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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
 Gender: Male
Location: With You |
yeah but i only want my fellow lotr fans to see them,
and was that meant to be a like they are good enouhg to show everyone, or was it so everyone can point and laugh
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Dec 11th, 2003 06:50 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: |
 my 50% will stay here |
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Dec 11th, 2003 11:09 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
we shall not let it slip
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Dec 12th, 2003 06:08 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
The Confused Memories of a teen reader
(Scene: a dark foggy place then a girl walks on stage with a microphone)
Girl(Tapping mic): Um..testing 1,2,3 is this on? Think so, anyway err...
(looks up)Eru? Sir? Are you sure this is a fitting punishment? I mean there-
(Hears a loud thump, like someone dropped a piano.)
Girl: Uh...I guess that's a yes! Well, um... (Now in bright chirpy voice)
Hi Everyone and welcome to the Confused Memories of a Teen Reader, me. Tonight
we focuse on The Slama- The Semil- er...(Chews nail and looks at script that
'appeared' in hand)
FANS: THE SILMARILLION!!!
Girl(Brightens): Yeah! The Samil-
FANS: SILMARILLION!
Girl(Sigh): What they said! Where was I? Oh yes. In the beginning there was
the Music and the Music was with Eru and Eru was-
(Loud groans from the fans)
Scary sounding Fan: Skip it!
Girl: Who said that? (Looks around)
Scary sounding fan who is Melkor stands up out of the fog: I did.
Girl(Trembling): M-m-e (Seems to be stuck in a stutter)
Impressive sounding voice: Leave off! (Manwe steps out of the fog, followed by
Varda)
Manwe: Now look Melkor, I want to hear the rest of the story and if you don't
you can go back to the Void. (Frowns) How did you get in here anyway?
Melkor: The door. (A door lights up)
Varda: Well if you're not going to leave, then please sit down and don't
interrupt again, you're scaring our guest. (Turns to the girl) Please continue!
(Melkor goes back to his seat)
Girl: And the Music was of Eru and the voices of the Valar joined with his
and all was peaceful until they noticed someone singing off-key.
Melkor: DID NOT!
FANS: DID TOO!
Melkor: DID NOT!
Varda(putting a hand to her head): Children! Please!
(Silence, for now!)
Girl: The off-key singer whose evil melody tried to take over the world was-
Varda: Dear, perhaps for the sake of peace, we should skip this?
Girl: Ok. Then after the song sang the world into being the elves came and the
world was beautiful and M-m-e- HE got chained up (Growl from Melkor) And
anyway, I didn't think that was too much to do with the Sumaril-
FANS: SILMARILLION!
Fan that sounds suspiciously like Feanor: IF YOU MISPRONOUNCE MY BEAUTIFUL
JEWELS JUST ONCE MORE-
(Fans that look supiciously like his sons sit on him) Redheaded son of Feanor
missing a hand (Smiles at the narrator): Continue please!
Girl: Okaaay! Then Thingol built his Halls of Stone-
Dwarven sounding fan: The DWARVES built the Halls of Stone.
Girl: The Dwarves built Thingol's Halls of Stone and Thingol married Melian
a Maiar that kept butterflies-
Melian: Nightengales!
Girl: Nightengales. Umm...then Feanor created the Silmo- Silmi-
FANS: SILMARILLS!! (Start complaining)
Feanor: Shut up! This is the best part of the story!
(Booing and fighting break out in the audience)
Girl (Continuing quickly): Feanor created the precious jems-
FAN with strange voice: Precioussss? Iss it oursss? Our preciousss?
Feanor: Wrong story Smeagol, go catch some fishess.
Smeagol: Ssssmeagol isss going!
Girl: And at least he said they were the most beautiful things in the world
but no one could really know because-
Feanor: THEY WERE!
(Feanor is sat upon by his father, mother, wives, sons, and Huan the Talking
Dog)
Girl: Because he kept them locked up and only wore them for fiestas.
FAN1: What's a fiesta?
FAN2: Is that some kind of chariot?
FAN3: Isn't that Rohirric?
FAN4: No you dumb Noldor, a fiesta's a ship!
FAN1: Well that makes sense! He only wore them for ships? Come on!
FAN3: Who are you callin' a dumb Noldor, ya sissy Teler!
FAN4: Sissy is it? I'll show you!
FAN3: Yeah?
FANS1&4: Yeah!
(Fighting errupts yet again. Manwe claps his hands to call for attention
but no one's listening. Melkor taps him on the back and whispers something.
Manwe shrugs. Melkor lets out a demonic scream- nothing happens. Varda sighs
and clears her throat. All fighting ceases instantly.)
Girl: Umm... And the Jewels were stolen by M- HIM and HE killed Feanor's dad
and Feanor swore an oath-
Other son of Feanor with nice voice: Don't remind him- or us!
Girl: And so it was that they came to Middle Earth
FAN2: Middle _Where_? Y' mean Arda?
FAN4: Ahem, you seem to have completely forgotten THE KINSLAYING.
(Collective groan from the audience.)
FAN1: Not AGAIN!
FAN5: The HORROR!
FAN4: I see...dead people...
FAN1: I might be able to explain that, you see, we are dead.
FAN2: NOO!!!!
FAN3: You HAD to remind us, didn't you!
FAN4: Listen, the Teler have many grivences, this is only the worst one.
Why is it we are almost always forgotten? Why do people think of us as
strange if we like to sing? WHY WERE WE SO DARN EASY TO KILL?? I'LL TELL YOU
WHY, 'CAUSE NO ONE CARES!! (Starts sobbing)
FAN1: There there, I care!
FAN4: I know...(sniffs)
Girl: Can I continue? Please?
FAN4: WE WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!
FAN1: Of course not!
Girl: Then the Noldor came to Arda and there were many battles and Men
appeared.
FAN holding a comb: Them! Great!
FAN holding a harp: Oh stop being such a snob Saeros! You deserved what you
got for teasing Turin!
Saeros: Huh! So the 'Friend of Men' is going to give me a lecture?
Finrod: Not that it would do much good, you won't listen.
Saeros: I just don't get you! I mean, letting yourself get killed for one
of them!
Finrod: There's a lot of things you don't get Saeros, this isn't the first,
nor will it be the last!
Saeros: Oh really!
Finrod: Yes, really.
Varda: Finrod, Saeros, break it up!
(Silence)
Girl: And umm...then lots of people started building hidden cities. Gomd-
FAN7: GONDOLIN!
Girl: Nagarath-
Finrod: Nargothrond.
Girl: And Thingol's halls. And the men moved west and Fingolfin dueled the
Dark Lord and died.
Fingolfin: Am I left handed?
Girl: Huh?
Fingolfin: Am I left handed?
Girl: I...I don't know...
Fingolfin (holds up a book with the cover showing his fight against the
Dark Lord): I could have sworn I was right handed. And my hair's the wrong
color! Who makes these books anyway?
Girl(shrugs and continues): Beren and Luthien met and fell in love and Luthien
was the fairest being ever to walk the ea-
Angry voice: WAS NOT!
Luthien: Was too!
Arwen stands up: WAS NOT!
Luthien: Ahem, Arwen. I was half elven, half Maiar. You were half elven.
Arwen: Huh!
Luthien: Petty jelously doesn't become you dear.
(Arwen sticks her tongue out at Luthien and sits down again.)
Girl: But Luthien's bride price was a Silar- S-i-l-m-eril!
FANS: SILMARIL!!!
Girl: So Beren and Luthien stole a jem from Me- HIS crown-
Finrod: And I died.
Huan barks.
Luthien (looks at him): And Huan died too, but that was later.
Girl: And Maedhros and Maglor tried to-
Curufin and Caranthir interrupt: Not them! Us!
Girl: Tried to steal the jem from Beren and almost got killed and almost killed Beren
and Dior got killed after Thingol got killed and Turumbar killed Beleg-
Turin: It was an accident!
Beleg: You had to remind me!
Girl(rapidly speeding up): And Gwindor's girlfriend fell in love with Turin
and Gwindor died and she died and he married his sister and they both died,
then their parents died and the dragon was already dead but not before
he incited the sister-
Nienor: I have a name!
Girl: To kill herself and Doriath and Gobdel-
FAN1: Gondolin!
Girl: all fell and Nargothrond had fallen before that and Maedhros fell off a cliff with a Samer
FANS: SILMARIL!
Girl: And Maglor threw the other one into the sea and Earendil made the
first spaceship so the elves won the spacerace because Earendil's Surmar
FANS: SILMARIL!!
Girl: became a star and Numenor was created but
it sank and everyone who was still alive lived bitterly and sadly to the end
of their days though occasional adventures and battles livened things up.
(Total silence, broken by the occasional sob. Everyone seems slightly shocked
that that's it.)
Girl (Nervous chuckle): With no further ado, I will now introduce Peter Jackson,
a man with a plan. His act is entitled: Lord of the Rings OR Confused Dreams
of a Man Who Once Read this Book in 10th Grade and thought: THAT WOULD BE A
BRILLIANT MOVIE. Goodbye and goodnight! (Exits quickly,)
Peter Jackson: Umm...hey! Big turnout tonight!
FAN7: Hey, if he cut some characters from LOTR, don't you think we could
cut one act Varda?
Varda (considers): Alright, but wait until all the Valar have left, we didn't
see anything until it was too late.
(EVIL LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE)
THE END!
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Dec 12th, 2003 06:46 PM |
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Anoushka
The Vampire Anoushka
 Gender: Female
Location: Singapore |
Middle Earth Pick-up Lines
· Hey baby, wanna blow my Horn of Gondor?
· I can make you burst in stars of blue and green.
· Wanna see my carrot?
· What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? You wanna do me then, don't you?
· Mel-lon. May I enter now?
· Hello. I'm Legolas.
· We Flame of Uduns are very hot in demand, you know.
· Underhill. I call it Mr. Underhill.
· What's it got there, eh preciousss?
· Wanna get hasty?
· We hobbit's aren't known for our BIG and hairy feet you know... Wanna find out what else?
· Hi, I'm Gimli son of 'Groin'
· I have two palantirs and a staff in the middle, you wanna see?
· I can shoot lot's of fireworks!
· They say a hobbit's only real passion is food, wanna prove me wrong on that baby?
· Elven Pickup Line: We'll have beautiful children
· Elven Pickup Line: Yesiree, baby, this equipment I got here is guaranteed to hit your spot everytime.. In fact, it's got a lifetime guarantee
· Wizard Pickup Line: My what a nice set of Palantirs you got there... Can I test drive em?
· Galadriel: You can see anything in my pool
· Haldir: I normally don't let anyone in but for you... I'll make an exception
· Elrond: You wanna drown in my ford?
· Aragorn: My sword needs a new sheath.. Care to lend me yours?
· Sign seen outside the Green Dragorn: Gaffer's Golden Brew.. helpin ugly hobbits get laid since 2941
· Aragorn: I'm quite hairy.. from top to the bottom
· Legolas: I'm still single
· Merry/Pippin: Hungry? Have you tried mushrooms ala Hobbits?
· My mom was my body with (ent) draught since I was a baby, so you can expect how big I am.. and it's still growing!
· Gimli: I luurrve your hair. Can I pick a hair anywhere from you?
· Legolas: I'm still single, was single and always will be single.. I'm dating the dwarf and Dad won't allow us to get married
· You breathe SO loud.. that I could have shot you in the dark
· Treebeard: I'm quite leafy dwon there, but I have nice big coconuts and a huge trunk
· Gandalf: You can play with my staff.. but be careful, it might shoot out some fireworks
· Haldir: I may be limp but I can still shoot in the dark
· Haldir: ..by this time tomorrow I could be dead, so please won't you make me a happy elf tonight?
· Souron: Please accet this ring as a token of my sincerity.
· Mr Anderson, we meet again.. Oops, wrong movie!
 i love the legolas ones - obviously that's ALL he needs to say to pickup a girl -actually,he doesn't need to say anyth at all!!! 
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Dec 12th, 2003 08:36 PM |
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Anoushka
The Vampire Anoushka
Gender: Female
Location: Singapore |
The Council of Agent Smith
Agent Smith: Strangers of distant land, friends of old. Mis-terr Anderson, welcome to Riven-dell. I've been expecting you. You have all, with the exception of Mis-terr Ander-son with whom I have other unfinished business, been summoned here to answer the threat of Peter Jackson. Return of the King stands at the brink of destruction. None can escape it, well, maybe except me because I have a recurring role in The Marix trilogy, and perhaps Gandalf who cleverly plays his mutant self in the X-men movies, and of course Legolas..
Neo: Ahemm!
Agent Smith: Well, moving on. You will unite or you will fall to bad reviews. Every living being connected to Return of the King is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the spoiler, Frodo.
Frodo: Sauron will appear at the Field of Cormallen where he and Aragorn will have a deadly duel...
Agent Smith: Enough! *SHUDDERS*
Boromir: So it's true.
Boromir: It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Star Wars. Why not use this spoiler? Long have we, Lights Industrial and Magic Studio, kept people flocking to the cinemas. Why not anger the Tolkien fans and keep them coming to see Star Wars instead?
Gandalf: *rummages through Boromir's saddle bag and finds 3 light sabers, 2 unwashed underwear and an autographed Darth Vader Helmet* Ah-hah! Just as I suspected! Spies of Star Wars!
Agent Smith: Agents J and K, take him away. * Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones walks in and starts pulling Boromir out of the council. *
Boromir: No wait! I still have some lines left! Who's gonna say my lines?
Neo: I'll gladly stand in for him. I've been in so many box office movies lately that I could use the bad guy character backlash.
Agent Smith: * Irritably * You'll do. Just don't forget our unfinished business later. Now, where was I?
Boromir: * voice fading * And what would a ranger know of this matter? Gondor has no king! Gondor needs no k...
Gandalf: It's time for a commercial break.
Agent Smith: What? Is it time already? Councils are getting too commercial (no pun intended). Alright, the Council of Agent Smith will be right back after this commercial.
Legolas stand on top of a rock boulder. Aragorn's voice fades in from the background. "Legolas, what does your fair elven eyes see?" Legolas squints. "A bunch of squiggly dots are kind of moving but I'm not sure..." Sun glare stopping you from catching bad Uruks? Get Tree-Killer Loops for the ultimate cool shades in sun glare protection. Now comes with night vision for stalking ring bearers. Order now at 500-TREE-KILLER-LOOP! Disclaimer: No trees were actually killed in the process of making our product.
ok this one's kinda lame
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Dec 12th, 2003 08:46 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
lol  its good
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Dec 12th, 2003 09:01 PM |
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Tassie
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
i lik them espcly the pick-up lines.
-Hi im Legolas- That one wld do it 4 me
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Dec 12th, 2003 10:56 PM |
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Anoushka
The Vampire Anoushka
Gender: Female
Location: Singapore |
just him showin up in front of me'd do
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Dec 12th, 2003 11:18 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
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Dec 12th, 2003 11:44 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
V. Secret Diary of Ringwraith No. 5
Day 1
Just opened Christmas pressie from Sauron. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty ring!
Day 1,000,967
Got box of chocolates as Christmas bonus from Dark Lord, again. As per usual, Sauron ate all the toffees and left the strawberry creams. How I detest this life of vile servitude.
Still disembodied.
Day 1,001,056
V. bored in Barad-Dur. Nothing to do but play Scrabble with Orcs. Is v. annoying as Orcs only know Black Speech of Mordor. You try spelling Azg Nazg Gimbatul for a triple word score. Yeah, I didn't think so.
Day 1,001,102
Suspect Sauron gearing up for something. Walked in on him applying ceremonial sparkly mascara. Suspect he will be v. happy when he has body back and can really dress up again.
Day 1,001,105
Yes, Sauron definitely gearing up for something. Have been given orders to sally forth and hunt down hobbit and close personal hobbit friend, who have somehow gotten hold of Ruling Ring.
Witch-King of Angmar's suggestion to place pictures of Ruling Ring on milk cartons and wait for calls to come in was ignored.
Day 1,001,106
Have been given brand spanking new horse.
Not for spanking, of course.
Go me!
On minus side, still disembodied.
Day 1,001,107
V. close to nabbing Ringbearer tonight, but head Nazgul suffered attack of giggles while observing excessive cuddliness of Ringbearer and his three "companions."
Suspect Gandalf chose Ringbearer on account of big blue eyes and pouty lower lip, rather than possession of heroic-type fortitude.
Will catch up with pretty-boy Hobbit and harem of pint-sized boyfriends in Bree. V. much looking forward to post-slaughter booze-up.
Day 1,001,109
Drat that Aragorn. Drat Isildur and all his Heirs. Generations of pervy Hobbit-fanciers, of no use to anyone. Son of Arathorn has Hobbit-napped the Ringbearer. To combat disappointment at failure to achieve goals set by Sauron, spent all night boozing it up in Bree. Breelanders v. informative.
Drinks: 10 Mai Tais (then impaled innkeeper on swizzle stick)
Killed: 17 human men. Go us!
Day 1,001,115
Have been following Isildur's heir and pack of Hobbits for six days.
Aragorn obviously into Ringbearer. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day 1,001,116
Got slightly over-frisky with Ringbearer at Weathertop. Aragorn went all wonky and possessive and set me on fire. And indeed, Sam did try to kill me although did not notice had been hit in knees with frying pan until later on.
Day 1,001,119
Met she-elf girlfriend of Isildur's Heir today. Was so busy laughing at concept of Aragorn the Hobbit Fancier having "girlfriend" that inconveniently got washed away in stream.
Horse dead, armor all rusted. Must return to Mordor for oiling.
No, not that kind of oiling.
Rather a pervy wraith-fancier, aren't you, what?
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Dec 13th, 2003 01:39 AM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
__________________
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Dec 13th, 2003 12:42 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
Sauron: I want my ring back!
Bilbo: Life is boring. I’m moving.
Gandalf: Give Frodo the Ring.
Bilbo: Noooooooooo.
Gandalf: Yeeeeeeeeeesss.
(This would go on for some time, but as this is LotR abridged, their argument is also abridged.)
Frodo: Oh darn, Bilbo’s gone. But he gave me his Ring, so I guess it doesn’t matter.
Gandalf: That Ring is evil. You have to leave on a journey.
Frodo: Why?
Gandalf: Don’t ask why. It’s a very secret trip, so I’ll go ask my buddy, Saruman, for help.
Sam: Bye Gandalf.
Gandalf: You heard the very secret plan!
Sam: Ooops.
Gandalf: Go with Frodo.
Sam: Ok.
Gandalf: Try not to be killed until I get back to you.
Frodo and Sam: Ok.
(They walk and walk and run into Merry and Pippin stealing vegetables)
Merry and Pippin: Hi we’ll come with you.
Ringwraith: I’m looking for a hobbit with a Ring.
Frodo: Oh no! Let’s hide!
(They hide. Ringwraith doesn’t seem to notice 4 hobbits hiding right under his nose. He leaves.)
Merry: Gandalf said to go and meet him at Bree.
Frodo: He did?
Merry: What, he forgot to tell you?
(They go to Bree. They stay in The Prancing Pony.)
Frodo: I wonder who that tall, creepy, man is in the corner? Oops I put the Ring on. Is that a bad thing?
The Eye of Sauron: Ah ha! There’s my Ring! Gimmie!
Frodo: No! Mine! (Takes Ring off) Ha, ha! You can’t see me anymore!
Tall creepy man from the corner: That was a stupid thing to do.
Frodo: Thanks! Wait...that wasn’t a compliment?
Tall creepy man from the corner: I am Strider. You have to trust me because I’m Gandalf’s friend.
Frodo: How do we know that?
Strider: Trust me.
All the hobbits: Ok!
Strider: We have to get out of here and go to Rivendell.
All the hobbits: Coooool. Elves.
( They get to Weathertop)
Strider: I’m going to wander around for no reason at all. Don’t move and don’t, whatever you do, light a fire. Oh, and here are some swords in case you ignore my warning, light a fire anyway, and attract the Ringwraiths to you.
Sam, Merry and Pippin: Let’s do exactly what he said! (They light a fire. The Ringwraiths see it.)
Ringwraith #1: I bet that fire belongs to the hobbit who has the Ring!
Ringwraith #2: How do you know? I bet it isn’t.
Ringwraith #1: How much?
Ringwraith #2: If it is the hobbit, you get to stab him.
Ringwraith #1eal.
(They climb up and discover it is the hobbit. And a couple of other hobbits.)
Ringwraith #3: I wonder which one has the Ring?
Ringwraith #4: Let’s just kill them all and take the Ring!
Ringwraith #5: Too messy. I just washed my robes.
Ringwraith #3: We still don’t know who has the Ring!
Ringwraith #1: I do!
Ringwraith #3: Who?
Ringwraith #1: The hobbit who just put on the Ring! Thanks!
Frodo: You’re welcome...I think...woah. You’re all glowy and dressed in white. Are you angels?
Ringwraith #1: I won! I get to stab him!
Frodo: Ow! What was that for?
Strider: I magically appeared and somehow I have a torch. I will throw fire at the Ringwraiths.
Ringwraith #5: Ahhh! Fire! It’ll ruin my robes!
Ringwraith #4: How did he know we hate fire?
Strider: Just a lucky gues...I mean of course I knew that!
Frodo: My shoulder kinda hurts...
Sam: NOOOOOO!!!!! FRODO!!! He’s dying!!!!!!!! Does it hurt a whole lot Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: When you shake it like that, yes...
Arwen: Get on my horse, I’ll take you to a safe place.
Pippin: Where’d she come from?
Strider: Don’t ask.
Merry: Why?
Strider: Trust me.
(Arwen rides with Frodo to the Ford. A bunch of scorched Ringwraiths force them into the Ford.)
Ringwraith #1: You burned me!
Frodo: You stabbed me!
Ringwraith #1: Oh yeah...good! Because I stabbed you, your wound will make you join our side.
Frodo: Why?
Ringwraith #1: Because it is your destiny!
Frodo: Why is it my destiny?
Ringwraith #1: Because Frodo...I am your Father!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frodo: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
Ringwraith #2: Ignore him. He watched all the Star Wars movies in a row last night.
Arwen: I have spiffy powers, so you will be washed away!
Ringwraiths: Ahhhhhhh!!!!! (Tons of water comes from nowhere and sweeps them all away.)
Frodo: Ouch...
Arwen: NOOOOOO!!!!! FRODO!!! Don’t die on me yet!
Frodo: I will die, unless you stop hugging me. I can’t breathe.
Arwen: Ooops. Sorry.
(At Isengard)
Saruman: Hi Gandalf. You have come here because you want to tell me about a secret plan that involves the Ring of power and you want my advice, right?
Gandalf: Wow! You can read minds?
Saruman: No, I just read the script.
Gandalf: Oh.
Saruman: So, anyway, I’m evil now, join my side.
Gandalf: What?
Saruman: I’m on Sauron’s side because our names sound the same!
Gandalf: You will never get away with this, Saruman!
Saruman: Why?
Gandalf: You are bad. You are bad and I am good. Your badness will be your downfall and my goodness will be my triumph. Bad is bad. Good is good. Bad, good, bad, bad, good, bad, good, good, bad....good.
Saruman: Now I have to keep you prisoner on the roof until you tell a moth to get an eagle to rescue you.
Gandalf: How did you...
Saruman: I read the script.
Gandalf: I will not be imprisoned!
Saruman: Arm wrestle you for it.
Gandalf: You’re on!
(They sit down at a table that wasn’t there the last time you looked, and begin the match.)
Saruman: I’m winning! I’m winning!
Gandalf: Cheater! You’re digging your nails in!!!
Saruman: Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
(Gandalf loses, and is sent to the roof.)
Gandalf: Darn. (Sees a moth) Oh yeah! I have to tell it to find a gigantic eagle, so the eagle can rescue me! (Grabs for the moth. A small ‘squish’ is heard) Ooops. (Yells off into the night) I need a new moth!!!!! (Another moth comes. Gandalf manages to successfully catch it.) Go get me an eagle.
Moth: Okey dokey.
(Gandalf waits. And waits. And waits. And if this weren’t the abridged version, he’d wait a whole lot longer.)
Eagle: Yo, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Ah! You got my message from the moth!
Eagle: What moth?
Gandalf: ..........
(In Rivendell)
Frodo: Hi Gandalf! Why do you look so mad?
Gandalf: If you see a moth, squish it.
Frodo: Why?
Gandalf: Never mind
Frodo: Hey! My shoulder doesn’t hurt anymore! I wonder how that happened?
Elrond: I am Elrond. I healed you with my spiffy powers.
Frodo: Coooool. An elf.
(At The Council Meeting)
Elrond: The Ring of Power has appeared and we are screwed.
Gandalf: You can say that again...
Legolas: I’m Legolas Greenleaf. I’m cool.
Frodo: Why?
Legolas: Because I am an elf.
Gimli: I’m Gimli, son of Gloin. I’m cool too.
Frodo: Why?
Gimli: Because I’m a Dwarf.
Legolas: Dwarves are not cool. Elves are cool.
Frodo: He’s right you know...
Strider: I’m Aragorn, son of Arathorn. I have a broken sword.
Frodo: I thought you were Strider.
Aragorn(formerly known as Strider): I’m Aragorn too.
Frodo: I’m confused...
Boromir: I’m Boromir, son of Denethor. I’m here to protect my Preciousss...I mean the Ring.
Harry: I’m Harry Potter. I’m a wizard.
(Everyone looks at Harry.)
Elrond: You’re in the wrong story.
Harry: Oh, sorry. (Leaves.)
Elrond: I’ll cut this short. All of you guys and the 3 hobbits hiding behind pillars listening to a secret council meeting that they shouldn’t be listening to...
Sam: Darn.
Merry: But we were hidden so well!
Elrond: ...are going on a loooooooong trip. Your mission: Destroy the Ring and try not to get killed in the process.
Gandalf: Let’s go!
Aragorn: No, wait. I need my sword fixed. I’m not leaving until my sword is fixed.
Legolas: (Whispers to Gandalf) Humans are such whiners.
Aragorn: (Stamps his foot and pouts) No we’re not!!
(They leave Rivendell)
Legolas: Let’s sing a song to boost our spirits!
Hobbits: Ok!! 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!!! Take one down, pass it around...
Legolas: Not that song!
Aragorn and Boromir: On the Road again!!!! I love to be on the Road again!!!!
Legolas: Ok! No singing! I’m sorry I mentioned it! (Speed walks off)
Gandalf: We should stop him...
Frodo: Why?
Gandalf: He’s just like the Energizer Bunny. If we don’t stop him, he’ll keep going and going and going and going and...
All: LEGOLAS!!!!! GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!! WE’LL STOP SINGING!!!!!
(On a Random hillside)
Pippin: I want food.
Gandalf: We can’t light a fire, it’ll attract Saruman’s evil-spying-crow-things to us.
Sam: Ooops.
Gandalf: What?
Sam: Too late...
(Gandalf turns to see Sam cooking sausages.)
Merry: I love a nice warm fire!
Gimli: Look! A wisp of cloud!
Boromir: Moving against the wind! How funny!
Legolas: Not so funny. Those are...
Aragorn: Oh, come on! You can’t see that far!
Legolas: Wanna bet?
Gandalf: What are they?
Legolas: I’m not going to tell you because the human knows everything!
Frodo: Tell us. (Legolas frowns) Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee? (Frodo does Bambi eyes)
Legolas: All right! All right! Just never ever look at me like that again!
__________________
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Dec 13th, 2003 01:16 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
(The “wisp of cloud” that can defy the force of wind gets closer.)
Gandalf: Tell us!
Legolas: Ok, they are Saruman’s evil-spying-crow-things. Dinner time!!! (Pulls out bow and an arrow.)
Aragorn: No you can’t shoot them!
Legolas: Why not? They’re birds, even if they’re evil.
Gandalf: They will know that we are here!
Sam: Too late for that, too.
Gandalf: Darn. They know our path. I guess we will have to take the path of Caradhras!
Gimli: Why not go through The Mines of Moria?
Gandalf: Are there any sno-cones in Moria?
Gimli: Uh, no...
Gandalf: I thought not. My point is made. (Skips off towards a snowy mountain to their left.) Sno-cones! Sno-cones!
Boromir: And he’s our leader?
Aragorn: I trust him completely!
Legolas: (Whispers to Gimli) So says the King with the Broken sword. (They both laugh)
Aragorn: I heard that! For your information, it is no longer broken!
Gimli: Let’s see it then!
Aragorn: No, I’m saving it for a really special time!
Legolas: Liar.
Aragorn: Stop picking on me!!!! Whaaaaaaaaa!!!!! (Runs off after Gandalf. The others shrug, and follow.)
(On Caradhras)
Gandalf: Aragorn...
Aragorn: What.
Gandalf: Did you bring the sno-cone flavors?
Aragorn: Did you ask me to?
(Gandalf’s face falls, and he trudges slowly up the mountain with the rest following)
Gimli: I hate snow. It gets down the back of my shirt.
Legolas: That’s because you are too short.
Gimli: Shut up. At least I’m not a plant.
Legolas: Excuse me?
Gimli: Your last name is Greenleaf. At least I’m not a plant!
Legolas: At least I’m not a shrimp!
Gimli: WHAT????
Legolas: Yeah! You heard me!
Gandalf: Boys, boys. Calm down.
Gimli: I don’t think so!
Legolas: Yeah!!!...Wait... (Looks off into the distance even though it’s snowing. It was snowing before, but no one noticed it.)
Boromir: Oh look. (Trips Frodo) Frodo is falling. Whoops.
Aragorn: I’ve got you Frodo!
Frodo: Thanks! Oh Darn.
Aragorn: What is it?
Frodo: The Ring that was on a chain on my neck has fallen off. I knew I should have fixed that broken clasp before I left Rivendell!
Boromir: It is a strange fate that I am drawn to such a shiny thing, so small a thing¼¼ such a little thing. Even when I hate rings anyway.
Aragorn: Boromir has the Ring! Boromir. Give the Ring back to Frodo.
Boromir: But he never uses it!
Aragorn: Boromir........
Boromir: Don’t wanna! We wants it!
Frodo: Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee? (Frodo does Bambi eyes again)
Boromir: Ahhhhhhh!!!! Ok! Ok! Take my Preciousss....I mean the Ring and never look at me like that again!!!
Frodo: Thanks!
Boromir: (Wanders slowly up the hill) I have been scarred for life, I have been scarred for life...
Sam: It’s a good thing you took those self defense classes for ‘People who have just been put in charge of an evil ring and need to scare off all those Gollum wannabees’, huh Mr. Frodo?
Merry: Yeah. Those classes looked like a good idea.
Pippin: I took the class with Frodo, but I didn’t quite get a hold of the ‘Bambi eyes’ thing...
Legolas: Ah ha!
Gandalf: What?
Legolas: There is a fell voice on the air!
Frodo: A what voice?
Sam: Fell? How can a voice be fell?
Merry: A voice can fall but I don’t know about fell.
Pippin: ...and then I tried ‘playing dead’ but...hey. Is anyone listening to me?
Legolas: You just ruined my best line!!!!!
Hobbits: Sorry.
Legolas: I’ll give you sorry...
Gandalf: Hold, Legolas. I happen to have a dictionary so we can teach these ignorant hobbits the meaning of ‘fell’
Aragorn: Oh, you are so useful, Gandalf!
Gandalf: fell; v. 1. To cut or knock down. 2. To kill. [<OE fyllan.]—fell`a`ble adj
fell; adj. 1. Cruel; fierce. 2. Deadly; lethal. 3. Dire; sinister. [>OFr. fel.]
fell; n. The hide of an animal; pelt. [<OE fell.]
fell; v. P.t. of fall.
Merry: See? I told you we had to use fall!
Sam: Well, ‘ There is an animal pelt voice on the air’ doesn’t really work...
Frodo: And ‘There is a knocking down voice on the air’ won’t really...
(There is a huge blast of sound and all in the Fellowship are knocked to the ground along with a lot of snow)
Frodo: On the other hand it might...
Legolas: I meant that there was a sinister voice on the air!!!!
Pippin: Why didn’t you say that in the first place?
Legolas: Because it didn’t sound cool that way!
Gimli: Why did it have to sound cool? We could have know the meaning a lot earlier!
Legolas: Because Elves are cool and we have to sound cool too! It’s not my fault Dwarves have a limited vocabulary!
Gimli: Excuse me?
Gandalf: IT’S SARUMAN!!!!!!!!
Aragorn: What is?
Gandalf: That voice! He knows that his singing will make the snow on Caradhras fall down on us! He knows he can cause an avalanche just by singing!!
(The blast of sound comes again and more snow falls)
Boromir: That’s singing?
Aragorn: How did he know we’d be here?
Gandalf: He read the script.
(At Isengard)
Saruman: Then they go to Moria, and...ha, ha! Gandalf falls into a pit! Then they go to see more elves and then my Uruk-Hai attack them and kidnap two hobbits...oh and that human guy with the horn dies...the ring bearer gets away...and...darn! I only have the script of ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’! ‘The Two Towers’ script hasn’t been completed!!! Dang. Oh well, time to knock down Caradhras and make them go to Moria...
(On Caradhras)
Frodo: I don’t want to be buried under tons of snow!!!... (sniffles loudly) ...or die of pneumonia!!
Gandalf: Well, there’s only one other way to go...
Boromir: No there isn’t....
Gandalf: Shut up, you! If I say there is only one way, there is only one way!!!
Boromir: Ok, there isn’t a way from here to the Gap of Rohan and there isn’t a west road from there to my city.
Gandalf: Exactly.
Aragorn: What is the only other way to go?
Gandalf: Through the Mines of Moria
Gimli: I said we should have gone there in the first place.
Gandalf: I wanted sno-cones.
Gimli: Well, there weren’t any.
Gandalf: Darn.
(Outside Moria)
Legolas: There are no trees here.
Gimli: Well, there are two over there by that suspiciously empty patch of stone wall.
Legolas: Yay!!!! (Runs over to the trees)
Gimli: Wow! I can’t believe this! Soon I will be inside the scariest place on Middle-Earth!
Frodo: What?
Gimli: Didn’t you know? Moria is known for it’s evil orc ghosts!
Frodo: What?!?!?!?!?!? (Starts to sniffle again)
Aragorn: Gimli, stop scaring the ringbearer.
Gimli: Hee, hee! Sorry...
Pippin: Water! I want to go swimming!
Merry: Me too!
(They start to run into the lake)
Aragorn: (Grabs them) Do not disturb the water!
Sam: Too late...
Boromir: You just love to say that, don’t you.
Frodo: I wonder why I feel like I want some sushi?
Sam: What’s sushi?
Frodo: Dunno... (A huge shape emerges from behind him, from the lake)
Pippin: Aieeeeeeeee!!!! Killer gigantic octopus with too many legs!!!!
Frodo: No wonder I felt like I wanted sushi...hey, Aragorn?
Aragorn: What?
Frodo: Is it a good thing that there’s a tentacle wrapped around my waist?
Aragorn: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? No!!!
Frodo: No? I thought not...
Legolas: You want sushi Frodo? I’ll get you sushi! (Aims arrow at octopus with too many legs)
Gandalf: We are not going to eat the octopus!
Legolas: Darn...
Octopus: Oh, yeah. I’m supposed to go now. (Drops Frodo)
Boromir: Why do you have to go?
Octopus: I can feel evil stirring in the Mines. You’d better watch out.
Gandalf: For what?
Octopus: Can’t tell. I’m not allowed to give away the rest of the story. I read the script.
Frodo: Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee? (Frodo does Bambi eyes again)
Octopus: Ok, ok. I’ll give you a hint. It’s big and scary and is always on fire and it’s evil. Oh and it’s name starts with a “B” and ends with a “g”. Its second letter is an “a” and the third is an “l” and the fourth is an “r” and the fifth is an “o”. Dwarves fear it, Elves fear it, in fact, everyone fears it!
Legolas: Elves fear nothing.
Gimli: Dwarves fear nothing.
Octopus: This, you will. I can promise that!
Gandalf: Thanks for the hints!
Octopus: No problem! (Dives into the water and disappears)
Gandalf: I wonder what this terrifying thing can be? B...a...l...r...o...g....hmm...what could it be?
Aragorn: No clue. Some hints!
Frodo: Kind of a random question, how do we get into Moria?
Gandalf: Gooood point.
Gimli: Look! A glowing door has appeared in that suspiciously empty patch of stone wall between the two trees!
Aragorn: And writing has appeared on the door!
Legolas: It says, “Say the word friend and enter”. Well. That’s easy!
Gandalf: Of course! “Say, the word friend, and enter”! How hard is that? (Yells at the door) The word friend!(Nothing happens) What? It’s not working!
Legolas: Because you added in commas.
Gandalf: “Say the, word friend, and enter”?
Legolas: No.
Gandalf: “Say the ,word friend and enter,”?
Legolas: No!
Gandalf: “Say the ,word, friend and enter”?
Legolas: No!!
Gandalf: “Say, the word, friend and enter”?
Legolas: No!!!
Gandalf: What is it? I can’t see any other ways of saying it!
Legolas: “Say the word friend and enter”! Mellon!!!!
__________________
Im Back
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Dec 13th, 2003 01:17 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
(The gate opens)
Gandalf: I was going to say that word next...
Gimli: Don’t say that!!!
Gandalf: Why?
(The gate to Moria closes)
Gimli: That’s why!
Legolas: Mellon!
(The gate opens again)
Gandalf: What did I say...?
Gimli: No!!
(Door closes)
Gandalf: Ooops.
Legolas: Mellon!
(Door opens)
Gandalf: Ok, I won’t say it again...
Legolas: Nooo!!!
(Gate starts to close)
Boromir: Dive!!!(They all dive through the slowly closing gate)
Legolas: Thanks a ton, Gandalf.
Gimli: Yeah, Thanks.
Gandalf: You’re welcome!
Aragorn: I think they were being sarcastic.
Legolas and Gimli: Nooooooooooo. Duh.
Gandalf: Oh.
(Inside the Mines of Moria)
Boromir: This isn’t mine, it’s a tomb!
Frodo: You’re kidding me!
Sam: You mean those dead bodies aren’t supposed to be here?
Gimli: (Gasps and runs over to some dead dwarves) Oh!
Legolas: I’m sorry. These must have been your friends...
Gimli: Friends? Ha! (Kicks one dwarf) Take that! And that!
Aragorn: What are you doing?!?!?!?
Gimli: I was bullied by these guys in school! (Yells at the dwarves) Who’s taller now, jerk?!?
Gandalf: I don’t like it in here...
Pippin: Yeah, I can feel the evil!
Gandalf: It’s not that...I’m scared of the dark...
(They walk for a long time and come to a room)
Gimli: There’s a tomb in here. Oh, it’s one of my relatives.
Legolas: One of the many?
Gimli: Yeah.
Pippin: Look a well! I wonder what will happen if I drop my bag down it?
( Pippin drops his bag down. A crash is heard)
Gandalf: Fool of a Took!
Pippin: Why? Because it’ll lead the orcs to us?
Gandalf: No! My cones for my sno-cones were in there!
Pippin: Oh. Sorry.
Orcs: (Yelling from far away)We are coming! And we are bringing a cave troll!
Gandalf: Hey, let’s stay and fight overwhelming odds even though there is a hole in the wall that we can escape from!
Legolas: I’m all for it!
Frodo: I’m not...
Orcs: Grrrrr. We are scary.
Troll: I’m scarier. (Stabs Frodo with Aragorn’s spear)
Frodo: The Troll just stabbed me in the stomach. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sam: No! He’s dead!
Frodo: No I’m not! Bilbo gave me this mithril vest when you weren’t looking.
Boromir: Oh, you mean the girly-shirt!
Frodo: What?
Boromir: Never mind.
Legolas: Ha, ha! I just shot the Troll! We can get away now!
Aragorn: What’s that fiery light over there?
Gandalf: That’s what the Octopus was talking about! It’s a Balrog!!!!
Balrog: I will kill you.
Gandalf: You are going to fall off the bridge of Khazad-dum!
Balrog: Ahhhh!!!! (Falls off the bridge)
Aragorn: (Going through his bag) Will you look at that! I did bring the sno-cone flavors! (His hand slips) Darn. I dropped the bottle off the bridge...
Gandalf: SNO-CONES!!!!!!! (Dives off the bridge after the bottle)
Aragorn: Gandalf!!!!!!!!!! Oh well. He comes back later.
Legolas: Have you been reading the script for ‘The Two Towers’?
Aragorn: Well, just the beginning. That’s all that’s been finished...
All: Well, Thanks for ruining the story!!!!!!!
(Outside Moria)
Aragorn: We have to run to Lothlorien because it’s filled with elves.
Hobbits: Coooool. Elves.
(They run to Lothlorien and enter it)
Aragorn: The aura in this wood...it moves me so...I have to...ANDURIL!!!!!! (Starts to pull his sword out of it’s scabbard, then catches himself) Ok, gotta calm down. Yes, nice woods, put the sword away, good boy. (Slides the sword back into the scabbard)
Haldir: We could hear you a mile away...oh. It’s the King who talks to himself.
Aragorn: You got a problem with that?
Haldir: It creeps me out.
Aragorn: Haldir of Lorien, we come here for help. We need your protection.
Legolas: I don’t need protection!
Gimli: Yeah! You’re the one who got us into this fix without Gandalf! You dropped the sno-cone flavors off the bridge of Khazad-dum!
Aragorn: It doesn’t matter, I said! He comes back later!
Haldir: You just had to tell me that.
Galadriel: I don’t have to read the script to tell the future.
(She tells something to each person in their head; a thoughtspeak)
Galadriel says...
...to Aragorn: You will get married and have a happy life after you heal some people.
Aragorn: Wow! That’s easy!
...to Boromir: You...well...you don’t want to know.
Boromir: Know what?
...to Legolas: You are cool and will always be cool. I’d tell you to beware the cry of a seagull, but you’ll ignore me anyway.
Legolas: What’s a seagull?
...to Gimli: You will eventually become cool, win a bet and become best friends with Legolas.
Gimli: I’ll become cool!!!!!
...to Frodo: You will lose two things in a volcano.
Frodo: Will I be cool too?
...to Sam: You will eventually become the hero of the story, but you won’t be acknowledged for it. Oh, and you’ll plant a garden.
Sam: I thought Mr. Frodo was the hero of the story.
...to Merry: You make friends with a King and then he dies and then you save a girl from a Ringwraith.
Merry: Is she cute?
...to Pippin: You get to be a nutcase’s friend until he sets himself on fire and then you become less of a fool of a Took.
Pippin: I’m not a fool! I resent that!
(Leaving Lothlorien)
Galadriel: Here’s an everlasting glowstick. Just spout some poetry and it’ll light up. I’ll never go out!
Frodo: Wow, thanks!
(The remaining Fellowship members leave in boats)
Boromir: Man. That Galadriel person creeps me out!
Gimli: Don’t diss Galadriel!
Boromir: You only like her because she gave you some of her hair!
Gimli: I like her because she is the most beautiful elf! All other elves cannot compare to her!
Aragorn: Don’t diss Arwen!
Legolas: Good grief. They’re fighting over who’s the most beautiful.
Frodo: I think I’m getting seasick.
Sam: Oh no, Mr. Frodo! (AN: Yes I know that rhymes. It was not meant to.)
Merry: What’s it feel like, Frodo?
Frodo: I don’t know. I’ve never gotten seasick before. That’s why I think I’m seasick.
Pippin: Oooh. Big statues.
Aragorn: Look Frodo, the Argonath! Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old. My kin.
Merry: You’re related to those big statues?
Pippin: Funny. Wouldn’t you be taller if you were related to them? And a little more gray? And way more buff?
Aragorn: Fool of a Took!
Pippin: I resent that!
Merry: What about me?
Aragorn: Fool of a Brandybuck!
Merry: Thank you. I don’t like being left out.
Boromir: (mutters to himself) The Ring is calling me...the Ring...so pretty...so shiny... (He gets a glazed look on his face)
Aragorn: The scene is so beautiful...it moves me so...I have to...ANDURIL!!!!!!(Starts to pull his sword out of it’s scabbard again)
Legolas: Cool it, King-who-talks-to-his-sword.
Aragorn: (Catches himself) Ok, gotta calm down. Yes, nice statues, put the sword away, good boy. (Slides the sword back into the scabbard again)
Gimli: Can I hit him if he does that again?
Legolas: Be my guest.
Gimli: Yey!
(They arrive at Amon Hen)
Frodo: I’m going for a walk.
Boromir: I’ll go with you.
Frodo: No!
Boromir: Yes!
Aragorn: No one is going anywhere! There are orcs about.
Legolas: We should leave now.
Aragorn: No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for cover of darkness.
Legolas: It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near...I can feel it!
Aragorn: Yeah, yeah. You think you know everything just because you’re an elf.
Legolas: And when have I been wrong?
Gimli: You know...he does have a point...
Aragorn: No! I’m the leader! I make the decisions! You are all under my command!!!!!
Legolas: Yeesh. Somebody is obsessive-compulsive.
Frodo: I’ll say.
Sam: Wow, you’re so smart Mr. Frodo!
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Dec 13th, 2003 01:18 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
(Silence. Everyone looks around.)
Merry: Frodo’s gone!!
Pippin: Yay! We get more lines!
Legolas: Why?
Merry: Because Frodo’s gone!
Pippin: Because Boromir’s gone!
Aragorn: What? (Looks around suspiciously and comes to the decision that Pippin is right)
Gimli: What do we do now?
Aragorn: Go look for them of course, in a...
Sam: FRODO!!! MR. FRODO!!! (Runs off)
Merry: Frodo! Where are you? Boromir! Where are you?
Pippin: Boromir! Where are you? Frodo! Where are you? (They run off)
Legolas: Evil feeling! Where are you? I know you’re out there! (Strides off)
Gimli: Legolas! Wait! I want to kill evil things too! (Follows Legolas)
Aragorn: ...nice orderly fashion. (Finishes with a look of annoyance) I said I was the leader!!! (Stomps off after Legolas and Gimli) Why won’t they listen to me?!?!?
(Frodo and Boromir are walking up a hill. More like Frodo is speed walking and Boromir is trying to catch up.)
Frodo: Boromir, stop stalking me!!!
Boromir: What are you implying?
Frodo: You want the Ring!
Boromir: No...not really.
Frodo: Yeah you do! I can see it in your eyes!!!
Boromir: No! I just want to borrow it!
Frodo: No!
Boromir: Please?
Frodo: No!
Boromir: Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee? (Boromir does Bambi eyes.)
Frodo: Ah! No! The horror! The horror!
Boromir: Now give me the Ring!
Frodo: Never!!
Boromir: Ok, I was just kidding.
Frodo: (Not listening) No! You will never have it!!!
Boromir: I said it was just a joke...
Frodo: Never! (Puts the Ring on)
Boromir: IT WAS JUST A JOKE!!!!!
Frodo: (Now invisible, runs away) Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Boromir: What’s his problem? (Shrugs and walks away)
Frodo: (Far away by now, and gasping) He almost got it.
Eye of Sauron: I found it again! My Ring! My Ring!!!! Aha! The hobbit! Join with me, Frodo!
Frodo: Never!!! And it’s my Ring now! (Yanks the Ring off)
Aragorn: Frodo! You’d better run, because there’s a whole Uruk-Hai army out to get you!
Frodo: Ahhhh!!!! This is not my day!!!! (Runs away)
Aragorn: Ha, ha!!!!! Come on you Orc losers!!! I can take you on any day even without Anduril!
Orc Leader Dude: Grrrrrrr. (And he proceeds to shoot arrows everywhere.)
Legolas: Hey! I’m the only one allowed to shoot arrows! (Orc Leader Dude ignores him. Legolas frowns.) Fine. I will kick butt with my cool daggers! (Whips out two long daggers and wreaks havoc with them.)
Gimli: Yeah and um...I will kill you with my...axe.
Legolas: That sounds so boring. Don’t you have any other weapons?
Gimli: No.
Legolas: Oh.
Aragorn: See? I’m still cool withoutAnduril!!!! (Strikes a pose, holding the sword up into the air) Ha, ha! The unbeatable Aragorn! Son of Arathorn! And heir to a lot of other things I can’t remember right now! Flee! Flee before the wrath of...(An Uruk-Hai grabs Aragorn around the neck, which forces him to shut up.)
Gimli: You must save Aragorn!
Legolas: But that Orc is doing us a favor by...(Gimli glares and Legolas sighs) Fine, fine. (He walks over to the Uruk-Hai, holding a now purple-faced Aragorn) I’m really sorry about this. Thank you for the 30 seconds of silence. (Stabs the Uruk-Hai and Aragorn is released)
Aragorn: Legolas!!! Next time you get grabbed and choked, I’ll wait until you go purple to rescue you!!
Legolas: Elves don’t get caught by Orcs unless they’re really stupid. And elves are never stupid.
Aragorn: I am your leader!!! You must listen to me!!!!! Arrrrgggg!!! Why don’t you listen!!!!! (Jumps up and down in a fit of rage, swinging his sword around, beheading a few very slow Orcs)
Gimli: Obsessive-compulsive.
Legolas: (Shakes his head) I think it’s just called immaturity.
(Frodo runs down a hill and bumps into Merry and Pippin)
Merry: Dang.
Pippin: We found you.
Merry: Less lines for us.
Pippin: Fooey.
Frodo: I’m leaving for Mordor!
Merry: Yes!!...I mean, oh Frodo how could you?
Frodo: Oh no! A bunch of Orcs are coming this way!
Pippin: Yes! We can be heroes now!! (He and Merry run down the hill, away from Frodo)
Merry and Pippin: (Very loudly in the general direction of the Orcs) Oh, what a pretty Ring!!! No ugly Orc can catch us!! We are running down this hill to get away from the Orcs!!! They can’t catch us!!
Uruk-Hai #1: Wow! They are stupid! We can see them as clear as day!
Uruk-Hai #2: And hear them too!
Boromir: Nooooo! You can’t have them!!!! (Charges Orc leader dude and gets shot with three arrows) Ouch.
Merry: Oh no! Boromir is going to die!
Pippin: We have to do something heroic!
Merry: Charge the Orcs!!!!!!! (Both hobbits jump at the Uruk-Hai...well into the Uruk-Hai’s waiting arms)
Merry: Oh shoot.
Pippin: Dang. We’re caught. That stinks.
(Frodo and Sam discuss Frodo’s decision to leave)
Frodo: I’m going to Mordor!
Sam: Wow, you’re so brave Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: I have to destroy the Ring!
Sam: And I’m going with you!
(Silence)
Frodo: Um, no you’re not.
Sam: Yes I am!
Frodo: Give me one good reason why I should let you come with me?
Sam: Because your cooking sucks!
Frodo: Ah. Good point.
Sam: No offence or anything.
Frodo: Get in the boat Sam, we’re going to Mordor together!
Sam: Yey!!! Wait...
(Meanwhile, Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn find Boromir)
Boromir: Huh. That’s funny. I thought three arrows would kill me. Guess not.
Aragorn: Oh no!!!!!! Boromir!!!!!
Boromir: What?
Gimli: Three arrows? That must hurt!
Boromir: Actually it doesn’t...
Legolas: Come now. Stop being tough.
Boromir: I’m not!
Aragorn: And look! His horn is cloven in two! We must bury him!
Boromir: I’m still alive!!!!
Legolas: Well, he’s breathing...
Aragorn: But he will die! Soon!
Boromir: I’m getting better!
Legolas: He has a pulse...
Aragorn: Who is the leader here?
Gimli: Oh no. Not this again.
Aragorn: That’s right, I am! So we must put our slain companion...
Boromir: I’m not dead!!!!
Aragorn: ...in one of the boats and let him float to a happier place!
Boromir: I’m fine! Just fine! Hey! Is anyone listening?
Legolas: I’m not so sure about this...
Aragorn: Heave-ho! (Chucks Boromir into one of the boats)
Boromir: What are you doing? I’m alive! Not dead!!!!
Legolas: Well, if we’re going to do this, we may as well do this properly. (Picks some flowers and throws them over Boromir)
Aragorn: Be at peace, son of Gondor. (Pushes the boat into the river
Legolas: Oh great.
Gimli: What?
Legolas: He’s heading for a waterfall.
Aragorn: Ooops.
Boromir: (While heading down the waterfall) Aieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn: I guess he wasn’t quite dead. Oh well, he will be now!
Gimli: Hey, Merry and Pippin are gone!
Aragorn: They must have been kidnaped by Orcs!
Legolas: Frodo and Sam are gone too!
Aragorn: They must have gone off to Mordor!
Legolas: Why would Sam go? Frodo is the ringbearer.
Aragorn: Yeah, but Frodo can’t cook for beans.
Legolas: Oh.
Gimli: So...what do we do now?
Aragorn: Why, follow Merry and Pippin!
Gimli: What for?
Aragorn: To rescue them from torment!
Legolas: You mean, to rescue those poor Orcs from torment!
Aragorn: Yes!!!! No, wait...wrong! Wrong!
Legolas: (To Gimli) I love confusing him.
Aragorn: Let’s hunt some...
Legolas: Hobbit.
Aragorn: ...hobbit!!!! Hey, wait a sec...Orc! Hunt some Orc!
Gimli: Let us hurry!
Aragorn: We might lose the trail!
(They run off into the woods following a trail of chopped down trees)
Legolas: Yeah...that would be a pity now, wouldn’t it...
(Meanwhile, At Isengard)
Saruman: Yes!!!!! Finally! The script for ‘The Two Towers’! Oh Dang. Gandalf comes back. Fooey. Heeeyyyyyyyy...he’s not very nice to me in this script. That’s not fair! What have I ever done to him?
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Dec 13th, 2003 01:18 PM |
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The Inkeeper
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LOL the sly elf tricking poor frodo and poor lego and poor aragorn and poor gimli
 Attachment: radaang.jpg
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Dec 13th, 2003 03:01 PM |
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BOPRecruit 16
Hunter By Nature
 Gender: Female
Location: City of Angels |
poor frodo!
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Dec 13th, 2003 03:06 PM |
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The Inkeeper
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Gender: Male
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saruman the.....wise
Attachment: imagen_sarumanburbujas.jpg
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Dec 13th, 2003 03:10 PM |
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The Inkeeper
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Gender: Male
Location: With You |
with lotr rotk becoming so popular, scary movie four will obviously target it, here is a snippet lol
Attachment: imagen_nazgulscream.jpg
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Dec 13th, 2003 03:12 PM |
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