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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
 Gender: Male
Location: With You |
im a big queen fan (im only 13 and i like queen and elton john, is that normal)
and that fits perfectly
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Dec 7th, 2003 07:32 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
lol
 Attachment: scifi108.jpg
This has been downloaded 216 time(s).
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Dec 7th, 2003 07:41 PM |
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Tassie
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
These r really funny!
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Dec 7th, 2003 07:52 PM |
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Anoushka
The Vampire Anoushka
 Gender: Female
Location: Singapore |
lol that was soooo hilarious!
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Dec 7th, 2003 07:57 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
come on people, i think the last 3-4 pages have just been me lol
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Dec 7th, 2003 08:23 PM |
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Anoushka
The Vampire Anoushka
Gender: Female
Location: Singapore |
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Dec 7th, 2003 09:12 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: |
 i was in there some to, the first 3 pages were just me 
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Dec 7th, 2003 11:36 PM |
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BOPRecruit 16
Hunter By Nature
 Gender: Female
Location: City of Angels |
about fraud of the ring: at first i thought gandalf was going to say "fall off easy in style".  j/k!
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Dec 8th, 2003 05:58 AM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
1. Balin emerges from the depths of Moria, claiming he "fell asleep in the tub".
2. Galadriel discovers Pippin singing the praises of a bath while he takes one in her mirror.
3. Boromir uses the ring, saves Gondor, destroys Sauron and becomes a wise and benevolent ruler. Book ends 40 chapters sooner.
4. Orc-slaughter competition between Legolas and Gimli becomes so fierce, they take to killing some of the smaller, uglier men of Gondor.
5. Farmer Giles of Ham shows up at the Pelennor Fields and saves Gandalf's life.
6. Pippin hits on Eowyn in a dark corner of the Houses of Healing: "The hands of a Hobbit are the hands of a healer too, you know..."
7. In the happy days after the defeat of Sauron, Gimli keeps his promise and visits Mirkwood with Legolas -- where they are eaten by giant spiders, whom everyone had forgotten about.
8. Aragorn discovers that he is not, in fact, Elendil's heir. His older brother Mutt, after having lived with Ghan-Buri-Ghan & Co. for decades, lays claim to the throne after all the "dirty work" is done.
9. Ents and Elves dispute over title of "first-born". Elrond has Quickbeam made into an armoire; Treebeard grinds Glorfindel into mulch.
10. The Shire, mobilized by Merry and Pippin and now hungry for vengeance, annexes Bree and slaughters "the big folk".
Special bonus plot twist:
11. Gollum adapts to molten Mt. Doom environment, and later plays a critical role in Fourth Age crisis.
TEN REJECTED PLOT TWISTS LOL 
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Dec 8th, 2003 08:16 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
LOTR IN TWO HOURS
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Okay. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.
Frodo: Doo-de-do.
Nazgul: Boo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!
Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)
Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad", and I'm all set.
Gandalf: I never saw that coming.
Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.
Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?
Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you.
Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm.
Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names-
Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider: Go away, bad men!
Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!
Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: That was easy.
Pippin: Don't knock it.
Sam: Elves are cool!
Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas: Same for me!
Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf: But I just got here.
Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.
Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee!
Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so-
[THUD]
Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?
Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider: Let the dwarf have his way.
Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF]
Sam: Such magic.
Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!
Gimli: Boo hoo.
Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf: Twit.
Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines?
Boromir: (Slash)
Legolas: (Pfft)
Gimli: (Whack)
Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.
Frodo: Ouch!
Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed!
Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh?
Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off.
Gandalf: We are so doomed.
Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)
Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)
Hobbits: (already in the lead)
Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon!
Legolas: We don't have to . . .
Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun you.
Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him)
Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo: I'm over it.
Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.
Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate.
Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves.
Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time?
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water.
Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!
Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring.
Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions.
Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn: Check-out time!
Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down-
Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough.
Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.
Boromir: Give me the ring.
Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack)
Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world.
Sam: Works for me. (they leave)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically)
Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead meat.
Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . . miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good.
Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow.
Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction.
Legolas: Okay.
Gimli: Sure.
THE END
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Dec 8th, 2003 08:42 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
LOL GO GLOIN
...'Alas! alas!' cried Legolas, and in his fair elvish face there was great distress. 'The tidings I was sent to bring must now be told. Smeagol, who is now called Gollum, has escaped.'
'Escaped!' cried Aragorn. 'That is ill news indeed. How came you to fail in your trust?'
'Not through lack of watchfulness,' said Legolas; 'but perhaps through over-kindliness. We had not the heart to keep him ever in dungeons under the earth.'
'You were less tender to me,' said Gloin with a flash of his eyes as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king's halls. 'We were on a quest to defeat a dragon, and you trapped and waylaid us.'
'I'm not sure that "trapped" is exactly the right word,' Legolas replied.
'"Trapped" is exactly the right word,' Gloin cried, his anger building. 'Look it up in the dictionary if you have to.'
'Well, I always interpreted "trapped" to imply a certain amount of enmity, and planning,' Legolas tried to explain. 'Yours was more of a "capture", I think-'
'No, we were "trapped",' Gloin insisted. 'It's not my interpretation, it's what happened. I was there, you know.'
'I don't think we're interpreting the word the same way,' Legolas insisted. 'I can't subscribe to your interpretation.'
'Can we get back to the Ring?' Glorfindel asked.
'No, no, wait a minute,' Gloin said hotly, returning to the Elf. 'What's there to interpret? We were "trapped", by definition. How can you cay we were "captured" but not "trapped"?'
'It's a question of intent-' Legolas began.
Gloin cut him off. 'I didn't say anything about intent,' he snapped, rising to his feet. 'Did I say anything about intent? We were trapped. I didn't say anything about what anybody's intentions were (though they certainly must have had a foul and evil intent to waylay us on our great and noble Quest). I didn't say anything about "intentions". Don't be putting words in my mouth.'
'Hey,' Legolas insisted, 'I was only talking about whether we "trapped" you or merely "captured" you. But I wouldn't have brought it up at all if I'd known you were going to get all hysterical.'
'Oh! So now I'm hysterical?' Gloin shouted. 'You liar! You put words in my mouth and then lie about me.'
'I - what?' Legolas gasped, trying to follow Gloin's angry words.
'Every time you open your mouth I'm going to remind everyone at this Council that you're a liar,' Gloin vowed.
This was too much for Legolas, who stood and turned away. 'I don't think we two can hold intelligent discourse any more,' the Elf said angrily. 'Whatever you may say, I'm no longer going to listen to your words.'
But Gloin stood and, rounding the table at great speed, grabbed Legolas and shouted into his leaf-shaped ear. 'Gonna ignore me, huh?' the angry Dwarf shouted. 'Gonna call me hysterical and then ignore me, huh? Well, ignore this! Liar, liar, liar!' he yelled, directly into Legolas' face so there would be no chance of ignoring him.
'Can we get back to the Ring?' Aragorn asked.
'No, wait, my honor's been besmirched,' Gloin demanded. 'I'd be happy to talk about the Ring, but everyone else here keeps on impugning my character. And I'm sick of it.'
'Will you shut the hell up!' Boromir shouted, standing suddenly and pulling his great broadsword in his rage. 'I'm sick and tired of your arguing! Shut the hell up and listen! We were talking about Gollum and the Ring! Can we get back to that, please?'
'I don't think the current conversation is being very constructive,' Aragorn agreed.
Gloin looked at the two Men, a surly look on his face. 'Oh, sure, it's easy for the people who aren't involved in the argument to play at being peacemaker. Their honor isn't at stake! But if either of you were involved in this argument, you'd understand that dropping it isn't as easy as all that.'
'I've been in many a battle-' Boromir announced.
'Yeah, I bet,' Gloin said dismissively.
'Maybe you could both just put this behind you, so that we can get back to weightier matters,' Aragorn suggested.
'Why are you taking his side?' Gloin snapped at the Dunedain, indicating the silent Legolas with the edge of his axe. 'I think I've already had enough crap from you and your ancestors. Wasn't it Beren who murdered the Dwarves who were transporting the Nauglamir? And now you suddenly want to elect yourself as peacemaker?'
Aragorn said no more; and taking Frodo by the hand he walked silently away from the incensed group, who took little notice of the departure.
Bilbo, who had Gloin's friendship in days gone by, turned quietly to the angry Dwarf. 'It seems to me that you and Legolas are not exactly listening to each other too clearly right now,' he said simply. 'Maybe you both ought to just relax, maybe agree to disagree, as we say in the Shire. I mean, we're old friends, yet Dwarven ways are sometimes strange even to me! Think well, Gloin! Will you not calm down?'
There was a pause, and Gloin seemed briefly to consider these words; but after a moment, his former anger and pride recaptured him and he remained steadfast. 'No, I cannot allow his heinous lies to stand,' Gloin insisted. 'I did not undergo all that I have to come to this Council just to be called "hysterical" by some liar.' He glared long and hard at Legolas as he spat out this word. 'And I don't think you should be siding with the abuser here.'
'This is just making me sick,' Glorfindel suddenly announced.
'That's it! I've had enough of these lies,' Gloin snapped, and turned to Elrond. 'I'm complaining about the behaviour of Legolas and Glorfindel. I want you to throw them both out of the discussion!'
'I agree with Gloin!' shouted Gimli.
'No,' said Elrond clearly and distinctly. 'I'm not going to play referee for you. Sit the hell down and start behaving like adults. That's the very last word I'm saying on the subject.'
There was a short pause. 'These Elves,' Gloin muttered angrily under his breath. 'They always reply both no and yes. Can't trust any of 'em. Unruly bastards.'
A long silence followed. Finally Gandalf cleared his throat and attempted a change of subject. 'I was down in Rohan the other day,' the Wizard began. 'Wormtongue lied to me of Theoden.'
Gloin arose again, pulling his axe from his belt. 'Are you trying to imply that I'm a liar?' he demanded...
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Dec 8th, 2003 09:24 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
Live thread be ALIVE!!! you are one of my better ones!! you shall not die!!!
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Dec 9th, 2003 01:33 AM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
hey i want 50% ownership, i am the one who has saved it from, the dreaded second page of threads (DUM DUM DUUUUMMM) about 6 times, lol
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Dec 9th, 2003 07:05 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
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Dec 9th, 2003 07:58 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
Ahhhhhh! it's on the second page!!!! NOOOOO! MY 50% SHALL NOT DIE!!!
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Dec 11th, 2003 12:08 AM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
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Dec 11th, 2003 12:09 AM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
(please log in to view the image)
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Dec 11th, 2003 12:16 AM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
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Dec 11th, 2003 12:24 AM |
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VengeanceGOD
Senior Member
 Gender:
Location: United States |
Sauron, go on Fanfiction.net and post those. Sheesh.
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Dec 11th, 2003 01:52 AM |
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BOPRecruit 16
Hunter By Nature
Gender: Female
Location: City of Angels |
or you can go the the general fiction area of kmc.
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Dec 11th, 2003 02:19 AM |
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