The Cat In The Hat Review

by Homer Yen (homer_yen AT yahoo DOT com)
November 27th, 2003
"The Cat in the Hat" is Flat
by Homer Yen
(c) 2003

Here's a film that's surprisingly lame about a cat without a name,
who prances about and makes moms pull their hair out
because to him life is just a game.

He visits Sally and Conrad
She's an angel and he likes to be bad. While this sis and bro are related, together they are never elated.
And that makes their childhood very sad.
The sister is a control freak.
Her disposition is generally bleak.
Her brother is no better for he's a bedwetter. His biggest problem is that he'll leak!
The mom has a party tonight.
And everything must be just right.
She gives two decrees. Stay out of the living room, please!
And keep the house looking shiny and bright.
Joy is missing from the kids' lives.
So guess who should now arrive?
It's a very tall feline, who speaks in gibberish and in rhyme,
and who acts like he's suffering from hives.
The kids think the cat's great.
Hey Conrad, don't open that magical crate! Two worlds now collide, and we go for a magical ride
to once again achieve a harmonious state.
Yes, it's chaos thanks to the cat,
the cat in the flamboyant red and white striped hat.
He's nothing but trouble and reduces the home to rubble.
What in the world can fix all that?

But here's where the magic finally occurs. Until this point, the film merely purrs. There should be a destination to spark our imagination.
And that's the point dear ladies and sirs.
But the film is all gift wrapping.
And your patience, you'll feel it sapping Around and round she goes and where it stops nobody knows.
It's like a flightless bird futilely flapping.
Another element that pricks you like a pin is the conniving next-door neighbor named Quinn. Portly and unctuous, and displaying a tendency towards the rambunctious,
why would you accept this role, Alec Baldwin?
The production design is to behold.
But I wish there were more of a story told. It felt like an empty display with really nothing to say.
Dr. Suess would not tolerate something so cold.
There just isn't too much happening.
On screen, the "Cat" noticeably lacked zing. To write this much, I've struggled as my efforts were doubled.
Iambic pentameter just ain't my thing.

But there are lessons to be learned. It's something that all kids have yearned. A family that plays together stays together. Respect is not given, it's earned

When this story was written by Dr. Seuss, our childhood became excitingly juiced. Otherwise, future books we'd ignore because they were such a snore.
Thanks for giving literacy a boost.

This film never excited me.
it's quite boring with a capital "B". "The Cat in the Hat" should have been much more than just that.
Thus, I can only give this film a grade of "C".
Grade: C

S: 0 out of 3
L: 0 out of 3
V: 0 out of 3

The Cat: Mike Myers
Conrad: Spencer Breslin
Sally: Dakota Fanning
Mom: Kelly Preston
Quinn: Alec Baldwin

More on 'The Cat In The Hat'...

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