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This is current Iron Spidey. Hawkman has his mace and shield and nothing else.

Fight takes place in New York City. Bloodlust on. Who wins?

hawkdude knocks him out in one swing.

Spider-Man: Before we fight, what's your story?

Hawkman: *starts a long, tepid six-hour lecture about his crazy-ass history*

*Spider-Man's head subsquently explodes*

Hawkman wins.

Spider-man. But i'd agree that narration on his life would pop Pete's head like a zit.