The 40 Year-Old Virgin Review
by Rick Ferguson (filmgeek65 AT hotmail DOT com)August 25th, 2005
I used to be a virgin myself, as crazy as that might sound- they don't call me Mr. Fabulous for nothing. But hey, if I wasn't ready for sex until my sixth-grade music teacher Mrs. Ellis took me aside one afternoon after band practice and offered to show me what I could do with "my meat trombone," does that make me a loser? You lose your cherry when the stars are aligned correctly. I have also known a couple of career virgins in my day. They tend to come in two flavors: gay men in deep denial, and "Star Trek" nerds who got so beat down by ridicule that they began to view their poor social skills and lack of personal hygiene as a badge of honor.
We tend to pity such deprived souls. But what you learn when you get a little older is that everyone- you, me, the mailman, the hot receptionist in your office who won't give you the time of day, or that studly UPS driver with forearms that make you want to collapse at his feet- has at times been uptight and scared to death about sex and relationships. Some folks deal with their fears by giving it up to anyone who asks for it. Others cope by collecting action figures, playing video games and haunting the online poker tables. But we're all trembling virgins on the inside.
Such is the theme of rookie director Judd Apatow's THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, which I'm happy to report exceeded my expectations in almost every way. It's far and away the best comedy of the year, and easily bests its closest competition, the flashier WEDDING CRASHERS. I'm wary of heaping on unwarranted praise- after all, it is just a comedy full of jokes about horse fucking, transvestites, condoms and wacking off to porn. But I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up earning the most coveted accolade in Hollywood: a place on the Mr. Fabulous Top Ten list.
Steve Carell stars as titular virgin Andy Stitzer, who, when not manning the customer service desk at electronics store Smart Tech, indeed spends his time collecting action figures, playing video games and haunting the online poker tables. He's been a virgin so long that he's evolved into an entirely asexual being. Instead of pounding the morning wood while fantasizing in abstract visuals about Jessica Simpson or the pudgy Korean woman who handles his dry cleaning, he hauls his wood to the bathroom and tries to angle himself so as to hit the bowl without spraying the walls (it's even worse when you get the dreaded split-stream, let me tell you). The notion of having sex with a woman has become such a daunting challenge to the poor sap that he's found it easier to retreat into a cocoon of perpetual pre-adolescence. Think Michael Jackson without the creepy sleepovers and the acquittal.
Andy's secret becomes known at a late night poker game at the store, where he attempts to fake his way through a round of sexual war stories by comparing the feel of a woman's breast to "a bag of sand." Rather than laugh him out of the room, his co-workers- rebounding David (Paul Rudd), field-playing Jay (Romany Malco) and stoner lothario Cal (Seth Rogan)- take upon themselves the sacred mission of getting Andy laid. Over the next few weeks, they work on his pickup lines, teach him how to hook up with drunk chicks, and impart such nuggets of wisdom as "don't put the pussy on a pedestal." But will their Henry Higgins routine help Andy make time with sexy grandmother Trish (Catherine Keener)- or will they help drive her away?
On paper, this setup has all the promise of a Josh Hartnett movie-or, God help us all, a Rob Schneider wank-a-thon. And indeed, in the raunch department the film does not disappoint. But what's immediately endearing about VIRGIN is that it never takes the coward's way out. Rather than positioning Andy as an object of ridicule, the movie asks us to really explore his choices. Sure, his scheming friends make fun of him, and their advice often goes hilariously wrong- particularly in a tour de force encounter with an unhinged party girl that's about the funniest ten minutes of film you'll see this year. But soon enough, they learn that Andy is actually a pretty decent guy, his peculiar habits aside. And we learn that his friends are each as screwed up in their own way as he is- and that each of them, their sexual experience notwithstanding, is just as terrified and ignorant of women as Andy.
This delicate balance of dick jokes and girly emotion makes THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN a joy to behold. In one scene you're pissing your pants as Andy gets his chest hair waxed (a process that Carell actually undertook, and which was filmed live), and in the next you're falling for a love story that would have been woefully contrived were it not for the attention paid to the characters and the big-league swings of Carell and Keener. The script is obviously a labor of love. Apatow cut his teeth writing for Ben Stiller and Gary Schandling, which gives him his comic bona fides, but nothing on his resume suggests that he had this level of greatness in him. He's no Charlie Kauffman, you understand. But given what this movie could have become in the wrong hands, it's rather shocking how good it is.
And wither Steve Carell? Frankly, I had no idea he had this much range. That he's versatile, there's no doubt. He's a "Daily Show" veteran, where he was second in laughs only to Stephen Colbert, and he's currently subbing for Ricky Gervais in the Americanized version of "The Office" on NBC, which I refuse to watch because I worship the UK original. But here he's able to walk the brilliantly sharp razor's edge between gentle parody and courting audience sympathy. Andy actually emerges from the broad concept of the script to become a relatively rounded, full-bodied character. When you think about who else could have pulled off this role as well, it's a short list: Jim Carrey, or maybe Bill Murray before he adopted his current Gloomy Gus persona, or Tom Hanks ten years ago. Anyone else would have crashed and burned.
Unqualified praise? Perhaps. It's no RUSHMORE, which is my personal five-star comedy ideal. But given what I expected of this picture and what it delivered, its props are well earned. And if you're a guy who's an unwilling virgin, here's my advice: watch a double-bill of THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN and THE TAO OF STEVE, and take notes. You may not be Brad Pitt, but there's no reason you can't be Andy Stitzer.
***
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