As you may know in the goblet of fire at the trial for karkaroff dumbledore clearly states that
"prior to voldermots downfall snape turned spy at great risk "not after the death of the potters
which is when voldermorts down fall happened.Not even voldemort mentions anything
about snape when he divulges the way the potters died to harry in the grave yard before
he thought he was going to kill harry.He didn't have to hide any thing from harry at that time.
So snape could not have been there at the time of the murder.
the story is brilliant but try to remember the facts of the previous 6 books & i think you shouldent
have taken ron to the dark side(but it is your story and i dont wont to but in )
sorry if i offended you in any way!
Harry hurried out of Myrtles bathroom, slamming the door behind him. His mind reflecting on what Snape had just said his feet took him up to his dorm, where he collapsed onto the bed. His mind swimming in images of his parents.
Meanwhile in a small village in France, Voldemort sat listening to reports being given by several of his allies. His mind was not at all focusing on what was being said, instead he was trying to communicate with his ally in the Ministry. However it wasnt working, slwoly Voldemorts mind refocused..."as I have been saying the ministry havent really made many moves to suppress what we have done, either that or they know not of our power!" the man standing had a slight Russian accent mixed in with his english, Voldemort rose from his seat at the head of the table, "Thank you Luvitrov, I am pleased we have the allegiance of the Vampire Council. I promise once we have taken power in Britain your kind will have all they want! Now you all leave, except for the higher members. You will follow me." Voldemort turned to his right and was followed by several people, all of whom were hooded. The rest of the people disappeared through a door to the right. Slowly the floor began to descend as Voldemort led the group into an increasingly colder atmosphere. "Lord Voldemort where are you taking us?" A German voice from the rear of the group bounced off the walls. No answer came back as the faint light from which they had come from disappeared. They came to a bend in the path they were on and as they crossed this corner, the area in front of them opened out into a huge cavern. There were wizards dressed in green robes racing back and forth as large fireballs flew across the room. Voldemort turned to his followers behind him, "That Black Bavarian, is almost 50feet tall. It has a blast distance of approximately 30feet. The temperature at which its fire burns is around 2000 degrees!" The members of the group turned and faced a huge enclosure lying curled up in which was a dragon, whos scaly skin was black as the robes Voldemort wore. "Normally the Bavarian species are extremely hard to tame, and even harder to control. However I continue to amaze myself, I have created a potion which more or less allows me to enter the dragons mind giving me complete control over the beast!" The collection of higher members began to murmur in amazement. They each began to lower their hoods, there were several white faced people, the German lowered his hood to reveal larger then usual canines. The first few moved forward into the light, the light reflected off their hair, creating an almost red mist in the air. Voldemort turned back to face them, "I believe you are yet to meet our newest members. May I introduce you to Molly, Bill, Fleur and Ginny Weasley. They will be our most well placed spies." Voldemort let out a high pitched laugh as the blank faces of the Weasleys stared at him.
very good so far, and since i critique just about everyone on this site, dont feel offended plz!
ok, i have to agree with the rest of these ppl, i know its ur story, but ron's character has never appealed to me as evil. Just saying
Secondly is only a suggestion, if you would put an "enter" in between each paragraph it makes the story a lot easier to read and less confusing for your readers.
As for spelling and grammar ur doing fairly well, but some brushing up might do nicely.
Christmas and New Year pased without any major incidents, Harry had confined himself to his dorm room. A pile of Christmas presents lay untouched at the bottom of his bed, plates of uneaten food also lay scattered around the room. An unpleasant smell hung around the room as the shape on the bed shifted to one side. His whites of his eyes illuminating the dark room. The troubled teenager lay deep in thought, his heart broken by the revelations of a snake. Harry seemed to be losing everything he had, 4 months ago he had lost the best friend he could ever have hoped for. Harry missed him so much, not a moment passed when Harry didn't think about him. Sirius had been taken from him, taken but not forgotten. A tear trickled down Harrys greasy cheek, His thoughts turned to his parents, he had admired them all his life, until now. Now he just wanted nothing to do with them, they had destroyed two peoples lives. Just to get power. As far as Harry was concerned their objectives were no different to Voldemorts, yet another tear fell onto the bed covers. A soft voice called from the locked door, the voice Harry heard was the only thing that filled him with happiness. The image of Hermione filled his mind, melting away all other thoughts that had previously been occupying this space. Hermione had always been there for him, she was more than his girlfriend, she was his best friend.
Harry rolled from the bed, landing heavily on his bare feet, he winced in pain. Hobbling over to the door, Harry muttered a spell under his breath, the door sprung open. Standing on the other side was a bush of hair. Hermione turned round, "Oh Harry I didn't think you were gong to answer again." She lfung her arms round him, but almost instantly recoiled, "God Harry you stink, come on lets get you in a bath!" Hemrione nervously laughed, but much to her relief Harry simply shrugged his shoulders. Too tired to bother with an argument, Harry let himself be led down by her.
Harry emerged from the bathroom almost an hour later, smelling far nicer then previous. "Hermione had anything happened? You know while I've been... while I've been away." Harrys voice sounded weak, almost as if he wasn't completely there. Hermione shook her head, "I'm not sure Harry, but Dumbledore has asked for the higher ranking members to assemble in his office." Seing Harry's disappointed look, she quickly added, "That means you as well." With that Hermione turned and walked back towards the common room, leaving Harry alone in the deserted corridor.
"Jelly Babies," the spiraling staircase appeared before Harry, stepping upon the first step Harry quickly found himself standing before his headmasters door. Just as Harry raised his hand to knock, a voice came from in the room, "Ah Dumbledore, Harry is here!" Seconds later the door opened and Harry was greeted by the whizzing blue eye of Mad-Eye Moody. "Harry good to see you. Come take a seat." Dumbledore pinted towards a comfy looking red chair in fornt of the fireplace. As Harry mad ehis way round the other 20 or so occupied chairs. He noticed several faces, the Hogwarts teachers. This was the first time he had seen all of them associated with the Order. Moving across, he noticed several people he had seen in other meetings. Harry slid into his seat, next to very strange looking man.
"Now that we are all here, I may begin. As you all know Voldemort has been increasingly developing his forces. I am pleased to introduce you Earondoth, leader of the elves of Norway." The strange man next to Harry stood up and bowed low to Dumbledore,"You have my full allegiance Albus," Earondoth spoke softly with a slight accent. Dumbledore inclined his head as the elf sat back down, "The other peoples we have sent out our allegiances wer eunable to attend tonight. However I can assure you when the time comes they will be here. The nature of tonights meeting is highly classified, therefore only people within these walls will hear what I am about to say." Dumbledore rose form his chair, he picked up a dark green book which had been lying on his desk. Harry's senses perked up, he instantly recognised the book, "This book I am holding is the personal diary of Lord Voldemort. I believe within its pages, it holds information vital to the location of the remianing hidden horcruxes!" A murmur ran through the room, as several people began to question Dumbledore. A tall dark man stood up, "Surely you are mistaken, Dumbleodore. I believe you used the word Horcrux, but in a plural sense?" the man stood looking at the old man, "Ah Luvitrov, my dear old friend. You are not mistaken, for you see Voldemort has created horcruxes. I believe 7 have been created, one has been used, and one has been destroyed. That leaves us with 5 remaining! This book will help us locate and destroy them!"
First of all ,sorry to intervien!
2 horcruxes were distroyed at the end of the 6th book.
1.Riddly's Diary(by harry in the 2nd book)(do you mean to say that the book was used and therefore "one has been used"?)
2.Slytherins Ring(by dumbledore in the 6th book{the blackened hand})
R.A.B. has the locket so how can voldi's "2nd" diary have such information unless voldi himself (parsulmouth ,"then there is the basalisk")came to hogworts and put it there,
I dought he would have come when dumbledore was still there.
Sorry again
just explain!
"Luvitrov, my dear old friend" is he the same as "Thank you Luvitrov, I am pleased we have the allegiance of the Vampire Council"
someone saw it! well you'll have to wait and find out whos side he's on!
i get really confused about the horcruxes, im not sur ehow many have been used up the ring and the diary are gone, but then voldemort must have used another one to get his body back?!
Voldemort didn't need a horcruxes to gain a body in GOF because he didn't loose the part of his soul when he killed the potters
He regained his body(infant like) by drinking the venom of nagini(like unicorn blood) & regained his snake-faced body by a portion+spell
(fathers bone,servents flesh,enimies blood...)
"Horcrux is part of a soul" A body can be gained by many ways,
"PS(SS)-Quiril,COS-Ginny,GOF-as stated, OOTP-possession(Dip. of magic)