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Interesting interface and verbial useage. Be waery of Plot bunnies escaping your grasp and this will turn out fine. Grammer usage more suited to writing a script/audio drama but passable. Nothing novel settled but a very good attempt. i'm going to keep posted on this one PM when the next parts done.... 3/10 (which is good)

Actually, I've changed it a bit. I'll re-post it tommorrow. But thanks.

Much better.. still a little squashed which irked me a little... try double line brakes like I do after each character speaks, much like the way I RP in SW: GAW ...

Thanks, mate.

What do you mean a little squashed?

Originally posted by Cpt. Valerian
Thanks, mate.

What do you mean a little squashed?

He means that you don't put spaces between your lines and paragraphs. The ideal entry:

Right. Thanks, Gid.

Any more, I need something to read...

Sorry, my laptop is currently being repaired.

Ahhh... lol

hey can I illustrate the book thing you are working on? people say Im a good artist artist

you can illistrate mine if you like?