Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen Review
by Robin Clifford (robin AT reelingreviews DOT com)February 21st, 2004
"Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen"
Mary Elizabeth Cep (Lindsay Lohan), or, as she prefers to be called, Lola, sees herself as and up and coming star of the Broadway stage when her mother moves the family from Manhattan to the wilds of suburban New Jersey. Suddenly, she is no longer the center of attention but an outsider who must struggle to exist in "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen."
"Confessions" has two things going for it that it should not: The Disney Studios brand name and a very loose association with last year's sleeper hit "Freaky Friday," which co-starred Lohan. These two factors are going to have a positive effect on the opening weekend box office for this latest Disney venture. Unfortunately, "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" is a very silly, poorly written piece of work that would best be left to die a horrible death on the video rental shelf.
Be forewarned. There is little to nothing in this film that will appeal to anyone except maybe the most undiscriminating 8-to-12-year old girls out there. Theatrically-bent Lola is forced to abandon her beloved Manhattan when her free-spirited, pottery-making, single mom, Karen (Glenn Headley), ups and moves her little family to Dellwood, NJ. The flamboyant teen dresses in her own unique fashion and heads off for her first day at her new high school where she just knows that she will be popular - until she meets the alpha female of her class, Carla Santini (Megan Fox). The beautiful, rich and bitchy Carla has no intention of letting this Johnny-come-lately intrude on her turf.
Lola hooks up with plain, nervous Ella (Allison Pill) who is in awe of the sophisticated and worldly newcomer. Lola, nee Mary, tells her new friend all manner of tall tales, including the tragic motorcycle death of her rock star father. The two girls have something in common, though, when they discover their mutual adoration for the band Sidarthur. When they discover that the group is breaking up and planning a farewell performance in a month's time, Lola announces that they are going to the show and attend the band's after party in Soho. A wrench is thrown into the works when Carla proclaims that her father, attorney for the band, has procured for her both tickets to the show and an invite to the after party. To make matters worse, Lola and Ella discover that the concert is sold out.
Unperturbed by the minor difficulties, the ever positive Lola declare that they will by tickets from a scalper on the night of the concert and, of course, they will be able to crash the party with no problem. Things go awry, as expected, and they are blocked from the concert and must wander Soho in the pouring rain to find the soiree. You can guess, in this little fairytale, just how things will turn out.
Just so you don't think that the Sidarthur show and party are the main part of "Confessions" there is also the story line that has the school's drama teacher, Miss Baggoli (Carol Kane in the film's only decent performance), making plans to put on a play, the updated version of George Bernard Shaw's "Pygmalion." Drama queen Lola tries out for the play, a musical in Miss Baggoli's version, belts out a song and clinches the lead role, much to Carla's chagrin. The play, the concert and party and the teen rivalry are all packed into a scant 86 minutes run time (with credits). But, instead of making this a brisk, fast moving teen comedy, "Confessions" is interminable and, at times, downright boring. When I check the time, thinking that the film is nearly over only to discover a mere 35 minutes has passed, I know I'm in trouble.
Young Lohan, whom I liked a lot in "Freaky Friday," takes the role that, I believe, was originally supposed to go to Hilary Duff. I cringed at the thought of Duff as Lola and thought, going in to "Confessions," that Lohan has to be an improvement. She isn't, in the hands of first time helmer Sara Sugarman, and the actress is hamstrung with the usual cliches of bad teen movies.
The story, from the book by Dyan Sheldon and adapted by Gail Parent is a mishmash of teen angst, jealousy, envy, bubbly optimism and silly premises. De rigueur in a film like this, the star has a wardrobe that makes it possible to never have to wear the same outfit twice. As usual, too, the obstacles are always overcome in a breezy way and Lola's dreams are all readily fulfilled. And, in true Hollywood fashion, when the play, "Eliza Rocks," is performed in the big finale, it is on par with the marvelous Busby Berkley musicals of the 1930s. (Why is it that school plays, in Hollywood movies, also seem to have a budget bigger than a Broadway show?)
For a teen fantasy/comedy there is a woeful lack of humor through the length of "Confessions." It should appeal to very young teenage girls or people who are easily amused watching shiny things. I give it a D-.
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