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Ultimate fanboy team versus jla
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grey fox
KMC Magik Founder

Gender: Male
Location: Britain

Ultimate fanboy team versus jla

Yeah!!! When you step over the goody-two-shoe corpses of the Captain Americas and Luke Skywalkers and Picards of the world, you've got the REAL MEN left over! The ones with biceps and balls to match!! We've seen Ultimate teams, but nothing kicks ass like this one. This is the ULTIMATE Fanboy Wetdream Dream Team, the most obnoxiously popular bad asses in all the galaxy. We're talking head-for-the-hills, heads-are-gonna-roll anti-heroes every rabid eleven-year-old fan is giggling maniacally over. Who makes the cut? Only the best of the worst, that's who! So shuddup!!!



First off, we need a leader. Make it Batman, baby, all the way!! Not only can he kick serious butt (hey, he ran over and killed Roland, the gunslinger, in his Batmobile, right?), but he broods like no one else. He makes the Crow look chipper. He's the Dark Knight, and don't tell me ANYBODY can beat him! Superman? No way! Batman will just shoot him with Kryptonite and seduce Lois Lane. Galactus? Bats will outsmart and defeat him in three seconds--he's the smartest, bestest bad-boy in the world! (Too bad that powerless luny Joker just gets lucky all the time.)



Next on our team--WOLVERINE!!! This bub is one helluva ragin' canuck, I'll tell you that. He's got adamantium claws and bones, and he can heal from, like, ANYTHING!!! Never mind all this recent bone-claw crap--the adamantium Wolvie is our man. And throw a missile at this little guy, hell, he'll just laugh and shake it off with mutant regeneration. Step aside, Batboy, we have a new leader of the team!!!



But you know who's even better than Wolverine? VENOM!!!!! Boy, that nasty alien tongue, you gotta love that. His muscle-bound might makes Wolverine look ten inches tall! Venom has super strength and agility--hell, he can break Spider-Man apart if he wanted. He could even beat all the Avengers single-handedly! (If he really wanted to, that is--he's just being nice.) So he sees Wolverine and says, "Step aside, puny! I'M the new leader! Ha-ha-ha!!!" Wolverine quivers and crawls away before the awesome might of VENOM!!!



Whoops! Somebody very related to Venom one ups him. That's gotta be CARNAGE! That Carnage dude don't give a shite about human life, and he's pretty much master of the Marvel Universe. He's massacred millions, and if Spider-Man didn't get so damn lucky, Carnage would be the only living being in the world! That includes Venom, so step aside, Carnage is our new captain! Let the world quake in fear!



Uh-oh . . . the Earth trembles . . . the mountains shake . . . the oceans overflow . . . a power from another galaxy is even MORE powerful than Carnage. That's PREDATOR!!! Trained from birth to hunt and kill the most powerful of creatures, the Predator has every conceivable weapon and skill it takes to defeat anyone, anytime, anywhere. That first movie rocked--though the ending sucked because Arnold shoulda been DOG FOOD, *SPLAT*, all over the jungle floor. But Predator will just cloak to sneak up on Carnage. Tap, tap on Carnage's shoulder. "Whuh?!?!" Carnage will say. "Eat death, pig!!!" Predator will say, and *POW*, Carnage is carnage. "Now I'm the leader!!" Predator will say, except in that strange ol' language of his (cool!!!).



(IN HONOR OF THE SIXTH TEAM MEMBER, I'LL USE ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE HIS POWER!!!!)



PREDATOR AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET!!! HERE COMES--(drum roll please)--BOBA FETT! YEAH!!!! THE HIGH LORD OF INTERGALACTIC ASSASSINS, HE KILLED ALL THE JEDI KNIGHT IN BOOK ELEVEN OF DIRK JAKOFF'S CLASSIC "DARK REBEL" SERIES OF STAR WARS NOVELS. (AND LUCAS LIKES 'EM, TOO, SO THEY'RE LEGIT!!!) SO MOVE OVER PREDAFARTER......... BOBA FETT RULES THE UNIVERSE!!!! AFTER HE DECIMATED THAT SARLACC PIT MONSTER AND BLEW UP ALL OF TATOOINE IN REVENGE (AS SEEN IN BOOK FOUR OF THE "DESERT TERROR" STAR WARS SERIES), HE KILLED THE EMPEROR AND TOOK OVER THE UNIVERSE WITH HIS TRUSTY BLASTER AND GRAPPLING HOOK CABLE (BITCHIN!!). SO, FOLKS, WE HAVE A NEW LEADER!!!! PREDATOR DIES AND BOBA FETT RULES! AND FCUK YOU, YOU REE-TARDED IDDIOT, IF YOU DISAGREE!!!!



Whew! (I need a sip of water after shouting so much.) Finally, we need seventh member, because that's how these Ultimate Teams work (don't ask me why, though! I think there ought to be a zillion people on the team!!) I figure we gotta be fair to the fairer sex--women (yeah, baby, hoot hoot hoot!!!)--so let's put . . . mmm . . . BIKINI SLAVE LEIA!!! I was thinkin' Lara Kroft or Vampirella--hey, they're pretty hot!--but who's hotter than Leia, Jabba sex slave! Ahh, the forbidden fruit of the young princess, all chained up and lookin' lovely in gold! She kicks butt, too, chokin' the fat-ass slimeball with her sex chain! Way to go, girl!



And just to show that we fanboys are non-sexist, let's make the Leia the leader!! She's pretty sharp, talking smack to Vader like that in "A New Hope." And if the other Ultimate Fanboy teammates challenge her? Ka-Powey! You'll get a chain around you neck, sucking the life out of you, or a blaster up your butt, or a light saber shish-ka-bob (she wields a light saber and becomes Queen of all the Jedis--after having given birth to ten sets of Jedi empowered twins--in Book 19 of the "Jedi Jamboree!" Star Wars series). So she's no push-over! This chick kicks ass and looks sexy doin' it!!!



So there we are, everbody! The ULTIMATE FANBOY WETDREAM TEAM!!! YEAH!!! THEY RULE!!! Now, it may be kinda hard for them to work TOGETHER--them being such selfish loners who fight before they think--and maybe they'll all hog the lense when it comes time for the group photo. But you gotta admit, nobody sulks mysteriously quite as well as these smart-ass bad asses. Never mind they all get their butt kicked left and right by relatively weak opponents--that's the fault of dumb writers who don't appreciate the gods they're working with. They kick butt, 'nuff said. And if you don't like, eat sh*t and die, die, DIE!!!


all these guys versus the jla


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Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 06:28 PM
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Starscream M
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for typing all that, I gotta give you some props


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Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 06:31 PM
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Zahit
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laughing

Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 06:33 PM
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Newjak
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Yeah only Galactic types that much.


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Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 06:33 PM
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Starscream M
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JLA sees this joke of a team and laughs so hard that they can't fight...and get slaughtered by the fanboy team


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Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 06:34 PM
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grey fox
KMC Magik Founder

Gender: Male
Location: Britain

Actually you should give the props to Paul O'Brien , i just simply pasted his article here for a laugh and to see if they could beat the jla


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Old Post Jul 22nd, 2005 07:03 PM
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