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My character is 5'8, 170 lbs, drunk off ten beers, another beer in one hand and a big cigar in the other, laying back on a porch chair barely conscious.

Come up with a weaker character then that, who can win, if you can.

Your character has already won, as far as I'm concerned.

A 4'8 midget nodding off from heroin?

Yes she can!
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