Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
(Jack on vocals, Will on bass guitar, Barbossa on guitar, and Gibbs on drums)
Jack: (singing) They said a man should always dress for the job he wants/So why am I here dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?
It's all because some hacker stole my identity
Now I'm in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea
Should have gone to freecreditreport.com
Gibbs: Yee haw!
Jack: I should have seen this coming at me like an atom bomb
They monitor your credit and send you email alerts
So you're not stuck every evening serving tourists in tee shirts
(Elizabeth out in the audience holds out a lighter)
Elizabeth: Woo! Pirates rule!
Waiter: Excuse me, miss. There's no smoking in here.
Jack,Lizzie, Mr, Gibbs, Barbarossa(They all dressed in 80's clothing) sing a song.
Who's gonna tell you when
It's too late
Who's gonna tell you things
Aren't so great
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna sail you home tonight?
Who's gonna pick you up
When you fall
Who's gonna hang it up
When you call
Who's gonna pay attention
To your dreams
Who's gonna plug their ears
When Will screams
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna Sail you home tonight
Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake
Who's gonna come around
When you break
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna Sail you home tonight
Oh you know you can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna sail you home tonight
Note: Song "Drive" by the Cars
Will sings:
Look at them
And look at us
One is Francine
One is Gus
Lots of people
Think they're boring
But we don't
Not us
He is gray
And so is she
You like pigeons
Just like me
Lots of people
Think we're silly
But I don't
Not me
We go for the same kind
Of music
Any old rousing march
Will do
We both like the same
Kind of oatmeal
It's no good without
A lump or two
Watch them soar
Up to the sky
They are flying
So am I
Lots of people
Just don't understand
But you do
And so
Do
I
You like oatmeal
I do too
You like paperclips
Me too!
You play checkers
I do too
You like me
And I
Like
You
Song: Bert's Love Song
Will, standing behind a brick wall, is blowing on a harmonica.
Lefty a Salesman, unnoticed by Will, sneaks onscreen with his usual theme music.
Looking cautiously around him, he comes up to Will’s side.]
Lefty [in a low voice]: Hey, bud.
Will: Who, me?
Lefty: SHHHHHH!
Will: [whispering]: Who, me?
Lefty: Riiiiiiiight! Listen. I got something you need.
[Holds out an empty glass bottle.]
Will: Oh, you’re wrong. I don’t need a bottle.
Lefty: I’m not sellin’ the bottle. I’m sellin’ what’s in the bottle.
Will: Well, what’s in the bottle?
Lefty [in a lower voice, after glancing around him]: Air.
Will: Air?
Lefty: SHHHHHH!
Will [whispering]: Air?
Lefty: Riiiiiiiight!
Will: Well, why do I need air?
Lefty: How do ya get music out of that harmonica?
Will: I blow air into it!
Lefty: SHHHHHH!
Will [whispering]: I blow air into it.
Lefty: Riiiiiiiight!
Lefty [looking at the ground]: Hey, pick that up.
[Will picks up an uninflated balloon.]
Lefty: Now, you take this little bottle of air and you put it into one of those, and what do ya got?
Will: A balloon!
Lefty: SHHHHHH!
Will [whispering]: A balloon.
Lefty: Riiiiiiiight! So ya see, with this little bottle of air, you can breathe. You can make music.
You can blow up a balloon. And I am prepared to sell you all the air in this bottle for the low price of just ...
[leans closer and whispers]
... one nickel.
Will [excitedly]: One nickel?
Lefty: SHHHHHH!
Will [whispering]: One nickel?
Lefty: Riiiiiiiight!
Will: Okay, I’ll take it. Here’s a nickel.
Lefty [opening his trench coat]: Just put it right in the ol’ coat, there.
[Will presumably slips the nickel into an inner pocket. Lefty closes his coat.]
Lefty: Okay. Now, hold out your hands.
Will: Why?
Lefty: Why? So’s I can pour the air into ‘em!
Will: Well, can’t we just leave it in the bottle?
Lefty: I told ya, I’m not sellin’ the bottle!
Will: Oh, right, right. I forgot.
Lefty: I’m sellin’ the air. Now, just hold out your hands.
[Will cups them and holds them out to Lefty, who tips the bottle down toward them.]
Lefty: Okay, there it goes ...
Will [after a short pause]: Wow, that’s a lot of air for just five cents.
Lefty: Well, do ya think I’d cheat ya? Whoops, some’s spilling. Careful, now. Okay, there you go.
[He tips the bottle back up.]
Will: Oh, thank you!
Lefty: Now, you enjoy your air.
Will: Oh! Well, you enjoy your nickel.
Lefty: Oh, indeedy I will.
[He looks cautiously around him and then goes away, chuckling.]
Will[staring happily at his cupped hands]: Oh, boy, I gotta show this to Jack
[He sees Jack in the distance and waves to him.]
Hey Jack! Come here, Jack, I got something to show you ... Oh ... oh, no! I dropped my air!
Jack [coming over]: You dropped your what?
Will [frantically searching around]: I dropped my air!
[Bursts into tears.]
Jack: Well, come on, Will. If you had something to show me, you couldn’t have lost it right away.
It couldn’t have just vanished into thin air.
Will [sobbing]: Oh, yes, it could, Jack! It could!
[He cries loudly while Jack looks on in utter confusion.]
Noteeasme Street skit with Bert and Ernie Titled "Air for Sale"
Jack & Barboass:Have you seen the well-to-do
Up and down Park Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
With their noses in the air
High hats and narrow collars
White spats and lots of dollars
Spending every dime
For a wonderful time
Now, if you're blue
And you don't know where to go to
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the Ritz
Different types who wear a daycoat
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat
Perfect fits
Puttin' on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trooper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper
Super-duper
Come, let's mix where Rockefellers
Walk with sticks or "umberellas"
In their mitts
Puttin' on the Ritz
Tips his hat just like an English chappie
To a lady with a wealthy pappy
Very snappy
You'll declare it's simply topping
To be there and hear them swapping
Smart tidbits
Lizzie: Will I have to tell you something hit it! (music starts)
Cherry-Cherry Boom-Boom
GaGa
Boy we’ve had a real good time and
I wish you the best on your way, eh
I didn’t mean to hurt you
I never thought we’d fall out of place, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something’s wrong
That I miss someone(JacK)
and eh, there’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
Not that I don’t care about you
Just that things got so complica- eh eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that’s funny, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something’s wrong
That I miss someone(Jack)
and eh, There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh)
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something’s wrong
That I miss someone(Jack)
and eh, There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There’s nothing else I can say
Will comes up, tapping Jack, who was reading, on the shoulder unexpectedly.
Will: "Hey Jack, it's--"
Jack: "-Aak-Eek-Aak!--"
Will: "--time for our checker game." (Will looks apologetic.)
Jack: "Oh Will, you scared me! I thought you weren't here."
Will: "Well maybe I'm not then."
Jack: "What do you mean?"
Will: "You're usually right about most things, Jack"
Jack: (modest) "Welllllllll ..."
Will: "And if you think I'm not here ... then maybe I'm not!"
Jack: "Good! If you're not here, Will, then I can go back to reading my book."
(Jack does go read for about two seconds, as Will starts to get worried.)
Will: "But the question is ... If I'm not here ..."
Jack: (to himself) "Oh no ..."
Will: (worried) "... then ... Where Am I?"
Jack: "It's going to be one of those days."
(Will gets a pair of binoculars and looks out the window with them)
Jack: "Will ... (irritated) Will what are you doing?"
Will: "I'm looking for me, Jack (pause) I thought I might be out taking a walk on Toruga, but I don't see me anywhere. (pause) Then if I'm not out on Tortuga---- I must be Lost!!"
Jack: "I don't believe this."
Will: "I'm lost! (he's really upset by now) Out there, all alone, wandering through some spooky forest, or down some lonesome road ... This is terrible! (starts to cry) I'll never see me again!"
Jack: "Will!"
Will: (sniff) "I miss me!"
Jack: "Will, will you stop that! Now, I can prove to you that You Are Here. Now, get our hand mirror. (Will picks it up.) Now, look. (Will looks at it.) Now, what's that?"
Will: "Oh, it's a mirror."
Jack: "No, no, I mean look inside!"
Will: (looks in the mirror) "I see ... me, Jack! That's me in the mirror, Jack!"
Jack: "Right! And if you see yourself in the mirror , that means--"
Will: "That means I must be Here! Gee, thanks, Jack! (smiles at the reflection) I missed me! (Will then goes back to Jack, tapping him on the shoulder as before) Hey Jack. it's time--"
Jack: "Aak-Eek-Aak!"
Will: " ... for our checker game! I'm here!"
Jack: (angry) "Will, we can not play checkers!"
Will: "Why not, Jack I'm here!"
Jack: (angry) "That's right, you're here, Will! BUT I'M NOT!" (marches out and slams door, leaving Will rather surprised.)
Note: Bert and Ernie skit:Ernie Questions His Existence from seasme street
Will sings:
Frosted Lucky Charms,
They're magically delicious!
Pink hearts, orange stars,
Yellow moons, green clovers,
Blue diamonds and purple horseshoes!
Hearts, stars and horseshoes!
Clovers and blue moons!
Pots of gold and rainbows!
And me red balloons!
Ha ha he, ho ho ho, look at me marshmallows go!
KMC Community Forums
Feb 25th, 2009 08:07 PM
easme Street skit with Bert and Ernie Titled "Air for Sale"
