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Hey, I wrote poetry for a while now, and finally I found the courage to post it. Lots of it is very, very dark and nothing for people that are easily offended. I will first post some of my earlier work.


Flame of Darkness and Love

It burns in my heart
The fire I can't stop
Can someone please call a cop
Though I have no chance to get help as I lost my ID card

The anger I feel is undescribable
I fear for my life
Why does it always happen to me
Am I cursed

Night has set and so has my love
I am not able to move
When will this horrible live ever end
I feel the blade as it cuts my hand




Comments are welcome but only good ones.

If you don't like it you just don't understand it.

This one I wrote after I read some of the Wikipedia on Dante's Inferno.



The Coldness of Hell and it's Circles of Pain

When has it started?
No one knows!

Energy bursts through the endless hall
Screams of the damned that had not chance but to fall
Can you see their grins
No, you can't! They cry

Who is the master of this world?
No one knows!

The throne of skulls is empty
Years has it been
They don't remembers what they have seen.
Everyone had to pay the ultimate fee.

When will it end?
Never!



It sounds like a good book, but I don't really read that much.

Originally posted by Bardock42

Comments are welcome but only good ones.

If you don't like it you just don't understand it.



lol

Originally posted by Sanctuary
lol Thanks, I am glad you liked it. What was your favourite part?



This one I made when I was younger and my parents still forced me to go to church. They are both catholics.


Church

I had to go to church today
Why did I
I do not believe
I hate Jesus

My parents made me dress nice
I looked so weak.
I wanted to wear my black Simple Plan shirt
But they didn't let me

It's all God's fault
I hate him
Only Satan will give me power.
And Johnny was mean to me again.


I can't believe I wrote this when I was just 16. I am not sure if I could even write like that now, 6 years later. Haha, I guess when Bob Dylan said "Oh I feel so much younger now I was smarter than that earlier" applies to me, too. For anyone who cares, my parents stopped after when I turned 17, once I screamed "Hail Satan" when during the communion. My brother dared me

Maybe I post some more poems later.

Keep the comments coming

No comments?

This one is one of the few songs I wrote. I never was in a band, but I think it is good lyrics. So, if everyone has a melody for them you can PM me. I'd say Punk or Heavy Metal would be best.


Song of Darkness


Why can't I fight the endless dreams
Someone must come to help
When have I found the deepest well
And will I scream and yelp?

We can't feel the power here, no we can't feel the power here
No one will come to rescue
We want to disappear
We want to disappear

From dawn till dusk I sleep in ruins
My life is drained from me
But when the night arrives
I know there is not better place to be

We can't feel the power here, no we can't feel the power here
No one will come to rescue
We want to disappear
We want to disappear


I want to disappear

Still no one reading. You guys are mean.

This one is one of my happier poems. I must have been about 18 when I wrote it:


Today!

We were in the park today
It was the best day of my life.
You gave me a kiss.
It's been an hour and I can't tell you how I miss
You.


Whenever I am happy you are around.
I never knew such beautiful sound
You make me feel so happy now.
I want to be with you forever.

Later on we fed animals in the zoo
And went to go see a movie
I wish this day would never end.
Life is good.Today!

We were in the park today
It was the best day of my life.
You gave me a kiss.
It's been an hour and I can't tell you how I miss
You.


Whenever I am happy you are around.
I never knew such beautiful sound
You make me feel so happy now.
I want to be with you forever.

Later on we fed animals in the zoo
And went to go see a movie
I wish this day would never end.
Life is good.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Thank you for posting. I am happy you liked some of the stuff I said, but it's still mean to criticize

But at least you've been nice about it and you said I had potential which is good

I do agree with some of it, though not all. But I am glad you posted, no one else does
Well then I fail to understand why you would post your poems if you want nothing but praise. Obviously some of the poems are good, but some of them aren't. Alright, they suck, but that's the point. Your poems suck so you get another person's opinion to make them better. That's like asking for a toned body but not wanting to do the exercise to get there. I really do fail to comprehend how it is you come off thinking that everyone's going to read your poems and find nothing wrong with them.

And the people will come with time.

Originally posted by Bardock42
This one I wrote after I read some of the Wikipedia on Dante's Inferno.



The Coldness of Hell and it's Circles of Pain

When has it started?
No one knows!

Energy bursts through the endless hall
Screams of the damned that had not chance but to fall
Can you see their grins
No, you can't! They cry

Who is the master of this world?
No one knows!

The throne of skulls is empty
Years has it been
They don't remembers what they have seen.
Everyone had to pay the ultimate fee.

When will it end?
Never!



It sounds like a good book, but I don't really read that much. I like this one. Pretty good there Bardock.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Thanks, I am glad you liked it. What was your favourite part?



This one I made when I was younger and my parents still forced me to go to church. They are both catholics.


Church

I had to go to church today
Why did I
I do not believe
I hate Jesus

My parents made me dress nice
I looked so weak.
I wanted to wear my black Simple Plan shirt
But they didn't let me

It's all God's fault
I hate him
Only Satan will give me power.
And Johnny was mean to me again.


I can't believe I wrote this when I was just 16. I am not sure if I could even write like that now, 6 years later. Haha, I guess when Bob Dylan said "Oh I feel so much younger now I was smarter than that earlier" applies to me, too. For anyone who cares, my parents stopped after when I turned 17, once I screamed "Hail Satan" when during the communion. My brother dared me

Maybe I post some more poems later.

Keep the comments coming This was a good one and made me smile.

Also, you have a brother? I never knew.

Originally posted by lord xyz
This was a good one and made me smile.

Also, you have a brother? I never knew.

Thanks, and yeah, I have a brother, his name is not Johnny though, I just used that to make it anonymous. That's how I call him in all my poetry.

I have one that's about him.


Johnny

He lives in the room across the floor
Sometimes he comes knocking at my door
He stays a while, not always long
but when he comes there's something wrong

From mondays to fridays he's an ass
But when it is the weekend you'd never guess
He's friendly, polite and nice sometimes too
Why can't he be always, I ask you

3 years older he is today
and I don't know how long he'll stay
but when he leaves I know for sure
I will miss him there is no cure.

That was pretty cool too. A lot better than your other stuff.

BARDOCK?! POETRY?!?!??!!? GET THE **** OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!


simple and sincere.

Good stuff, Bardock. Somewhat Lovecraftian, perhaps. I liked 'Song of Darkness' best.

Originally posted by Bardock42
No comments?

This one is one of the few songs I wrote. I never was in a band, but I think it is good lyrics. So, if everyone has a melody for them you can PM me. I'd say Punk or Heavy Metal would be best.


Song of Darkness


Why can't I fight the endless dreams
Someone must come to help
When have I found the deepest well
And will I scream and yelp?

We can't feel the power here, no we can't feel the power here
No one will come to rescue
We want to disappear
We want to disappear

From dawn till dusk I sleep in ruins
My life is drained from me
But when the night arrives
I know there is not better place to be

We can't feel the power here, no we can't feel the power here
No one will come to rescue
We want to disappear
We want to disappear


I want to disappear Great emotional stuff.. That is what poems are made up, so they say. They are the inner you........the raw you...........good job!

Yeah, inner turmoil or inner thoughts to our souls..........hahaha, you don't believe in a soul, but it is in our inner most thoughts.............glad for you, Mr. B....*Applauds.*

Originally posted by Bardock42
It sounds like a good book, but I don't really read that much. It's brilliant, but a little preachy.

Thanks guys, I am happy you like it.



Lost and alone like a spark of fire in the dark night sky

Running through the void
An endless fire burning in my heart
Nothing around for miles

A burst of light
A last flicker of hope
The End


This one is pretty short, but I like the imagery.

Are you that same Bardock that I used to know and love? If you are that one (that one), then I can't tell if you're flipping the bird or not. If you're not, then that doesn't mean it's bad, just that you aren't flipping the bird.

Something, something, something, because, because, because...

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Are you that same Bardock that I used to know and love? If you are that one (that one), then I can't tell if you're flipping the bird or not. If you're not, then that doesn't mean it's bad, just that you aren't flipping the bird.

Something, something, something, because, because, because...

You silly person, I do not understand what you are talking about. Is the genius in my poetry too obvious? I do like birds though.

Where's that one about that day you saw a bird fly across a cloudy sky?



Originally posted by Deja~vu
I like this one. Pretty good there Bardock.

Hahahaha.

I want that poem about the girl who left you for the boy with a car. That's one for the ages.

I think you guys are thinking about the same one, remember, seeing the bird in the cloudy sky as a sign of hope in such dark times?

But I am too shy to post it...it's not as good as the others.

Well, the others are magnificent, so I can understand why you would be shy about posting something that isn't as...blah, blah, blah, f*ck me I'm a cabbage.

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Well, the others are magnificent, so I can understand why you would be shy about posting something that isn't as...blah, blah, blah, f*ck me I'm a cabbage.

How would that work out? I never had human-cabbage sexulationships.

Well, I guess I should post the poem they have been talking about, I mean, if they like it, it must be okay. I just named it now.

The Bird in the Cloud after the End because of a Car

Go, just go
I don't need you
Anymore

Leave me
I know what we
could be

The sky is cloudy, but I feel alright
I see the bird in the pale light
and feel that I can live again
Without you, cause you love Ben

Makes me think of the modern human condition.

Originally posted by Victor Von Doom
Makes me think of the modern human condition.

Are you saying I should have submitted it to the contest...nah, would have been unfair, want to give other people a chance.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Well, I guess I should post the poem they have been talking about, I mean, if they like it, it must be okay. I just named it now.

The Bird in the Cloud after the End because of a Car

Go, just go
I don't need you
Anymore

Leave me
I know what we
could be

The sky is cloudy, but I feel alright
I see the bird in the pale light
and feel that I can live again
Without you, cause you love Ben

The name is beautiful, and the poem is lovely; really uplifting at the end there. My only wish is that it mentioned a bit more about the car. When I first heard the poem, the bit about the car made me cry.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Hey, I wrote poetry for a while now, and finally I found the courage to post it. Lots of it is very, very dark and nothing for people that are easily offended. I will first post some of my earlier work.



Didn't bother reading them yet, but I do like the name you choose for the thread, made me think of my favorite children's book, "Where the Sidewalk Ends."

Edit: Read the one above, who's Ben?

Ben is "the boy with a car" that the girl left me for, duh.

Originally posted by Victor Von Doom
Where's that one about that day you saw a bird fly across a cloudy sky?





Hahahaha. U!

Originally posted by Bardock42
Thanks guys, I am happy you like it.



Lost and alone like a spark of fire in the dark night sky

Running through the void
An endless fire burning in my heart
Nothing around for miles

A burst of light
A last flicker of hope
The End


This one is pretty short, but I like the imagery. Burinng and running for what cannot be kept....

Originally posted by Deja~vu
Burinng and running for what cannot be kept....
Wow, yes. That's soo cool, that's exactly what I had in mind when writing it...can you feel it when you read the poem?

Originally posted by Bardock42
Are you saying I should have submitted it to the contest...nah, would have been unfair, want to give other people a chance.

You totally should!

Originally posted by Bardock42
Well, I guess I should post the poem they have been talking about, I mean, if they like it, it must be okay. I just named it now.

The Bird in the Cloud after the End because of a Car

Go, just go
I don't need you
Anymore

Leave me
I know what we
could be

The sky is cloudy, but I feel alright
I see the bird in the pale light
and feel that I can live again
Without you, cause you love Ben



love it, quite powerful.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Hey, I wrote poetry for a while now, and finally I found the courage to post it. Lots of it is very, very dark and nothing for people that are easily offended. I will first post some of my earlier work.


Flame of Darkness and Love

It burns in my heart
The fire I can't stop
Can someone please call a cop
Though I have no chance to get help as I lost my ID card

The anger I feel is undescribable
I fear for my life
Why does it always happen to me
Am I cursed

Night has set and so has my love
I am not able to move
When will this horrible live ever end
I feel the blade as it cuts my hand




Comments are welcome but only good ones.

If you don't like it you just don't understand it.




I like that you've capitalized the first word of every line...a technicality most overlooked by those who would submit their pieces. Which is to say that though word art is a creative endeavor, laziness in itself should not. But on that note...let's not forget punctuation. A minor thing, but just as important. For example: this line "Am I cursed". Would that be a question asked of us or a statement being made? Oh yes, I am a stickler for that sort of thing as it distracts from the reading of thy prose.

Now...as for the poem itself. I will of course keep my statements from being assinine as I've been so accused of, to which I felt it was justified, but I digress.

Although some phrases are cliched and somewhat overused, I cannot fault you that as I'm as guilty of that as anyone else, but...the simplicity of it does bring out the visual aspect of what you are trying to convey. "It burns in my heart -- The Fire I cant' stop" would be more a statement of you've had used "cannot" instead of "can't" as it keeps a rhythm, a flow to those lines. Yet at least the two correlate and compliment each other as it brings to mind what burns in your heart where most would have said "thing" instead of being more specific.

There is one error I'm not too sure of though...did you mean "life" or "live" on the second to the last line of the last stanza?

Now...for those who seem to think I am an assinine braggart, let me say this.

Bardock...I feel that this poem speaks from youth in all its immaturity and a lack of insight and wisdom. The part of the cop is an allegory that has no meaning and is redundant in a way as to make it seem as if you were being clever and witty but it stops dead the continuity of thought and feeling and the emotion is left empty and without regard to those who would appreciate the brevity of your apathetic construct. While I feel the prose lacks the fortitude you tried so desperately to convey, it at least is original in that originality is not forced.

After all...I cannot allow those who think I am what I am to realise I am not and thus showing favoritism to them I favor more over others not of my ilk.

****ing hell.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Well, I guess I should post the poem they have been talking about, I mean, if they like it, it must be okay. I just named it now.

The Bird in the Cloud after the End because of a Car

Go, just go
I don't need you
Anymore

Leave me
I know what we
could be

The sky is cloudy, but I feel alright
I see the bird in the pale light
and feel that I can live again
Without you, cause you love Ben

My opinion is that it is too straight forward. You need more imagery and metaphors...just my opinion....It's too straight on...

Originally posted by Deja~vu
My opinion is that it is too straight forward. You need more imagery and metaphors...just my opinion....It's too straight on... What are you talking about, that is by far the best poem I posted in this thread.

Originally posted by Victor Von Doom
****ing hell. Haha.

Deep Thoughts

Standing in line
Thinking about pain
Love, life, war
What is there to gain?

The autumn started
Or do we call it fall
And when a life ends
Is that really all?

Why don't people understand what's right?
It's all so clear to see
Why do people always fight
And still are never free?

That one was real, wasn't it.

I liked it. Dylan Thomas-esque.

Prrmpf.

Thanks guys.

Here are two poems I wrote as a sort of...homage, to my favourite poet, Paul N. M. Johnstone.


Swanery

Death of Swans
A topic we can feel
The darkness of the end bizarrely hovering on shallow ground
In a pond of sadness their tears lie
Alone
Forever



Why?

Bubbles in a fiery soul
The weak skin of your body burned
Around and around and around
And around
By now it is clear
Random words connected by trivial thoughts of insignificant meaning
Dying as a whisper on your lips.

The second verse, no happier
Sorrow is all it can predict
Rhymes have long gone
Sometimes a genius is just not discovered


The last is a bit self pityful. I was a bit unhappy at the time, I had submitted some poetry to my teacher at school and they said it was immature and needed work. Meh, at least you guys see what I try to say.

Originally posted by Bardock42
The last is a bit self pityful. I was a bit unhappy at the time, I had submitted some poetry to my teacher at school and they said it was immature and needed work. Meh, at least you guys see what I try to say.

Same here. Whenever I have an idea for a dark poem, my frickin' english teacher(catholic)always dismissed it as immature. Very, very nice poems, by the way.

Originally posted by Skydude033
Same here. Whenever I have an idea for a dark poem, my frickin' english teacher(catholic)always dismissed it as immature. Very, very nice poems, by the way.

Bookmark this page, and return to it in a few years.

It's a joke. If you thought any of those were good, you are an idiot (or really, really like me too much...I'm talking creepy here).

Mine are better.










































j/k
Good work Bardock

Originally posted by Deja~vu
Mine are better.










































j/k
Good work Bardock No, they aren't.

But thanks.

Okay, now write some real stuff.

Pullin ya, you know. LOL

Originally posted by Deja~vu
Okay, now write some real stuff.

Pullin ya, you know. LOL Nah, if I did it would make this forum pointless as my thread would be the only one that needs to be visited.

new stuff plz?

Originally posted by Selphie
new stuff plz? You didn't read my recent announcement did you?

I did! I did, and I loved it!

Originally posted by Selphie
I did! I did, and I loved it!

Fair enough

The End

The moon shines in the dark night,
Mocking every tear I shed.
Why have you left me without a fight,
And how, will I ever get you back?

I feel but sorrow in this cold lonely light,
Longing for darkness that might make things right.
But feeling empty, with no hope in sight.
Can I change it, make things again right?

The floor embraces my lifeless form.
No muscle in my body moves without you
My thoughts are racing, what can I do.
My life is over, I wish I wasn't born.

The poision runs slowly through my sore throat,
The breathing gets slower as I shut my eyes.
Receive me now Phlegyas, in your loving boat!
My last thoughts of you, where my love still lies.

Vinny's Poem

Vinny, vinny, my dear old friend
You wrote me a poem and now here I am
My fingers are flying, but still is my hand
And now I wish you weren't Vin, cause I can rhyme with Sam

That last line was lame and you derserve surely more
But on the other hand what am I even writing this for
In a thread with the purpose to mock poetry
It's not meant as an insult, I hope you can see

And last but not least I write this little verse
As a poem with two stanzas is really lame
And damn that Joey he's wearing a purse
Oh sorry, I forgot, we are not watching the same.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Vinny's Poem

Vinny, vinny, my dear old friend
You wrote me a poem and now here I am
My fingers are flying, but still is my hand
And now I wish you weren't Vin, cause I can rhyme with Sam

That last line was lame and you derserve surely more
But on the other hand what am I even writing this for
In a thread with the purpose to mock poetry
It's not meant as an insult, I hope you can see

And last but not least I write this little verse
As a poem with two stanzas is really lame
And damn that Joey he's wearing a purse
Oh sorry, I forgot, we are not watching the same.
lol lol

hysterical

You are a legend, Bardock.

Originally posted by Bardock42
It's a joke. If you thought any of those were good, you are an idiot (or really, really like me too much...I'm talking creepy here).



Very nice.

lolz at the guy who mentioned Dylan Thomas...

Originally posted by Prabhodh


Very nice.

lolz at the guy who mentioned Dylan Thomas... I think, hope, (know), he did so sarcastically. But thanks.

He was probably being sarcastic...

Do you read poetry?

I read pulped trees with print on.

Yes, I do.

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
I read pulped trees with print on. I hear Hitler used to do that.

Yeah, I heard that, too. Probably just idle chit-chat. Everyone knows he didn't have eyes.

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Yeah, I heard that, too. Probably just idle chit-chat. Everyone knows he didn't have eyes.

Wait, how did he see all the Jews then?

He could smell their money-lust.

The best of all senses.

Yeah, that coupled with Jerry-Lee Lewis' audio-recipient perception, right? Right? Riiiiiight?

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Yeah, that coupled with Jerry-Lee Lewis' audio-recipient perception, right? Right? Riiiiiight?

Honestly? No. Really, just, no!

Oh, my apologies. I thought you were one of the suffragettes.

What heroic cause do you fight for?

Apples.


They are so cute and cuddly. May I recruit you?

Oh, yes. Please recruit me. I would be very proud to march for the apples, as my brother was an apple...once.

Is there any sort of uniform? Perhaps we wear hats?

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Oh, yes. Please recruit me. I would be very proud to march for the apples, as my brother was an apple...once.

Is there any sort of uniform? Perhaps we wear hats?

Yes, they are shaped like stems. And we all wear red or green fat suits.

To pay respect to our brothers...the apples...literally in your case.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Yes, they are shaped like stems. And we all wear red or green fat suits.

To pay respect to our brothers...the apples...literally in your case.

Oh, wonderful! May I be green? It's a colour I have a great affinity for...

Mainly because my brother, the apple, was a Granny Smith. Perversely, my paternal grandmother was more of watermelon. You can choose your friends (all apples), but you can't choose your family.

Do you have any sad stories to sell? I will buy matches.

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Oh, wonderful! May I be green? It's a colour I have a great affinity for...

Mainly because my brother, the apple, was a Granny Smith. Perversely, my paternal grandmother was more of watermelon. You can choose your friends (all apples), but you can't choose your family.

Do you have any sad stories to sell? I will buy matches.

As much as I hate watermelons, at least they do have a pretty good colour, not like those oranges...eww. Why is there no colour called Apple anyways, I mean, discrimination much, right?

Sad stories, well, of course an apple activist like me has many, many stories of sadness. After all, struggling apples in the 40s invented the blues.

Personally, I think blue should be called apple, what do you say?

It sounds like a perfect idea, but where do we sign up for something like that? I just had a look outside my window, but I couldn't see any shops with signs in their windows saying, 'Sign Up For Blue Being Called Apple Here!'.

When something like this happens, it makes you think that you're in one of those movies where everyone is being watched all the time, and someone's got a plot to blow something up. It makes me feel that I shouldn't trust anyone. Not even my dog. Maybe the apples should go to war?

Victoria's Song


Fish in the sea
The honey bees last stand
Truth and laughter
On my trail to neverland
Freedom
Now

Hurricane

Oh swirling air of destruction
Floods drown my sorrow
Death follows you
And tears
And Bush hates black people


Hey guys, lately I've been musing on Hurricanes, and this is what I came up with. I hope you guys like it.

It's a bit more political than my usual stuff