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Hey guys just tell me what u think I'm sure some of you can relate to atleast one of these give any suggestions you have.

The Bridge
My heart my sole you took it all,
I reached out and made a call,
Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge,
I fell hard but did not die,
My heart it hurts and now I cry,
For you still have my loving need,
Look my heart it now bleeds,
I reached up to grab your hand,
But you let go and I fell toward land,
Once again I did not die,
But now I hardly begin to cry,
Now angry I climb for the view,
Read my lips **** U

Love and Hate
I love you for your talents, cuteness and personality,
You hate me for my appearance, clothes and weighted body,
I love you for yourself and nothing has to change,
You hate me thats it I'm out of your range,
I love who you are and where you've been,
You hate me and don't care if I'm there once and then again,
I love you so much your my everything,
You hate me and seem to not care if you give me pain,
I see to you I'm just another score,
So go on have fun with another stupid whore!!!!

Confused
Scared and confused my heart leaps,
For now we have new found feats,
No hope gained no hope lost,
For last it gave such a cost,
Today we broke that barrier,
That one last safety carrier,
Is there still a chance,
Is there still hope,
Is there still a chance for us to cope,
I'm scared to trust my own instincts,
My own true feelings that create a link,
God help us to find our one demand,
That has us loving hand in hand,
Confused and scared my heart resides,
Of your heart it lays inside.

~No Name~
My heart it aches,
My heart it breaks,
How it hates you,
How it loves you,
Whats my choice but 2 want you,
Sure you don't say a single word,
But now your person my heart has heard,
Don't deny my wanting need,
For your call I want to heed,
See my pain its all inside,
But infront of you its sure to hide,
Does that mean you make me find,
My one true happiness thats you inside.

Puzzle
Searching so hard my head is spinning,
This search is always never ending,
Asking every person I see,
Except the one who has what I need,
He's hiding it from me where could it be,
I look into his eyes but nothing I see,
I ask all of his friends but they have no clue,
Only helping are a few,
My mind confused his not thinking straight,
I need that last fit before it's too late,
My mind is leaking full give me a muzzle,
Still searching for that last piece to the puzzle!!!!

Give Up
Theres no chance theres no hope,
Goobye for now we'll never cope,
I thought we both felt that way,
I'm proved wrong in one day,
You say one thing and act another,
I'll just face it we are not lovers,
I wish I was wrong to say this truth,
We are separated by a hard steel roof,
One side love the other hate,
In the middle it's our hearts beating a fast rate,
I wish I was wrong to just give up,
I'll face it now I'm a love sick pup,
Tomorrow the sun rises nothing will change,
You still say I'm out of your range!!!!

ur poems are so damn kick ass. i love them.... alomst as much as i lub you flowers haha jp, thats lances job, to love you . ur poems are pimpin....... just like meh pimp lol jp. keep 'em comin doped

Thx chickadee lol and those poems r lances fault lol so I guess I should thank him but no I won't lol he damn well better hurry up though thx for the comment keep em comin ppl
~Sierra~

ima beat that boi if he dont hurry up box lol, jpjpjp

Uh Oh I better get the sporks and the camera

Chyea, u kno it lol tongue

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
ima beat that boi if he dont hurry up box lol, jpjpjp

You talking about me, Bring itbat


Nice poems SG

Thx Demonic keep the comments comin ppl

NIce poems. Man! Why does everyone around here feel that they need to rhyme the ends of practically every line? Freeverse rhythm can be equally good.
But nice poems!

Yea sry bout the rhymin thing its just somthing I do otherwise I'm confused w/ it but thx immortality keep the comments comin ~Sierra~

Originally posted by Demonic Phoenix
You talking about me, Bring itbat


Nice poems SG


nah, im talkin bout the guy lance that hurt her ... thats the boi ima hurt

Yea exactly but not every1 needs to know that lol but yes hes the main reason for half those poems

OH PULEAZE.... no one here knos him cept u and me , ur avvy looks exactly like that fool tongue

Don't make fun of him god and I know

WHY DID U CHANGE UR AVVY?!?!?!?! GOD!!!

Cuz I just wanted 2 show u that one so can we plz get back 2 poetry here

NO..... cause ur avvy is creepy as sh*t, its scarin the fuk outta me ermm

Well its from the musical CATS its ok so back 2 the poems

IVE SEEN THAT MUSICAL....... so i believe i have the right to be slightly frightened by ur avvy...... i almost tried to kill myself while watchin that, dont remind me of it mhm so.......... fu im out

SRY

haha.... dont b, i was just messin around... it wasnt that bad of a musical.... luckily i love cats... so i wont hold a grudge doped

Ok Ok Now Back 2 Writing and Poems

post some more, and ill comment on poems, but til then...... we shall talk.... somewhere else tongue

Retrained
Hurt and scared my hearts restrained
By a steel cold hard chain
The chain blocks the way of what could be
It's halfway broken but thats from me
The other half must be torn by him
But the chances of that are very dim
I cry and bleed for him to break the chain
One day he'll do it very fain
Til then I wait depressed and restrained
On my heart by that cold steel chain

How do u guys like this one make suggestions ppl

What dya mena by 'one day nhe'll do it very fain'? I don't get it, apart from that it's ok.
Still hangin onto rhyming I see?

well im workin on not rhymin but yea in that one it rhymes but 2 do it very fain is 2 do it very glady or happily

Anger Depression Sadness
Will he ever love me
Confusion Heartbreak Lies
Does he notice me at all
Forgiveness Pain Wondering
How can he still let me fall
Hatred Suffering Goodbyes
Why can't he see my true feelings
Restraint Chains Darkness
How can he keep my heart locked up inside
Blood Sharpness Falling
Now I say my final goodbyes

I tried somthing a little new I think it kinda sucks but its up 2 u guys

I think it's great, I love the whole wording thing, you know, three seperate words that reflect a dark emotion after every few lines, keep it up!

Thx I was kinda nervous 2 do that but thx immortality

No probs, I'm sooooo bored, any more poems?

umm idk I gotta write em lol and I'm bored 2 so I guess I'll write sum more

Cool, look forward to readin more!

Falling
Falling hard down a deep crevase
Not knowing when I'm going to hit
Hoping he will be there to catch me
Darkest of night can't see the bottom
Wondering if I'll live or die
Crying in pain calling for help
No one can save me now
Ready to give up and land
Feeling closer and closer to death
Seeing the bottom ready to say goodbye
Waking up in a cold sweat
Never knowing if I was saved or not
Grabing the covers hiding my face
Crying in fear and pain
Waiting another night to face my fate

Cool, nice one! Man, this guy in your poems sounds like a real bastard. Is it based on somebody real or is it just a random 'he'?
Nice rhythm, also no use of punctuation, which adds to the effect, very good! (Oh God! I'm starting to sound like a teacher!)

Well hes not that bad but sumtimes he just confuses me and yea its based on a real guy thx

Yeah I got that, still cool.

thx

hmm, bored?

yea bored

Same here. Nowt to do.

I might write sum more but idk

Hmm, this is ridiculous! I have been sititng at my computer all day! shows how much of a dull person I am don't it?

Well don't feel bad so have I I mean I don't really have 2 much of a social life I gotta ask how old r u I was j/w

they are all so flippin good, but i really liked the anger, depression, sadness one 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up (from clueless) , i watched that movie last night, i was good lol

Thx urs r good 2 and omg I have a 5th sense my breast knew u were gonna say that lol

OMG U MUST HAVE ESPN!!! lol

LoL

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Well don't feel bad so have I I mean I don't really have 2 much of a social life I gotta ask how old r u I was j/w

16

OMG!!! from reading ur poems, i wouldve thought u were much older than 16

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
nah, im talkin bout the guy lance that hurt her ... thats the boi ima hurt
Oh okay.

Sorry SG for whatever happened between you and that guy.

Anyway, good work, keep it up

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
OMG!!! from reading ur poems, i wouldve thought u were much older than 16
Really? I'm just a lonely person that's why I try to make my poems personal, I woulnd't say I give the impression that I'm like an ancient or anything

Originally posted by Immortality
Really? I'm just a lonely person that's why I try to make my poems personal, I woulnd't say I give the impression that I'm like an ancient or anything

Yea really lol . Ur kewl, i dont see y u should be lonely. Nah, not ancient, just alot wiser than most 16 year olds i kno lol

Ok cool I'm 14 btw sry havent been on in a few days and thx Demonic btw here is another poem that I was thinkin of writin walkin on the way home

A day goes by and nothing happens
and another and another until,
Nothing is left but darkness and despair,
Until a light shines within
You know that in that light is happiness and warmth
You feel there is no way to reach it
People walking in and out everyday
You stay alone in the dark
No one to hold or comfort you
You scream but no one hears you
A tear drops from yours face
No one is there to dry it up
You trip and fall onto the ground
No one is there to catch you
Your alone and never see the people around you
You only see the one you want there

thats good girl doped

Thx but I think its kinda sucky

Aww, I like it! It's cool.

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
Yea really lol . Ur kewl, i dont see y u should be lonely. Nah, not ancient, just alot wiser than most 16 year olds i kno lol

Cool, thanks, same to you.

Originally posted by Immortality
Cool, thanks, same to you.

thankies

No probs.

Thx immortality but that wasnt my best I was just bored

Well then I guess it's safe to say it suckeddoped.....I'm kiddin ya, it's good

Yea and idc if u say it sucked I'd rather know the truth than be lied 2

Oh trust me, I didn't lie when I said it was good.

ok thx

Heres another one it ryhmes but idc

Secrets are told
Heartbreaks are lost
When did love come at such a cost
It's made itself known
That it shouldn't be beat
This new year I hope
My true match I will meet
Hope that was lost is once gained again
Confusion once dropped
Came back to drop in
Questions are asked
Tears are now falling
For no one knows what answers are calling
Let this new year bring one I want most
Please God I pray we are each others host
Falling off a cliff of rocks
Time ticking away on every clock
Let love give me the one I'm wishing for
One day I hope we'll meet at the door

AWESOME JOB SIERRA!!!!! yay.... good poem, i really liked it. HURRY UP AND GET ONLINE!!! i have things to tell you bout the party lol. anyways like i said b4 good poem. peace out girl scout lol pimp

Nice work but you coulda worked on the endin a bit, it sounds....unfinished, if ya get my drift.

I know it sounds unfinished im workin on that I had 2 get off the computer kinda fast

No probs, it was a great poem though

Ok is it good now

Secrets are told
Heartbreaks are lost
When did love come at such a cost
It's made itself known
That it shouldn't be beat
This new year I hope
My true match I will meet
Hope that was lost is once gained again
Confusion once dropped
Came back to drop in
Questions are asked
Tears are now falling
For no one knows what answers are calling
Let this new year bring the one I want most
Please God I pray we are each others host
Falling off a cliff of rocks
Time ticking away on every clock
Let love give me the one I'm wishing for
One day I hope we'll meet at the door
Our eyes will meet the hope of each others
Our lips will then lock with one anothers
Our hearts will beat three times at quick
Knowing theres no hope makes me sick
But it's all just a dream a stupid illusion
I'm starting to realize I'm in delusion
Unless I'm told to the face by him
Theres no truth not one little wim
So the games will keep going
Until he catches me alone
Until then no pain or confusion will be gone

and that is the truth

the truth sux hun, but ur poem rox my sox ...... if that boi doesnt make a move soon, ima take him the fuk out

Yea the truth does suck and I wish sum1 could find out sum goddam answers

dont look at me... ill help ya all the way girl... but i cant even figure out my own life

same here, my existance is in chaos!
Good Poem! I was confused for a second if that was the modified version of the one before! Keep 'em cumin!

Thx Katz it's ok nobody else is gettin answers so I don't expect u to it's too late anywayz and thx Immortality

Its never too late biotch doped

Don't be callin me a biotch I do think its 2 late and u know that

What will be the final chapter
When will it all end
How will the truth be shown
Why is he doing this to me
What happens after everything is told
When will all of the questions turn to answers
How will we end up as people
Why isn't anything going right
What is the chance of what I want
When will he finally notice how much I care
How is the story going to end
Why is it neverending
Who will we trun out to be

I just did baybay tongue................ awesome poem, but for real we will figure this thing out

Mmmk w/e and no we wont not til he comes out and talks 2 me 1st cuz I think Ive done and been put through enough

If you dont have wat u want then hell nah you havent done enough..... ur gonna be the one that has to talk to him

Umm Ive been through enough 2 deserve 2 be talked 2 by him and not have 2 make the 1st move talking

You deserve alot more, but he aint gona give it, u gotta make him

I'm not making him remember the horoscope sumthins bout to happen and it could be good or bad but what do u guys think of my poem besides Weeping Fairy

umm..... im not weeping fairy disguise2 .... see the differant schnoz, and the mustache? weeping fairy doesnt have a mustache.... or glasses, and her schnoz aint that big, so since im not weeping fairy i can say that i think ur poem was totally kick ass

mmhmm ok any1 else??

ya i wish to inform you that your poems are simply smashing old bean euro

(im not weeping fairy)

mmk

Im still laughin soo hard from tonight. Write a poem about that, and make sure it includes something about water, a crazy hoe, pole dancing and bananas. lmao, jp

Woah... if anyone cept SG is readin this, ull prolly think its quite dirty....... but its not.

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
umm..... im not weeping fairy disguise2 .... see the differant schnoz, and the mustache? weeping fairy doesnt have a mustache.... or glasses, and her schnoz aint that big, so since im not weeping fairy i can say that i think ur poem was totally kick ass

You have got to be the most incompetent disguise user I've seen in my 15 years on this planet

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
Im still laughin soo hard from tonight. Write a poem about that, and make sure it includes something about water, a crazy hoe, pole dancing and bananas. lmao, jp

Woah... if anyone cept SG is readin this, ull prolly think its quite dirty....... but its not.

It is dirty, with a hoe, a pole dance, hence str!p club, and bananas(which meaningshock?).

Originally posted by Demonic Phoenix
You have got to be the most incompetent disguise user I've seen in my 15 years on this planet



It is dirty, with a hoe, a pole dance, hence str!p club, and bananas(which meaningshock?).

I dont kno wat ur talkin about, that person isnt me schmoll

It really wasnt, no no no no, i was wit sierra at a basketball game, and she laughed so hard she spit water all over me and my friend eddie. Then eddie called this girl leanne a crazy hoe, then when the game was over, we went outside and eddie started pole dancing, completely of his own accord, that boy is absolutely nuts. banana is the nickname sierra gave to her boyfriend, dont ask why

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
I dont kno wat ur talkin about, that person isnt me schmoll

It really wasnt, no no no no, i was wit sierra at a basketball game, and she laughed so hard she spit water all over me and my friend eddie. Then eddie called this girl leanne a crazy hoe, then when the game was over, we went outside and eddie started pole dancing, completely of his own accord, that boy is absolutely nuts. banana is the nickname sierra gave to her boyfriend, dont ask why

ok thx 4 givin demonic that piece of info and one hes not my b/f and he most likely never will be hes just the guy I like and two I didn't give him that nickname some people in his biology class did I just know about it and I know why too

hehe otay SG w/e

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
I dont kno wat ur talkin about, that person isnt me schmoll

It really wasnt, no no no no, i was wit sierra at a basketball game, and she laughed so hard she spit water all over me and my friend eddie. Then eddie called this girl leanne a crazy hoe, then when the game was over, we went outside and eddie started pole dancing, completely of his own accord, that boy is absolutely nuts. banana is the nickname sierra gave to her boyfriend, dont ask why

Lemme revise my earlier saying and add a little more. You are the most incompetent liar as well

Whytongue12?

Originally posted by Weeping Fairy
I dont kno wat ur talkin about, that person isnt me schmoll

It really wasnt, no no no no, i was wit sierra at a basketball game, and she laughed so hard she spit water all over me and my friend eddie. Then eddie called this girl leanne a crazy hoe, then when the game was over, we went outside and eddie started pole dancing, completely of his own accord, that boy is absolutely nuts. banana is the nickname sierra gave to her boyfriend, dont ask why

EDIT: Sorry for the double post.

Its ok Demonic

Theres only one way to say goodbye
I walk away as I cry
Tonight is it theres nothing left
You have committed a mighty theft
My heart has been stolen and ripped apart
So many emotions right from the start
It's like a story with an unhappy ending
Knowing it's too late my heart is cringing
I look one last time with my last bit of hope
Wishing for a chance for our hearts to cope
The day is now gone and so are you
By now my face is turning blue
When the rope is cut it'll be too late
I will slowly die at a gentle rate
When you finally care my last breath will be taken
In your arms I'll die shaking
The last word I'll hear from you is why
Slowly and softly I'll say goodbye
Your question left unanswered as so were mine
You now know the pain felt when thought all was fine
Your heart now broken too for you watched me die
The last two words you say "Good-Bye"
As painful tears fall from your eyes
You start to remember all the hatred and lies
You wish your truth was told to all aloud
But you were too busy being cocky and proud
You spill your blood with one single cut
On your throat it shows such a rut
With your last bit of voice you say I love you
My saddened face is your last view
This poem has told you truly why
There is only one way to say goodbye

It's not that good but I needed to get some feelings out tell me what u think ppl

omg.... soooo. beautiful, and sooooooo sad weep

It's true and it's how I feel any other opinions?? and it's not that good

Sum1 plz comment on the poem I wrote besides Kitty

It's good, liked the rhyming enjambments, very rhythmic. It's got a nice flow to it and it's very touching. Well done!

Thx alot as u can see I was really depressed and kinda pissed I'll try 2 write more when I get inspiration

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Hey guys just tell me what u think I'm sure some of you can relate to atleast one of these give any suggestions you have.

The Bridge
My heart my sole you took it all,
I reached out and made a call,
Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge,
I fell hard but did not die,
My heart it hurts and now I cry,
For you still have my loving need,
Look my heart it now bleeds,
I reached up to grab your hand,
But you let go and I fell toward land,
Once again I did not die,
But now I hardly begin to cry,
Now angry I climb for the view,
Read my lips **** U

Love and Hate
I love you for your talents, cuteness and personality,
You hate me for my appearance, clothes and weighted body,
I love you for yourself and nothing has to change,
You hate me thats it I'm out of your range,
I love who you are and where you've been,
You hate me and don't care if I'm there once and then again,
I love you so much your my everything,
You hate me and seem to not care if you give me pain,
I see to you I'm just another score,
So go on have fun with another stupid whore!!!!

Confused
Scared and confused my heart leaps,
For now we have new found feats,
No hope gained no hope lost,
For last it gave such a cost,
Today we broke that barrier,
That one last safety carrier,
Is there still a chance,
Is there still hope,
Is there still a chance for us to cope,
I'm scared to trust my own instincts,
My own true feelings that create a link,
God help us to find our one demand,
That has us loving hand in hand,
Confused and scared my heart resides,
Of your heart it lays inside.

~No Name~
My heart it aches,
My heart it breaks,
How it hates you,
How it loves you,
Whats my choice but 2 want you,
Sure you don't say a single word,
But now your person my heart has heard,
Don't deny my wanting need,
For your call I want to heed,
See my pain its all inside,
But infront of you its sure to hide,
Does that mean you make me find,
My one true happiness thats you inside.

Puzzle
Searching so hard my head is spinning,
This search is always never ending,
Asking every person I see,
Except the one who has what I need,
He's hiding it from me where could it be,
I look into his eyes but nothing I see,
I ask all of his friends but they have no clue,
Only helping are a few,
My mind confused his not thinking straight,
I need that last fit before it's too late,
My mind is leaking full give me a muzzle,
Still searching for that last piece to the puzzle!!!!

Give Up
Theres no chance theres no hope,
Goobye for now we'll never cope,
I thought we both felt that way,
I'm proved wrong in one day,
You say one thing and act another,
I'll just face it we are not lovers,
I wish I was wrong to say this truth,
We are separated by a hard steel roof,
One side love the other hate,
In the middle it's our hearts beating a fast rate,
I wish I was wrong to just give up,
I'll face it now I'm a love sick pup,
Tomorrow the sun rises nothing will change,
You still say I'm out of your range!!!!

Awesome i love it great writing skill.

Those r nuttin compared 2 ur skills the only one that I like that I wrote is the very last one that came later on its on pg 5

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Theres only one way to say goodbye
I walk away as I cry
Tonight is it theres nothing left
You have committed a mighty theft
My heart has been stolen and ripped apart
So many emotions right from the start
It's like a story with an unhappy ending
Knowing it's too late my heart is cringing
I look one last time with my last bit of hope
Wishing for a chance for our hearts to cope
The day is now gone and so are you
By now my face is turning blue
When the rope is cut it'll be too late
I will slowly die at a gentle rate
When you finally care my last breath will be taken
In your arms I'll die shaking
The last word I'll hear from you is why
Slowly and softly I'll say goodbye
Your question left unanswered as so were mine
You now know the pain felt when thought all was fine
Your heart now broken too for you watched me die
The last two words you say "Good-Bye"
As painful tears fall from your eyes
You start to remember all the hatred and lies
You wish your truth was told to all aloud
But you were too busy being cocky and proud
You spill your blood with one single cut
On your throat it shows such a rut
With your last bit of voice you say I love you
My saddened face is your last view
This poem has told you truly why
There is only one way to say goodbye

It's not that good but I needed to get some feelings out tell me what u think ppl

i thought it was good it sort of reminds me of romeo and juliet and how there love ended in tragedy. Very deep and sad. Love and pain is alway a strong emotion in poetry

Thx and I agree bout love and pain being major emotions in poetry. I think u got my poem more than anybody in this thread. For me it was a story of a emotions and how they came to what they are pain, sorrow, tragedy, confusion, heart break, and love.

no prob. liked it a lot. any new one anytime soon

I'm not sure on a new one yet I've gotta find sumthin 2 bring the words 2 my mind sumthin like an inspiration but I'm workin on it cuz I really need 2 write another one but its just gotta come 2 me ya know??

I thought it was done,
I thought we had quit,
I thought I knew why it wasn't it,
But it was all just a fake,
A little lie here and there,
You never understood and you never cared,
My heart still breaking,
My body still aching,
Wondering if one cut could take the pain away,
Crying my eyes out day by day,
Searching for happiness in a sea of despair,
Thinking and asking, will you ever care?
Fighting and fussing is our only connection,
I'm sorry I can't give you true perfection.

I finally wrote another I don't find it to be too good but tell me your thoughts

Plz comment ppl

It is sweet and very fast, umm.. i don't think that's the best way to put it but for the most part it is smooth and kinda easy to read but you break your rhythm quite disconsertingly part way through. the introduction of rhyme in the middle is also a little odd and suggests that you hadn't planned or revised it... but i like it other than that...

Yea I never plan them out they just come how they come it's just the way I'm feeling that day and I don't think it's very good anyway but thx alot

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
I thought it was done,
I thought we had quit,
I thought I knew why it wasn't it,
But it was all just a fake,
A little lie here and there,
You never understood and you never cared,
My heart still breaking,
My body still aching,
Wondering if one cut could take the pain away,
Crying my eyes out day by day,
Searching for happiness in a sea of despair,
Thinking and asking, will you ever care?
Fighting and fussing is our only connection,
I'm sorry I can't give you true perfection.

I finally wrote another I don't find it to be too good but tell me your thoughts It's good enough to pass muster. If it comes from the heart, then it's fine. Next time...let it flow and not think too much on how it should sound or what you think is the right way to express yourself.

Well it sorta came from the heart and I needed to get some words out so I wrote them down but thx

Secretly lying to keep us apart,
I refused to admit you were still in my heart,
I thought I was done,
I thought I had quit,
I thought I had moved on from your stupid bit,
Then you came back and ruined it all,
"Trying to be nice" my heart started to fall,
Sinking and sinking into a deep pit of confusion,
Then I thought it just to be an illusion,
I was finally moving, then u put back in my mind,
Searching for answers I found nothing to find,
Still hiding your reasons I gave up with the fight,
Again getting angered and confused at night,
We made an agreement of no more hatred to exchange,
First meet of words my heart rearranged,
No longer hating but hurting inside,
We finally had our first and last goodbyes,
Tears held back from my eyes til late,
I will never understand why you started to hate,
1,000 miles away I still wonder and care,
What happened to us, what happened to this year

Ok for me its not so much about grammar or fixin things just tell me what u think bout the poem

i knooooooooo wat thats about yes i do but very very good poem, i luv u an miss u girl sooo much

Originally posted by SouthernGirl814
Hey guys just tell me what u think I'm sure some of you can relate to atleast one of these give any suggestions you have.

The Bridge
My heart my sole you took it all,
I reached out and made a call,
Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge,
I fell hard but did not die,
My heart it hurts and now I cry,
For you still have my loving need,
Look my heart it now bleeds,
I reached up to grab your hand,
But you let go and I fell toward land,
Once again I did not die,
But now I hardly begin to cry,
Now angry I climb for the view,
Read my lips **** U

Love and Hate
I love you for your talents, cuteness and personality,
You hate me for my appearance, clothes and weighted body,
I love you for yourself and nothing has to change,
You hate me thats it I'm out of your range,
I love who you are and where you've been,
You hate me and don't care if I'm there once and then again,
I love you so much your my everything,
You hate me and seem to not care if you give me pain,
I see to you I'm just another score,
So go on have fun with another stupid whore!!!!

Confused
Scared and confused my heart leaps,
For now we have new found feats,
No hope gained no hope lost,
For last it gave such a cost,
Today we broke that barrier,
That one last safety carrier,
Is there still a chance,
Is there still hope,
Is there still a chance for us to cope,
I'm scared to trust my own instincts,
My own true feelings that create a link,
God help us to find our one demand,
That has us loving hand in hand,
Confused and scared my heart resides,
Of your heart it lays inside.

~No Name~
My heart it aches,
My heart it breaks,
How it hates you,
How it loves you,
Whats my choice but 2 want you,
Sure you don't say a single word,
But now your person my heart has heard,
Don't deny my wanting need,
For your call I want to heed,
See my pain its all inside,
But infront of you its sure to hide,
Does that mean you make me find,
My one true happiness thats you inside.

Puzzle
Searching so hard my head is spinning,
This search is always never ending,
Asking every person I see,
Except the one who has what I need,
He's hiding it from me where could it be,
I look into his eyes but nothing I see,
I ask all of his friends but they have no clue,
Only helping are a few,
My mind confused his not thinking straight,
I need that last fit before it's too late,
My mind is leaking full give me a muzzle,
Still searching for that last piece to the puzzle!!!!

Give Up
Theres no chance theres no hope,
Goobye for now we'll never cope,
I thought we both felt that way,
I'm proved wrong in one day,
You say one thing and act another,
I'll just face it we are not lovers,
I wish I was wrong to say this truth,
We are separated by a hard steel roof,
One side love the other hate,
In the middle it's our hearts beating a fast rate,
I wish I was wrong to just give up,
I'll face it now I'm a love sick pup,
Tomorrow the sun rises nothing will change,
You still say I'm out of your range!!!!


the ending for The Bridge was nice. And i'm diggin the bridge metaphor!
Here's my favorite lines from that one:


"Your ears heard but kept away,
Your true feelings you have today,
You took my happiness at the egde,
And pushed me off that golden bridge"

That' was dope! For some reason, i'm really diggin that ears line!

"Love and hate was cool!" You stayed true to the theme of the title by contrasting every aspect of emotion in that broken heart state. Nice!

Confuse was one of my favorite. Similar to how you execute for Love and Hate, you clearly stayed true to the theme of the title as each line has a sort of unsettling qualities too them. This line here sums up the piece nicely:

"I'm scared to trust my own instincts,"

Illness!!

Now for the downside. No Name, was terrible! I didn't like that one at all. Each one of the topic had a theme that was executed well, resulting in an easy time to relate to your emotions and feelings, except No Name. I wasn't sure what kind of feelings or emotion you were trying to conveyed there. Another downer was, I feel, The simple wordings. Trying using a thesaurus to spice your poem up a little. Trust me, it makes a huge different. Other than those blemishes, Good Job!!

Thanks dude I appreciate it and yea No Name aint that great I know its not exactly one I like that much and thx kitty I miss u too!!

I feel as if in a sea of despair,
I think of you constantly wishing you to be there,
We talk for hours but it's not the same,
You don't how bad I'm feeling this pain,
I wish you were here so I could hold you tight,
I wait to hear your voice every morning and night,
I'll never let you go my love is here to stay,
Time lingers by hoping to see you day by day,
One day we'll be together kissing each other every minute,
Cuddling on the couch there's absolutely no limit,
Hoping you won't hurt me trying to trust your love,
My heart is very fragile like a peaceful white Dove,
You say I'm your angel and I hope it's true,
Believe me baby when I say "I LOVE YOU!!"

Hey yall tell me what ya think its a bit different but idk i felt it from the heart

YAY ITS FINALLY HAPPY!! ... .er.... well..... sorta....kinda.....not really, the I LOVE YOU!!! part was happy, tho lmao, tell reggie i said wats up lol, but u should change ur avvy cuz u dont like MC Banana nemore. but yea, i miss u sooo much, when do u get ur cell back?

Thanks Kitty lol yea it's sorta happy....Idk when I get my cell back but my mom says soon...I miss ya too...and yea I know I need to change my avvy lol I thought bout that yesterday....People tell me what yall think plz

plz people tell me what yall think

A secret well kept that plays a special role
Knowing I love you but you'll never know
Its painfully hurting never to tell you
Hopefully one day these words will compel you
Wishing you could hold me tight in your arms
All of the secrecy is causing me harm
My body is aching my stomach all flustered
I don't understand why your causing this pain
Unknowingly your killing me in vein
There is no way to tell you how much I care
But I love you entirely and one day I hope "us" will be there.

bwah