Along Came Polly Review
by Ryan Ellis (flickershows AT hotmail DOT com)January 20th, 2004
Along Came Polly
by Ryan Ellis
January 16, 2004
It's been a slow start at the movies in 2004. If you're like me and you've seen all the late-December releases by now (save for the ones which STILL haven't been released in a theatre near you), there's not much reason to head to the local cinema. Luckily, there's always the video store. Renting classics such as 'A Hard Day's Night' and 'The 400 Blows' on DVD only costs a few dollars. [Plus, those titles virtually guarantee a better time than I'll expect to have at most movies in the next few months.] Anyway, that's the route I've been taking lately---renting. Well, until this afternoon. 'Along Came Polly' made its debut in my local theatre and this is the flick I chose to see in a triumphant return to the movies after 9 days off. Turns out, I should've stretched that streak by at least one more day instead. As romantic comedies released in January go, this is about as dead in the frozen water as you could expect.
The plot is standard-issue rom-com stuff. Old friends meet again as grown-ups, they date a few times with embarassing results, they break up, then one of them (usually the guy) has to make big changes and patch things up. Ah, the all-too-familiar story. The players in this one are Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston, who seemed like they might be a good on-screen match. They've each been funny and likable many times before, as have supporting actors Alec Baldwin and Philip Seymour Hoffman. They're all stuck in a rut in this movie, however, and they actually seem to be working against one another. Stiller and Aniston don't have any heat as a couple, Baldwin farts out a silly caricature as Stiller's boss, and Hoffman is channeling fat, goofy guys from movies past as Stiller's best friend. Debra Messing and Hank Azaria don't bring anything to this venture, except their reputations as big names on television. Directing them all is John Hamburg, writer of Stiller's previous successes, 'Meet The Parents' and 'Zoolander'. He also wrote this screenplay, although his previous efforts had much more charm and invention. In any case, that's not a bad group of names. And if anybody gave them a clue how to piece together a good movie, it could have been a GREAT group of names.
So here's the skinny on this story. Stiller is Reuben Feffer, a neurotic risk assessor who's just married Lisa (Messing). While on their sun-n-surf honeymoon, Reuben finds Lisa boinking the local hunky scuba instructor named Claude (Azaria). Reuben returns to New York alone (apparently, one of the only cities that exists in Movie World), only to meet a friend from junior high school named Polly Prince (Aniston). She's more loosey-goosey and non-commital, quite the opposite of Reuben's regimented lifestyle. For some reason, they think they might have a good time together and start dating. The first date ends badly when he overflows her toilet (how he gets to that point isn't nearly as inspired or as funny as Peter Sellers' bathroom scene in 'The Party'). They move past that embarrassing night, she continues to expose him to things he doesn't like (ethnic food and salsa dancing), and they, well, they don't fall in love. Near as I can tell, they sort of liked one another, kinda. Not much intensity there. Truly, these two are only together because a Hollywood screenplay said they should be. Along the way, Hoffman as Sandy, Reuben's best friend, dispenses bad advice and also makes you wonder why Reuben would want to spend time with someone who has such a vastly different personality. And Alec Baldwin (with a heavy Jewish accent) is breathing down Reuben's neck about a huge account. Oh, it's a rich tapestry.
Okay, so I kid because this movie doesn't. Really, the laughs are few and far between here. Stiller can usually get laughs by playing everything straight, the put-upon Jew in a looney world. While that worked so well in some of his other work, no one else is funny enough to offset his own seriousness. I can relate to Reuben and his neuroses, which are quite reasonable as neuroses go. If he's supposed to be (as the ads say) "the most cautious man on earth", he's never met Melvin Udall from 'As Good As It Gets'. Or Woody Allen in every Woody Allen movie ever made. In the long history of obsessives, Reuben Feffer won't be listed 1st or 51st. After 'The Good Girl', Jennifer Aniston can now be called a movie actress doing a TV show, rather than a TV actress who does movies. Unfortunately, 'Along Came Polly' won't rank as one of her proudest efforts. As she has been doing the past year or so on television, Aniston is going through the motions. It's a fact that her characters almost always have blinders on and come off as incredibly self-involved. I like her most of the time anyway, particularly when she's funny enough to make me look past those flaws. No such luck in this picture. What's more, these two aren't a good match in the slightest. These two kids just ain't in love.
Not only do Stiller and Aniston have no chemistry, she seems bemused by him all the time. It's almost as if she knows they have no business being together and is trying not to laugh out loud that they ARE together. Stiller doesn't seem to be in on that joke. While his best films have been about how external forces are keeping him from his woman, this time it's their own clashing personalities that could (and should) keep them apart. Opposites might attract, but just how often would a guy who makes such careful decisions change everything for a woman who won't even call him her boyfriend? At least in past movies his girlfriends seemed to dig him. Stiller's career has been filled with roles just like that, from 'There's Something About Mary' to 'Meet The Parents' to 'Keeping The Faith'. You could see how he belonged with Mary or Pam or Anna in those winning comedies. Everyone in 'Along Came Polly' is patiently waiting for him to end this relationship with the title character and get back together with Lisa. The big blow-up moment actually manages to rip off Aniston's sitcom (that once-funny show 'Friends') when Polly discovers that Reuben has created a chart on a computer to contrast her goods & bads with Lisa's good & bads, a sort of risk assessment for girlfriends. Hey, I didn't say there was anything original going on here.
The supporting cast doesn't even carry the story as well as it appears they might in the early going. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of our treasures, a talented guy who'll do anything for a role. Playing a failed and rather-dumb actor in this movie, the role is beneath him. All I could think was, if you're going to use Jack Black in your movie, just CAST Jack Black. Hoffman is sporadically funny, but he seems to be trying to be John Belushi or Black or both. He's simply ineffective, although I did enjoy his deliriously inept basketball skills. The less said about Debra Messing the better. As pretty as she is, all I see when I watch her is somebody who's trying waaaaay too hard. I've heard comparisons to Lucille Ball. Now, as someone who's never seen "Will And Grace" or any of the various "Lucy" incarnations, perhaps I'm in no position to discuss these redheads as comedians. But whenever I see an ad for Messing's show or even in her few movie roles, she seems to be the hardest-working actor on the planet. In this case, that's not good. Comedy is supposed to be natural. Then again, none of the laughs in this movie are natural (or original), so I guess she fits in. Azaria cues up his latest bad accent and streaks in his first scene as a French scuba philosopher. Why can't one of the great voice talents from "The Simpsons" manage to earn some genuine laughs on the big screen? No one else in this movie is memorable and I even need to check with the IMDb to remember any of their names.
Oh, I shouldn't pass up the chance to point out a particularly annoying moment authored by Bob Dishy, who plays Irving Feffer. He's Reuben's strong-but-silent father and when he finally speaks, it's hogwash. The least I'd expect from a scene where a previously mute character pipes up is for him to dispense some interesting or funny advice. Instead, it's more of that "be true to yourself" talk-show crap that we all should be able to lip-synch by now. And even though he isn't talking to his son in this scene, Reuben hears the message loud & clear and knows he has to chase down that woman. Do grown-ups really need this type of advice anymore? Geez, pops, write it in a fortune cookie and go back to shutting up.
So what do you ultimately say about a comedy that doesn't make you laugh? Well, this is the end of the review, so I guess I already said it. Not that I sat there stone-faced the entire time, mind you. I tittered. I chuckled. Hey, it's better than many of the turds in 2003. I wonder if my fellow members of the audience felt the same. During 'Scary Movie 3' and 'Under The Tuscan Sun', people around me were hooting and laughing their heads off throughout. Same deal early in 'Along Came Polly', then the laughter died. Not even those who seem to be easily amused were laughing much as this flick dragged past the halfway point. I hope the audience felt as I did that every single person in this cast can do better. Maybe this movie is some kind of detention for a wrong-doing, some cinematic karma. Well, let's pick up the pieces from this dud and move on. Everybody has proven their worth on the big screen before, even Aniston. She NEEDS to put this behind her quickly. If Jennifer Aniston is giving up "Friends" to do movies like these, she'll be begging to get work on "Joey" before the clock strikes 2005.
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