The TRUE ending to "The Empire Strikes Back"

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furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

laughing out loud


moving it to the EU section

Yeah, that was on TFN a good long time ago... along with a very long series that took the piss out of the EU, rather chronically.

master harmax
Bravo Mujaffa ! Truly ! laughing out loud rolling on floor laughing

lovely.....wonderful.....and its Boonta Eve Classic...I think

thank you ..thank youHappy Dance

Captain REX
I've seen variants of it, but it's still hilarious. big grin

Variants of what?

I don't think it's all that funny.

Jonny Raider
nah me neither, apart from the part about the trade federation thingy at 10 yr old, and the 'brass droid'
brass droid! lmao

The Ones
dude. you ressurected a thread 3 years old just to agree with someone?


Lord Banshee
Lol ur right its three years old laughing out loud

Jonny Raider
wow, sorry i didn't notice, i was looking through the whoe topics in NAME ORDER to look specifically for anything about tusken radiers or sand people (same thing)...but came across this...i must of been three sheets in the wind at the time, sorry

Well, isn't this a bit odd. I posted this two weeks ago in Versus thread, and look who gets all the credit for it. For shame.


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