LUKE: "That's okay. I'm never coming back to this planet again."
LEIA: "Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding
Vader's leash. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on
board."
TARKIN: "Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it
signing the order to terminate your pants!"
LEIA: "I surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility
yourself!"
HAN: "Hokey religions and ancient pants are no match for a good
blaster at your side, kid."
LUKE: "You don't believe in the pants, do you?"
HAN: "Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've
seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me
believe there's one all-powerful pair controlling everything. There's
no mystical button up flares that controls MY destiny."
The Wookiee flips off several controls and seems very cool
in the emergency. Luke makes his way into the bouncing
cockpit.
LUKE: "What's going on?"
HAN: "Our position is correct, except...no pants!"
LUKE: "What do you mean? Where are they?"
HAN: "Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. They ain't there. They've
been totally blown away."
LUKE: "What? How?"
Ben moves into the cockpit behind Luke as the ship begins
to settle down.
BEN: "Destroyed...by the Empire!"
HAN: "The entire starfleet couldn't destroy the whole store. It'd take
a thousand ships with more fire power than I've..."
VOICE: (over intercom) "We've captured a freighter entering the remains of the Alderaan system. It's markings match those of a ship that blasted its way out of Mos Eisley."
VADER: "They must be trying to return the stolen pants to the
princess. She may yet be of some use to us."
OFFICER: (to Vader) There's no one on board, sir. According to the
log, the crew abandoned ship right after takeoff. It must be a decoy,
sir. Several of the escape pods have been jettisoned.
VADER: "Did you find any pants?"
OFFICER: "No, sir. If there were any on board, they must also have
jettisoned."
VADER: "Send a scanning crew on board. I want every part of this ship
checked."
OFFICER: "Yes, sir."
LUKE: "You know, between his pants and your blasting everything
in sight, it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're
here."
HAN: "Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking
around."
__________________
"Van Zan is the Pinocchio of feces." - Lestov16
Last edited by Sadako of Girth on Dec 8th, 2005 at 11:30 AM
LUKE: "Uh...Threepio, hand me those pants there, will you?"
Luke moves toward Chewbacca with electronic pants.
LUKE: "Okay. Now, I'm going to put these on you."
Chewie lets out a hideous growl.
LUKE: "Okay. Han, you put these on."
Luke sheepishly hands the pants to Han.
HAN: "Don't worry, Chewie. I think I know what he has in mind."
The Wookiee has a worried and frightened look on his face....
LUKE: "I can't see a thing in these pants."
HAN: (sounding official) "Everything is under control. Situation
normal."
INTERCOM VOICE: "What happened?"
HAN: (getting nervous) "Uh...had a slight pants malfunction. But, uh,
everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here,
now, thank you. How are you?"
INTERCOM VOICE: "We're sending a squad up."
HAN: "Uh, uh, negative. We have a trouser leak here now. Give us a few
minutes to lock it down. Large leak...very dangerous."
Darth Vader paces the room as Governor Tarkin sits at the far
end of the conference table.
VADER: "He is here..."
TARKIN: "Obi-Wan Kenobi! What makes you think so?"
VADER: "A tremor in my pants. The last time I felt it was in the
presence of my old master."
TARKIN: "Surely he must be dead by now."
VADER: "Don't underestimate the power of the jeans."
TARKIN: "Cordaroy is extinct, its fashion has gone out of the
universe. You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion."
INTERIOR: DEATH STAR -- MAIN BAY GANTRY -- CONTROL TOWER.
Threepio paces the control center as little Artoo beeps and
whistles a blue streak. Threepio yells into the small comlink
transmitter.
THREEPIO: "I said: All systems have been alerted to your presence, sir.
The main zipper seems to be the only way in or out; all other
information on your pants is restricted."
Someone begins banging on the door.
TROOPER VOICE: "Open up in there!"
THREEPIO: "Oh, no!"
LEIA: "Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage pants, fly boy."
She jumps through the narrow opening as Han and Chewbacca
look on in amazement. Chewbacca sniffs the garbage pants and
says something.
HAN: "Get in there you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell! Get
in there and don't worry about it."
Han gives him a kick and the Wookiee disappears into the
tiny opening. Luke and Han continue firing as they work their
way toward the opening.
LUKE: "We're right above you. Stand by."
Han is watching the dozen or so troops moving in and out of
the piratepants. Leia moves towards Han, touches his arm and
points out the window to the pants.
LEIA: You came in those things? You're braver that I thought.
Gold Leader, a rough looking man in his early thirties,
stands and addresses Dodonna.
GOLD LEADER: "Pardon me for asking, sir, but what good are snub
fighters going to be against those?"
DODONNA: "Well, the Empire doesn't consider a small one-man fighter to be any threat, or they'd have a tighter defense. An analysis of the
pants provided by Princess Leia has demonstrated a weakness in the
battlepants."
Artoo-Detoo stands next to a similar robot, makes beeping
sounds, and turns his head from right to left.
DODONNA: "The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down the backs and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust
port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the
reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should
destroy both legs."
A murmer of disbelief runs through the room.
DODONNA: "Only a precise hit will set up a chain reaction. The pants are
ray-shielded, so you'll have to use proton torpedoes."
Luke, Leia, and Dodonna meet under a huge space fighter.
LEIA: "What's wrong?"
LUKE: "Oh, it's Han! I don't know, I really thought he'd change his
pants."
LEIA: "He's got to follow his own taste. No one can choose them for him."
LUKE: "I only wish Ben were here."
INTERIOR: GOLD LEADER'S Y-WING -- COCKPIT.
GOLD LEADER: "How many pants do you think, Gold Five..?"
INTERIOR: MASSASSI OUTPOST -- WAR ROOM.
GOLD FIVE: (over speaker) "I'd say about twenty pairs. Some on the
surface, some on the towers."
OFFICER: "We've analyzed their pants, sir, and there is a danger.
Should I have your ship standing by?"
TARKIN: "Evacuate? In out moment of triumph? I think you overestimate
their chances!"
I have failed you Anakin. I have failed you
I should have known the pants were plotting to take over
ANAKIN!! CHANCELLOR PALPATINE IS EVIL!!!!
From my point of view, the pants are evil
WELL THEN YOU ARE LOST!!!
ANAKIN: All because of your training, Master. You deserve all those pants.
OBI-WAN: Anakin, let's be fair. Today, you are the hero and you deserve your glorious pants.
Padme: Ani? My goodness, your pants grown.
Anakin: So have yours, grown more beautiful... for a senator's pants, I mean.
Last edited by lordofwar on Dec 10th, 2005 at 03:05 AM
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