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Jaeh
Possibly here.
 Gender: Female
Location: May or may not be somewhere else. |
BEAR!
ROFL TO ALL!
I want to make one!!!!
but i suck at these stuff. I have the tendency of killing the threads accidentally. Am I that bad?  (overly-dramatic)
sorry. Hyped up on Mountain Dew. Even I'm not supposed to drink any because I have sore throat. Excellent. CARRY ON.
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HIS force be with you.
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Sep 10th, 2007 01:35 PM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
James really should have a lesson
James: (in his pirate garb) Hi, Commodore here. Now that Will's uh, detained for the day...
(we hear in the background: "Oh, Will! Yes! Yes! Yes!")
James: Ahem, detained, I'd like to take this moment to make a public service announcement for mostly my benefit. Fangirls, when you see a POTC man, this is about how you should act towards him.
(Sailorleo comes running)
Sailor: James!!!!!!
James: I told you to wait in the bedroom. (Sailor happily scampers off. he spanks her) She's the exception, obviously. Let's first meet with lovethemtigers. Why the long face?
Lovethemtigers: There was no sparrabeth and it kind of put me in a funk.
James: And what would you do if you saw Jack and could talk to him right now?
Lovethemtigers: Well, I'd tear his clothes off and show him a good time, as any respecting sparrabether would.
James: Now, here is many of the fangirls' mistake. As much as the POTC men enjoy the company of women, we still need that romance and security women enjoy. Let us take you out to dinner. Let's take a walk along the beach. I myself enjoy foreign films and hot tubbing. Ah, I see Surreal off in the distance. Let's have Will come back from his...busy schedule and see what happens.
Will: (approaches Surreal) Hi. Would you like to have dinner with me and we can discuss POTC?
Surreal: Get soaking wet and naked now!!!!! (lunges at him)
James: Whow, easy. Obviously we need to review Lesson 1. Katelovespirate, can you repeat Lesson 1 for me?
Kate: Uh, send T&T over here to talk about how to successfully end a trilogy and then I might comply.
James: Ooh, sassy. (checks her out as she huffs away) Looks like we need someone else to...aaaauuuuugggghhh! (Kate has pounced on him)
James: (after wrestling himself away) Well, all right. This is what we'll do. We'll put a fangirl with an eligible POTC man and have them have dinner together. Maybe some old-fashioned romance might occur.
(Willo and Barbossa are sitting at TGI Fridays)
Barbossa: So...ya like apples?
(Willo crosses her arms and says nothing. The glare says it all)
Barbossa: So...ya like guns?
(Will still looks pissed)
Barbossa: So....ya like wearing dresses?
Willo: I'm only going to say this one more time, and slowly enough for you to understand. Where. Is. Jack?
James: Okay. Of course, sometimes the right POTC man makes quite a difference. Be sure when you find a POTC man that it is the one that is number 1 on your list.
Willo: Hey there, you.
James: Uh, yes. So, we'll try another scenario. Ah, Jack has arrived. Jack, you get to have dinner with To Freedom.
Jack: Hi. You're cute. Want to go to the cabin?
To Freedom: I...I....(starts crying tears of joy and then passes out)
Jack: Uh, it's a felony if we go like that, darling.
James: Also, it's key that you stay awake with your man. Nothing says turn-off like rape charges.
Jack: Let's try savvysparrow.
(Savvysparrow swoons right away)
James: Damn it. (looks back at camera) I mean, how unfortunate. Does no one listen? You fangirls are hopeless.
Sailor: (off in the distance) Jammmmmes. I miss you.
James: (speaking quicker) So, there you have it. Romance the guy, know you want him, and stay conscious. Shouldn't be too hard. (calls off to Sailor) Coming! (runs off)
This public service announcement brought to you by Sailorleo's art gallery. She accepts only portraits and busts of James Norrington. Any non-nude compositions need not apply.
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Sep 12th, 2007 02:55 AM |
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Sifzensinril
Meself
 Gender: Female
Location: In middle of nowhere |
lol, it's funny 
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If every town was like Tortuga, it would be easy to find Captain Jack Sparrow
A sparrabeth fanlisting 
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Sep 12th, 2007 04:26 AM |
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katelovespirate
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
HAHAHAHAHA that was my favorite. Hilarious. Well done!!!  I bet Sailorleo liked it... 
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Sep 12th, 2007 05:54 PM |
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sailorleo
Mrs. Admiral Norrington
 Gender: Female
Location: United States |
lol omg! Willo *bows* that was the best thing i could ever wake up to!
yes omg loved it *does charlie brown shuffle of happiness*
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Norrie+Sailor= Happiness !
Banner by Sailorleo *me*
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Sep 12th, 2007 08:10 PM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Gender: Female
Location: May or may not be somewhere else. |
lol! 
that was cute... 
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HIS force be with you.
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Sep 13th, 2007 10:21 AM |
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diddly
DIVING
 Gender: Female
Location: Underwater chasing a Great White |
Willo u r a GENIUS!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I love those! lol definetly a great laugh!
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Jonas Brothers.....need I say more??
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Sep 16th, 2007 05:04 AM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
Okay, Will's hiatus is over.
Will: Hi, Will Turner here, ship captain. Lots of amazing things happen in the POTC films that wouldn't happen in the every day world. Pirates get cursed from Aztec gold, women kiss Jack and don't decide to run off with him, other women grow 50 feet high, and some people meet their deadbeat dads for the first time and decide to sacrifice everything to save them. Well, we've talked about a great many things, but here is one thing we haven't discussed: vomit catching.
(Cut to Jack on the island, clearly drunk)
Will: Life seems to be going well for these two. Everything is going according to Elizabeth's plan and Jack is, well, having a good time.
Jack: I love this song! When I get the Pearl back, I'll teach it to me crew and we'll sing it all the time.
Elizabeth: And then you will be positively the most fearsome pirates on the Spanish main.
Will: Er, right. Elizabeth is just playing along, of course, but what's missing from her plan? You guessed it: what she should do if he decides to vomit.
(the conversation has gone on)
Elizabeth: To freedom!
Jack: To the Black Pearl. (chugs his bottle)
Will: (swinging down on a vine) Hi, Will Turner here, ship captain.
Elizabeth: Where did the vine come from?
Will: I bet you're all set to start burning everything in sight.
Elizabeth: That is the plan.
Will: What happens if he passes out and swallows his tongue?
Elizabeth: Oh, he's fine. I'll turn him over on his side.
Will: And what should you do if he vomits?
Elizabeth: I...ew. Do you really think that will happen?
Will: Poor unprepared Elizabeth. Jack, do you mind if we use you for this demonstration?
(Jack is passed out and does not answer)
Will: Thanks. First, if you suspect him of vomitting, you will turn him to his side like so. (rolls Jack) This prevents him from choking on his own vomit. Next, use what you can as a bucket. See that bucket-shaped rock over there?
Elizabeth: No.
Will: (whispers) The bucket with the leaves glued on. (Elizabeth goes on gets it) Find something he can vomit in. This makes clean-up a breeze and won't attract anything attracted to bodily functions, like insects or Barbossa. Now, just keep an eye on him and you'll be all set to go about your business.
Elizabeth: But, Will, what should I do in the event...
Will: In the event he vomits in the ocean? I'm glad you asked. If he vomits in the ocean, he'll have had to wake up to go over there, and there will be nothing to clean up, so this is your best bet.
Elizabeth: Oh thank you! I can burn the rum with peace of mind now.
Will: Just, uh, don't get this friendly with him again, okay?
(Elizabeth starts burning things, humming to herself)
Will: She heard me. Well, I'm Will Turner, ship captain, saying friends don't let friends get so piss-faced drunk they vomit, unless you're using them.
This public service announcement brought to you by Swann Shark Chum. Want a fish friend? Then be a chum.
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Sep 16th, 2007 04:37 PM |
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katelovespirate
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
great stuff, as always, Willo.
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Sep 16th, 2007 07:44 PM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
Aw, Kate, I'm dying for you to do one. They're fun.
(Will walking the deck of the Flying Dutchman)
Will: Hi, Will Turner here, ship captain. You may have noticed that I've gotten in a lot of close calls during POTC. I almost drown, fall off things, slip, get whipped, get stabbed. But at least I get a cool knife and this cushy job. But did I do it alone? Nope. I had a wide assortment of people to help me. And I think it's time we showcase them.
(We see Elizabeth holding a baby in one arm and practicing her swordsmanship with the other.)
Will: My wife Elizabeth manages to keep me out of trouble most of the time. Talk about the ultimate working mom. When not managing the rogues gallery of villains that are the pirates in her role as pirate king (don't argue the semantics of that, btw) she raises Junior here.
(Baby starts crying and reaching for his toy duck. Elizabeth reaches with her sword and balances the duck on the tip. She slides it down into the baby's arms. He coos.)
Will: Isn't she great?
(Raiders burst in, all wearing the old Putty costumes from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Elizabeth takes them on one by one and knocks them out, never for a second dropping the baby)
Will: That's my bodyguard. Well, my love, I'm off. (flies out of the house on a Pegasus.) Faster, Seabiscuit.
(We are back on the Flying Dutchman)
Will: Hi, Will Turner here, ship captain. While Elizabeth keeps me out of trouble, we all need someone who can challenge us, who might do things a different way. (sees James' body still on the ship) Eew, I thought I told Dad to clean this up. (touches James. He is instantly restored)
James: I was...what...
Will: James here provides all that and more. He is dry, skillful, and proves a worthy adversary.
James: Can you drop me off somewhere?
Will: In about another 9 years. It's that kind of challenging that brings out the best in me. Who's up for a swordfight on a wheel, hmm?
James: I just came back to life! I want a martini and a hug.
(Will is now in the captains cabin of the FD. He's trying to play Davy Jones' old organ. He's not very good)
Will: Hi, Wil Turner here, ship captain. Let's not forget who actually helped me get this ship in the first place, the manipulative, self-important ass with delusions of grandeur...my dear friend Jack.
(Jack in his dingey with some rum)
Will: HI!
Jack: (looks up and is surprised) Oy, I thought you would be off doing heroic deeds!
Will: I'm doing a special about the ensemble cast.
Jack: Oh. Hey, can you give me a lift?
Will: Where to?
Jack: Um (lifts map so Will can just barely see it) Here.
Will: What's there?
Jack: Nothing.
Will: Then...never mind. Climb up.
(Jack has made a fun backpack-like sack for his rum and climbs aboard the FD)
Jack: Hey, Norrington's here!
James: (grimaces at seeing Jack) Welcome to hell.
Will: And who could forget the curmudgeon of the group? The grumpy old man who let us all worm our way into his heart?
(Barbossa is on the Pearl eating an apple)
Barbossa: (sees Jack) You son-of-a-b*tch! You took my map! (draws sword)
Jack: You took my ship!
James: (to Will) You ruined my life!
(Elizabeth drops in using one of the baby's diapers as a sail)
Elizabeth: You've all got it so good! Anyone want to hear what it's like squeezing something the size of a melon out of something the size of a grape? (draws sword) Then we'll just have to fight.
(A huge scuffle has broken out. Gibbs suddenly falls from the sky on top of a few of them. Everyone pauses, then starts fighting again)
Will: Aw, I missed these days. Hi, I'm Will Turner, ship captain, and if you're as lucky as I am, you have just as many friends with a variety of personalities... (sees Jack come out of the fight, dust himself off. He hands Will his hat for safe keeping, then dives back into the rumble) Well, we all love each other deep down.
This public service announcement brought to you by Dr. Fast Eddie's Clinic: been with Giselle? Stop on in.
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Sep 16th, 2007 08:48 PM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Gender: Female
Location: May or may not be somewhere else. |
__________________
HIS force be with you.
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Sep 16th, 2007 10:21 PM |
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katelovespirate
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
Oh man Willo, that was great. I want to do one, but I'm not sure I understand fully the concept of after-school specials! let me wiki it and see if I understand it enough to do one! they are so funny!
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Sep 17th, 2007 01:02 AM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
Basically, an after-school special is a dumb made-for-tv movie aimed at preteens and teens in hopes of teaching an important lesson like dealing with abusive boyfriends or taking illegal steroids. They usually have terrible actors and really cheesy writing. We would watch them in health class and there was one time when I was sure one of the actors was looking at the camera. So that is my experience with the after-school special.
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Sep 17th, 2007 01:35 AM |
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katelovespirate
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
Okay! Maybe I will take that abusive boyfriend idea and do Tia and Davy.
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Sep 17th, 2007 03:00 AM |
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savvysparrowluv
Queen of the Night
 Gender: Female
Location: Under the stars |
HOW DID I NOT FIND THIS BEFORE, WILLO!
ROFLBF!!!!!!!
This is AWEsome, girl! *dances*
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Sep 24th, 2007 09:30 PM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
I'm waiting for someone else's take on them. I make Will a schmuck, but I'm willing to read new takes on the cheesy after-school special.
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Sep 25th, 2007 12:49 AM |
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T.Maria
Oh, Spiffing!!
 Gender: Female
Location: It's All In The Mind! |
willo these are absolutely hilarious!!!
really enjoyed reading them! this site has been pretty quiet for a while...im glad someone has brought the laughter back!
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Sep 25th, 2007 09:14 AM |
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willofthewisp
Savvy did my sig
Gender: Female
Location: at the second star to the right |
(Will, sitting back in an easy chair sipping a martini)
Will: It's so good to be home after 10 years. Oh, hi, Will Turner here, retired ship captain. We've had a lot of fun together, but I don't think we've ever discussed how closely pride follows pirates. If you've ever seen an awards show, you'll know why pirates don't have them. What, you say? You fail to see the point? Why, come along with me and I'll show you.
Announcer: And here to emcee the first annual POTC awards, Will "Scarboy" Turner!
Will: Thank you, it's good to be here. Ha ha. Will Turner here, retired ship captain, and all of you look absolutely dazzling. Our first award is for Oustanding Swordsman. This one should be in the bag for me, heh heh. Our nominees are:
Will Turner, that's me.
James Norrington (camera shows Norrington pretending to be surprised)
Hector Barbossa (camera shows Barbossa sleeping)
And the award goes to...James Norrington? (Will looks crushed as James comes running up on the stage.)
James: Oh my gosh! (clutches the Pearly, a gold trophy with a ship on top) There are so many people to thank. Sailorleo for one, hi, baby! She's in Vera Wang tonight, and later, she'll be in me if you know what I'm saying. Oh who else? Uh, God. Oh, and thanks Jack, for being such a piece of crap.
Will: And thank you, James. I think even the other side of the ocean can smell the alcohol on your breath.
James: Free Tibet!
Will: Okay, (pushes James offstage) Clearly pride has gotten the better of that pirate. Let's see if it affects the others. The next award is for Outstanding Girl. Okay, the nominees are...
Elizabeth Swann (camera pans to Liz, looking like a knockout in her gown)
Anamaria (in a slinky black number)
Tia Dalma (looks pretty sexy, until she opens her mouth and grins)
Will Turner.
Hey! Who put that in?
(Jack and Barbossa high-5 each other.)
Will: Hmph. And the award goes to Elizabeth Swann, now Turner, I may add. Get up here, hon!
Elizabeth: Woo! I just wanted to say to everyone who didn't like my hair in the second movie...neener neener neener! I'm hot, you're not, and that's after spilling out a kid! Hi, Junior! Look, Mummy's on tv! Oh, and to the rest of you guys that have wanted me over the years, show my your Pearly and maybe I'll show you mine...not! (kisses Will for a long time and runs offstage)
Will: And what a good sport she is, folks. Looks like she has a little bit of pride. Just a little bit. Um, okay. Next award. The next award is for Outstanding Stunt Work. The nominees are:
Will Turner for his knife-in-the-sail work in DMC
Jack Sparrow for his fight-with-Davy-on-the-ship in AWE
Jack Sparrow for his fight with Will Turner in COTBP
You're nominated twice? (Jack shrugs his shoulders)
Whatever. The winner is Jack Sparrow.
(Jack struts up to the stage.)
Jack: William, I already am very prideful so this special doesn't prove anything in regards to me, but thanks for the trophy. (leaves)
Will: Well, okay then. Uh, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this up. Outstanding Dad/Captain goes to me, Will Turner, retired ship captain. And to everyone that didn't get one, Outstanding Extra. You see what pride does to pirates? It destroys them! Awards mean nothing. So long, folks! I'm Will Turner. (exits, comes back to get his Pearly and then exits again)
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Oct 11th, 2007 09:54 PM |
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katelovespirate
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
hee hee hee.... "free tibet"....
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Oct 12th, 2007 01:54 AM |
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savvysparrowluv
Queen of the Night
Gender: Female
Location: Under the stars |
LMBO!! Loved the "high five" Mwahahahahaha! I scared my mom I laughed so loud! Bravissima!!!!
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Oct 12th, 2007 01:58 AM |
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