here's the links to a fanfic i've been working on It's called Sparrabeth Rewrites...basically all I'm doing is taking scence from some romance novels and turning them into Sparrabeth stories......
the second link is the same story....it's just on a different site.....
______________________________________ (please log in to view the image)Where?Where?Where?Where?
this is what impatience does to people..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g7W55Hc9jE
lol
Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
Okay, I read it, and although I liked it and it's very poetic and passionate, I had just a couple suggestions.
You mention something specific having "sprang." Uh, I don't know if you have experience in this....field or not, but I have and "sprang" gives the image that it's like a little spring, which it's not. I would just use a different word there.
I'm curious to see where this story goes. Is it important that she was asleep through most of it? Just be careful that this doesn't turn into a story about rape.
Curiousity got the better of me, lol. That was very very very good, and I love how you captured the characters. It was perfect, are there any more Sparrabeth stories coming?