Baby Geniuses Review
by James Sanford (jamessanford AT earthlink DOT net)March 22nd, 1999
Every so often at the movies, we stumble across a certain moment that's so appallingly conceived and ineptly executed you literally can't believe your eyes, the kind of sight that causes your jaw to drop, your stomach to lurch and your mind to boggle. Midway through "Baby Geniuses" comes just such a scene.
Our toddler hero Sly has escaped the underground lab of Dr. Elena Kinder (Kathleen Turner) and is hiding out in a mall, where he comes across a carriage occupied by a baby girl. Sly dives into the pram, surprising the little beauty.
"Take off your clothes," he orders. "OK, but you could at least take me to dinner first," the girl replies. Seconds later, Sly is dressed in drag, while his accomplice is reclining on her back, smoking a cigar and murmuring "call me."
An exceedingly unpleasant combination of cutesy kiddie matinee hijinks and outright smarminess, "Baby Geniuses" could only be the work of director Bob Clark, the man whose previous cinematic triumphs include "Loose Cannons," "Porky's" and "Rhinestone," in which Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton pretended to be Nashville's answer to Sonny and Cher. "Geniuses" shares with most of Clark's other films an utter lack of taste and a genuinely ugly look; not only is the movie less funny than a case of diaper rash, it's even less picturesque.
"Geniuses" does include a few mildly interesting computer-generated special effects that allow the infants to dance and run, although the trickery is unlikely to wow anyone familiar with the now-famous "dancing baby" from "Ally McBeal." That the movie has spent more than a few months on the shelf at Sony is evident in its use of the "Mission: Impossible" theme as a joke and "show me the money" and Austin Powers' "oh, behave, baby" as punchlines. Nothing puts an expiration date on a film quite like trendy humor.
Then again, "Geniuses" is so desperate to get any sort of a laugh it sees nothing wrong with stealing liberally from both the "Home Alone" and "Look Who's Talking" series. The story's gimmick - tots who excel in judo as well as innuendos - wears thin about five minutes into the film, forcing adult leads Turner, a visibly embarrassed Christopher Lloyd and Dom DeLuise to mug and shriek nonstop in the hopes of keeping the comedy going. Hopefully everyone received a generous paycheck in exchange for trashing whatever artistic credibility he or she had left.
James Sanford
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