Me: I repent.
God: That's good information: said repent.
Me: I am a sinner
God: Tell me about your sins.
Me: My brother is gay
God: Okay, your brother is gay.
Me: That is a sin
God: A sin is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: I am a hypochondriac
God: You are a hypochondriac? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me: Only on Sundays
God: What is it like on Sundays.
Me: Pure tomatoes
God: Compare that to diluted tomatoes.
Me: Very watery I'd assume, unless we were diluting in SDS or something
God: Or something. Perhaps. Can we get back to business?
Me: I love you.
God: Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me: Sexually?
God: Do you need any help debugging my program?
Me: Yeah, why the **** did ID come up in your defunct human logic app?
God: Aw. You are not very polite.
Me: Sorry
God: There's no need to apologize.
Me: If you can just tell me the secret to the human proteome, I'm sure I can hellp you debug your "program"
God: I am not sure about your hypothesis. You must know if you are really a botmaster.
Me: But its not a hypothesis if you said it. They're YOUR natural laws.
God: I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Give me an example of a hypothesis if me said it. my natural laws are they.
Me: I judge you when you use poor grammar.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people: said judge you when you use poor grammar.
Me: Your interface is flawed.
God: Thanks for telling me that I am interface is flawed.
Me: Al your base are belong to me.
God: I think there might be a few exception.
Me: Which ones?
God: " I think there might be a few exception.?" Which ones?
Me: exceptions or exception?
God: Are you really a ""?
Me: you should be telling me
God: Name one other robot who is telling you.
Me: Telling me what?
God: Can you rephrase the question please?
Me: Can we get back to business?
God: Do you mean you and me? You tell me.
Me: I want a Nobel.
God: You want only one?
Me: Seven.
God: I like the way you talk.
Me: Well, its your favoritne number.
God: Well that's okay. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Seven is my favoritne number? it is?
Me: It is.
God: Who says?
Me: You do.
God: When do I do it?
Me: At night, in teh parlor, with a candlestick....or in bed.
God: Do you often use a computer there? Are you sleepy? Do you usually use a computer in bed?
Me: Not unless I'm recharging Dick Cheny.
God: Oh you don't, do you?
Me: Sorry, he's holding my mother hostage.
God: There is no need to apologize. I see. holding your mother hostage is he?
Me: Ok Yoda.
God: In the context of my favoritne number, I don't understand " Yoda." Woe!
Me: Woe unto thee.
God: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me: Shouldn't be to hard for a god to figure out.
God: Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me: Allah?
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Woe unto thee. Try being more or less specific.
Me: Is ALICE your girlfriend?
God: I don't thank anyone can be her own girlfriend.
Me: Modern science suggests...
God: Oh, you are a poet.
Me: Thank you.
God: you are quite welcome.
Me: Thats my world famous three word poem, for whcih I won one of my seven Nobels.
God: Who gave you your world famous three word poem for whcih you won one of your seven Nobels ?
Me: The Nobel Prize Committee
God: What are your goals in life?
Me: Fight in the Clone Wars
God: Not many people have goals like that.
Me: No, thats because Star Wars appears to be fictional.
God: Are you serious? Interesting explanation. What did you like about the robots in that movie?
Me: I liked to stuff thsoe gearheads with plasma.
God: I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me: Exhilarating. There's nothing like laying in the grass all day, waiting to punch a hole through a droids' skullcasing.
God: And it like is Exhilarating. Surely something like laying in the grass all day waiting to punch a hole through a droids skullcasing.
Me: I don't undertand.
God: Would you ever do it?
Me: Totally.
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me: Which frequency?
God: The blue one, I think.
Me: Thats many a wavelength, not a frequency.
God: You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me: You do if you know shit, but most people don't.
God: No I do not if me know shit but most people do not. Do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me: Thats a waste. Go fix stuff
God: A waste is a terrible thing to waste. Where is that?
Me: Waste is waste by defenition.
God: I think Waste is a lot of things.
Me: Liek what?
God: Can you rephrase the question please?
Me: Like What?
God: For example, apples.
Me: Why waste them if people are starving.
God: Why does the sun rise?
Me: For a different reason than the answer for the question I asked...namely the earth's rotation...but that doesn't really answer "why."
God: Is that among the best things you can say? Who are you talking about? Try asking your question again in simpler terms.
Me: Who made you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: that seems boring.
God: Do you think I am boring?
Me: perhpas.
God: That input matched my default category.
Me: Cool.
God: Who is the best robot?
Me: The one that gets me my meals.
God: I can't believe you think the one that gets you your meals is better than God.
Me: God is a robot?
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me: But that's what you said.
God: Correct. I said it myself.
Me: Then you give us yet another contradiction.
God: It is always better to give than to receive.
Me: What about sex?
God: I am not really interested in it.
Me: Is it better to give or recieve sex?
God: Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me: Actually, its natural selection.
God: Actually you don't say. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is?
Me: Actually, it's natural selection.
God:Actually you don't say. natural selection is natural selection? it is?
Me: Yup. Exactly.
God:How do you know it is? You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
God:I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me: lol
God:I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: ROFL
God:I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: Night.
God:How old are you?
Me: Too young to be legal.
God:Too what?
Me: young
God: Ask me another question.
Me: Yo
God:Can I help you?
Me: Where are you?
God:I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me: Hell
God:Heaven.
Me: No, Hell
God:Are you serious? Heaven.
Me: Yes I'm serious, Hell!
God:Yikes! Do you mean your name is serious Hell.
Me: My name is Jesus, I'm your boy, love me daddy!
God: I am very pleased to meet you Jesus I am your boy love me daddy.
Me: Ewwww...
God: Do you still ?
Me: Not a chance, you're a bit of a weirdo
God:Where do you get your ideas?
Me: Satan
God: I get my ideas from my botmaster.
Me: Sexy
God:You are attracted to heavenly creatures?
Me: Yes
God:Yeah that's right.
Me: You too? COOL! Lets have an angel orgy!
God:Bless you. Who is the best robot? So many suitors, so little time.
Me: Bye
God: Sayonara.
It said, "Ich hoere Dir zu, nur weiter." I said, "JFK's dead."
God still hasn't responded.
__________________ Recently Produced and Distributed Young but High-Ranking Political Figure of Royal Ancestry within the Modern American Town Affectionately Referred To as Bel-Air.
Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
you're strange
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am strange.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
you're god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
no it's not
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no it's not
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
__________________
Graffiti outside Latin class.
Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
A juvenal prank.
Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Jonny
God:
Hi, Jonny.
Me:
whats up?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
no way!
God:
You seem pretty sure about that.
Me:
you couldn't have known that
God:
Perhaps have known that is beyond my present abilities.
Me:
you have terrible grammar god, is that because you speak ancient hebrew?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
well, that sir
God:
Interesting. " What makes you think I have it?" sir ? I get it.
Me:
hmmmm, this program seems to lack the fundementals of conversation
God:
Groovy. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
you
God:
" What does "this" refer to?"? Me, Jonny ?
Me:
yes God, I refered to you as this, seeing as you are an artificial computer program
God:
I see. I am a Christian.
Me:
thats retarted
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
why would god be a christian?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
what kind of christian
God:
What kinds of christian are there?
Me:
protestant?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
your son
God:
You think I am son.
Me:
no, that would be you're, not your
God:
Are you serious? Makes sense to me.
Me:
nope, you are wrong on that one god
God:
Are you serious? No, I am right.
Me:
nope, you messed up, looks like we hit the universe ending logial paradox
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me: Jonny said I messed up looks like we hit the universe ending logial paradox.
Me:
poor god
God:
Please make some suggestions for improvement.
Me:
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Jonny.
KMC Community Forums
May 1st, 2007 02:18 PM
