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The Inkeeper
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After The War
What really happened to the characters of LOTR after the war:
Bilbo- After completely going insane, Mr. Baggins continued to write a series of books and memoirs. No one knew if the stories were exactly true or not, but they were still popular. After finally leaving Rivendell, mostly because Elrond was so sick of hearing him mumble and make up songs in a dark corner while rocking back and forth, he traveled back to the Shire. While going back, he made a stop in Bree where he was involved in the Riot of Prancing Pony and was said by a witness to have "...burst through the door while singing some odd song, why then he hopped on the table and was doing some sort of jig and mumbling something about a ring." After returning to the shire, he resided with Frodo for a while before starting a traveling a cappella group (singing soprano). The group included Gandalf, Elrond, and Tom Bombadil and was slightly sucessful.
Gandalf- He traveled around middle-earth for many years looking for various jobs after being fired from his position of Head of the Council of the Wise. He didn’t like to talk about his termination but rumor has it he was smuggling and selling underground souvenirs of the One Ring and "Frodo lives" t-shirts to make some extra money. By using his wizard skills, Gandalf was forced to do children’s birthday parties (including all of Sam’s kids) and carnival acts. When he heard that Bilbo was looking for an alto, he auditioned and made the group. After the group broke up, he went to the undying lands with Bilbo, Elrond, and Frodo.
Elrond- After his daughter Arwen was wed to Aragorn, Elrond went back to Rivendell where he lived with Bilbo, much to his dismay. Elrond himself wrote some books including poems and songs of the elves. He got rid of Bilbo by telling him that his "ring" was in the Shire, and Bilbo was so excited that he believed him and left Rivendell. Elrond thought he had seen the last of Bilbo, but oh no, they meet once again. Elrond, very bored and lonely since Bilbo had gone, decided to do some traveling. He came across auditions for an a cappella group that was desperate for an "Elven Voice". Elrond became the new tenor before he could say "Mellon", because unaware to Elrond, Bilbo was the one forming the group and started dancing when he saw his old pal Elrond.
Tom Bombadil- He stayed in the Old Forest for many a years protecting the forest from what evils remained. After realizing that he was as old as the world but had never been outside the Old Forest, Tom thought it best if he traveled around a bit. Taking Goldberry with him, he went through uncharterd lands with strange creatures and objects he had never seen. Goldberry had to explain that they were in the Shire. Well, as we all know, Tom eventually made it into the a cappella group as the bass.
Goldberry- The manager and costume designer for the group. She also composed and wrote some of the songs and eventually sued the group for copyright infringement. After the breakup, she and Tom moved back to the Old Forest.
[The Bagend Boys]
Frodo- He was the manager and founder of the popular boy band Bagend Boys. After deciding to embark on a deadly mission, carrying a powerful ring, and saving the world from the evil Sauron, Frodo still felt he was missing something (besides his finger that is, haha). When his friends came back to the Shire he knew exactly what that was. These hobbits were just the best of friends and wanted to be with each other all the time. So they did what all friends do when they want to be together- they started a boy group. After countless dance rehearsals and strenuous voice training, they made their first Middle Earth tour called the "Hobbit Fellowship Tour of 1135". Their hit song "A Ring for U" reached #1 in the Shire Billboard Chart. They had concerts in such cities as Hobbiton, Bree, Rivendell, Edoras, and Minus Tirith. They also played at the Gondor MusicFest, which included Middle Earth Anarchy. After Merry’s mishap (see Merry), the group continued for 3 more years until Frodo’s past caught up with him. Losing a finger hurt Frodo’s (aka FroMan the older brother type) self-esteem. Along with the pains he occasionally suffered as a result of being a ringbearer, Frodo suffered a mental breakdown and had to rest in his hobbit hole in Hobbiton. Sam decided it best to end the group. Frodo lived in Hobbiton and wrote books until his leave to the Undying Lands with Sam.
Sam- He went back to Hobbiton and continued working as a gardener for Frodo. These two were as best friends as best friends could be. They enjoyed their time together so much; they drank tea, ate scones and seed-cakes, and reminisced the amazing adventures they experienced. After joining Bagebd Boys, Sam (aka Sammy the shy, sweet one) was slightly embarrassed at the attention he got. He just wanted to be a gardener and he was also worried about Frodo’s condition. When he married Rosie, many hobbit girls were mad and some even cried. This hurt the group’s popularity but they still had success. After Merry’s problem, the group continued until the official break up 3 years later. Sam and Rosie lived in Hobbiton and raised their many children. In old age, Frodo took his long time best friend Sam with him to the undying lands.
Pippin- Peregrin Took became a gaurdsman for Minus Tirith where he lived after the war. Five years later, Pippin moved back to the Shire and visited Frodo, Sam, and Fatty. Once Merry came back and the whole gang was back together, they formed the group. Pippin (aka Pip the cute one) enjoyed being in the group probably more than the others did. He was also the most popular one so he became slightly egotistical. When popularity went down, Pippin was blamed because he was “too concentrated on himself”. Merry’s problem was blamed on Pip because he wasn’t being supportive. Actually, Pippin was blamed for so much stuff because he was “that fool of a Took” he quit the group after Frodo’s mental breakdown. Pippin later tried a solo career but it wasn’t working so he moved back to Hobbiton and became a manager for rising musical groups.
Merry- Meriadoc Brandybuck became an esquire in Rohan and lived there for many years before deciding to move back to the Shire and grow a pipewed farm. There was a hobbit reunion when Merry was reunited with Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Fatty and they knew right there that they could never be parted again. Within 2 years of their success, Merry (aka Merry B, the rebel) began an addiction to pipeweed. Within a year, he became distempered, forgot his dance moves, and started adding curse words during his solos. In denial of his problem, Frodo decided to admit Merry into a Pipeweed Rehab program in Bree and Merry recovered within the following year. He now resides in South Farthing and teaches young hobbits about pipeweed addiction in the P. A. R. E. (Pipeweed Abuse Resistance Education) program.
Fatty- Fatty (the fat one no one liked) lived in Crickhollow and rejoined his friends for the reunion. After joining the group, he realized he had no fan base so he started to go into a depression and over-ate. In fact, he gained double his weight and had trouble doing the dance routines. One time at a concert, Fatty was trying to do his signature move when couldn’t lift up his leg because he was so fat. He collapsed on stage and was rushed to a medic. He had to do several 12-step programs because most of them didn’t work and he finally lost some of the weight. Because this happened around the same time as Frodo’s mental breakdown and Pippin had quit, the group was no more. Fatty moved back to Crickhollow, where he became a motivational speaker. He also owned an apothecary, where he developed a diet potion.
[Middle Earth Anarchy]
Aragorn- Became King of Gondor but realized that his job was actually very boring. When he heard that Legolas and Gimli were starting a punk band he knew what his real destiny was. He played guitar in the band and also background vocals. Once the group retired, Aragorn returned back to Minus Tirith to be with his true love Arwen, who had been ruling the kingdom in his place. They lived happily ever after and raised a family.
Legolas- After the festivities in Minus Tirith that marked the end of the war, Legolas moved to Ithilien where he was the brave and wonderful leader of elves that lived there. He learned his gifted talent of the guitar by accident. One day, he was sitting in the forests of Ithilien, very bored. He started plucking at his bow and some wicked punk riffs came out. He then had the ingenious idea of forming a punk rock band. With his beautiful Elven voice, he also was the lead singer. Their group “Middle Earth Anarchy” became so popular they had to get Treebeard as a bodyguard. With all their fame, Legolas still remained the same humble and sweet elf. After 5 double platinum records and the #1 hit song "Sauron Sucks", they decided to retire (and because of Gimli’s little mishap discussed later). Legolas joined the others in the Undying lands.
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Feb 14th, 2004 01:47 PM |
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The Inkeeper
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Gimli- Establishing a dwarf community at Helm’s Deep, Gimli lived there for a couple of years after the war. Still mesmerized by Galadriel’s beauty, Gimli thought about her and had dreams about her all the time. He wanted so much to see her again. After visiting his best pal Legolas in Ithilien, he learned about the idea of starting a punk band. Gimli begged to be the drummer because he thought Galadriel would be impressed by his rock star status. They had many sold out concerts and tons of fans, but part of Gimli was still sad. He organized a concert in Lorien and was so thrilled at seeing Galadriel that he made the band play at Lorien almost every day. Once some of the elves got suspicious, they canceled the rest of the concerts. Gimli was still determined and would sneak into Lorien at night, stand outside Galadriel’s room, and gaze up at her balcony. But when she would come out, however, he would always run off (being shy around her). Eventually, Galadriel had to get a restraining order since Gimli kept stalking her, and he had to quit the band. He was also getting threats from Celeborn, including one duel to the death and quote "to stay away from my woman." Brokenhearted, Gimli went to live with Legolas in Ithilien and went to the Undying Lands together.
[GI Elves] Elladan and Elrohir- These two fought in every battle known to man (err I mean Elf). When they went to the Undying Lands, they were so used to wars and fighting that they started imaginary battles and fought the air. They developed “Post-Traumatic War Syndrome”; however instead of having nightmares of the horrors of war, they had reoccurring dreams of attacking orcs with arrows and piercing trolls while laughing.
[The Bodyguard] Treebeard- This Ent continued to live in Fangorn Forest for many years. However, when Middle Earth Anarchy became extremely popular and needed a bodyguard, he came to his friends’ aid. No one would dare to mess with this guy, even though he would never really hurt anyone. He was just in it for the free concerts as he said, "Hooom, hoof, hmph…you guys rock!"
[The Original Swinger] Butterbur- The bartender continued working at his bar The Prancing Pony. The bar was always very successful and popular do to its location. After the Riot occurred, however, things changed. Prancing Pony was losing business. In order to keep his bar alive, Butterbur turned it into a night club complete with swing music. In fact, Butterbur was even part of the act and sang some swing, he was known as "The Frank Sinatra" of Middle Earth (don’t ask how they knew about Sinatra). The Prancing Pony became known as The Swinging Pony and was a hot spot and headquarters for the Bree Mafia. After years of success, the bar was shut down after the Bree Mafia was busted when Little Tony Smallfeet was arrested for illegal gambling.
thanks too jedi hobbit for that lol....and written by a person named lisa 
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Feb 14th, 2004 01:48 PM |
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Exabyte
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Feb 14th, 2004 01:50 PM |
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The Inkeeper
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after the rise in fame...the fellowship (and guest) decided to be interviewed
Hermione Granger, 5th year Gryffindor Prefect at Hogwarts, interviews some well-known residents of Middle-earth.
Hermione: Hello, everyone! Thanks for being here.
Frodo: The pleasure is all mine.
Legolas: Well met, my fair lady. *winks* Its an honor to be in the presence of such a beautiful young maiden.
Hermione: *blushes* Oh, hehe...well thank you Legolas. So what was it like being the only elf in the fellowship?
Legolas: Well, it was an honor and privelage to represent my people. Of course, I never meant any elf maidens that could compare to you. *charming smile and winks again*
Hermione: hehe, well yes of course. *sighs* And you are such a wonderful fighter and...
Frodo: hey, aren't you supposed to be asking all of us questions?
Hermione: uh...yes of course. So Pippin, what was it like being in the presence of Gandalf?
Pippin: Gandalf? bah! That ol' wizard was nothin' but a showoff, eh. He was always talkin' aboot his great knowledge and how he was the best thing since pipeweed, and he always blamed me for everthing! "Stupid hobbit!" he would say, yoo' know. Fool of a Took this, Fool of a Took that. I never got no respect, eh. Gandalf, well he was just a crazy, ol' Fool of a wizard! So there! Go stick that in yer pipe and smoke it!
Merry: smoke what? I want some...
Hermione: oh my.. I sense you have some issues Pip.
[Gandalf enters]
Gandalf: Why, hullo dear Peregrin. Where you talking about me?
Pippin: uhhh no...[mutters something]
Hermione: Oh Gandalf! Its a pleasure to meet you sir. Can I ask you a few questions?
Gandalf: Of course, my dear. Afterall I am [dramatic music] Gandalf the...White.
Hermione: How did you become one of the greatest wizards in Middle-earth?
Gandalf: Let me tell you alittle known fact, I am actually a Hogwarts graduate myself. Class of '23 in fact, Prefect too.
Hermione: Oh my! Really?!? What house were you in?
Gandalf: Gryffindor of course. That is the best house, isn't it?
Hermione: yes, of course. Ok I have a question for Eowyn. What is it like being a woman in Middle-earth?
Eowyn: Well Hermione, at first its like kinda boring you know. I was really bored with my life and after I met Aragorn, I was like "Whoa what a hunk". Ok well he totally dissed me and so I did what any girl would do in that situation. I disguised myself as a warrior and kicked some major @$$. And I even got married along the way.
Hermione: wow, very inspiring.
Faramir: Yes, my dear Eowyn is a wonderful maiden whom I admire most admiringly.
Hermione: That's wonderful Faramir, that you too met like that.
Faramir: Yes, and I would just like to say that I am often forgotten or left out and--
Hermione: Oh look its Merry! Hello Merry, how are you?
Merry: Hullo! How is everything at Hogwarts?
Hermione: Oh, er, very fine thanks. Hopefully Gryffindor will win the Quidditch cup again.
Merry: Quidditch, eh? I tried playing that once but I wasn't very good. I think I'm too short.
Pippin: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: Err..ok. Well back to some questions. [Pippin proceeds to drink a pint of ale] So Gimli, I heard that you and Legolas became best friends?
Gimli: Aye, that's right, lass. At first, I was greatly annoyed by his Elvish behaviors, they are strange folk, ya' know. But after meeting the fair beauty of Lady Galadriel, well...sigh...
Legolas: *rolls his eyes* Oh come on, she's married Gimli!
Gimli: Yer just jealous! That she should give me a lock of her silky hair and all you got was a bow.
Legolas: It was an Elvish bow, thank you very much.
Hermione: So Legolas, how do you feel about Gimli?
Legolas: Well, he is actually quite polite by dwarf standards and smells rather better than most dwarfs.
Gimli: Aye, thank yee, lad. [pats Legolas on the shoulder]
Legolas: HEY! Watch the hair! It took me forever to get it like that.
Gimli: He's not kidding too. Try being roommates with him. He spends all the time in the bathroom. *shakes his head*
Hermione: I see. [random noises coming from Pippin]
Frodo: Hey, aren't you gonna ask ME some questions. Afterall I am the freakin' hero!
[Frodo storms out]
Sam: Yes Mr. Frodo is a brave and noble hobbit. The world must thank him for his wonderous deeds.
Merry: Uh, Sam, Frodo left.
Sam: Oh. Well that #!@*$%& loser is so #!@*$%& stupid! I mean he #!@*$%& complains about #@!* and expects ME to #!@*$%& do #!@*$%& everything!!!! What the #!@*$%& is wrong with that #!@*$%& son of a #!@*$%& #@!$*, and #!@*$%& quest #!@*$%& #!@*$%& of a #!@*$%&....[this goes on for a few minutes]
[Frodo comes back]
Sam: Oh, hullo, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: Oh Sam, I'm so glad you're with me.
Pippin: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
[King Elessar enters with Arwen]
Hermione: Oh! It's Aragorn!
Aragorn: Greetings, lady Hermione. Such an honor. How may I assist you?
Hermione: Well I was wondering what its like to rule Middle-earth?
Aragorn: Oh..that. Well its a very noble and honorous profession that takes great responsibility. Oh, who am I kidding? Its #!@*$% boring. Oh how I miss my ranger days. Being all rugged, independent, and a wicked fighter. sigh...
Hermione: Oh my. So you like being a ranger better?
Aragorn: Yes of course. But I think the real question is... what's up with Crabb and Goyle??
Hermione: Uh, what? Excuse me??
Aragorn: You know, Draco's "friends". Crabb and Goyle. They are always together. They even went to the Yule Ball together. I think there's something going on between those two.
Hermione: You know about the Yule Ball?
Aragorn: Of course, I have a subscription to the Daily Prophet. I told you, being King is boring.
[Pippin is now dancing on a table, singing]
Pippin: "...better than rain or rippling brook, is a mug of beer inside the Took!"
Hermione: Oh my, is he ok?
Frodo: Don't worry, that always happens after he drinks a pint.
Gimli: Aye, I dare say he's wasted.
[Smoke is coming from Merry's direction]
Hermione: Uh, Merry. What are you doing?
Merry: umm...Nothing! [whispers "To the left, the LEFT!"]
Frodo: [mutters something about "the goods"]
Arwen: Legolas is mah baby's daddy!!
Aragorn: WHAT?!?
Legolas: *winks*
Arwen: HAAA! Just kidding! We totally got you.
Aragorn: yeah, yeah. You did. Funny.
Pippin: Leg'las ish mah baby's dadda!
Legolas: Whoaaa! I don't know what you're talking about man.
Hermione: umm...this is kinda awkward.
[Sauron enters]
Sauron: yo! whut up my peeps!
Frodo: Hey Saury, what's up?
Sauron: I just wanted to let you know that I have no hard feelings against you. I mean, all I did was lose my ring. I even put up posters and had a reward. I just wanted it back. And then your crazy uncle finds MY ring and do you give it back? NO! You destroy the thing. Did I ever take anything of yours and destroy it? I think not. But seriously, no hard feelings. It's all good.
Frodo: Oh right. Sorry about that.
Sauron: But that was pretty fun though, wasn't it? I mean I did almost get you. Well are we still hanging out at The Prancing Pony tonight?
Frodo: Of course.
Sauron: Sweet. Later! [leaves]
Frodo: That Sauron. Always good for a laugh.
Hermione: Ok, about my interview?
[Pippin passes out on top of Aragorn]
Aragorn: Get this hobbit off of me!!
[everyone starts to hear some weird rhyming]
Tom: Ho! Hum! La a dilly dum!
Everyone: AHHHHHHH!!!! Holy Crap, it's Tom Bombadil!!! Run Away, Run Away!!!!!
THE END
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:01 PM |
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Exabyte
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Location: There and back again |
__________________
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:06 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
lembas sales drop rapidly the ULTIMATE advertising technique is used
[scene: Legolas is talking to Merry & Pippin before leaving Lorien]
Merry & Pip watch Legolas and mutter various approvals
Legolas : Oh! [notices camera and looks right at it] Hi, I'm Legolas Greenleaf. You might remember me from such films as the "Lord of the Rings", "Bilbo Goes to Hollywood", and a brief cameo in "It came from Hobbiton". But I don't talk about that. I didn't kill a cave troll by modeling in front it! haa..haa. *Ahem* What keeps me going through these treacherous quests are. . . LEMBAS. . . [takes a bite] Mmmm-mmm. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full grown man, or Elf. No more using that bland Dale waybread--
Gimli : Guilty!
Legolas : -- [nods] and hobbits have to eat 6 sometimes even 7 meals a day! [Pippin nods and mutters: "true, true"] But not lembas, just one tiny morsel gives you the strength [does a manly pose], grace [gazes afar], and beauty [winks and stares at the camera for a full minute] of the Elven-folk. Take it from me, Legolas, the noble, and might I add breathtakingly handsome, Elf prince who practically saved Middle-earth while traveling with the most annoying companions, and that dwarf! Ah Elbereth! [swears in Elvish] When I'm not out protecting Middle-earth from foul evils, I endorse in products and make my own special lembas, Mirkwood style. Just listen to what these kind folk had to say after tasting a bit of my specialty:
Random Hobbit: Yes! Legolas's lembas are the best! [mutters: "so where's me money, eh?"]
Haldir: Oh yes...my dear Legolas makes the most divine lembas I've ever tasted. I always feel refreshed after eating one. Especially since Aragorn gives me those massages--
Legolas: Ah, errr, oh here's Merry! Merry, so tell me about my lembas.
Merry: [reads slowly as if reading cue cards] Yes...Leg-o-las. I ab-sol-utely love...lembas. They are the best...things...I...have...ever...eaten. Look at Pippin and give him a lemba.
Pippin: ??? I don't think you're supposed to read that part, Merry.
Legolas: *rolls eyes* So remember, have a lemba and maybe even YOU can have the grace of an Elf. Well probably not but you can try by ordering some of my lembas. See, I really need the money. My acting career isn't going so well and ever since Sauron was destroyed, well, business has been slow. No more evil things to kill. *sigh* [eats a lemba] Scrumptious! Here's a 'lil something for all the ladies-- [does another manly pose]
Merry & Pip shake their heads in disgust and steal some lembas
[end scene]
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:08 PM |
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Exabyte
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: There and back again |
"Take it from me, Legolas, the noble, and might I add breathtakingly handsome, Elf prince who practically saved Middle-earth while traveling with the most annoying companions" - 
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Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:10 PM |
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Sweet Sacrifice
=^_^=
 Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
OMG!!!......thats funny 
I like this part:
Arwen: Legolas is mah baby's daddy!!
Aragorn: WHAT?!?
Legolas: *winks*
Arwen: HAAA! Just kidding! We totally got you.
Aragorn: yeah, yeah. You did. Funny.
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:12 PM |
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Elessea
Senior Member
 Gender: Unspecified
Location: Neverland |
LOL. thats so funny Sauron  did you make it up or what site did you find it on?
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:45 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
got it from a site
jedi hobbit lol
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:53 PM |
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Elessea
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: Neverland |
lol. its very funny. come back to the Tig party. we miss you 
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Feb 14th, 2004 02:55 PM |
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Firithlotwen
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Debajo de la Cruz del Sur |
hahahaha those were just great!!
i looove reading such things!!!!
thanks sauron!!!!!!
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Thanks you all in LOTR Forum for making life more fun!
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Feb 14th, 2004 03:03 PM |
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Isilcal
Moonshine
 Gender: Female
Location: *Minas Tirith with OrlandoOYEA* |
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From the ashes of fire shall be woken, a light from the shadow shall spring, renewed shall be Blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be King.
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Feb 14th, 2004 06:40 PM |
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Kitoky
Starting Anew
 Gender: Female
Location: Imladris |
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Thank you so much Eezy!!
I'm starting over, do not mistake me for my brother - he has left. Eezy has convinced me to come back, give him some credit.
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Feb 15th, 2004 01:30 AM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
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Feb 21st, 2004 08:56 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
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lol  been looking for this!
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Apr 20th, 2004 08:11 PM |
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Kitoky
Starting Anew
Gender: Female
Location: Imladris |
Ah yess....
you should write parody fanfiction.
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Thank you so much Eezy!!
I'm starting over, do not mistake me for my brother - he has left. Eezy has convinced me to come back, give him some credit.
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Apr 20th, 2004 10:35 PM |
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Camellia
Complete Tolkien geek
Gender: Female
Location: |
*gasp* Parody fanfiction!!
The bane of every LotR fanfiction writer!!!
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Apr 21st, 2004 06:26 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
hey can long time no...write
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Apr 21st, 2004 06:28 PM |
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