that was mean but it's funny to point out how petty ppl can be and how unable they are to forgive minor things. knew "Piggle Humsy" since the early days, but it only took one argument two decades after we became friends for her to never speak to me again. (can't even remember what i did and i doubt she does either)
to me it shows an inability to truly mature, the silent treatment is behaviour learned in childhood but when seen in adults it's a sign of low maturity, an inability to deal with problems directly. so Piggle might be nearly 50 now, but she's stuck in arrested development — psychology and maturity of a 13-to-16 year old, tops
those who can apologise and forgive live greater, nobler lives than the petty, bitter little souls who can only hate, they never learned to forgive even themselves, and are left usually, ultimately, isolated, in company or alone.
pity the weak minded, the weak of spirit, the weak of soul, the null of empathy and swollen of ego. they are base animals; they are mud. sentient clay. so few humans dying today can truly be called "alive"
Something I've learned lately is that despite being diagnosed with sociopathy, i actually have a lot more compassion and empathy for fellow humans than the vast majority of my kind, especially those who live online. learning to forgive yourself comes first. no more shame, no undue pride either: acceptance of what is and will be. when you realise that humans are largely lacking "free will" and instead function on basic biological impulse commands to give an illusion of "personality" and "choice" when really we are made what we are by forces beyond our control.
think: i am disappointed that some of my old friends won't forgive me. but perhaps they are simply incapable of this kind of forgiveness? you cannot then hate that person for this, as it was not their "decision" but simply the result of their biochemistry, and their lack or dampening of certain feelings or emotions or reactions, that they would react this way. can you be angry at a chimp for misbehaving? it knows no better, it is all reaction and instinct. much like lesser-minded people, who are incapable of rationality, logic, and the boons they provide, such as enhanced forgiveness, a greater sense of inner peace, and spiritual absolution, for what that's worth.
The last year I have worked hard on dissolving my fragile ego, and becoming "selfless", not as in "giving, charitable" but literally, as in "lacking Self", and lacking Ego, and muting the Id; in losing these aspects, which were only ever given to you anyway and never truly "yours", you become both more and less: you are "more" for being streamlined, a better model, and "less" for slowly becoming less recognisably "human", coming to lack many of the things thought to be essential to the beast. The irony is that to make a beast out of oneself, you have to expose your most vulnerable flesh, the darkest dark. It has to come out, and the beast is revealed to be just a man in a mask: we cannot escape our humanity, unless we are truly soulless husks.
I can only think of one person I can never forgive, and he is dead, so there's nothing more to be said about it. I only hold grudges when ppl do actually really bad shit, actual harm, not silly words online or some stupid slight against my character. I get over that kind of shit in seconds these days. Who needs pointless negativity? Enjoy the good that's there and forgive the world, forgive humans, forgive God, forgive yourself. Let. Go.
the dude i hated most in life? my arch-rival. why did i hate him so much? bc he tried to seduce my girlfriend, then treated me like shit and marginalised and isolated me when we were in a band together (not letting me have any creative control, backhanded compliments, upstaging and overruling me all the time for no reason, almost made me give up on music), and then years later he ****ed the girl I was trying to date!! now THAT is justified reason to hate someone -- not internet drama that ppl only take seriously bc being online is their entire social existence and they know nothing else -- that's a real reason to hate a mother ****er. but guess what? we got back in contact a while back, i messaged him, telling him that I forgave him for all of the shit that happened between us, all of it, like **** it i'm in my 30s now, I don't have time for holding onto old negativity that does me no good. so i turned the negative feelings i had for him into positive ones, and we struck up a friendship again. but why? because, what i didnt say, is that otherwise, we were similar; we had been friends before things got strained; and even when things were shit between us, we frequently shared moments that only we truly understood. because despite all of the shit he did to me, having a friend who gets you is rare, and better than one more empty hole from all the ppl u discarded out of emotional weakness and inability to Let Go. call it a sociopath's zen.
I'd rather forgive than carry grudges, likewise I'd rather apologise than let my actions go unspoken. I'm an imperfect person but by god I try to be Good more than any other soul I've met. (because I have to. because otherwise I would be a monster. because Paarthunax's maxim on those born evil holds true.) because maybe human salvation begins with the simple effort to no longer be the entity that spreads discord and chaos; let all wars and battles end, the night is too late for bloodshed. I am tired, but my enemies do not sleep. their ultimate envy of me is clear; envy and disgust. sometimes it takes the most pure, the most innocent to embody That Which Is Tarnished. it's a scapegoat; I am. for other's own problems. I'm an easy solution; easy to blame. Made mistakes; hurt people. But that's human.
I'M a human. Almost all of the rest of you are very little different from a twig or mud; absolute lack of free will, but more crucially, totally lacking logic, rationality and empathy/compassion. the most compassionate cannot allow themselves to feel compassion for the uncompassionate; because they have none, give none, and want it all for themselves; the empathic being that strives for mass sympathetic accuracy must understand that there are no bargains with the spiders, they must be pointed out for what they are: hollow, lacking autonomy, reliant on others, and greedy to the point of deadly obesity, both physically manifest weight and the kind that makes their ego swell, likely lethally, much the spit of one of George Harrison's Piggies.
God, guide me! You are within me, and I am within the cosmos. Humans are just dust, in all. Sand between the eternal vastness of space, between the spheres, mere grains are we, simple mammals with lizard brains. Who has time for such unrepentant, encompassing, definitive hate? I am beyond bitterness and spite, I exist above and beyond those who harbour naive resentment for my misunderstood and vastly changed being. If you think you see me, then you must be blind.
"people will put anything vague in quotes to make it seem like they have a point instead of directly addressing the person they're pretending to ignore"
I mean, I apologised to you. That's a first step. That's an active change of behaviour with intent to make up for past mistakes. That was your chance to tell me how you felt; express the problem you had with me straight, what I did, why it changed your view of me. To ask questions or even just tell me off politely. You did not; you ignored me. Your childish inability to express your feelings directly or rationally or even clearly defines you. You cannot just speak your ****ing mind and be direct with me, someone you've known for OVER TWENTY YEARS.
If I can't remember what I did wrong, I can't make up for the things I did wrong, I can only apologise. I do apologise. I mean I remember insulting you and MG too. I apologised to both of you. I am well aware of my past behaviours lol, I was only recently diagnosed with LITERAL ****ING SOCIOPATHY and until last year was unmedicated. If I hurt you, I'm sorry, but I'M ****ING UNWELL and was COMPLETELY UNTREATED for DECADES, am I supposed to be a well-adjusted ***** who always makes sure not to slight MS ****ING HUMSY, who's such a ****ing celebrity around here, and has NEVER had ANY issues with mental health.
If you don't want to even tell me why you're hurt/upset, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.
To return to this:
*****, are you literally ****ing retarded? Me apologising to you straight away absolutely indicates that I was aware of the behaviour that had made you feel that way.
Next time you speak to me, have some ****ing respect. The world isn't your playground. People, even the ones you choose to hate, have feelings. Although I get the impression that you don't care.
Like I get it, you're a ****ing infant and you don't do forgivesees. You are an emotional baby who has only ever been coddled by sycophants, you are in the top 5 most narcissistic ppl I have ever met. You think you're some hot queen on the internet, like you matter so much, ***** I have met you IRL, you have no mystique to me, all I see is a petty little child in the body of a full-grown woman pissing her pants bc someone was ****ing rude to her three years ago. Grow the **** up.
Also, you don't control Welshy. **** you telling him not to meet up with me. He's my ****ing friend, you spiteful rat; stay the **** out of our friendship, Welshy has demonstrated that he values my friendship over your bitter, petty orders and manipulations.
I'm a piece of shit sometimes, YEAH, to ppl's faces. Ppl like you are just regular bitches, no heart, no soul, no swag, just a regular ass two-faced petty B who acts like Regina George online despite being a housebound chronically ill morbidly obese depressed narcissistic middle-aged woman. You think you're hot, you ain't shit.
You don't deserve Welshy, that man is a ****ing hero, a saint and a champ and he deserves better than you.
I'm sure Piggle's hated me for stupid things I've said, and if so, I don't remember because I just stopped saying stupid things. Besides, I get ripped on by Piggle, Welshy and Robtard plenty of times anyway. I don't get upset by it because a lot of the time, they're right.
The fact I unequivocally apologised to you AFTER you tried to stop me and Welshy hanging out this year shows I am a ****ing PRETTY DECENT GIRL quite frankly. ****ing with my friends isn't something I tend to abide. God, I tried to make shit right with you, but you don't want that. You want to make vague self-satisfying comments and act superior. When you are direct, you have nothing of value to say anyway. I am on my meds. This is what peak performance looks like. I'm just enjoying finally getting to speak real truth about your skank ass. You hate me, well, I don't hate you, because hate is a strong emotion and I rarely feel those, but I do think you are pathetic (i.e. worthy of pity), shallow, arrogant, narcissistic and malicious, and I have nothing more to do today, so I have time.
BTW not sending back Ken's mother's ring when you split up? I've always wanted to tell you what a nasty ****ing cunt you were for that. That was a family heirloom he sent you, but you have zero empathy with ANYONE who slights you, do you? Someone hurts your precious little ego, and it's anything goes, isn't it?
I always thought it was super ****ing scummy that you didn't send back the ring but now I realise this kind of shit is just what you think you're entitled to do to anyone who slights you. I have been mean to people on the internet. I have posted gore (fake gore). I have said some pretty wild shit. But I never stole a dude's FAMILY HERLOOM and then BRAGGED ABOUT THROWING IT AWAY. Nothing I have done online is an inch of how ****ing petty, mean, heartless, and, yeah, sociopathic, you ****ing throwing away someone's precious family treasure that was entrusted to you.
Yeah. I'm the ****ing *****, because I posted too hard once and it upset your fragile ego. Go ****ing cry, you treat people like props and objects and expect me to fall on my sword because I said some rude shit that nobody remembers to you. You don't even remember what I said! I apologised anyway! Tried to make it good! Don't want it to be good? Good! I do not give a **** about you, Sophie, because you clearly don't give a shit about me, despite us being friends since 2007 and having made sigs for each other and done elaborate in-jokes and met up irl and got drunk and you know what that is? It's called a friendship. For you friendships end the moment YOU feel slighted. **** the other person, huh? They're such a POS for hurting YOU, OH SPECIAL SOPHIE, AXIS OF THE WORLD, GODDESS OF DIVINES, WHO WOULD DARE HURT YOU????
I'm glad I grew up and matured better so unlike you, I don't get pleasure out of being a nasty *****, whereas you seem to revel in it. I'd say maybe we can talk again in the future when you are less of a self-righteous obnoxious **** but idk, will that ever happen? I gave it three ****ing years lmao, no time is long enough for a sour hag. I'll try apologising to you again, one day, in longtime future, maybe you'll actually ****ing finally tell me what I did and how I can change it or make up for it. Until then you can get ****ed. If there is anyone who knows toxic, it's you. You drag everyone in your life down.
You can insult me all you like, insults mean nothing from a 500kg unemployed slob in her 40s who does nothing but post on this shithole all day. You are a total ****ing nobody with an unjustified queen complex. Nothing you do is impressive. In fact, I'm not sure you do anything at all. You literally cannot insult me: you are so pathetic that anything you strike out at me with just rings false. Crazy? You're so depressed you can't even get out of bed. Tranny? You're disgustingly obese, I'd rather be trans. Mean? Oh, yeah, pull the other one, you ****ing heirloom robbing piece of corpulent rotting blubber, you are a way worse and more toxic person than I am, it's no contest.
KMC Community Forums
Jul 22nd, 2024 02:27 PM
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