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Vanity
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin |
This made me giggle! go flight attendant.
(if this insults anyone in any way i'm sorry)
An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came sashaying down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you. "Tray-up, *****."
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:11 AM |
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Kelly_Bean
Warum ist die Sonne rund?
 Gender: Female
Location: Mars |
LMAO that's great! I've never heard that one before!!!!!
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:13 AM |
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Vanity
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin |
it made me laugh so hard
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:14 AM |
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Kelly_Bean
Warum ist die Sonne rund?
Gender: Female
Location: Mars |
Gotch anymore?!
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:16 AM |
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Vanity
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin |
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter
from his mother asking him to send her a current photo
of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let
her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a
photo in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
photo.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the
wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's
eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks
later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it
makes your nose look short!"
oh burn!
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:17 AM |
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Kelly_Bean
Warum ist die Sonne rund?
Gender: Female
Location: Mars |
Omfg... My jaw dropped and I put my hand to my mouth when the first paragraph ended. That's one of the biggest PWNS I've ever seen in a joke!  That was really great.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:20 AM |
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Vanity
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin |
i'v been entertaining myself half the night reading these
In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
a man's penis was
larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
that the reason the
head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
during sex.
After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
decided to do their own
study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
the reason was to
give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
to keep a man's
hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:22 AM |
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Kelly_Bean
Warum ist die Sonne rund?
Gender: Female
Location: Mars |
I'm from Kentucky!!!
Damn these are so good! As a Kentucky joke I figured I would've heard that but I never have! Ahh...nothing like a good ol' masturbation joke, teeheee!
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:24 AM |
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Vanity
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin |
hehe yeahhh
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"
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Oct 2nd, 2007 02:26 AM |
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~Wålshy~
Restricted
 Gender: Female
Location: Female
___________________________ Account Restricted |
my eyes hurt and people smell
__________________
Thanks to That AC/DC Chick <3
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Oct 2nd, 2007 06:16 AM |
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Rogue Jedi
Restricted
 Gender: Male
Location: On my way to the Cage Account Restricted |
the security guard is fat and lazy.
__________________
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 06:21 AM |
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~Wålshy~
Restricted
Gender: Female
Location: Female
___________________________ Account Restricted |
black people!
oh shit im rascist
__________________
Thanks to That AC/DC Chick <3
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Oct 2nd, 2007 06:22 AM |
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Rogue Jedi
Restricted
Gender: Male
Location: On my way to the Cage Account Restricted |
yes you are, scumbag.
__________________
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 06:23 AM |
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Leo.M
A Riddle
 Gender: Male
Location: Where Everything Spins <3 |
The whole truth and nothing but the truth
Stop me if you've heard this one before
The whole truth is nothing but a good excuse
So long as you don't torture me with my past
Let's be honest; a secret silenced is a secret safe
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Oct 2nd, 2007 10:26 AM |
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Rogue Jedi
Restricted
Gender: Male
Location: On my way to the Cage Account Restricted |
10 things I hate about you.
__________________
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:02 AM |
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Leo.M
A Riddle
Gender: Male
Location: Where Everything Spins <3 |
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:10 AM |
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Rogue Jedi
Restricted
Gender: Male
Location: On my way to the Cage Account Restricted |
I hate rabbits. and cats.
__________________
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:11 AM |
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Leo.M
A Riddle
Gender: Male
Location: Where Everything Spins <3 |
I hate how they lose control over themselves.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:14 AM |
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Rogue Jedi
Restricted
Gender: Male
Location: On my way to the Cage Account Restricted |
I hate attention whores.
__________________
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:14 AM |
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Leo.M
A Riddle
Gender: Male
Location: Where Everything Spins <3 |
I hate not being able to sleep
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Oct 2nd, 2007 11:20 AM |
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