OK.....this is for all you guys... an Oldie but a goodie...and oh so true.....
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first nun in line," I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in holy water and pass into heaven.
The next nun admits that "Well yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged it a bit."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on in here?" says St. Peter.
"Well your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "if I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."
An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by.
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter stopped him and asked if he could watch the gates whilst he went to the loo. Jesus agreed and began letting people in. After a few minutes he saw a stooped old man approaching. He was so old that he could barely walk, and his white beard ran down to the floor. When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking for his son. Jesus wanted to help but didn't think he could as there were millions of people there. "I know I can identify him very easily by the holes in his hands and feet," said the old man. Jesus stares curiously at the wisened figure before him, "Father...?" he asked. The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio...?"
The teacheer has a class off people from differant religions and she tells them to bring something representing their religions. The hindu brinngs a Vedas, the musllim brings his koran and the christian picks up a bucket of fried chicken. I guess he was a southern baptist.
__________________ Beam me up scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet.
When I die I may not go to heaven,. I don't know if they let cowboys in, if they don't just let me go to texas.. texas is as close as I've been.. Willie Nelson
Let's go to Luchinbach texas with Willie and Waylon and the boys. this successsful life we're living has got us fueding like the Hatfelds and Mccoys betwen Hank Willliams pain songs and Jerry Jeffs strain songs and blue eyes crying in the rain, down in luchinbach texas aint nobodyy feeling no pain. Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings
__________________ Beam me up scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet.
KMC Community Forums
Sep 9th, 2005 11:44 PM
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an Oldie but a goodie...and oh so true.....
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