Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
Same night: the Turner house
Elizabeth: It was so nice of you girls to throw me a happy pregnancy party. (Katie and Sailor are with her) I'm surrounded by guys all the time. It's time for a girl's night.
Sailor: I hope you don't mind, but I invited a few people. (She goes to the door. In walk trampslady, tex, savvysparrowluv, lovethemtigers, kate, willo, selinaandbruce, minie mina, surreal, potcfan, piratediva, iheartpocky, and lovelyone)
Elizabeth: Who are all these people?
Katie: Wait a second...they have an obsessive look on their face, cameras in their hands, home-made shirts with you kissing whoever they want you to......these are fangirls!
Fangirls: OH MY GOD IT'S ELIZABETH SWANN TURNER! WE LOVE YOU!!!
(Elizabeth disappears into a sea of giggly excitement)
Meanwhile, at Hooters....
(Will and Barbossa are on one side of the booth, Jack, Gibbs, and James on the other)
Will: Feel better now that we got you some hot wings?
Jack: William, I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm fine. Nothing bothers Captain Jack Sparrow. (crams another wing into his mouth)
Busty Brenda: How are you cuties doing? Ready to order?
James: Round of rum and cokes on me. (lays out gold coins)
Barbossa: Ye never heard of a debit card in your many travels have ye, James?
James: Deb-it.
Barbossa: Never mind. Liquor is liquor.
(They all watch Busty Brenda leave)
Gibbs: Oh, what I'd give to have her on the deck of a ship, the wind blowin' that top every which way. Know what I mean, Jack? (nudges him) Jack?
Jack: Mate, I think it's time to come clean: I think I'm attracted to small-breasted girls.
(All the men gasp)
Meanwhile, at the Turner house.
Elizabeth: (seeing all the fangirls out the door) Yes, it was lovely meeting all of you. I'll ponder all your comments later tonight. Okay, yes. Goodnight. Goodnight. Shoo! (closes door and exhales)
Sailor: Seeing the girls always makes me smile.
Elizabeth: Glad it did that for one of us. What's wrong, Katie?
Katie: Oh, this is your night, Elizabeth! We're here to talk about you and the little one. Have you picked out names?
Elizabeth: Oh, a few here and there.
Meanwhile...at Hooters.
Jack: (breaking down) Why must women be so complicated?! All they're here for is to toy with us and vex us like nothing else and then bedevil our days with chatter because they're never satisfied. Just when things are great they want to know where you see them in five years and if you'll still love them if they lost all their hair and it just boggles the mind to think we men sit there and enjoy it!
Gibbs: I had a girlfriend with no hair once...
James: Sparrow, what's really bothering you? What did Katie say to make you so upset?
Jack: Oh nothing much, just told me she had a job offer and she was going to choose me over it if I would just, just...(regains his composition) I'm not one to kiss and tell, gentlemen.
Will: Telling might have spared the months of awkwardness I had with my wife back when you kissed her!
Jack: Opening that up again, are we?
Barbossa: Look, let's not worry ourselves over what Elizabeth and Jack didn't do...(to himself) or did do. (once again talking to everyone) Let's hear what's happening now.
James: We're all here for you, mate. Now lose your inhibitions.
Jack: Katie was offered a job narrating a revival of The Wonder Years, which is a steady job for her and transitions her from film to television.
At the Turner house.
Katie: Film to television often means a strong fanbase well into middle age, which is very appealing. I won't have this great body forever.
Elizabeth: What did Jack say when you told him?
Katie: I hinted that I was willing to stay if he finally opened up about his feelings.
At Hooters...
Jack: She started being vague and weird and seemed to want me to decide for her, which I wasn't going to do.
At the Turner house...
Katie: It's not like I was asking him to marry me.
Sailor: Ooh, a wedding!
Katie: I just wanted a confirmation...
At Hooters...
Jack: ...that she would go off and do that and leave me out by my lonesome on the Pearl, probably expecting me to go back to the hookers.
Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
Later that night...
(Will and Elizabeth are in bed. Will has brought home a body pillow so it can now be comfortable for Elizabeth to sleep on her side-- a very fine thing for a pregnant woman to have for you future moms-to-be out there)
Will: How was girl's night?
Elizabeth: Well once my own harem left, it was nice. I just feel so bad for Katie.
Will: I know. We all felt bad for Jack.
Elizabeth: Yes. I'm sure his first serious relationship must be scary at times to him.
Will: (looks reluctant) Yeah so.... (says very quickly) Jackisspendingthenightonthecouch.
Elizabeth: What?
Will: Jack is spending the night on the couch.
Elizabeth: You should have checked with me! Remember we said we wouldn't make our decisions alone?
Will: I'm sorry. You must not trust me anymore.
Elizabeth: It's not that. Will, I told Katie she could sleep on the couch tonight.
Downstairs, Katie is covering herself up with a blanket on the Turner family couch. She's crying softly and holding a strand of beads with a Piece of 8 at the end. Suddenly, she hears music.
(She gets up and goes to the window)
Upstairs.
Will: Do you hear something? (they go to the window)
(Jack is outside holding a boombox over his head. It is playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes.")
Upstairs
Elizabeth: That's so sweet!
Will: Why does this seem familiar?
Elizabeth: John Cusack did it in Say Anything.
Will: Oh yeah! Want to make the most of Jack's silly attempts? (They start slow-dancing upstairs to the song)
love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes
love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
(Katie comes outside. She runs to Jack and he wraps his arms around her. They start making out on the front yard)
The house across the street. There is a nosy lady much like Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched.
Gladys: Abner! Abner! The pirate is back and he's kind of serenading a woman on the Turners' front lawn!
Abner: For the last time, I don't care!
Next time...shopping for baby and PTA night at Junior's school.
HAHAHAHAHA Jack is attracted to small breasted women.... that was great.... and accidentally both of them are going to sleep on the couch. this just gets better and better. lol.
Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
(It's the afternoon of the following day. Will and Elizabeth are dressed up slightly, he in his dark red blouse which is what he looks best in, and she in her motherly frock-and-vest combo. They've arrived at Junior's school.)
Teacher: Welcome, parents. We hope you're excited for the students' project "Meet My Family."
Elizabeth: Why is she pluralizing herself?
Will: That's just teacher talk.
(Jack storms in)
Jack: What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
Teacher: Uh, nothing. We're just about to start. We're going alphabetically, so if your child is near the end of the alphabet, you can just sit and relax and enjoy the rest of the studetnts' presentations.
(Jack finds Will and Elizabeth and sits next to them, grinning)
Elizabeth: Couldn't miss a class project?
Jack: Well, love, when the assignment is supposed to be a surprise for the parents, Junior felt the need to confide in another adult.
Will: We're using that term loosely, aren't we?
Jack: Mind your tongue, young William.
Will: (playful banter) How was the couch last night?
Jack: (implying as much sexual innuendo as he can in a classroom) Stimulating.
Much later...
Teacher: All right, next up we have Will Turner Jr. Let's prepare to meet his family! (leads clapping. Everyone claps for Junior as he goes to the front of the room)
Jack: Finally. Not since I had me crew go through keeping diaries have I seen so many spelling errors.
Elizabeth: Sh. Junior's starting.
Junior: My family is the Turner family. (he opens up his hand-made book made of construction paper) These are my parents, Will and Elizabeth. Dad is the retired captain of the Flying Dutchman and now writes books and films after-school specials. Mom is the Pirate King, supervising all of Shipwreck City.
(Will and Elizabeth are beaming)
Junior: (turns the page and shows close up drawings of his parents' faces) Dad spends a lot of time with me now that he is home for good. I've learned he's a lot of fun and a great dad and that lobster gives him gas.
(Will looks mortified. Elizabeth and Jack look uncomfortable)
Junior: Mom is expecting another baby. I will have a brother or sister. I don't think she enjoys being pregnant because she goes into the bathroom to throw up a lot and screams "Oh God!"
(Elizabeth smiles nervously.)
Junior: We have a large extended family. Mom and Dad know them from their adventures. This is my Uncle Jack. (shows a drawing of Jack)
Jack: Now we're getting somewhere.
Junior: He plays with me and loves our family very much. He loves us so much that sometimes he drinks all our rum so he can spend the night.
(Will and Elizabeth start laughing. Jack doesn't look so confident anymore)
Junior: Uncle Jack is also a pirate and captains the Black Pearl. This is a picture of when he took me to see The Lion King. He's so caring he cried when Mufasa died.
Jack: I did not!
(Will and Elizabeth shush him)
Junior: Mom and Dad invite a lot of people to the house. This is James Norrington. He was dead but Dad brought him back to life. James is now the head of the East India Trading Company. He's really funny. He says made-up words like "sh*t" and "f*ck" sometimes.
(Will's eyes are bug-eyed. Elizabeth has her hands clamped over her mouth)
Jack: From out of the mouths of babes...
Junior: We always have lots of visitors and fun at our house. Mom and Dad like their friends a whole bunch but sometimes they say they wish they could be alone more to do something called re-enacting their beach honeymoon.
(All the parents are looking at the trio)
Junior: I love my family and am excited to be a big brother. The end.
Teacher: Okay....let's all give Will Jr. a round of applause.
oh my word, what is that expression? laughing your ass off? yeah thats me!!! Jack cried when Mufasa died?! re-enacting the beach honeymoon? HAHAHAHA oh my word that was so great... poor Will junior, he's got no chance of being normal...
Gender: Female Location: at the second star to the right
The video for the baby continues
(Elizabeth is walking around with the camera)
Elizabeth: It's finally a quiet day for us, just kicking back this fine day, thinking about putting in a movie. Hi, Junior!
(Junior waves)
Elizabeth: Hi, Will.
Will: (waves) Have you forgotten what we're doing today?
Elizabeth: Nothing is on the calendar until the two-month ultra-sound tomorrow.
Will: It had to be rescheduled for today. We have to be there in an hour.
(camera drops)
Elizabeth: (picks up camera) Oh, sorry about that! (growls at Will) Why didn't you remind me before? We have to get a sitter and I need to comb my hair.
Will: I think the men of Shipwreck City would love to see their Pirate King in sweatpants with...is that a potato chip in your hair?
Elizabeth: What? I....shut up! (goes to phone) Barbossa? Barbossa. You need to come sit Junior for a while. No, we aren't going to take him with us. Because a doctor's room is boring for a kid. Well, I'm calling in a favor. (hangs up phone)
Will: He won't come?
Elizabeth: Apparently he has to go back to traffic school. He crashed a ship into a cemetary this time.
Will: Luckily no one was hurt.
Elizabeth: Oh ha ha ha. You got a million of them.
Will: I do. Know how many dead people were in there?
Junior: How many, Dad?
Will: All of them.
(Junior thinks this is the funniest thing ever. Elizabeth rolls her eyes and tries another number)
Elizabeth: Gibbs? It's Elizabeth. Could you come and sit Junior for a while? (hangs up) Why didn't you tell me Gibbs had a date?
Will: I didn't know myself. Who is he going with?
Elizabeth: I don't know. Do you know who Kathy Bates is?
Will: The naked lady in the hot tub from About Schmidt?
Elizabeth: Oh is that her? Wow.
Will: Well, she was in Misery and Fried Green Tomatoes, much better movies, but...that's beside the point. What about Jack?
Elizabeth: Jack doesn't have a phone. Will, I think we may have to call Captain Teague.
(Will and Junior spit out their drinks of water)
Junior: He's weird!
Will: He snorted his dad's ashes!
Elizabeth: There's no one else. James is taking Sailor out on the ship for a week-long getaway and I'm not using the dad-link on such short notice. (on phone) Hello, Captain Teague? King here. We need to see the baby's ultra-sound. Can you come watch Junior? No more than an hour and a half. Ok. Thank you. (gets off) He's coming over.
(Will runs into the living room and starts straightening up. Junior has run upstairs)
Elizabeth: Junior, what are you doing up there?
Junior: I'll be down in a second!
(Teague bursts in, the dog close behind him)
Elizabeth: Thank you for coming.
Teague: Been a long while since I've had a little boy around.
(Junior has come down in a suit)
Teague: I guess what little boys like has changed. Don't you want to get dirty while Mum and Dad are gone? Oh when Jackie was a boy...
(Junior goes back upstairs to change)
Later, at the doctor's office:
Nurse: Okay, watch out. This jelly is cold. (rubs the jelly on her stomach)
Elizabeth: Tee hee! (stifles herself and blushes)
Will: Aw, what a cute pirate king.
Nurse: All right. Let's see who we can find. (on the screen, something that looks like a kidney bean shows up)
Will: Wow, it's very active.
Nurse: Sure is. Let me just take a couple pictures for you.
Elizabeth: Does everything look all right?
Nurse: So far. We'll have a more detailed one later.
Will: How long is it going to look like a knocked-over snowman?
Nurse: First kid?
Will: My first pregnancy, not hers.
(Nurse looks confused)
Elizabeth: He couldn't be here for any of this the first time.
Nurse: Oh! You're the Turners! I have your book! Will you sign it for me?
Will: Uh, sure.
Nurse: (squeals) Oh! Just let me print these off and then I'll go get it. (leaves)
Elizabeth: I'm so glad you're here, Will. (they hold hands and he kisses her cheek. It's a touching parent moment)
Later...
(Teague and Junior are under a bunch of pillows and blankets, a fort. They have plastic pistols and are sticking them out. Will and Elizabeth come home)
Junior: Halt! Who goes there?
Will: (hands up) Young and good-looking parents bearing baby pictures.
Junior: (runs out) Ooh, let me see! (Teague follows him)
Elizabeth: Here they are, big brother.
Junior: Cool!
Teague: (about the picture) Pirate arms, those. Will be a strong one. (pats them)
Elizabeth: Thank you for baby-sitting, Teague. (turns around) Teague?
(He's disappeared)
Will: That's so odd.
(Teague is outside now. He coat is blowing in the breeze like a cape)
Teague: Whenever busy parents need me, I'll be there. Wherever a small child is reluctant to take a bath or go to bed, I'll be there. (hands on hips)
(Jack is walking down the street)
Jack: Dad?
Teague: (to himself) Holy crap! Gotta go. (disappears into the bushes)
KMC Community Forums
Jan 2nd, 2008 03:00 AM
thank you to Mrs.Fish for the siggy!!
