Napoleon Bonaparte was a French military officer, Emperor of France, and five-time winner of the world Risk™ championships. He rose to prominence after ending the Reign of Terror that followed the French Revolution, and replacing it with his Reign of a Moderate But Tolerable Amount of Fear. He is famous for being the first person in the French military since Charlemagne to not suck, being short, instituting the Napoleonic Code, being short, pwning most of Europe before losing everything to an Englishman who was named after his boots, being short, and getting really ticked off whenever some smartass remarked that he didn't look very much like Jon Heder.
Napoleon was born in 1756 on the island of Corsica. His father was Italian and spoke Italian; his mother was Italian and spoke Italian, and Napoleon grew up speaking Italian and learning Italian customs, which, of course, makes Napoleon Italian. This, in turn, means that all of Napoleon's victories technically count as Italian military victories. It is considered extremely rude and offensive to bring this up when talking with French people, so be sure to do it as often as you can.
As a child, he spent countless hours playing with his French GI Joes, usually in the backyard of the crotchety Russian who lived next door. Growing up in a town where most men stood at least 6'9", Napoleon was teased about his rather modest height of 5'4". Scholars believe that this teasing — which crushed his dreams of playing professional basketball and made Napoleon excessively self-conscious of his small stature — resulted a tendency to overcompensate in all of his personal endeavors. This condition is known as a Napoleon complex, not to be confused with a Neapolitan complex, which is an illogical obsession with mixed-flavor ice creams.
KMC Community Forums
Jan 18th, 2007 04:24 PM
there you are!!! 
Haven't seen you in like a week
What's up??
I'm at work.
