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Home » Star Wars » Star Wars: Episode I, II & III » I Love Jar Jar!


I Love Jar Jar!
Started by: Wolflet

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Noxi
Aqualibrium

Registered: Nov 2003
Location:


 

Love I Love Jar Jar!

When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 09:31 AM
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bogen
Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2005
Location: purgatory


 

my god, the days wen i can play with my life size doll of chuck norris are over. laughing laughing

man that was funny, good find woflet


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 09:53 AM
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Kram3r
Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2004
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada


 

erm. You don't need a 7ft doll of Jar Jar Binks which is used for masturbation to know the dude was evil. Just watch the damn movie.

Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 09:58 AM
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bogen
Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2005
Location: purgatory


 

sick and twisted comes to mind, and what the hell was george lucas thinking when he commisioned the mass production of that doll.


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 10:01 AM
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PVS
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Registered: Jun 2004
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very old gag this is

Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 01:11 PM
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Itzak
The other extreme

Registered: Dec 2005
Location: 1 of 247,832,596 places I've been


 

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolflet
When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."


Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!


I didn't read any of that. no expression All I have to do is read the title and I'm done! yes


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 03:16 PM
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Cascador
Senior Member

Registered: Dec 2003
Location: Belgium


 

somebody who says "I love Jar Jar" must be very desperate lol


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 03:31 PM
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Boris
New Member

Registered: May 2004
Location: Dublin


 

Wa? Someone shoved a Jar Jar doll up their ass?

Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 03:38 PM
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ESB -1138
Sonic Speed

Registered: Jun 2005
Location: Green Hill Zone


 

quote: (post)
Originally posted by bogen
sick and twisted comes to mind, and what the hell was george lucas thinking when he commisioned the mass production of that doll.

I doubt that GL actually had anything to do with life size dolls coming out...sick people.


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 06:11 PM
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PVS
Restricted

Registered: Jun 2004
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ITS A JOKE

landover baptist church is a parody website and this story was made up as a joke. its not real. save your shock and disgust for real issues

Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 07:04 PM
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darthvader_fan
Dazed and Confused

Registered: Apr 2005
Location: in a galaxay, far far away


 

quote: (post)
Originally posted by PVS
very old gag this is
agreed my friend


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 09:39 PM
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Padmé Amidala
The Bride of Cascador

Registered: Mar 2005
Location: Belgium


 

Oh well, atleast someone out there likes Jar Jar lol


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2006 10:01 PM
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bogen
Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2005
Location: purgatory


 

yeah and now back to chuck norris! ( he's so kool)


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Old Post Jan 14th, 2006 03:24 PM
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darthvader_fan
Dazed and Confused

Registered: Apr 2005
Location: in a galaxay, far far away


 

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS


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Old Post Jan 14th, 2006 09:24 PM
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((The_Anomaly))
2003 Super Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada


 

Cause hes rad man. Its Chuck Norris.

The only undefeated martial arts champion of all time. And walker Texas Ranger. Don't get much more intense then that.


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Old Post Jan 15th, 2006 05:29 AM
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PVS
Restricted

Registered: Jun 2004
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its just some way overused inside joke, probably sprung by the new college drinking game.

Old Post Jan 15th, 2006 05:31 AM
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bogen
Senior Member

Registered: Oct 2005
Location: purgatory


 

and he's and absolute gangsta! without even carring a pisdol


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Old Post Jan 15th, 2006 05:53 AM
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JediRobin23
Somewhat Liberal

Registered: Sep 2005
Location: Canada


 

Why does this guy love and masterbate using a Jar Jar toy?

Old Post Jan 16th, 2006 02:55 AM
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PVS
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Registered: Jun 2004
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by PVS
ITS A JOKE

landover baptist church is a parody website and this story was made up as a joke. its not real. save your shock and disgust for real issues

Old Post Jan 16th, 2006 03:09 AM
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Padawan
Sith Rule The Galaxy!

Registered: Jul 2005
Location: United States


 

*rolls eyes*


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