I got a bratty brother, he bugs me everyday,
This morning my step-mother gave my last slice of dignity away.
My Dad he acts like, like he's the boss of you, it's so true.
I wish I had a car,
I wish I were 18
I wish I had a dollar for ever adult who treats me mean.
I'm the saddest teen, who's struggling for a dream.
No one understands me, no one really cares.
No one gives a damn for all of those young, teenage tears.
I feel like I'm lost,
I feel like I'm alone,
I feel like negativity is my only clone.
I'm the saddest teen, who's lost all of her dreams...
Gender: Female Location: every which way but loose
That's really good, it's got a jagged, raw style to it. But, I got the feeling it's not quite finished, like there could be much continuation.... it's great just as it is but it's one of those flexible poems that could be changed, lengthened, decreased, whatever Also, I loved your rhyme scheme, it's difficult to keep a steady rhythm when writing so randomly but you did a good job. Nice message significance too.
I'll carry on with that poem but first, here's a different poem.
I have 12 poems about my mothers death and one about a snowman
Here it is!
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin', how was I suppose to know that my Mum was dead in the kitchen?
La lalalalalalala!
My mothers ashes! even her eye lashes! are resting in a little yellow jar, and sometimes when it's breezy! it gets a little sneezy!
Last edited by BlackC@ on Jan 12th, 2005 at 10:11 AM
Here's the extended edition you wanted Syren, hope you like it!
I got a bratty brother, he bugs me everyday,
This morning my step-mother gave my last slice of dignity away.
My Dad he acts like, like he's the boss of you, it's so true.
I wish I had a car,
I wish I were 18
I wish I had a dollar for ever adult who treats me mean.
I'm the saddest teen, who's struggling for a dream.
No one understands me, no one really cares.
No one gives a damn for all of those young, teenage tears.
I feel like I'm lost,
I feel like I'm alone,
I feel like negativity is my only clone.
I'm the saddest teen, the saddest kid who's lost all of her dreams...
Do I have a gift?
I know that I am cursed,
I feel like things just can't get any worse...
I'm the saddest kid, the saddest kid that loves to daydream...
I fall into my own world,
a world of happiness and fame,
a world with a different family and one that's not the same.
I wish that I was happy.
I wish they'd leave me alone.
Am I not suppose to have what I want, what I need?
Am I suppose to let myself cry, moan and bleed?
I want a different family, I want a different life.
Soon my next attempt will be reaching for the butcher kife...
I'm the saddest kid, the saddest kid who's trying to follow her dreams...
Gender: Female Location: every which way but loose
I really don't think Red X was intending to take the piss or laugh at your loss, I'm thinking they were laughing more at the context in which you wrote the poem. If I'm honest, the reason I said 'Golly' was because I simply didn't know what else to say. And that extended edition is fab hun