Armageddon Review
by Edward Johnson-ott (PBBP24A AT prodigy DOT com)July 10th, 1998
Armageddon (1998)
Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Keith David, Chris Ellis, Jason Isaacs, Will Patton, Steve Buscemi, Ken Campbell, William Fitchner, Jessica Steen, Grayson McCouch, Owen Wilson, Clark Brolly, Michael Clarke Duncan, Peter Stormare. Directed by Michael Bay. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd and Michael Bay. 154 minutes.
Rated PG-13, 3 stars (out of five stars)
Review by Ed Johnson-Ott, NUVO Newsweekly
www.nuvo-online.com/film/
Archive reviews at http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Edward+Johnson-ott
Before you leave for the theater take a glance at your kitchen sink, because that's the only thing that doesn't get thrown into "Armageddon," the second of this year's "Uh oh, big rock!" movies. In its quest to become the ultimate summer spectacular, this "Dirty Dozen in Outer Space" hits the audience with two and a half hours of virtually non-stop action, punctuated with wisecracks and showcasing every cliché in the history of movies. "Armageddon" is the kind of blockbuster that leaves you feeling exhausted and entertained, though you may have trouble respecting yourself the next morning.
As far as junk food movies go, "Armageddon" is a super-sized value meal, with just as little nutritional value. Please understand, I had fun during the movie. The special effects were killer, the action scenes gripping and most of the jokes were funny. Shucks, I even teared up at the appropriate moments. But later, while reflecting on the stock characters, contrived situations, and the film's ultra manipulative nature, I grew annoyed. Event movies don't have to just be testosterone drenched hooey. Without wasting a lot of space pontificating, I suggest you look back at "Jaws" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Then consider the recent "Independence Day" and "Godzilla." Are we truly doomed to a future where you can't enjoy a summer blockbuster without first disconnecting your brain?
Like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" deals with a "global killer" headed straight for Earth. As in "Deep Impact," the big plan is to land on the asteroid, drill deep into the rock and blow the thing to kingdom come before it can do the same to us. To that end, NASA recruits a group of rowdy oil riggers, lead by Bruce Willis. His team includes the requisite archetypes: cocky stud Ben Affleck, wise-guy Steve Buscemi, repentant father Will Patton and righteous dude Owen Wilson, plus a whacked-out muscleman and a goofy fat guy. Adding spice and romance to the mix is Liv Tyler as Willis' spunky daughter and Affleck's honey bunny.
After a high octane opening, where a dazzling meteor shower rips up New York (and the filmmakers get in a funny dig at "Godzilla"), NASA honcho Billy Bob Thornton rounds up Bruce's roughnecks to undergo abbreviated astronaut training. Before you can say "they're ripping off 'The Right Stuff,'" the guys are ready to go. But prior to leaving to save humanity, the crew gets a night off, so that each character can underline his one distinguishing characteristic, while Ben and Liv share an MTV video moment, making out against the sunset during a drippy Aerosmith power ballad.
Then, after a patriotic speech and a shot straight out of "Top Gun" showing the uniformed crew walking stoically in slow motion, it's off to the shuttles, for a marathon session of derring-do and heroic sacrifice in asteroid land. Things go from bad to worse, of course, allowing Bruce to get on the mike and say, "Houston, YOU'VE got a problem."
On paper, the derivative and downright cheesy nature of the production is obvious, but it's easy to get caught up in it all during the film, thanks to breakneck pacing and hyperactive editing. Veteran video maker Michael Bay directs the film like a Mountain Dew commercial on amphetamines. With camera cuts every 3-5 seconds, this thing makes "Con Air" look sluggish.
The actors play their roles gamely. Billy Bob Thornton anchors the film nicely, while Bruce plays the hero, using an odd, semi-Southern accent where he kind of swallows his words. Ben and Liv are okay as Ken and Barbie with attitude, and Steve Buscemi breaks the tension just enough with well-timed, generally funny wisecracks. Newcomer Owen Wilson steals scenes as the only crew member totally enthusiastic about the adventure.
As far as the actual plot mechanics, no cliché is missed, including the time-honored "should I cut the blue wire or the red wire" bomb defusing scene. Incidentally, if the weatherman ever forecasts meteor showers, here's a tip. Just drive to the suburbs, because meteors only hit big cities. And if you're stuck in New York, for God's sake, avoid the Chrysler building, because that sucker gets nailed every time.
I realize this piece has been unusually snide, so let me stress once more that I had a good time watching this film. It was only later that the cynicism really crept in. As far as late 90's summer blockbusters go, you could do lots worse than "Armageddon." Compared to "Batman and Robin" or "Godzilla," this thing is "Citizen Kane." But I miss the days when movies were made by artists instead of technicians. If, like me, you enjoy "Armageddon" while in the theater but feel cheated later in the evening, do yourself a favor. Rent "The Right Stuff" and watch a real movie by real artists about real heroes.
© 1998 Ed Johnson-Ott
Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
