Armageddon Review
by "Average Joe" Barlow (jbarlow AT earthling DOT net)July 15th, 1998
Armageddon
A movie review by "Average Joe" Barlow
(c) Copyright 1998
STARRING: Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Duncan
DIRECTOR: Michael Bay
WRITERS: Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno
RATED/YEAR: PG-13/1998
"Armageddon" is the latest in a recent flood of films about big rocks striking the Earth, a subject Hollywood can't seem to get enough of. Roger Corman, known primarily for his many low-budget horror films of the '50s, began the trend with last year's TV mini-series, "Asteroid." This summer has already seen the release of "Deep Impact," and while "Armageddon" is a better film than either of its predecessers, I find myself wondering if it will be too little too late to satisfy movie-goers.
The story is straightforward enough. Several small meteorites have struck New York City, causing extensive damage to life and property. NASA discovers that these small rocks are but a prelude: an asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. The rock's size means that it's a "planet killer," with the potential to destroy all life on the planet, right down to the bacteria.
Realising that no amount of weapons fired from the Earth's surface will stop the asteroid, NASA chairman Dan Truman (an excellent Billy Bob Thornton) sends a team to intercept the rock. Their mission: drill 8OO feet into the surface of the rock, plant a nuclear bomb inside, then detonate it once they are safely away. The resulting explosion will hopefully split the rock in two, causing it to miss the Earth.
Bruce Willis (Die Hard) plays oil-driller Harry Stamper, recruited to head the mission because of his expertise drilling into unusual surfaces. Also along for the ride are A.J. (Ben Affleck), Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), Bear (Michael Duncan) and several other professional drillers. Although the team doesn't particularly like each other, they are forced to work together against a common obstacle. Since this is Hollywood, the act naturally brings them closer together.
This should be a compelling story in its own right, but director Michael Bay and screenwriters Gilroy and Salerno don't seem sure of their ability to make it interesting; as such, they throw tons of ridiculous subplots and groanably silly catastrophes into the mix for the crew to encounter. This is the sort of film where if there's even the slightest chance for something to go wrong, it will. So naturally, the drill gets stuck, the timer on the nuclear bomb doesn't work, one of the crew members turns out to be Evil (with a capital E), the ship won't start when they try to take off, important levers break off in our heroes' hands at critical times for no particular reason... well, you get the idea. This film turns "suspension of disbelief" into an art form. After a while, these misfortunes cease to be suspenseful and become laughable.
Like "Deep Impact," "Armageddon" has the obligatory disfunctional family. Tea Leoni does not get along with her father in "Deep Impact"; Bruce Willis does not get along with his daughter in "Armageddon." Leoni hates her father's new girlfriend in "Impact"; Willis hates his daughter's boyfriend (played by Affleck's character) in "Armageddon." Leoni and father reconcile in "Impact"; Willis and daughter reconcile in "Armageddon." How sweet. It might be remotely interesting if I hadn't just seen it. Although Aerosmith is not credited with the film's musical score, they do perform the lion's share of the tunes. No doubt this is due to the strong presence of Liv Tyler (daughter of Stephen, Aerosmith's lead singer). If you like Aerosmith, you're in for a treat. If you don't... well, you might wanna bring a walkman.
"Armageddon" won't go down as a sci-fi classic, but it's probably worth seeing. What sets the movie apart from the other rock flicks is not its intelligence (which is only average), or its special effects (which are fine though not extraordinary). The acting is the key here, and the cast does not disappoint. Tyler and Affleck are a great screen couple, the epitome of young lovers who are uncertain of the future and what it may bring. Thornton is also excellent as the NASA official helping out the team from the ground.
Surprisingly, humor is a big part of the film's charm; witness Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs, The Wedding Singer), who's played primarily for laughs here and comes through in spades. His observations about the space shuttle's construction are particularly entertaining. Other moments to look for: an amusing cameo by Godzilla in the film's opening scene, a Russian cosmonaut afflicted with a serious case of space madness, and the wonderful scenes in which the crew undergoes NASA psychological testing. I hope this film does well at the box office. Not because it's a great artistic achievment, mind you; I simply want director Michael Bay to make enough money to buy a tripod. Honestly, I've never seen a movie so afraid of static shots. Some scenes vibrate as though the cameraman was bouncing around the set on a pogo stick; others make me wonder if the photographer mistook the camera for an etch-a-sketch and was trying to erase the picture he'd drawn. The visual style of the film is often quite effective, though, so bring along some Dramemine and enjoy the ride.
RATING: 3.0 stars (out of a possible five)
This review was originally written: July 5, 1998
Copyright (c) 1998 by Joe Barlow. This review may be freely distributed as long as ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGES are made and this disclaimer remains attached. It may not reproduced for profit without the written consent of the author. If you have comments or questions, please send them to: jbarlow at earthling dot net (substituting the appropriate symbols, to discourage spam).
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"Average Joe" Barlow MiSTie #73097
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