay it to rest
in the grave of denial
never to rise again


(this one i wrote off the top of my head, so i dopn't really have a title for it)

Council#13
Originally posted by SamIel
thx Council#13

no problem, just helpin' out big grin

SamIel
Originally posted by SamIel
Lost in the tears of sorrow
faded from the light
tears of blood flow from my veins
too far off the edge
lost in the seas of regret
wishing to turn back time
and try to make things right
but its too late for me
my time is up
don't cry for me
i don't need tears
especially yours
to mourn for me
is a lost cause
say good-bye now
and never again
do not bring up my name
lay it to rest
in the grave of denial
never to rise again


(this one i wrote off the top of my head, so i dopn't really have a title for it)

what do u all think of this poem?

SamIel
hello? anyone?

Wonderer
Dear SamIel,

From a technical and artistic point of view, I think your poetry needs some structure and rhythm - a poem is not just a train of thought, unstructured. I am a published poet and I have quite a bit of experience.

From an imaginative point of view, I think maybe you have too much imagination, or perhaps you write from experience!? Hope not!

I can see that you are really struggeling with yourself, but it's all in your head - a world you yourself create. I was a bit crazy in my head before, but I've taken control and healed myself.

It's good to write though, in order to purge your feelings.

Do you have an obsession with death and killing? I won't judge you, not even if you're 'evil', because if I judged you, I would come back in my next life to suffer even more.

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