Cellular Review
by Johnny Betts (johnny_betts AT hotmail DOT com)September 10th, 2004
Rating: 3/5
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Cellular doesn't waste much time getting down to business, as we're treated to Basinger's kidnapping scene (with a murder included, free of charge) within the first 10 minutes. Then things go haywire when Statham smashes the inexplicably placed phone, and Basinger starts clicking wires together and calls Evans. To the movie's credit, Evans does a good job of mocking her and not believing her right away. But as he stays on the phone and listens to what starts to happen in the background, he's sort of put into the position of the movie audience. He's held in suspense and left wondering what's gonna happen next.
Rather than spelling everything out at the beginning, the movie offers revelations as it progresses. This approach really works. Basinger doesn't know why she's been kidnapped or how her husband is involved, and neither do we, thus putting us into the shoes of the ignorant characters. It's a nice touch. And there are actually a couple of surprises in the movie. Nothing earth-shattering, but effective all the same.
But before you enter the theater, you'll want to find yourself the biggest crane you can and go ahead and suspend your disbelief as high as possible. Hoist that puppy up! Cellular is silly. It's stupid. The holes in the plot are bigger than the craters on Seal's face. But the good thing is that it's aware of that. At least I think it is. I laughed with the movie quite a bit, but I also did a whole lot of laughing AT the movie.
For example, are we supposed to laugh at William H. Macy when he turns into Max Payne and somehow slides across the floor in slow motion (despite not having anyway to propel himself) to shoot someone? Or was that supposed to be a serious moment? Whatever the case, I was cracking up. The movie doesn't take itself very seriously though, and that's what makes it such a fun ride.
This is just one of those movies that screams for audience participation. And the audience I saw the movie with definitely participated. They were clapping, talking, yelling at the characters, etc. It plays out like a typical slasher flick at times where the audience is smarter than the characters. Believe me, there are times when you want to yell at the screen because a character bypasses a logical solution in order to keep the story going. *You* know he's doing something wrong, and for some reason you think he'll listen to your advice if you scream it. I have to admit I even yelled out once. But on the flip side, there were a number of times when one of the protagonists did exactly what you want them to - punkin' out a jerk lawyer, wailing on a bad guy, etc.
As for the acting, well, it's adequate. Except for Kim Basinger. Not only is she looking OLD, but her acting job is pretty bad. I'm not sure what she was going for in this role. For the entire movie she sounds like she's trying to be upset but restrained at the same time. Her breathy delivery makes her sound like she works for a 1-900 number. "Where aaaaaare you? Are you all riiiiiiight?" I kept expecting her to say something like, "I've been kidnapped. Is it because I'm a naughty giiiiiirl? Do you think I should be tied up or handcuuuuuffed?"
Chris Evans does an all right job with what's asked of him (which isn't much), but he's pretty much your typical pretty boy wearing a tight shirt immediately after doing a set of about 100 curls. I can't say too much because it isn't anything I haven't done before leaving the house.
I've always liked Statham. He's usually a "tweener" (not really good, not really bad) in his movies, but this was a role that allowed him to just be bad. The rest of the bad guys basically do bad guy stuff that makes you anticipate their demise.
Cellular is just plain fun. It's a movie that's also fun to make fun of afterwards, except it's really not all that bad! Is it perfect? Nah. Are there plot contrivances and logic problems? Sure. But don't worry about it. If you're the least bit interested in it, then leave your "Movie Overanalyzation Methods" book at home and go check it out.
Now to answer the question that's on everybody's mind - would Johnny Betts jump in his truck and start careening all over the highway to try to save someone he'd never met? Not likely. I'd find a pay phone and give 9-1-1 a call. But I guess that's why there are no movies based on my life yet.
Johnny Betts
http://www.themoviemark.com
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