Basic Instinct 2 Review
by Ryan Ellis (flickershows AT hotmail DOT com)August 16th, 2006
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
reviewed by Ryan Ellis
July 18, 2006
Basic Instinct 2 hits its peak during an exchange between Sharon Stone (as Catherine Trammell) and David Thewlis (as Detective Washburn) that leads to one of the most hilarious punchlines of 2006, whether it was intended to be funny or not:
Washburn: What were you doing at 100 miles per hour?
Catherine: He was making me cum. And it was 110. We must've hit a pothole. Washburn: Kevin Franks died. You don't seem very worried. Catherine: I'm devastated. I may never cum again.
After hearing those lines in an early scene in Basic Instinct 2, I was ready to have a great time with this DVD. Bad reviews to hell, this was going to be a hoot & a half. Even some of those who spit venom all over this follow-up to the 1992 smash hit admitted that people might have a campy good time. Sadly, after that hysterical deadpan exchange that had me snickering like it was a Coen Brothers movie, the fun was just about used up. Most of the cast play it like they think they're making a taut thriller, rather than acknowledging that they're in a trashy pic that really had no reason to be made in the first place. And because director Michael Caton-Jones and his screenwriters (Leora Barish and Henry Bean) seem to think we'd rather watch David Morrissey clenching and glowering instead of letting us feast our eyes on that evil genius Sharon Stone, well, who gives a rat's balls anyway?
All I wanted to do was to watch Catherine Trammell fuck men and maybe kill some of them, not to follow the dull exploits of Morrissey's Dr. Michael Glass. He's the least believable shrink since, oh probably ever. Not since Paris Hilton took a large pipe through the head in House Of Wax has there been louder cheering in this boy's living room for someone to die than when Morrissey has a leather strap cinched around his neck. Deep sigh of depression, he had more uncharismatic things to do in this story and didn't choke to death right then. Dr. Glass has a knack for turning up after the fact at the death scenes of other people, yet he just wouldn't cooperate and join them on a slab. Where IS that damn ice pick?
This idiot is clearly no match for devil-lady Catherine. Our heroine/villainous has her reasons, but I'm still puzzled about why she even bothers to strip down for the guy...except because the screenplay says, "They bone now." We know from the '92 edition that Catherine does everything for her own pleasure and she'll manipulate anybody to get what she wants. Maybe that's just it. What better challenge than to mess with the head of a guy who gets paid to mess with heads? Like Hannibal Lecter, Catherine is a virtuoso in the field of puppetmastering. She does it to get herself off. Actually, you'll have a hard time figuring out a reason why she does anything in this movie. Sometimes she's just kinda there...like Lecter was in his own sequels.
Not that it's a total loss. We do get some nice nekkid glimpses of a woman who was 47 when they shot this picture. Sultry Stone does a bang-up job in the seduction scenes. She doesn't seem very motivated, though. Maybe Catherine just misses her ex-boyfriend. Remember that intense young man---well, old man---from the '92 picture? The studio could have at least anted up and paid Michael Douglas a tidy penny to come in at the end and shoot the dude who was bangin' his girl. Or did Catherine kill Douglas' Nick Curran character somewhere back in Frisco? Don't know, don't really care enough to say more about it.
Okay, the story. Novelist/sexaholic/murderess Catherine now lives in London, having gotten away with multiple murder in the original Basic Instinct. She Evil Kneival's her car into a river in the opening scene and her soccer-playing lover (who was drugged to the hilt) dies while still buckled up in the passenger seat. Dr. Glass is asked to evaluate if Catherine is too dangerous to be let out on bail. His claim that she has a risk addiction (one where her only limit would be her own death) matters not when the case is thrown out of court. Skip ahead, skip ahead. She becomes his patient. He nails a couple of other chicks. She taunts him by being nailed by other guys. Finally, they do it. More stuff happens. Sex, violence, dialogue that isn't as funny as "I may never cum again", then the big shootin' showdown where Charlotte Rampling lolls around in a "what am I doing in this movie" stupor. And that, kids, is the end result of a project that earned only 10% of its budget during its theatrical run.
Did anybody learn anything from the experience of Basic Instinct 2? Well, give us what we paid for---Sharon Stone. Let's see her killing rock stars and buddy cops and ex-girlfriends and that sort of thing. Let's see her camp it up and vamp it up. Then again, she sometimes seemed to be slightly aware of what kind of movie she was making, even if no one else was. An actress this intelligent can't possibly have thought this film was worthy of the infamous Catherine Trammell character, right? Nah, this was simply a payday. Too bad Caton-Jones couldn't even ball up and make a sexy murder mystery, as Paul Verhoeven did 14 years ago. The original Basic Instinct gets 2 Boners Up. This one just leaves a guy flaccid.
Epilogue: What about Catherine Trammell and her grievous concerns about not being able to have another orgasm? I'm sure she'll live to moan another day. Maybe she should stick to masturbation, though. She works better alone anyway.
To icepick me right in the noodle, write to [email protected]
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