I have just started uni (been here three weeks) and I'm finding it really really hard:
1= I am not making any friends. I have met 2 people that I sort have struck up a friendship and thats it. All my friends in their unis have made masses of friends and are in a big group. I'm trying hard but nothing is working. I'm actually exhausted of trying.
2= I really don't like my roomies. Where I live is lovely. I can't get better accomadation. But the girls (save one or two) are really bitchy. I know they slag me off and I know they slag this other girl off. It's horrible. I get drunk when I go out and they just watch me like entertainment! LOOSEN UP! And one girl said I NEED alcohol to have fun. HOW DARE SHE JUDGE ME!!! I love theatre, cinema, meals and can actually never drink as I don't like the taste that much.
3= I am really homesick. I miss my family, and my dog so so so so much. I miss more though. I miss where I live, I miss my old life with my friends. I miss my old friends who i can only keep in touch with over the net.
I am exhausted. I can't be myself. I don't know what to do. does anyone have any suggestions. I'm crying way to much and i'm fed up of the physical ache of it all.
Most unis have a million and one different societies where you can meet loads of people. If you're really having trouble meeting people at university - which is weird in itself - then just join up with a society or two that takes your fancy.
Alternatively: quit uni, go back home, play with your dog, and live with mummy and daddy for the rest of your life.
__________________ Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
i notice at my University that certain subject are quite major mixes of social groups and others aren't
computing classes for instance are almost entirely male...long haired metal heads...they all have something in common...sports classes are full of people who are all alike as well
i do a science course (forensics) and so my class is made up of every group you can imagine...for the 1st year hardly anyone spoke to one another....the mature students sat at the front...the metalheads kept themselves to themselves....the fashion conscious types had their little group...
we had a class night out at the end of the 1st year and now everyone yaps to everyone
people at university are surprisingly approachable...and so making connections is easy...you see someone wearing a t-shirt with a band you like...go up and say so...you have an instant connection through music
1st year is also hit and miss in residence halls...usually by second year people start sharing with the friends they've made in the 1st year and so things get more comfortable
i think most people drop out not because of the reasons you mention though...it's always the course...if you have no passion for it then you will find excuses not to stick at it
First of all don't think you need a massive group of friends. I do student mentoring at my uni and I see all types - there are the ones with a massive crowd of acquaintances and kind of friends, and there are people with just a couple of close friends and maybe some class chums.
2 people isn't bad - but if you are determined to have lots of people here are some suggestions:
1st - Clubs and societies. Many universities have a wide variety of these, and they are an excellent way of meeting people - especially ones that have bus trips involved. I joined a wine appreciation group straight up, and in the first couple of weeks we were all together on a two hour long bus trip. Shyness or whatever aside such situations lead to bonding.
2nd - Don't think that classes need be like High school, at uni I have found you might see people for one hour a week in a lecture, and then never cross paths with them again. If possible strike up conversations if your course has team work components, set a good example and all the rest. But don't think its odd if you don't have a lot of in class friends. I know plenty of people who don't speak to anyone else in their classes - their friends are outside uni.
3rd - Social Scene: I'm not much one for bars myself, but some find them a really good place to meet people in a conducive atmosphere. And the best thing is you don't even need to drink as you don't need alcohol to have fun. At my uni there are pool nights, darts nights, toga parties and all the rest. You meet people, get known yourself, be a bit liberal with shouts and you'll be liked.
4th - Variance in schedule: There are a wide variety of social groups in the classes you do. If you have all you classes say in the morning plenty of these might be locked out to you. Variance, a blended schedule, choose some electives if you have the chance that are subjects you can imagine people like yourself might be in.
5th - A gimmick. It is cheesy, and usually happens normally. Some people become recognised and people are more inclined to open up. Myself - I like hats, and wear many different sorts. As such some people have commented, at the opening of a conversation "You're that guy with the hat" - ice breaker.
6th - Be confident! A very important aspect. As I said to begin with - don't feel you need hundreds of friends. But approach any situation with confidence, with self assurance and the like. People are very approachable, and shared interests are many. Music, films, politics - they are happy to talk, and from such humble beginnings friendships can be made.
Which is why I choose to live alone. When I first moved to the city I had the choice of a. moving in with distant relatives (not high on my list) moving in with already established friends or moving in with total strangers. Fortunately an excellent offer came up that saw me have my own apartment. And I haven't regretted it since.
And pleased to see another theatre and cinema fan - two of my great loves. There will be clubs at the uni that cater to such interests. I actually help out with production and the like in some of the university dramatic productions. Great people, a good days work, and some fine theatre.
It passes. The best way to come to grips I found was to take your knew situation by the throat and give it a good shake. Dwelling on the places you were before - nothing wrong with that, but if it can mean the new situation remains alien, strange, cold - it leads to the feeling of isolation which only compounds the feeling of homesickness's. Get out and find a great restaurant that you will frequent and come to be on a first name basis with the staff, find a park bench that you enjoy sitting on, one that recharges you. Get a job, find a nice cinema. Make your new situation your life, and not simply something to be compared with your old one.
Most important thing - be yourself. And with fortitude and confidence you will make a place for yourself and it will be good. Don't feel you need to adhere to preconceived images of university life. Find something that works and run with it.
This might mean becoming a hippy with black feet and a back back with "Macdeath" on it.
Or it might mean becoming one of the popular crowed - the important thing is to find your groove and go with it - these are times of opportunity, of self discovery. It is certainly a culture shock for many.
One chap I encountered when I was doing my mentoring training spoke of his experiances - he was in a homesick slump for close to six months, crying, the works before he got it together. After that he never looked back. - great marks, great experiances, a few good friends. It is just about getting on the right track, and not taking the fast and easy.
This is all general broad stuff - one thing to keep an open mind about is, if you do feel it is to much, you can talk to one of the counsellors employed by the uni. It is unfortunate that people are often scared of them or have the idea a person has to have something wrong to see them. In reality talking can be a massive help, just talking. As well as this they are usually in touch with the universities vibes - and can give more specific advice about approaching it, making friends, handling workloads and all the rest.
__________________
From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.
Last edited by Imperial_Samura on Oct 13th, 2006 at 01:19 PM
thank you. I am not a confident person at all. I am going to force myself to try and get out there but it seems like everyone else have their friends and don't want anyone else to join. I can't afford the clubs.and there weren't any that really took my fancy. I'll keep you pdated. (i was kinda drunk and upset when when i wrote this but your advice just shows me that people care. I'll keep you posted on how i'm doing. if you have anymore answers please send them they're appreciated. X
One of the best and sometimes worst things about university is dorm life. Making new friends and feeling independent for the first time can make moving to college seem like a huge step.
I know from experience that dorm life can be anything but a positive experience. The adjustment from moving from a comfortable home with many rooms to a dorm room is huge.
Being homesick is one of the worst feelings there is. It' s a natural reaction for anyone leaving the familiar people and places they love. Let someone know how you' re feeling. There will be resident assistants in your dorm. If you share what' s going on inside you, you might just find someone else feeling the same way. Give yourself a chance to adjust.
Don' t be surprised by loneliness. It can seem like everyone else has found a new group of friends to hang around with, leaving you feeling left out and alone.
Do your best to keep a positive perspective on the situation. When you' re on a campus full of new people, overcoming even the smallest amount of shyness and making new friends can seem incredibly overwhelming. But you don' t have to meet all those people tomorrow. Set small goals for yourself, like getting to know one of your dormmates a little better. You' re going to be at university for a few years. You' ve got plenty of time for friendships to grow slowly and naturally.
If you’ re really having a problem with your roommates, don’ t hesitate to go to your resident assistant.
Between homesickness and finding new friends, starting university is full of challenges. But with a little confidence and a little courage, you' re going to have the time of your life! University is an experience of a lifetime and isn' t something you should miss out on.
__________________
I am not driven by people’ s praise and I am not slowed down by people’ s criticism.
You only live once. But if you live it right, once is enough. Wrong. We only die once, we live every day!
Make poverty history.
thanx storm thats really helpful, the thing is i have spoken to people who feel the same. I'm tired of trying thats the worst part. waking up in the morning and knowing it's going to be akward that i'm going to have be feeling like this is horrible. the girls i do chat to are LOVELY, but i just don't know how to meet people anymore. Im happy with the friends i've know for 15 years lol. I'm going to try harder this weekend. thank you
It must be really hard to stand up agaisnt these situations. It was good for me since I didn´t have to pass throught the same situations.... we don´t have things like these university societies here. In fact for me, people that I´ve meet in my classes at university are far better from my class in high school. At least now.... in the first semester things where horrible.
But you don´t need to be friend with everyone... just find the ones who you feel confortable with.... if people are too complicated or too hostile then remeber you don´t need to be their friend. Sometimes I like to think that university is for study not making friends...
Some people enter university just for party and friends... so sometimes everyone start to think that we must see university like that too.
Gender: Unspecified Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves
Re: Please help me I have a problem!
2 people should certainly be enough, don't you think, chances are that 1 of them is an idiot anyways...1 friend is better...none best. You are close to perfect. Anyways, if you actually want to make friends (which as a desire in itself I do not understand) why don't you go to parties at your University or join a club or something? I mean if you are not chosy making friends is easy as Calculus. Which brings me right to the next point, which is that I will ignore your second point and go straight to the third...home is overrated...start enjoying what you have now....hmm, man, i like phony answers...like Floo's for example.
__________________ Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
Gender: Unspecified Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves
I still do, the hat thing is gay though..and not the acceptable kind...you know where one man penetrates the butt of another man with his reproductive organ..not that kind...more the kind when a guy wears hats ... and uses it as ice breaker....that kind of gay. Just to be clear.
It was interesting, towards the end of last year I believe some survey was done, by some institute of another - the question being how many "close friends" do the average person have (25 years and older) - outside of family.
There was criteria in the friend that set it apart from just a work colleague or acquaintance.
I believe something like 45% (maybe higher) admitted to have three or less truly close friends - people they truly trust and consider. Three or less good friends and perhaps many acquaintances. The point of it was quality over quantity. It was considered more important to have a couple of excellent friends then a mass of barely acceptable average ones.
Also a high number admitted to not really believing they had any close friends outside of family or maybe work - and that it didn't make them unhappy.
Hehehe. I don't subscribe to it myself, and I think trying to be recognised in such a way is shallow. I've never felt the need nor desire to act in order to be liked. The kind of people that would are hardly people I am interested in knowing.
However it does seem to happen, as in my case. I wasn't expecting it, and I was surprised when it happened. A guy came up in one of the new classes I was doing and he goes "Hey, your that guy with the hats. I've seen you around" - more accurately he hadn't seen me, he'd seen the hat.
I don't wear my hats in order to get recongised but rather to keep the sun of, and to because I like them. Born out of living on a farm in a hot part of the country - couldn't stand caps, thus went in for fedoras and panamas.
__________________
From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.
Last edited by Imperial_Samura on Oct 15th, 2006 at 01:04 AM
Enough! If you stop now, there's a chance we can be friends again in the future. Otherwise...
__________________ Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
1) The whole 'new friends' thing is hard, don't worry^-^ you'll meet more people, just give it time...you've only been there for a few weeks.
Sometimes, friendships can start up when you're least expecting them
2) No matter what, where ever you go, whether at work, uni, out in public, etc. there will always be some rude/mean people. It sucks but not everyone is nice. Just gotta keep outta there way, y'know? don't let them affect you.
3) Being homesick is awful but just look forward to visiting them when you have free time ^-^ and remember that they'll always be there for you. Until you see them again, just try and make the most of this new situation
__________________
Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push.
Stop wearing hats? But I could get skin cancer. And I could say I'd stopped wearing them but continue... and you'd never know.
Or stop talking about them? Strictly speaking I was the one who labelled it a gimmick. One of the mentors who took my group during my first year orientation (new students get together, get split up and led around by mentors who answer questions, offer advice, tell stories about their own experiences and all that jazz) was what many term "a long haired hippy" dreads, what I suspect was hemp clothing, the works.
He said "Now, you should do what is comfortable be yourself, do your own thing, and hey, you even get noticed. Take me for example, I don't wear shoes..."
And honest to God he had the blackest feet I had ever seen. The point of his story was sometimes something quirky gets a person noticed. I termed it a "gimmick" and thought "well, that doesn't interest me" (hence the irony.) Naturally though I don't agree with it some people seem to, and I guess it is whatever floats ones boat. Though I like to think that hippy finished his course and has had to wear shoes everyday since.
__________________
From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.
Last edited by Imperial_Samura on Oct 15th, 2006 at 03:02 AM
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