Lara Croft: Tomb Raider Review

by John Sylva (DeWyNGaLe AT aol DOT com)
December 28th, 2001

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER (2001)
Reviewed by John Sylva

    Lara Croft, the title character of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, is truly one of a kind–the heiress destroys oversized robots, fights off the enemy by means of bungee cords, and breaks down walls to find hidden clocks–and all within her own home! And you thought those Charlie's Angels were tough. Yes it's true, the inevitable big screen adaptation of the popular video game Tomb Raider has arrived, but unfortunately, without a bang. Astonishingly, it took several screenwriters to come up with an idiotic plot dealing with some sort of magic triangle that, if both pieces are possessed, allows one to control time and the world as we know it. But, you see, the triangle is only useful every 5,000 years during an alignment of the planets. Of course it's up to archaeologist Croft, who possesses one of the triangle halves, to find and destroy the other piece of the triangle. Hmm.. if this triangle is such a danger to the world, why doesn't Croft just destroy her half of the triangle!? Bam, it's over! No more world apocalypse, and Lara is free to bungee around her house freely for the rest of her life! Sheesh, at least the Angels had some brains to go along with the brawn.
    I suppose what irritates me most about Tomb Raider, and believe you me, there are many irritations I have with this dud of a blockbuster, is its complete and utter lack of respect of the viewer's intelligence. It attacks the viewer in a variety of ways: from its shadowing of the intensity during the supposedly climactic action scenes (which for an action film are few and far between) to the placing of numerous countries within its mind-numbing plot, Tomb Raider expects the viewer to destroy all sense of common logic while viewing the film, hoping you'll leave your brain at the door and actually fall for its nonsense. And don't get me wrong, I'm all for brainless, summer entertainment, but director Simon West's Raider fails to provide enough to entertain even the biggest of video game gurus or to keep the most easily pleased moviegoer munching on their popcorn the entire time. Thankfully, Angelina Jolie is more than ready to single-handedly save the film from being a complete waste of celluloid–as Lara Croft, Jolie has fun traveling from location to location, always ready to beat down stone monkeys and six-armed statues brought to life (sigh) by a mysterious force. Throughout its 1 hour and 41 minutes of nothingness, Tomb Raider leaves you frustrated at how such a terrific opportunity to create an Indiana Jones like heroine is being thrown away. Blasting techno music, big guns, blown up visual effects: it's all just coverup for this tremendous disappointment. The film is like a student who does just enough to get by all of the time, just barely passing each and every class. And so I award it the same grade as that student would be awarded.

GRADE: D

    Film reviewed June 26th, 2001.

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