Oneness
I'm becoming less and less connected to everything around me.
First of all, nothing really touches me, nothing moves me or shakes me out of this apathy.
Second of all, I'm completely at the mercy of urges to eat, sexuality, and anger really. Those three impulses are the only real things that actually prompt me do something like pig out and throw shit around and break shit. Sometimes sleeping but that's not very common for me to even want to sleep.
Like, nothing really captures my attention, nothing is invigorating anymore. It used to be. I have zero moral empathy, for the longest time I struggled with manic depression and I think it was me stepping out of the infantile nurturing from my mother. I just felt so isolated and I had some sort of anxiety separation but that has come back every once in a while but I feel that slipping. I mean I don't give a care about affection or empathy right now either.
I'm not depressed, I'm just not stimulated or motivated I feel basically just impulses. Some people can go around from day to day and every single day something catches their eye, like something is nice-looking to them, or something baffles them and they express that. Whenever I've expressed it it's been a split personality, I can tell you right now I am an expert at feigning interest because I see other people and I'm just being a mocking bird, monkey see monkey. I don't really give a care about that stuff.
I'm thinking maybe methamphetamine? Nah, I've been on them they don't help. None of the drugs really seem to change the fact that I have trouble with intrinsic feeling. It's not mood stabilizers, they're not going to motivate me.
The only thing that really wakes me up is alcohol, but that's just a stupor.
I'm sure there are thousands of sociopaths just in this part of the country, I've had my suspicions when I've seen another one. Is it just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with? Sociopaths turn out either being bums or those weird ass people working in offices. That's just something I'll have to live with?
I think a term for it is anxiety neurosis, my father has it, I have it. I don't even want to leave the house most of the time.
First of all, nothing really touches me, nothing moves me or shakes me out of this apathy.
Second of all, I'm completely at the mercy of urges to eat, sexuality, and anger really. Those three impulses are the only real things that actually prompt me do something like pig out and throw shit around and break shit. Sometimes sleeping but that's not very common for me to even want to sleep.
Like, nothing really captures my attention, nothing is invigorating anymore. It used to be. I have zero moral empathy, for the longest time I struggled with manic depression and I think it was me stepping out of the infantile nurturing from my mother. I just felt so isolated and I had some sort of anxiety separation but that has come back every once in a while but I feel that slipping. I mean I don't give a care about affection or empathy right now either.
I'm not depressed, I'm just not stimulated or motivated I feel basically just impulses. Some people can go around from day to day and every single day something catches their eye, like something is nice-looking to them, or something baffles them and they express that. Whenever I've expressed it it's been a split personality, I can tell you right now I am an expert at feigning interest because I see other people and I'm just being a mocking bird, monkey see monkey. I don't really give a care about that stuff.
I'm thinking maybe methamphetamine? Nah, I've been on them they don't help. None of the drugs really seem to change the fact that I have trouble with intrinsic feeling. It's not mood stabilizers, they're not going to motivate me.
The only thing that really wakes me up is alcohol, but that's just a stupor.
I'm sure there are thousands of sociopaths just in this part of the country, I've had my suspicions when I've seen another one. Is it just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with? Sociopaths turn out either being bums or those weird ass people working in offices. That's just something I'll have to live with?
I think a term for it is anxiety neurosis, my father has it, I have it. I don't even want to leave the house most of the time.