Bratz Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)August 3rd, 2007
BRATZ
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2007 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
BRATZ, the live-action movie version of the cartoon series of the same name, is filled with messages for its target demographics, which would be girls from age eight to twelve. "Fashion is like your super power. You shouldn't hide it."
Although Yasmin (Nathalia Ramos), Jade (Janel Parrish), Cloe (Skyler Shaye) and Sasha (Logan Browning), who come to call themselves BRATZ, live and die by their closets so large that they require hidden closets within closets, the film gives them each some other token skill so that we don't think they are as shallow as they seem. One of the girls is a science nerd, another is a cheerleader, another is a soccer star and yet another is a great singer.
The story, however, isn't about the girls' accomplishments in the chemistry lab or on the soccer field. It's about their ability to choose the right fully accessorized wardrobe. These four fashion rebels upset Meredith (Chelsea Staub), their new high school's queen bee. Meredith is played by Chelsea Staub who looks so much like Hayden Panettiere ("Heroes") that you'd swear that they must be sisters. Well, except that Panettiere can actually act, while Staub could stand a few more classes.
With their "shoes to die for" and other parts of their clothing attire, the BRATZ don't fall neatly into Meredith's model of high school cliques. She provides all freshmen with a map showing exactly where they are to hang out each day, based on the grouping she assigns them. With her father's "How to Run a Prison" book as her bible, Meredith is quickly able to determine which of the 48 distinct cliques each student will belong to.
Viewers who are not girls age 8 to 12 will likely spend most of the movie staring in disbelief. The script, which is attributed to Susan Estelle Jansen (THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE), plays like it is a version of MEAN GIRLS written by a group of sixth grade girls telling their vision of what high school will be like for them. There is also a liberal dash of LEGALLY BLONDE thrown into the mix, since blonde Meredith has Elle Woods's same choice in colors, dogs and dog carriers. You can think of Meredith as a dumb version of Elle Woods stuck with a bad script. Hmm, maybe this was originally to have been LEGALLY BLONDE 3: THE PREQUEL.
The movie's comedic high point -- such as it is -- comes in a big food fight and pratfall extravaganza in the school's central courtyard. Jon Voight, managing to appear even worse than he did in TRANSFORMERS, is given the completely throwaway role as Principal Dimly, who rules over Carry Nation High School with a grimace and not an axe.
"Let's go! I can't stand to look at this," Meredith remarks towards the end of the story. I know just how she felt. I was thinking that the whole time. But, let's be honest here. My rating would have been a half of a star less were it not that the movie sometimes gets so bad that it becomes sort of fun to laugh at. Awfulness does sometimes have its rewards.
BRATZ runs too long at 1:35. It is rated PG for "thematic elements" and would be acceptable for all ages.
My niece Liana, age 10, who is the perfect age for this movie, liked it all and gave it ****. Her brother William, who recently joined the teenage ranks, wanted nothing to do with this movie, so he stayed home. Smart boy.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, August 3, 2007. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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